TL;DR, well, not all of it.
and to be honest, your style/verse kills me a little bit. Maybe it's just me, but your style is definitely flowery, perhaps for the sake of flowery. But then again, that's part of the dramatic effect you're building. You write in a first person narrative that is popular among contemporary writers while still sounding aloof from the whole thing sometimes. Perhaps that's also an effect you want, but it jars the flow of it for me. It's not exactly the flow of thought writing common to a first person narrative. And you're like me in that you string a LOT of ideas into single, lengthy sentences. There is much to say, and you really try to cram it in. Cuz it's all connected and all that, but it breaks up the flow.
maybe i'm just spoiled though by my easy read read magic and swordplay fantasy. shakespeare is not my homie.