[Journal] Confessions of a "Writer"

[Flux]

So, this isn't really what I expected my first thread in this subforum to be, but I wanted to put some of these thoughts out there. This is going to be a personal journal of sorts, where I spout out random things about how I feel about my own writing. Feel free to leave any comments or questions that you wish; this thread isn't reserved for me only.

So I suppose I'll start off with my first "confession." As you can tell from the quotations in the title, the first issue that I have with my own writing is that I don't really feel confident enough to call myself a true "writer." Before reaching Reborn, I'd never really written anything independently, and even now, my writing is reserved to RPs. I don't intend on pursuing any sort of writing career in my future either. Furthermore, one of the two RPs I've hosted has already died, which I still attribute mostly to myself. Perhaps it was my inability to be a reliable host, perhaps it was poor character design on my part, or perhaps it was simply bad storytelling. I suppose what I'm getting at is that I don't think I feel that I really deserve what compliments and honors I have been given in these forums. I've been allowed into multiple private chats where apparently the "best" of the forums writers have been picked, but without considering myself a writer, how can I hope to fill those sorts of roles? I am one of only a few people with a dead RP (Besides those that never really lifted off in the first place) and that doesn't really do a whole lot to boost my confidence in my writing. Even now, I feel like my hosting techniques are poor and in need of much polishing. I suppose this is something I just wanted to write about in the hopes that it will get it off my chest... Anyway, this is all for now. Perhaps I'll post more later.

[Sutoratosu]

You're being a bit too hard on yourself, in my opinion.

While yes, you have experienced a failure or two hosting your first RP, did you quit and give up, go hide in the corner? No, you didn't, you actually did the exact opposite and got back up and tried again by making the Magistrate Council (I don't know the exact status of that by the way, didn't really follow it that closely). You could've surrendered when things went south for you as a host in that instance, yet you showed enough courage not only to rise again, but to persevere and keep going, taking what you learned from that failed experience with you into the future.

No one is perfect, flux, it's alright, we're all just human, man. Hosting is a rather complex job that has a considerable learning curve at first; everyone makes a few screw ups here and there their first time around, but that what mistakes are for; to give the opportunity to improve. Hell, I'm still making a crap ton of mistakes left and right, look at PSS for gods sakes, I don't know what the hell I'm doing over there because I was originally a explicit Sci-fi guy when it came to my stories; and if you go and look at my other stories Surge Story or Exodus: Beyond Eden, both of which are Sci-fis, and compare them and how smoothly they go compared to Project Sky Slayer, you'll see the proof right then and there, and you can ask anyone else whose in PSS and either of those, I'm sure they'll agree there's a difference in quality. I'm a fish out of water whose trying to learn to breath air. But you know what, I'm not lying down and giving up, I'm logging and tracking everything, getting feedback here and there, cataloging the data so that I can improve my strength in the Fantasy Genre in the future, I may trip and stumble alot, but I keep getting back up. And so do you flux. I haven't seen you give up once on here. Trip up, yes, but Give up? no. You keep getting back up, and you keep going and fighting forward, and you know what? that's what we call perseverance and courage. It is only those who are not daunted by the prospect of possible failure that ever go anywhere in life, while the people of lesser will power stay behind and tremble in fear of their own damn shadows. I think you're one of the former Flux, not the latter.

Hosting is a gig that you get better at with experience. if it were easy right from the start, well... everyone would be doing it right off the bat without working up to it, now wouldn't they? You have learned from your past shortcomings, I can tell in how you run the Awakened that you truly have. Skills are called skills and not talents for a reason; Skill is something you have to genuinely work at and put effort into; a talent is just a knack for something that you get handed at birth and have no control over what you get. By the vary definition, one must experience failure before they can truly begin to build up their skill, for without it, things stagnate and become boring.

And I want ya to know something; The Writing Competition for the RP forums? the reason I included you in that when I thought of people who should have a hand in it's establishment was precisely what I said above; You don't give up, you keep trucking forward, learning as you go, and in the end, that's all we can really do in life. And that's where most of my respect for you comes from; The fact that despite what you might think about yourself, in my eyes you seem to be a rock, strong and resolute who will withstand the storms raging around him and give a base to build anew once the carnage is said and done.

I'd say more, and maybe make this a bit more coherent and flow better, but... it's nearly 2am over here and I had to do some shit with a research paper last night and only got three hours of sleep, so...

[Raindrop Valkyrie]

[Journal] - A personal place to lay down one's experiences. I would appreciate any readers to refrain from posting in journals -here-, as they could also be placed under the forum known as the 'Trainer's Journal.' In a writing forum, I would encourage reading other threads and asking permission to post, unless it's granted in the first post by the original poster.

Will be leaving this alone for now, give Flux a chance to see it, but please know this for the future. Journals here aren't meant to be commented on as it conflicts with the Trainer's Journal's Sub-forum. SO Flux has to give the go ahead for others to past. Will be delteing this if Flux wants me too, but if he would rather I leave it up I will do that as well.

[Flux]

[Journal] - A personal place to lay down one's experiences. I would appreciate any readers to refrain from posting in journals -here-, as they could also be placed under the forum known as the 'Trainer's Journal.' In a writing forum, I would encourage reading other threads and asking permission to post, unless it's granted in the first post by the original poster.

Will be leaving this alone for now, give Flux a chance to see it, but please know this for the future. Journals here aren't meant to be commented on as it conflicts with the Trainer's Journal's Sub-forum. SO Flux has to give the go ahead for others to past. Will be delteing this if Flux wants me too, but if he would rather I leave it up I will do that as well.

I actually mentioned that it was ok if anybody wanted to comment. I feel that comments could help me get a better view of myself as a writer, as seen through the eyes of others. The overall goal here is self-improvement. I figured this thread would still be better in this subforum though, as it revolves around writing itself and is still mostly focused around me.

This is going to be a personal journal of sorts, where I spout out random things about how I feel about my own writing. Feel free to leave any comments or questions that you wish; this thread isn't reserved for me only.

Yup.

Anyway Strat, thanks for the encouragement. I don't mean for this thread to sound like I'm depressed, because I'm not. I still enjoy my time in the RP subforum and nothing has really changed since before I posted this to now. The point of this thread is for me to realize my own flaws as a writer, and to put them down in writing, with an overall goal of improving myself. So while all this may sound like me bashing on myself, which I suppose it technically is, in a way, I feel like it's something I need to do. Still, comments like your last one are much appreciated. They help me to understand how the rest of the community views my writing. As long as the comments are honest, they're welcome here.

I think I'll wait a bit before posting my next bit of self-reflection. Give this some time to soak in, both in myself and the forums.

[Raindrop Valkyrie]

I kinda feel like I should move this to the Trainer's Journal then, but I guess I can leave it here. Anyway, if that is out of the way carry on folks.

[Raindrop Valkyrie]

Also, I should say why I include you in a lot of these types of things. I recognize the talent you have. You are a good writer my man, and this proves that for sure.

Why do I think so? Well, I know with practice and with perseverance you will be great. Your eye for detail is great. You are a bit like me in that you can say so much with so little, and yet you don;t spare the details. You weave them in make them seen but you don't over do them. Down to your characters and the worlds around them. I can get a good picture of the world because you paint it for me to see. You don't spare the details.

Let me tell you something. You are your biggest critic. Yes, that is a cliche, and yes I am going to use it. Why? Because it is true. You should question your work, it is very healthy to do so. It is those that think they have nothing to learn that are the bad writer's the ones that believe they can't do wrong and know all the tricks. You never do. The longer you learn, the more your realize you have very little knowledge. Every time you answer a question about writing, 50 more appear form the darkness. As you grow the pool of your knowledge, you begin to realize how big the pool of things you don;t know is. The more you learn, the more you know you don't know very much. It is impossible to know every aspect of writing, or anything fro that matter. We are always learning and improving and getting better. And the ones who realize this are the greatest. It has been shown in studies, that people who are at the top of the study or art form they do, are the most prone to self-doubt. Because we realize just how much we don't know. We see just how much of a pool of darkness surrounds us. Those that don't understand it don't get better because they never realize just how lost they are. Sometimes you get lost in the woods. Are you the type to not admit you are lost, or the type that knows they are and tries everything they can to find a way out? The one who won't admit he is lost stays lost, the one who knows they are lost does what they need to to get out. Sometimes you get a bloody knee or lose a limb or worse, but you tried. You fought to get out. And even thought you doubt you will find your way back out you eventually will. You learn from your inexperience rather than drown in it. And you come out the other side knowing you are stronger for doing it.

Your first RP died. So what? You learned from it did you not? Take it as a lesson. It is a part of your experience as a writer. Not everything works out, not every sapling you plant grows. You know that, and as such you will fight next time. You will fight tooth and nail because you know what it feels like. You learned. Take the lesson to heart and kept it there. You will remember it well and will do in your power what you can to stop it from happening again. Will it happen again? Maybe, there is no way to know. But know that you will fight like hell to stop it.

[Flux]

I suppose I'll throw up another point of self-reflection now.

Over the course of my time in the RP subforum of Reborn, I sometimes feel like my writing is becoming worse rather than better. This is not because I am not learning, but rather because I begin to feel more rushed in my writing. When I first started roleplaying back in the beginning of Pokemon Aftermath, I remember that I would really sit down and take my time with my posts. I wanted every sentence to be perfect, and I spent a lot of time on them. They still might not be my best works as far as writing goes, but I remember that I was really dedicated to making them quality. Now I find my self rushing many of my posts, trying to get them done rather than do them well. This is another point I feel I could improve on, though perhaps that would only make my updates in my RP even longer to get up. Regardless, this is another point I need to focus on to improve myself.

[anethia]

the best way to know what kind of writer you are is a simple test:

you have just killed off a fan favourite character!!! oh noez!!

Do you;

a ) Have a laugh, twirl your mustache and clink cups with Satan?

b ) Shed a few tears?

edit: fucking emoticons

Edited January 26, 2015 by Anethia