Women in STEM Fields and fake geek girls

[Elena]

I'm going to shoot a play right now, but I'll be back later but I have to say, I have never once met a guy who talks about me Pokémon who will call me back, even if I give my number. I know I'll end up with someone who probably won't be a conventional average Joe but probably someone who is pale and nerdy. I can't figure out if it's possible to meet anyone online and then face-to-face. I read an article that interested me about women in STEM fields and our inability to date... well... anyone. Headed out right now, but that's my thought/journal for the day. I've had experiences, but it turned out to be really gross. Has anyone ever experienced this?

Edited October 28, 2014 by Elena

[Deleted User]

Possible? Yeah anything is possible, but the likelyhood of feelings being genuine or blossoming into something more are quite a bit lower if you ask me.

[Soft Taco Bear]

As a woman in the STEM field I'd believe it. My relationships always end in disaster, and half the reason is usually because of my academic life. Could you link the article? I'm interested in reading it.

[Elena]

Agreed. I caint do it. Has anyone else met someone they got to know online and if it sucked or not?

Edited October 28, 2014 by Elena

[iowayshay]

I've met people online before, and I've met with them in person before, but like Jericho said it very rarely becomes more than a one night fling. (Which personally is something I don't mind)

...and if it does become anything more there's usually some kind of stupid distance barrier...

[Soft Taco Bear]

Agreed. I caint do it. Has anyone else met someone they got to know online and if it sucked or not?

I have, and it was wonderful. But distance is hard so it ended after a little over a year. I find it hard to date men I've met in person first because I'm so difficult to approach. I still value what I had with Ika as well, even if it was one-sided. It's not impossible for it to last, it just depends on the person. It's a relatively fresh wound but I'd give anything to have it back.

[Arkhi]

I'm in a STEM class rotation (called a core) and the ratio of guys to gals must be something around 4 or 5 to 1. Though, there are two couples within the core, one of which is incredibly close, while the other is just very tight.

[Guzam]

ummm...wow? I'm sorry I've never had a...what's it called again? a girlfriend? right. Well that's the wonders of being a 14 year old nerd. dreaming about a fantastic relationship that just may never happen. *sigh* However, I still believe I have opportunities in my life. I will shine like the Sun in this lifetime I have. No matter who I have a relationship with, I will strive for success. I will break all barriers and pass all obstacles...it would just be easier if I had someone to do that with though. That won't stop me however. Sun life for life \[T]/

[GotWala]

I too, would be interested in reading this article. I'm actually curious about this and would like to form a knowledgeable opinion that'll actually be useful for a conversation, haha! No rush though, as I wouldn't want anyone to hurry over something like my curiosity, haha.

[Elena]

http://www.thedailybeast.com/witw/articles/2013/11/19/dating-in-the-stem-fields-can-women-in-science-be-sexy-and-successful.html

Garrrgh... I was the typical high school reject. People told me I was a disgrace to humanity and that I should do the world a favor by killing myself (closet psychopaths), I had a case of acne that made a third grader ask if I had a disease and if I was contagious. I was a loner, no one liked me, and I couldn't stand myself really. Someone told me I was the ugliest person he'd ever seen. Well, just goes to show, right? I had photography in museums by age 20. I was one of the lucky ones, though.

Plus, Doryx. It's the strongest antibacterial on the market (prescription) and it may solve world peace.

[GotWala]

Hmm, I almost feel like it might be a "power thing". What I mean by that, is that a lot of men feel threatened or lesser because a woman has a better career and/or is smarter. If I had to guess why that's such a big deal, I'd say it's because a lot of guys a brought up with a need to compete amongst each other and it surprises them when a "surprise foe" appears and sets the bar even higher. That and guys are presented in media as being the Protectors and the Heroes an awful lot, leading many boys growing up to feel a need to fulfill those roles. Thus, when a woman comes along who can be that dominant element, they tend to feel useless because they wanted to take care of them, and not the other way around.

Though all of this is just speculation and opinions from someone who's education ended in High School so don't place too much stock in it, haha!

[Soft Taco Bear]

Hmm, I almost feel like it might be a "power thing". What I mean by that, is that a lot of men feel threatened or lesser because a woman has a better career and/or is smarter. If I had to guess why that's such a big deal, I'd say it's because a lot of guys a brought up with a need to compete amongst each other and it surprises them when a "surprise foe" appears and sets the bar even higher. That and guys are presented in media as being the Protectors and the Heroes an awful lot, leading many boys growing up to feel a need to fulfill those roles. Thus, when a woman comes along who can be that dominant element, they tend to feel useless because they wanted to take care of them, and not the other way around.

Though all of this is just speculation and opinions from someone who's education ended in High School so don't place too much stock in it, haha!

Actually your point is completely valid and it's been studied before in most gender inequality studies. It mostly has to do with setup of social systems where gender roles are created and breaking social norms (like women becoming successful in a somewhat prestigious occupation as opposed to staying at home). The article hits the nail on the head. It's how we're socialized to believe that smart women often means unattractive and dumber means "sexy." And to some degree it does have to do with power.

(Feel free to talk about it in this way because I'm actually taking a sociology class that brings up these kinds of issues, and it's quite interesting to me!)

[Maelstrom]

Well, I was a bio major, so there were plenty of smart women going into the medical field. There was no shortage of relationships there.

Let's not forget though, if being smart was all you needed to be attractive, I think there'd be a lot of married people around these forums.

And there is that point that they mentioned where they were trying to strike a balance between professionalism and trying to show interest/flirting. Let's face it, there's a lot of silliness and awkwardness involved when it comes to flirting for a lot of people.

I think one of the reasons why people tend to inversely correlate intelligence with beauty is because the time and effort it generally takes to maintain the appearance of beauty or to study enough to be successful in the difficult, advanced level sciences. The common logic is that there isn't enough time for both and that one gives way to the other so it isn't expected when someone manages both.

I think some men would be "intimidated" by a beauty with brains because it means more time and effort to keep such a gem interested and satisfied with him, especially when he thinks of how she must attract the attention of a lot of dudes. Guys are keenly aware of their competition, just as women are of theirs. And in the STEM fields, there are plenty of guys who are potentially as smart or smarter than themselves and of varying levels or arbitrary physical attractiveness. And do you think that, generally, greater intelligence positively correlates with great levels of social skills?

I personally don't find intelligence off-putting, but rather a requirement. A woman has to have more to contribute to a relationship than just her looks. I hate talking inanities and I'm not a story teller or social speaker, so I can't drive entire conversations by myself. Nor would I be comfortable with someone who would expect me to be the sole source of income. Pretty is more 'intimidating' than intelligence in my book.

[toopher1]

Considering I have a child, I play Pokemon, Yu-gi-oh, Digimon, and a bit more I say you'll be fine, juts gotta find that right guy, also in high school I was a complete geek,nerd, etc. it's just about heart and getting to know a guy who realizes that.

Edited November 2, 2014 by toopher1

[Soft Taco Bear]

Well, I was a bio major, so there were plenty of smart women going into the medical field. There was no shortage of relationships there.

Let's not forget though, if being smart was all you needed to be attractive, I think there'd be a lot of married people around these forums.

And there is that point that they mentioned where they were trying to strike a balance between professionalism and trying to show interest/flirting. Let's face it, there's a lot of silliness and awkwardness involved when it comes to flirting for a lot of people.

I think one of the reasons why people tend to inversely correlate intelligence with beauty is because the time and effort it generally takes to maintain the appearance of beauty or to study enough to be successful in the difficult, advanced level sciences. The common logic is that there isn't enough time for both and that one gives way to the other so it isn't expected when someone manages both.

I think some men would be "intimidated" by a beauty with brains because it means more time and effort to keep such a gem interested and satisfied with him, especially when he thinks of how she must attract the attention of a lot of dudes. Guys are keenly aware of their competition, just as women are of theirs. And in the STEM fields, there are plenty of guys who are potentially as smart or smarter than themselves and of varying levels or arbitrary physical attractiveness. And do you think that, generally, greater intelligence positively correlates with great levels of social skills?

I personally don't find intelligence off-putting, but rather a requirement. A woman has to have more to contribute to a relationship than just her looks. I hate talking inanities and I'm not a story teller or social speaker, so I can't drive entire conversations by myself. Nor would I be comfortable with someone who would expect me to be the sole source of income. Pretty is more 'intimidating' than intelligence in my book.

I had a guy break up with me because my goal to get my PhD was too good for him, and he constantly worried about and compared himself to the guys in my field, so I can see that.