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Everything posted by Raindrop Valkyrie
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How does one know if they are cursed? Is there even an answer to that question? I would suppose no true one. And yet, here I am asking. But, one can hardly blame the likes of me for asking it. Forever burdened to carry a heavy heart. One that absorbs only pain, suffering, and grief. It never stops bleeding before yet another wound is cut into it's surface. When the last has finally knit shut something else comes along to tear the fabric open once more. Because... only normal people are allowed the time to heal... must be why right? I feel the spiderwebs in my chest... weighing down my soul. They cling to all aspects of who I am. They choke the life from who I am and what I am. I cannot feel without fear that it is the wrong feeling, that I'm doing something I'm not allowed. I cannot care about things for fear that they'll be driven away from me... despite trying to hold them close. Perhaps, it is caring to much that pushes on the barrier and makes everything slowly drift away. When I speak, it feels like no words come out. As if they evaporated before I even spoke. My words don't feel like they have power with anyone. As if they are just a formality... something there, solely for the purpose that it can be ignored. At times, I feel like I'd be better off if they just sewed my jaw shut. Because that way I couldn't make the mistake of thinking people actually cared about anything I had to say. To me, I only speak when I have reason to. But, it only rings hollow for the world. As if there was no purpose in my speaking. I feel like I'm drowning in the world whenever I choose to venture out into it. In the sounds, the sights, the amount of words and information being sent at me all at once. I'm not comfortable. However... I'm not allowed to be uncomfortable. People talk to me, and look at me like feeling uncomfortable in this world is some kind of sin. That being different to them is some kind of... problem. That I'm broken because I don't value the same as they do. People... aren't something I find solace in. I find solace in myself, in my mind. I find it in isolation. But, so often I've been told this is wrong. That it is incorrect to believe so. And yet, these same people that tell me it's wrong are the ones that hurt me and prove me right time and time again. I don't make promises I don't intend to keep. I'm told I'm not trusting enough... I try to solve my own issues and not burden others with my problems. I'm told I'm too selfish. I just... am tired. I don't know how to be proud of what I am... because I'm only told I'm not allowed to exist. By everyone whether or not they realize it. People tell me I need to grow and change... become more comfortable with people... but... do I? I shouldn't be required to change myself to matter. And yet... I find that I have to. I find that people tell me things just to get me to disappear. They tell me what I want to hear so that I'm not their problem anymore. ANd if I ever stand up for myself... I'm the one who is wrong. I am never allowed to stand up for who I am without being cut down. Because how dare he be different, how dare he know who he is and protect himself?!?!!? Whenever I stand... I only get knocked to the ground. Because the writhing mass has some issue with different. They expect me to understand why they are so cruel and refuse to allow me without ever listening to me. They cut off my words when I try to give them understanding... They wonder why I must be so adversarial. It's because I've never been allowed to be peaceful. The world only wants to flush me out and destroy what I am. And I'm expected to let it do so. They expect me to simply allow it. And yet, they never consider that I may love what I am. That despite my scars... my flaws... that I may consider myself beautiful. But, because of others I'm deemed too dangerous to exist. Too dangerous to understand, and I'm met with only hostility as a result. I'm tired of being judged on the merits of others. I'm tired that because my words have no value, others can write my story for me and act as if I was the one that created the narrative. I'm tired of people taking advantage of my nature to use me... and then, once they finish, demonize me so they can justify their disgusting actions. I'm tired of being treated as sub-human... as if I'm lesser because I'm different. I'm tired of having all this weight piled onto my heart that I never asked for. I'm tired of being told I am cursed when I am anything but. And if this is what humans think is acceptable to do to someone... I don't really want to be human anymore. But, I have no choice in that matter. And so I'll just have to endure it. I'll have to live with something that others do not just because the great weight known as "society" deems it so. Once more to be judged on something I have no control over. Sadly, the only curse I have... is being human.
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I'd rather someone be honest with me, than promise me something they never intend to keep. Cause I'm the only one who gets to suffer for it.
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I do love that people always think the host is out to get them... lol. ((translation... I don't.)) like we want to have fun too, and with you guys. Ruining your fun may be fun for some wicked and nasty hosts, but A. I hate those kinds of hosts, and B. A majority of hosts aren't really like that. SInce it's not a fun experience if we aren't enjoying ourselves.
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Meredith placed her free hand onto Saffon's shoulder. She was still holding her spear so she couldn't really do both. "We're in this together now. Me and you." She looked back a bit nervously. "And all of them too I suppose heheh." She shifted her weight, She only just realized she was still covered in the stains of battle. She hoped it wasn't too awful. She wondered... moreso why she felt so... odd. She felt... so strange. She'd have never been the type to be doing this in her previous tours as a solider. Perhaps it was because here rank truly didn't matter that she felt that way, where as in her previous post... rank was something entirely necessary and disobeying the chain of order was a capital offense. In the Misguided Children... Meredith could just be herself. Perhaps, she was always a natural born leader, just held down by the weight of bureaucracy before. She laughed at the thought. "We both have the same cause. To protect the people from a horrible tyrant. We are in this together. I'll always have your back in this Saffron. Because, well... I once promised a certain someone that if I ever had the power to make change in this country, that I would fight until the bitter end to achieve that goal. I already found that in the Misguided Children, but I find even more solidarity in that cause in you. I am further assured, that this is what I meant to do in this world. I am glad to have met you Saffron. Together, we'll achieve great things."
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Meredith crossed her Lance with Saffron's. "I believe in her cause. It may be a long shot or seem like one. But, it's the best break we'll ever get. To squander it with half measures and not having our hearts in thsi fight... well, it'd be a shame to the great people of this nation. We'd be letting them down to waver as such against tyranny. How can we call ourselves freedom fighters if we waver at the sight of the foe we fight? WE CANNOT!!! They say, that the only true evil in this world is when good men and women sit on their hands and do nothing. We have a fight and a cause. We must fight for the people of Dragao, and this is our best shot in years. So, I'm am with Saffron in this. The odds do not matter. These people need us. And we cannot free them if we do not even try. While pessimism is healthy and apt, we cannot afford it here. We the Misguided Children have no time for apathy, half measures and half heartedness. We msut be in this fight 100% NO MATTER THE ODDS!!! WHO'S WITH ME?!?!!"
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"Heh, for once, I agree with the Champion. Aye, Dragao if it has any weakness it is that they are predictably dull in their tactics. Brutish and sloppy. Always have been since I've know their regime. Quite awful really. Anyone would make a better commander than a lot of their ranks." Meredith said without hesitation. Small numbers didn't mean that they couldn't triumph. Just that the likelihood was low. Clearly the Children had to grow their numbers regardless. "Not to mention Keagan, I'm sure many would rally behind a figure such as Saffron. Gathering troops for our cause doesn't seem tough with her on our side. As Feri said, it's is you who will be a rallying point for the people."
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Look, this jsut isn't fun for me anymore. I feel like anytime I post I'm either having to defend anything I post... justify why people shouldn't be blanantly meta'ing me... or if I don't post literally every 5 secs that people railroad me into stuff without my say. It's jsut not fun for me to be in this RP, It's stressful. Because people don't respect me as a player so I have to work to not be walked all over by the other players. And I'm sorry, but that's not fair to me at all. I'm jsut not going to be a part of this anymore cause it's clear to me, that as I said, my time and contrubtions jsut aren't valued here and I might as well not even play because people are playing my character for me and have been since the beginning. I shouldn't have to keep saying "stop doing X" in the OOC anytime anything involves my character. So, I'm sorry, but I'm dropping. I jsut don't need the stress becuase that's all this RP has been for me thus far... a headache.
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Hmmm, no offense but don't bother. I'm really done with this RP. It's been shown my time and my contributions aren't respected here or even valued so I'm not going to be a part of it any longer.
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"Hmm, fret not Saffron. On the battlefield, all are equal. It's not a place for titles as much as those stuffy commanders would have the rank and file believe. It's really just an illusion to keep some semblance of order. I know this better than most. Honestly, I prefer not having to use some haughty title. They mean so little in the scheme of things. At least, in my experience. You have my promise at the least. I cannot speak for the others." Meredith exhaled rather sharply. expelling all of her nerves at once. A few had built over the conversation but, she could easily dispel them. After all, she learned from a star solider and was hardly starstruck by that old coot. To be frank, he hardly held the air of a well respected Great Knight. He seemed just like any old grandpa. Until you decided to spar with him. Then things changed in an instant. "Feri, would they expect you to join forces with the Misguided Children? Regardless they are hunting us anyway, but they might just become that much more active in their search if they knew you were fleeing to directly join our rank. It's really a matter of semantics and logistics. If they know their are searching for two threats that are one in the same, they don't have to split their manpower, but if they don't know you've joined us... they don't have that luxury."
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"Well, Saffron, you've at least met some of those Freedom Fighters. I am Meredith "The Undying". Long story that I'd rather not rehash right now.." She siad looking down at the ground a moment. She shook off the feeling, hoping none of them had heard of "The Undying". She was a decently well known Legend in Dragao and constantly toted as a morale story for young soldiers. A tale of exceptional heroism and what it was to do good service in the Military of Dragao. They'd hadn't known she flipped sides though. The irony in that. Meredith out reached her hand to shake Saffron's. "I hope this is the beginning of something good. Glad to have someone such as yourself on our side. The same to you Feri, and you as well Keagan."
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"No need to thank us. It's clear that you're on our side if the Dragao Army is after you. I was only doing my duty." Meredith bowed in turn, though quickly before standing tall once more. "Mayanna, think you can tend to her wounds? She looks gravely injured. Almost as badly as I was there for a spell."
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"No need to apologize to me. Battle isn't easy. It's especially not easy for those in your ranks." She looked at the healer for but a moment. A soft smile on her face. "I don't envy you. If I die, I get the satisfaction of knowing I tried my hardest to do my job. Even a failure isn't entirely one, and I don't have to stick around to see it if it is. But, you hold the lives of many in your hands. And if it doesn't work, it's easy to see that failure and blame yourself, think that it's your fault... and fixate on that."and with those words Meredith turned away, but, she didn't finish speaking yet. "Being a Solider is easy. It's the medics that are standing in what can only be said is hell brought forth to the mortal realm. I can easily hold up my lance and fight... but you cannot. I have much more respect for what you do, than any solider Mayanna. So, there's no need to apologize."
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"She's just some puffed up heiress with a magic sword. If I was facing her in actual combat she'd not have done such a number on me. Armour doesn't really do so well against magic as I'm sure you know." Meredith was still hurting her side as if it hurt, though her healing was done. It always felt strange after magical healing. The pain that was there was suddenly just gone. It sorta, ached in a different way as a result. A strange thing to think, but she definitely always felt that way about it. Why she wasn't fond of magical healing. Though, she knew it's merits and it's strengths in battle, outside of the field of battle she preferred to feel the weight of the wounds she bore. It just felt more natural. This felt almost like cheating nature. She'd have laughed at how silly the thought was, but now was hardly the time. "We can breathe a full breath once the threat is gone. I know you may worry for our well being, however, have faith in us. I'm sure we can end this swiftly. For now, Mayanna, you're in my charge. I will keep you from harm." She saw the glance. Though she used it as an opportunity to possibly repair a little bit of the damage she had done prior. "Hoshiko. Give those bastards hell for me, strike forth. If you believe the goddess has chosen you, you're shots will always ring true."
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"You had nothing to worry about. You'll find I'm a rather hardy individual." The solider didn't really boast when she said that,though would would figure that line to be one. She sounded quiet, almost as if she wasn't exactly proud of the matter. Though it could jsut be the wind was still knocked out of her from that beating she had had just suffered. "And that depends. At this point, we could end this in one fell swoop given the opportunity. Regrouping only allows them more time to do so themselves. So, it depends what we find more worthwhile. Keeping up the assault so they cannot rest themselves... or regroup and give them the chance to recoup as well. I think pressing on with our attack is much more productive at the time. It might be risky, but so is stopping our assault. We must end this while we still can. Why are you so worried? If you don't mind my asking. I don't mean to imply anything by it."
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Doooooesn't really make it much better. Like I'm kinda dead tired of this. I'm jsut dropping. I barely get to play my character anyway, not like there'll be a difference.
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Love how we make more decisions for my character without me having say in them. mrgrgrgr...
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"Hmmm, blessing or a curse I wonder. I don't know the difference some days." the solider mused while wiping blood from her chin. It had dripped down her face a ways as she coughed up more and more. Luckily that stopped now as she was being healing. She no longer felt the damp liquid heat surging from her internal injuries. She was still stained in crimson however, blood, of her enemies and her own mixed now, one in the same. Such was battle. Life wasn't a sacred thing here. It ended quickly... swiftly and without discrimination. She spat blood forward, such a nasty taste, like that of liquid metal. "Thank you though... don't want to seem ungrateful."
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Meredith spat blood. She got hit a lot more than she had liked. But, like always, she was still standing at the end. She should be more careful in the future. It wasn't very smart of her to move as she did, but she still had her life so it wasn't really an issue in the end. "I'll be fine Rosa, just... got a little roughed up." Understatement of the year award gooooes to... But still, she'd been in worse shape. Been on death's door before, no medic in sight. So, this was a step up by at least... 4 or 5. She had to retreat for now, and form back once she wasn't hanging on for dear life. She hoped that her unit could do well without her for the time being. Move to T3.
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Alleyway "Problem is... if this magic wasn't remotely activated or, conditionally activated... it means that these individuals have gotten sight of us. So, they know what we look like now. I don't exactly know how they'd fall for a trap if that was the case. It might be a waste of our time. But... it depends on how organized a group we're dealing with." The strange beast-like creature said from the shadows. Was a bit surprised at the lack of reaction from these individuals. Her nightmare beast form wasn't exactly the stuff of fluffy dreams hence... the name. They also had no reason to believe she wasn't a threat. Well, that wasn't exactly true. They knew that she stopped the man from running, rather than tearing him to bits. "Anyway, I'm sure the rest of you can handle the the information gathering. I've got the easiest time finding Karol and Bargus. I can wander through the streets without being seen easy as Sunday morning. It also only devotes one of us rather than all than the rest of our assets in finding leads and things of the like. So, I will bring the two to the meeting location. It'll be easier that way. So, just inform me of it's location and I'll be on my way."
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"Shame, it'd save me the trouble of having to deal with you. And trust me, I'd lose no sleep over trash like you being gone from this world. One less of your type in this world... be a good thing. So, don't flatter yourself and think I would care." She said. She wasn't mincing words anymore. She wouldn't be friendly with filth. She still wasn't happy she had to work with him but she didn't exactly have the ability to send him packing. The rebels needed everyone they could get for the cause. Sadly, it included garbage like this. Human filth, that lined the bottom of the gutter of society. "And, one more thing, save yourself the trouble Klarenfilia. and drop the act. And if it's not one, cease immediately. The only way any of this ends... is with you in the ground. I don't acknowledge trash like you as human. You're worse then the ones we're fighting. You just happen to be on the right side instead. I'd gladly kill you a 1000 times over than the good men and women I know we may be fighting. So, don't talk to me. I might have to tolerate you on the battlefield, but I will tolerate you no more than that. Filth like you makes me sick." "Now, I have a job to do." Moves to P2, Attack Troubadour
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"Quuuuite sure I didn't stutter. No has a clear meaning where I come from. Now, focus on not dying. You're awfully useless when you're dead." She just went back to ignoring the Monk. Better that way honestly. Hopefully the bastard could take a hint. If not, well things could get messy. "Hope that it doesn't come to that Klarenfilia. No one would miss you." she thought to herself. "Ecquis, I'm going to clear this archer for you to give you and Morgan the room to maneuver. I'm going to need the rest of you to get to my position after I take point." and with that she charged forward getting in position to run down the Bow Knight from previous. They needed that archer gone from the field so that Ecquis could deploy safely against the remaining forces if they couldn't take care of them quickly enough. Him being pinned down like this was not a good position to be in. So she'd lift that pin. She charged setting her lance to pierce the rider. "I'll take you down, just like the rest of you dogs!" Move to S4, Attack Bow Knight 2.
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"No thank you, I don't have anything to say to the likes of you." said, not even looking at Klarenfilia. She never really looked at him when she addressed him. She just projected her words outwards. While she found a certain part... intriguing... it ended there. Other than his curse, she had no interest in him. The less time around him as possible the better. So, she certainly wasn't going to willingly talk to him.
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As a note, I think I'll be adding Photography to the basic tags list. It's a very different art form from other visual medias. ((and it's in this that I'll decide if I need to further the basic tags I first put out. I added Misc for a reason, I knew I'd forget to weigh options and maybe miss somethings. I'll have to update my threads. lol. Either way, I'm definitely looking into seeing just what I'll expand this too.)) Anyway, I'd prefer if ya'll not reply to this message and continue on this thread's natural progression. I just want folks to know that it was this one that more so, drove me to the conclusion to expand things and this is the record of that. It doesn't need any acknowledgement, it just need's to be seen I feel lol. This is just my way of marking a thread that has brought a change to this forum. Maybe I'm just silly, maybe I'm a sentimental fool... but I feel it deserves me to at least mention this. I apologize, but I've got nothing to share here myself. Hukuna Sensei, out.~