Normally I wouldn't do this, but I kind of need some advice.
For the past around month or so, I've been having some issues. I've been relapsing into things I drove out years ago. My grades are slipping, and while I'm in no danger of dropping the class, even an A- drives me fucking nuts. If it was due to the class being difficult, I'd be okay with this, but this ordeal is caused by my own laziness and complete lack of motivation. I mean hell, I'm going to be doing an assignment on my way to school tomorrow that I could have done in fifteen minutes tonight, but I stayed on the server, because I just had no motivation to do the assignment. This laziness shows up everywhere in my life. Not wanting to go play lacrosse or golf, both of which I love tremendously, and even here. I've been lazy about modding the forums. I've been complacently saying another mod will get it, which is exactly what I told myself I wouldn't be and was one of my criticisms when I first joined. This just leads to me be undergoing needless stress, which I already have enough of in my life, and I can't bring myself to make a change. I simply don't know why I can't get up off my ass and do something, even when I know I should.
The stress caused by this just compounds the other issues I've been having. I suppose I should provide context. When I was younger, I had an explosive like temper and an enormously over active conscience: I'm was extremely self conscience. However, I hated these traits of myself and was able to drive them out of my character. But as of late, they're both reoccurring, leading to me having outbursts in my own life and on here, like just tonight when I snapped at another member or in my own life, when I ended up making some my best friends cry after I snapped when they ignored me for the entirety of my vacation. It's interfering with my ability to judge and compromising my ability to do my job around here as well as I'd like to. Then after that happens, the self conscienceness kicks in and I feel extremely guilty or very self critical over a minute situation that is of almost no importance. Then I end up apologizing for said action and just making my self feel even worse for making my self look weak and making people worried.
All of this just goes on to make the problem worse, with me snapping more and more explosively, then feeling more guilty and self critical because of it, and then my grades fall again and the whole cycle starts over again, albeit worse the previous iteration.