Raindrop Valkyrie

The literal best feeling in the universe... until it stops working and then you need to buy a new pair, but until then you feel like a golden god.

Aye, as long as one doesn't soil the personal experience of another in their engagement with the game there's no such thing as "cheating" There's a reason most games have difficulty settings and dynamic difficulty etc etc... It's to tailor the game to your preferred Experience. If a friend of yours played on Easy while you played on hard mode... you wouldn't say they cheated would you? ((some hardcore gamers would yes, but this isn't the point.)) People play games for different reasons. Some play to be challenged, some play to explore, some play to achieve, some play for the social aspect of being able to talk to their friends and share their war stories with people. It's all okay. In a single player game there's no such thing as cheating. There's just augmenting the experience to your taste. You shouldn't worry what others think of said tastes. Difficulty is a Player's choice. A player should take the game as they want to and go at the pace they desire. So what if they break the intended flow? Not all gamers are the best in the universe, some don't have a shit load of time to be playing. Cheating is only what you as a player see it as. If you want to do something to augment your experience to enjoy it more for yourself... do it. ((this is very different for Multiplayer games but this is becuase they are a SHARED experience so that stuff in those is DEFINITELY cheating since your cheating another person out of their enjoyment.))

You know, the longer I listening, the more I realized that... maybe I haven't been able to find an appreciation for this type of music, because I don't understand it. Well I shouldn't say it that way, I've always appreciated the genre and this type of music as I do with all forms of art, but, I could never really get into it. I think the reason being that it's hard for me to relate to in some ways. Not knowing a lot of the terminology being used or... really... even truly understanding what life is like outside of the things I've seen. I wonder if this is what causes me to not instantly connect to it like other music I've listened too, moreso than not liking it. Because maybe the reason it's "never been my thing" is it feels like it's not for me. I dunno, it's maybe a silly thing to say, but... I think the only reason I've never really given Rap or Hip Hop a real swing isn't because it's not something I like, but because it's not something I truly UNDERSTAND. I think that's probably the most important thing. That lack of understanding however... it makes me want to understand. To understand what all of these songs mean, what the lyrics truly mean... to understand something beyond the scope of the world I've personally seen. Maybe it's just who I am, but... I always want to be able to understand others and why they love something. I realized this since a lot of the songs I didn't really connect with like I did others, however, there was one in particular that while I didn't understand every little thing, I understood enough to feel that connection I usually get. And... it made me really wonder if It's really me not liking this genre... or me just not fully understanding. I felt the partial understanding ebb in when "Life's a Bitch" started... and I felt it ebb away as I listened to more. I missed the connection I was feeling the at least partial grasp I had at understanding. I think this is the key to why I've... never given this genre a chance before. Because, It's just got connected to me yet, I've not been able to find my way to being able to fully understand and enjoy it for what it is. and for one Song there... I at least partially felt it. I felt that love I have for the music I relate to hit me. And as it was gone, I sat there for the rest of the time... just wishing that hopefully it'd hit me again. But, I wasn't disappointed that it didn't. I was happy that I connected to something I wasn't really ever sure I could... something that always felt like it would just never be for me in any capacity. That what I definitely find pretty fascinating. So, I'm definitely glad I took the time to listen. That feeling was... a very cool one to have. Thanks for sharing. I think I'll definitely give this thread... a lot more shots in the future.

You know at first... I didn't want to enter this thread. I saw it and I tried to thin of anything about myself that I could love and I couldn't find an answer. Not a single one. Discouraged... I refused to open this thread. I refused, because if I couldn't think of anything... if I couldn't find one thing I loved about myself, that I shouldn't look on others doing so. I wouldn't deserve this, I wouldn't deserve to know these about others and offer nothing in return. It'd be unfair of me to see what other loved about themselves for me to sit on the sidelines and say nothing. So... for two days I've refused to even open this thread. I refused to look within because I was not a person that deserved to. Prior to this... I had just gone through a pretty heavy depressive spiral. The lowest I've ever felt in a long time. I felt disgusting... gross, unclean. I felt that my view of everyone hating me... was very true. And so... I spent a few days feeling less than human. Like a disgusting broken thing no one had time for, no one cared for. I felt like I was right in hating myself. That I was right think I was disgusting. I didn't want to feel this way. I felt so dirty... awful... unclean. I probably took at least 3 if not more showers that day... trying to 'wash" that feeling away, It didn't go away. It stayed. It stayed and stayed and drove me absolutely crazy. I couldn't think about anything else. I was just running through my mind all day and all night. I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't focus on anything. All I could think about was doing something to get rid of this feeling this... disgust with myself. I could only think about peeling off my skin... burning myself... and other various things like that. But, I knew they wouldn't do anything in the long run. Hurting myself physically wouldn't stop my hurting emotionally and mentally. I barely managed to hold on. Barely... ever so barely. There was a lighter I found... I broke it. Smashed the top of of it so that I couldn't be tempted to use it. Cause just seeing it made that thought even worse. I wasn't going to leave it lying around when I knew I might hurt myself with it. But, one tends to find a light at the end of a great darkness, or... even fi that light was small, the pitch black you had been in changed it. It turned a simple act into a blazing white beacon of light. One that permeated the darkness and allowed me to see. A good friend of mine messaged me that night... she's not one who messages me all that often... so it felt out of the ordinary. She had seen my statuses and posts on Reborn and... as a result was worried about me, But, as a quickly found out she was worried because she thought she might have hurt me somehow, and that it might have been her doing. This... it killed me to think of. That someone close to me could feel this way about how I was feeling and think they had done such a wrong to me. I felt so... selfish... so stupid. That I couldn't think of others how I acted effecting them. I was mad I had let this happen... and normally, it'd probably have gotten worse. But... it didn't I did feel better cause it put me in a better perspective. a better frame of mind. I knew that she cared about me. Cause you don't get upset over hurting someone you don't care about. This was the first day, right when it happened. The next, I got a lot of messages of support, one from a friend who took time out of his busy day to talk to me, ((to the point a family member got a bit mad at him.)), and many many more. Had they come the day prior... they might not have moved me so much... and I might still be in this mess... I dunno, no point in dwelling in the past it's already happened. But, why does any of this matter? Why am I divulging this totally off the subject information? Well... I learned something from this... and something from a chat I had today. Two Lovely friends of mine... hell... angels i think almost ((even though I'm not religious in anyway.)) and I've learned that despite this, despite how low I had been those days, that I was depressed, sad, lonely... that I had moved forward in my life from before. I understood that I had still been trudging through the darkness but... I'd still been moving forward. I used to hate myself... everything about me and believe that everyone hated me cause I wasn't worth caring about... I wasn't worth anyone's time. I was worthless. But... my mind had fabricated all of this. It's still there, but I know that that way I feel is fake. I know it is artifice. I knwo it's jsut myself trying to make me miserable. The only thing I regret is letting this going on so long that I don't remember why I do this, I don't know how it started anymore. But, it's not important. What is important, is that my favourite thing about myself, is my ability to persevere. My ability to keep moving forward despite everything. I love that no matter what, I refuse to be defeated by this stupid false hatred of myself. I refuse to be weighed down by it. I refuse to let it just keep winning. My ability to never give up despite the odds. That I will never give into my demons and let them win. That I won't lay down and die. I REFUSE! I'm stubborn. This is one thing I refuse to lose. One thing I can't afford to. I'm tired of it, I tired of letting it swarm within me, and bunch up and drag me down. I'm tired of this falsehood tearing apart my soul and breaking me further than I truly am. I'm tired of it thinking it can win. I'm tired of it telling me to convince everyone to hate me. I'm tired of it making me try to give people reasons to hate me. I'm tired of feeling this falsehood that tells me I'm not worth loving, caring about, anything. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved. I deserve friends. I don't deserve this falsehood... this lie I've been telling myself. I don't deserve to suffer like I force myself to. I don't deserve it. So... I'm fighting it. I'm done with it trying to tell me who I am, and what others think of me. I'm tired of it thinking it has the right. It doesn't. I'm done entertaining it. I'm just going to keep trudging forward until I break free, keep moving even until I can't walk anymore and have to crawl. Because, I'm beating this. I'm not letting it beat me. It WILL NOT win! I don't want to win... I will win. There's no other option, no other outcome. I'll will fight til my last damn breathe to keep this Flasehood from controlling me. I'm not giving up. I will not die. If this falsehood wants me, I only have one thing to say to it. "You're going to have to try a little harder than THAT!"

Keep in mind.... Challenge Rating changes based on Party Composition. One monster might be impossible for a party but easy as cake for another. CRs are rather general. Typically the more health something has the longer one has to fight it ergo... more CHallenge Rating as it has more time to clobber you into the ground. So it's more accessing what tools a party has and going from there. Deciding which would be a more suitable challenge for THEIR party is what's important.

Eh, that's why you don't talk up what ya can't back up lol~ Still though I'm sure there's plenty of weeks you can take another swing so, I wouldn't worry too much XD>

Ahhhhhhhhh, it's beautiful~ You do such great work Alice lol.

I know, I'm just an arse and I'm excited about it XD.

Hmmm, that we did. I'm still proud that we are friends despite the circumstances we weirdly got to know each other under. I swear... probably any two other people... we'd probably hate each other right now. But, we overcame that. I'm glad we did. You're a great friend to have man. I'm also glad you feel comfortable with opening up to me, that means a hell of a lot honestly. Then again... perhaps I value that much differently since getting me to be truly open with someone... is nearly impossible. But, I'm glad you trust me in that way, it means a lot to me that you do feel that way.

thing is I download my lightshots most of the time and upload them to imgur myself half the time so... ((and then just use their link that has the BBC code in it and it works for me.)) probably more steps though XD> Also DD... I have... no clue man. S ranks are the touchest weirdest things I've ever seen... they just... I dunno man XD>

Heeeeeeey, looking pretty sweet. I like that's it not a drastic departure from the original design. ((like quite a few Megas are.)) which is reeeeeally great XD. I like that it doesn't feel overly designed lol. Also... I don't want that thing to Air Slash me. ((though it wouldn't be STAB anymore I'd imagine it would still freaking hurt maaaan.)) ((still h-waaaaiting for a certain birb~))

Fiiiiine, I'll post too I guess~ You already know what I think about ya. I've told you a million times. You're a good dude and somebody I'm definitely glad to call a friend. At times, I wonder why you even extend me the courtesy. But, I know I need to stop thinking that way, lol. Anyway, for whatever it's worth.... have a great day man.~ ((also you're a scrub))

Yea, you'll get off-meta day every once and awhile lol. SOmetimes it works... other times.... yeeeeeeeeeeesh...

Aye, I know I know. I'm trying my best to recognize this, and that this is a true thing. It's just hard for me since I'd had so many people tell that this was true... and yet treating me like utter garbage. To the point i assume that that's what everyone does. Whiiiiich I need to stop doing. The people that did shitty things to me... aren't you guys. I need to give the benefit of the doubt more... I need to learn to forgive and let go of things. It's a lot harder said then done though. It's basically rewiring myself as a person since I've learned to be this way to defend myself from getting hurt. However, now the only purpose it serves to function is to hurt others I care about. But, it's not easy to turn off. lol, I'm a very broken person, just trying to fit the pieces back together... it's one piece I've yet to realign how I want. I'll keep working at it though.

8♡: ((I know you said red suits were lady folks most likely, but uh... still this one kinda fits me? Other than that I don't think you'd call me cute, but otherwise yea XD. More in general sense though. Due to the nature of our conversations I believe it probably wouldn't be this one yet... it could be at the same time... basically I am pretty sure it 100% is not, BUT I'm including it anyway LOL. Deal with it~)) 6♤: ((Probably the correct one knowing me.)) 7♤: Distant is constantly a term that is throw around with me in mind. Since I am a pretty distant individual according to most folks. ((to the point some don't understand how I can be so genuinely nice to people when I stand so far back and nearly never engage with people.)) The most probable ones for me I think. 6♤ in it's own way especially, I don't so much think others are hard on me, mostly I just can't believe any person would really care or have reason to respect me. I'm not really what I'd consider a good role model or a good person to look up to in such a regard. Hell, there's a reason when people ask me about writing stuff that I tell them to never write like me. Cause I know I'm a pretty awful writer in all honesty. But, knowing that is the first step to improving it lol. I dunno, I'm just a person that has a hard time thinking I have any semblance of worth to people. I have a hard time believing I can mean something to someone. ((in whatever capacity.))

Woooooooooot? Apparently I'm that predictable to everyone but myself huh?

Same really though my length to how much I've played are very small ((I've played since Season 2, though have played relatively few games compared to most.))

I have... no bloody clue if I'm even on here to be honest lol. I'm very bad at judging my own character or how people think of me ((mostly cause I assume that literally everyone hates me... even people I know who don't. it's... unbecoming I know but I'm just not very confident in myself really... or that I really even have redeemable qualities that would make people want to think anything of me really I suppose. I guess to me, I just feel like I'm not really worth being friends with or even caring about. Well, I used to a lot more than I do now. I'm still pretty bad about it sometimes but I'm learning to not be so... much this way anymore I suppose.)) Anyway, since I've got no idea, I'll jsut say even fi I'm not, you're a cool dude Ody. Keep on keeping on man~

Man... looking back at my posts in here always makes me wonder why i'm so awful at League XD. I seem to have a pretty good head on my shoulders for analyzation etc... Maybe it's just cause I don't really played ranked much and don't have enough practical experience and only really have logical or the theory down pat lol. anywhoooo, that looks pretty awesome! I'd have not really seen it otherwise since I kinda don't really like Kotaku much as a site so I don't really use it. But thanks for postin' it Godot.