Code: PIRULUK Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Hukuna, GotWala - Done. Hope I lived up to expectations, though it's a really short story this time round. I wanted to put more detail, but that would have meant tripling the length of the piece, so... yeah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephyrus the Priestess Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Yes it is, think of Graterras around the Renaissance era in time. At least in places. The Land of Shifting Sands is very much Steampunk/Wild West in theme, so it definitely would cover that in the clothing department in the world. And wow, really that long of a story? Geez, kudos to you on that I guess Miss Acquie lol. If you want to continue on it by all means feel free to do so after doing the origin for this thread. ((I mean I don't mind if you don't use my OCs.....and you don't really know any of my OCs so lol. Graterras is a world where civilization gets reset every so often so stories can literally fit in anywhere in the timeline.)) It IS? *goes back to redraw and reconceptualize everything I've pictured so far* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GotWala Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 That was absolutely beautiful! The way you described the burning home, the broken glass, Helen hiding under her mother's corpse, and even the description of the blankets in the area really set a scene of disaster and desperation. The fact that Helen could still feel emotion after such a traumatic backstory is something that a lot of writers for vengeful characters tend to just not bother with. Which is why it was great to see that there was still more to her than mindless slaughter, haha. I also enjoyed the brief moment of action, as it demonstrated in pure, grisly form just what someone can do when they're desperate. Overall, I'm not only ecstatic that you finished something that I requested, but also overjoyed by how well it was executed! I'm really looking forward to more of your work in the future, Acquiescence! Perhaps one day I'll have to return the favor, haha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raindrop Valkyrie Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Ah, wonderful. My favourite part is that it illustrates Graterras very well. Graterras is a shitty shitty place most of the time , so a lot of the heros are darker, and tend to not be 100% good. Graterras is a terrible land of Grey, where good and evil are not clearly cut. I figured the Shawl would eventually be the weapon, by how much it was mentioned, and how you clued it in. And it is an interesting one, something I don't think a lot of people would guess if they didn't know what the challenge here was. And I like it too, it feels like it describes her personality in a way as well. Something Beautiful stained by it's experiences, into something more sinister. So all in all, I really enjoy this tale. I would actually like to see it be expanded upon sometime lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sutoratosu Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Eh Soldier, I've got a prompt for you... Do something for one of Stratos's world, Eden:Beyond Exodus. I'm thinking perhaps a narrative of an expedition into the vast forest surrounding the city of Esperanza for hundreds upon thousands of miles. Try to present in the form of Electronic Note entries made by the head scientist. The tech level of the E:BE RP is around the same it as Orson Scott Card's "Ender''s Game" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Code: PIRULUK Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 That was absolutely beautiful! The way you described the burning home, the broken glass, Helen hiding under her mother's corpse, and even the description of the blankets in the area really set a scene of disaster and desperation. The fact that Helen could still feel emotion after such a traumatic backstory is something that a lot of writers for vengeful characters tend to just not bother with. Which is why it was great to see that there was still more to her than mindless slaughter, haha. I also enjoyed the brief moment of action, as it demonstrated in pure, grisly form just what someone can do when they're desperate. Overall, I'm not only ecstatic that you finished something that I requested, but also overjoyed by how well it was executed! I'm really looking forward to more of your work in the future, Acquiescence! Perhaps one day I'll have to return the favor, haha! Thanks! Glad to know I met your expectations^^ Writing in such detail was new for me, but pretty fun. I might start doing it more often. Ah, wonderful. My favourite part is that it illustrates Graterras very well. Graterras is a shitty shitty place most of the time , so a lot of the heros are darker, and tend to not be 100% good. Graterras is a terrible land of Grey, where good and evil are not clearly cut. I figured the Shawl would eventually be the weapon, by how much it was mentioned, and how you clued it in. And it is an interesting one, something I don't think a lot of people would guess if they didn't know what the challenge here was. And I like it too, it feels like it describes her personality in a way as well. Something Beautiful stained by it's experiences, into something more sinister. So all in all, I really enjoy this tale. I would actually like to see it be expanded upon sometime lol. Glad I managed to somewhat capture the essence of the amazing world you created ^^ Does this mean I'll see hints of Helen Lemercier start appearing in the world of Graterras? just kidding. I'm planning to expand her story into a full-length epic, as in literally, an epic, with iambic pentameter and thirty-plus stanzas. Will put it up here when I'm done with it. @Stratos, I'll look over the details of Eden again and try, but once more: no guarantees about quality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephyrus the Priestess Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Glad I managed to somewhat capture the essence of the amazing world you created ^^ Does this mean I'll see hints of Helen Lemercier start appearing in the world of Graterras? just kidding. I'm planning to expand her story into a full-length epic, as in literally, an epic, with iambic pentameter and thirty-plus stanzas. Will put it up here when I'm done with it. Some cameos would be cool to see. XD She looks like she could've been from The Shadowed Isles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raindrop Valkyrie Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I could put parts of her legend into Graterras for sure. I don;t think she would appear, unless I made her turn into one of Mortimo's avatars of Death. She would judge those scorned and wrecked by vengeance. So tha their crimes are not punished as would a normal person's would have been. Mortimo ((god of Death by the way.)) has at least 5 Death Angels. ((thinking of bumping it up to 9, as it is what the Death Angels named themselves after. The Name was picked by Hollow and Ashnard. To say the least Echo is not fond of the name....though she finds it funny that she is using an organization with the same name of one of his creations, to rip him from the very skies.)). Avatars of Death that currently exist. Fiddler on the Green: A Male Figure, in the deathscape((the transition point, where one enters the afterlife. This deathscape reflects the demeanor of the avatar that takes you to the afterlife.)) he is met on a field of Green grass that spreads for miles and seems to go on forever. He shepherds Children, the elderly and those that died of terrible illness. He has sometimes appears before the pure of heart, or those that have lived their lives to the fullest. ((and most typically, Bards out of that second group.)) The One who Stares: A Skeletal Figure, much like the traditional Grim Reaper. It((of unknown gender, though it is a male, however that is only found out after death, so it is safe to say no "living" person would be able to know.)) has eyes that glow strange colours and seem to pierce the very soul. It is met on a plane of pure grey, with no features for its deathscape. He visits the mundane, those that just lived an average life. He stares into their souls to see who they could have been...and what they could have been capable of. She who holds the Book: A female figure, that has no face. She holds in her hand a black book inscribed with runes and dark magic. She is clad in a black dress. Her deathscape is that of eternal darkness. She condemns those that desecrated their oaths, by stripping them of their very humanity. The punishment depends on the crime and the severity. Typically she banishes them to endless torture in various forms. SOme get thrown into Mortimo's Game, while others go to a kind of hellscape that they are forced to relive their mistakes for eternity etc. He who holds the Iron Sword: A Winged Demon of a skeleton. It wears a bloody blindfold, representing the crime of the victims he judges. His deathscape is that of a cold abyss, representing the cold void souls of the ones he judges. He damns those that betray their fellows, in whatever way it they do so. His bloody blindfold represents the blindside that the one he Judges used to deceive the one he betrayed. Once again, the punishment correlates with how vile the offense is. For Example, Paladins breaking their oaths in ways such as murdering their own wives, children, or the murder of a person who trusted them are turned into vile undead which are sent back into the world. ((Check Graterras for the Death Knight, that is one example.)) Their very souls are damned and forced to remember their horrible misdeeds. They are forced to become the very image of what they were to protect the world from. Less serious offenses are mostly treated with hellscapes, which aren't pleasant, but are no where near as vile and unbecoming as being transformed into the very monster you swore to purge from the world. Maiden in Silver: A young woman, she wears a long silver dress, and covers her face. Her Deathscape is a grove of Cherry blossoms. She is said to appear only before those who were destined to become heros, or those that were heros at their death. ((sorry for the long amounts of drivel......couldn't help myself.)) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephyrus the Priestess Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Would that make Helen the "guide" for those that were tormented and victimized, or would she be a sort of punishing figure in the afterlife? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raindrop Valkyrie Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 She would more or less be both. Shepherding those that were victimized and tortured, and punishing those that committed said acts against other people.. ((and Mortimo would totally put her in charge of punishing those people even if she was biased, because Mortimo is playing his sick game with peoples lives, so the more that get condemned...the happier he is. And just to be frank.....none of the avatars know Mortimo is evil. He is really good at hiding it, only Lumabella knows how dark he truly is.)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephyrus the Priestess Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 ((... because the she's the LADY OF LIGHT AND THE LIGHT EXPOSES THE DARK wat*gapes at the astonishing bit of Fridge Brilliance*)) It'd be cool if Helen did become canon, wouldn't it? And she already has the killer title too. To fit the format of the Avatars of Death, it could be "She Who Bears The Bloodied Shawl" or something like that lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raindrop Valkyrie Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 It is up to Acquie if I canonize it. I am not just going to snatch up something she made lol. ((and it is is more because Lumabella is the goddess of Individuality as well as the Goddess of Light, and as such she can read people's [and gods for that matter] very souls. Though It is pretty apt, to say as such. Scholar's excerpt. "Of Gods and Goddesses, Volume Lumabella, Lady of Light and Individuality." "For she has reached true enlightenment, she knows her own soul so thoroughly that she can see the souls of others. She can read the fine lines and cracks in those souls and trace them, and compare them to her own. This is how Lumabella knows the soul and the very being of every living creature. She Possesses the infinite knowledge of her own soul, and through that knowledge knows of every other soul in existence.")) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sutoratosu Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 By the way, Soldier, you can make up new species of animal and whatnot if you want, so long as their not so fantastical in nature that they seem more like the products of mythology than actual evolution/ Genetic Engineering (In otherwords, nothing that can breath fire or something like that.) as for a bit of context on the tech, the main mode of Transportation during an Expedition would be small hovercraft vehicles that would float about two feet above the ground minimum. Weaponry would mostly comprise of Gun tech along with Laser Weaponry which I've already explained in the OCC thread for it. I'll leave it up to you how large or small of a party you want to have in the story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Code: PIRULUK Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 By the way, Soldier, you can make up new species of animal and whatnot if you want, so long as their not so fantastical in nature that they seem more like the products of mythology than actual evolution/ Genetic Engineering (In otherwords, nothing that can breath fire or something like that.) as for a bit of context on the tech, the main mode of Transportation during an Expedition would be small hovercraft vehicles that would float about two feet above the ground minimum. Weaponry would mostly comprise of Gun tech along with Laser Weaponry which I've already explained in the OCC thread for it. I'll leave it up to you how large or small of a party you want to have in the story. Would this expedition be before or after the outbreak of the Virus? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sutoratosu Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Before, Soldier. Since the Virus struck, all resources have been devoted towards maintaining quarantine and setting up for the Exodus Mission. And I'm not even sure whether there will still be an Esperanza after the outbreak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Code: PIRULUK Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 Sadly, Acqui is busy this week, so everyone who wants me to write for their prompt needs to wait a week >< Apologies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flux Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 No problem, Acqui. It's not like we're commissioning you. It's up to you whether you even want to do this, so we're grateful just for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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