Miss Kitty Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 It's not fair to keep everyone in the dark while I'm going through some difficult times. But I'm going on leave. Who knows if I'll come back. It could be a few days, weeks, months, or even years. I'm still posting logs as my request to Ame... It's not fair to him if I just up and leave and everything is once again on his shoulders... It's no secret to everyone that I'm depressed right now. It's not fair if I shun everyone out because of my silly problems, either. I've nothing to hide, so I will share it with PPR... Things have been really crazy for the past few months, and it's finally catching up to this sad soul. My parents are divorcing, and all my mother wants to do right now is drink and smoke pot a lot. And what's worse is that she's sorta making me listen to her sad rants whilst she's on drugs. My dad never calls me, of course... Then again, he considered me a half-mistake. My job is really driving me up a wall that isn't getting me anywhere. I never got my raise, my boss won't promote me when I'm the one of very few that actually works. My new supervisors are treating me like I'm not even slightly kitty/human... For the past few weeks, I've been having obnoxious nightmares about someone leaving. ... Jumping off the edge of the world. And recently, a few others here at PPR jumped off the edge of the world too... And it's really annoying, especially when I already have nightmares of something that happened 13 years ago. So, for these nightmares to not control me, I've been sleeping less and less. And this is also out of my control when I can only think of one thing all the time at night. I practically murder myself at night until I can finally sleep for that hour and a half... Then I wake up to find that my whole life just isn't a dream. And I wish it was.... I miss my bestest friend in the whole world... I'm very lonely without him... I'm sure some of you have heard me mention him once or twice. My kitty, Rascal. I grew up with him... And we're the bestest friends that anyone could ever witness. He died May of 2009... And it adds on more heartbreak when he was all I ever had for 9 years. I kinda grew up as the social outcast of my school. You know, being made fun of and such things. Even when I helped them understand stuff the teacher can't explain well... I'm obviously not a very good person to them... So I was friendless for quite a long while. Even though I had my friend from childhood. He left to Kentucky to live with his Grandmother in 6th grade. It was hard when I had to watch him wave goodbye to me out the back of his car while he drove off. But I found him on Myspazz and we talk from time to time, so that's okay. I'm really sorry to everyone. I'm just not one to handle things right, right now. I have my moments where I blow up and seriously contemplate the unthinkable. I guess I'm lucky to have Ame for that. And Manowar for what happened last night. I'm sorry for putting such heavy burdens on both of your heads. It's really not fair to you two and I'm just being all selfish because of how fucked up I am. I love you guys, a lot. I really hope to come back someday. But for now, I'm just logging, working, and laying in bed all day... Hah... I'm really pathetic... So goodbye for now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Amethyst Posted July 14, 2010 Administrators Share Posted July 14, 2010 I'm sorry, Kitty. You don't have to post the logs. Whatever makes you feel better, alright? Don't worry about us; you're the one who's suffering. Take as much time as you need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Kitty Posted July 14, 2010 Author Share Posted July 14, 2010 I want to help you, though. So just let me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geo Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 =( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nyu Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 ... Hope things get better for you Miss Kitty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AZKnight Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Sorry to hear about everything that is happening with you. Sounds like you have few more pressing issues than what we ask of you to do here. Just remember that we are here if you ever need the company and that we will miss you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullet Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 this is heartbreaking... Well uh... good luck Kitty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyperlisk Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Well, for one, beating yourself up about problems your parents are having is definitely not the way to go. You just have to lay down the law with them as weird as it sounds. Especially how you say your mom is, just tell her you don't want to listen to [i]her[/i] problems, since you have your own problems to worry about. Of course, that's much easier said than done. All you can do is take one step at a time. Just don't let anyone push you around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stars Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I don't know what your beliefs are, but for what it's worth, I'll be praying for you. Best of luck to you, whatever you decide to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Kitty Posted July 14, 2010 Author Share Posted July 14, 2010 Thanks guys. It means a lot to have you guys supporting me... <3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoGoodBoyo Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I concur with Hyperlisk. As someone who has had plenty of issues with his parents over the years, it's tends to be better to just blow off your mom instead of being made to listen to what she has to whine about. Even if she gets angry with you, she'll get over it. You have enough to worry about. But you shouldn't over think and worry about everything that's going on too much. Over thinking and over worrying never gets anyone anywhere, just more depressed. You're only 17, and just because life sucks now, doesn't mean it's always going to. You have quite the potential to make life much better and happy if you just don't worry about how it is now, and just focus on what you enjoy doing instead of what's going on around you. People suck, in general, worrying about them, even your family, is just going to bring you down all the time. And luckily, you obviously have people who care for you a lot. I'm sorry Miss Kitty, life sucks, and I wish I could make it all better for you even if I barely know you. *pat pat* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mashew Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 miss kitty =[[[[ good luck! dont worry about us we wil lstill be here if and when you decide to come back!!! =] you still are our top cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 If it's any help, but a good song for depression is "Never Too Late - Three Days Grace". It'll either really help, or really hurt, but what do I know? And remember, we'll always be here for you, no matter what. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mashew Posted July 16, 2010 Share Posted July 16, 2010 Miss Kitty are you taking everyone with you lol??.... its like empty in reborn when its usually loud and happy and... its scary without anyone in there lol....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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