I need girl help, stat!

[madf0x]

OK, I know that most of you think "Oh, he's a self-centered jerk that wants everything to himself". Truth is, I tried to get over it, 'k? I even tried getting INTO someone else. Didn't work. So I decided to just give it time, and I needed help. Anywho, no, they're not a couple. The way he talks about her when she comes up... let's just say, I wanna punch him in the face SO hard. If anyone treats girls like objects, it's him. She doesn't have many friends, and I'm one of them. I mean, I'm REALLY close friends with her. I just sorta grew to like her over time. No, this is one of the situations where "girl sees boy and drools over him because of looks". Trust me, I KNOW she doesn't like him for his personality, as he is, as said before, a total smart-ass. And about being myself, I AM being myself. Around everyone. That's why the majority of people think I'm weird, because I'm the clumsiest person alive. So, read this comment and THINK before posting again. And, I don't see why he treats her so badly, she's the most beautiful, kind, smart, and funny girl I've ever met.

Welp if thats the stance you want to take then Id say go with my option number two above. Just note the potential risks in doing so. I've been in your shoes a few times before(you wear converse bro? jk), and sometimes it works beautifully and sometimes it fails spectacularly, but in the absence of moving on it beats burning time imo.

[NickCrash]

Ah, at least you don't have on your mind how to get laid.

Dating advice is not my area of expertise, but I can give you my 2cents.

As others have suggested before me, let it go. You are young and still have many opportunities. I can understand you wanting to share time with a person you like, but there are many people like her and you could try making new friends and speaking to other girls as well. You have nothing to lose. Of course you don't want to become rude or a know-it-all to gain confidence. Your "friend" is confident, and has invested in muscles. He already has a plan how to approach girls. An easy plan, but a plan nonetheless. As nobody is the same and you probably have no interest in out-doing him (as you shouldn't), you could try to emphasize on other skills you have. You might not acknowledge it now, but character is one of the most important values a man can have. If you are smart but shy, break out of your shell and become someone people can appreciate. Being able to respond with clever remarks, albeit offensive (however the degree can be modified - mild offense counts as a nag, which people appreciate, as it shows you know them, and not that you actually insult them, but that's not for How to Date 101), trying to see the world from other people's views, being kind and appreciative are values that are not so obvious from afar (like muscles), but are worth more than the primal stage of human interaction; the outlook.

I'll let you in on a secret: The friendzone is an essence people create to justify their lack of courage to approach their persons of interest, and move on with their lives when the relationship ceases to exist or didn't start in the first place. Clinging on to a person (especially in your age) is not a healthy choice, not only for you, as you suffer due to your own actions, but also for them, as they usually feel the pressure and they either become distant or they behave as if they don't know. Either way, you don't really win in this scenario. Most people stick with the person they like (most often seen in younger age groups*) and continue this behavior after a time period in which they no longer have feelings. They cling because they must. Of course it is adorable to want to protect a person you are really close with, but it is a completely different thing to want to be even closer to them. I mean, how is it different in your case from being friends? Close friends for that matter.

What I like to do in every scenario is, take a step back and analyze the situation as an observer. This way your thoughts will be less biased and you'll receive criticism as constructive. People here probably have experience, not only due to age, but could also be due to certain circumstances in their lives. Do not worry about us not thinking before posting. Nobody is perfect, and that includes you. In this case, it has you in the frontline. Our opinions are here to help. If you don't want our input, it is the same as writing a diary.

*bar my unconditioned love for Hilda ofc

[TheIronButtcheek]

You wear converse bro?

Hell yea I wear converse! Anywho, I know I'm "young" and should let it go. Even though if you are older than a teen, you shouldn't play Pokemon. But, I guess I'll try asking her head-on, ya know? Why the hell not...? OK, I know what can go wrong. Our friendship can be wrecked. That's the last thing I would want, but I can avoid it. Anyways, yea, Ima let down my balls and ask head-on. I have to stop being such a coward...

[madf0x]

Youd be surprised what someones shoes say about someone and vice versa

Also hell yeah shoot for the stars, shine bright or flame in a ball of glory. Let us know how things turn out.

[Helia]

How old are you exactly? could help in the process.

options: confront her head on, maybe she's trying to make you jealous by hanging around him waiting for you to man up playing one of those evil games women always play.

option 2: step back, meditate, invest in bulk, get a hobby, finish reborn, run a marathon, do some shopping, take a singing class, experiment with boys have a party, do some soul searching. There's so much to do with your life at a young age.

[Shamitako]

So, read this comment and THINK before posting again.

Implying I wasn't thinking the first time? Thanks, I'll be sure to note how much more respectful you are than this other guy /s

No, this is one of the situations where "girl sees boy and drools over him because of looks".

If she's really just drooling over him because of his looks, then she's not the sort of person you want to date. Even the best of people can make bad boy/girlfriends if they're in it for the wrong reasons

Trust me, I KNOW she doesn't like him for his personality, as he is, as said before, a total smart-ass.

Some people like smart-asses. To be a good smart-ass you have to actually be smart. For quite some time I had a crush on a guy who's a total smart-ass, he's also capable of being quite sweet and is very funny to be around. Also he's one of the smartest people I know, it's great to try to talk physics with him even though he's way better at physics than I am

she's the most beautiful, kind, smart, and funny girl I've ever met.

This holds her to some huge standards that, if/when you somehow manage to start dating, she won't live up to. I'm she's she's a wonderful young woman, but this sentence is born purely of infatuation. If you hold her on some unrealistic pedestal of perfection, which statements like this would indicate you do, then you're not ready for the reality of a relationship

And after reading Yash's post, I did go and read some more of your other posts. And I say again, you should really be working on your own maturity. Instead of pointing out all the things wrong with this other guy, maybe you should start by realizing all the things wrong with yourself. So far I find you extremely selfish, disrespectful, and hard-headed. And honestly it's making me kind of angry. You need to stop assuming you know everything

My apologies if I'm crossing a line in terms of respect here, I am not attempting to simply throw insults. I'm just frustrated and a bit insulted myself

[TheIronButtcheek]

I'm definitely not holding her on a pedestal, dude. And I wasn't implying that you weren't thinking, it was general. And no, Helia, I am NOT experimenting with boys, not EVER. EVER. NEVER. EVER. Anywho, yea, he is smart. The problem is, he thinks he's smarter than EVERYONE ELSE, and he lets them know it. He always tries to reply to everything I say or my friends say with something that sounds soooooo intelligent. Fact is, I know all the "big words" he's saying. What he's saying is actually, in reality, really stupid. Trust me. Dude's a big jerk, I mean a BIG jerk. And I KNOW everything that's wrong with me. My peers won't let me forget 'em... And I admit I can be a bit hard-headed at times, but I'm NOT selfish. Just because I need help with a girl who is smitten by a lean, muscly jerk doesn't mean I'm selfish. And I don't see how my OTHER threads are selfish. "I need to know where a Beldum is". "What's your favorite Fallout game?" "Who likes Slipknot?" "I wish there were legendaries in this game". I always think of the interests of others before mine. And yea, like I said, I tried letting it go. READ MY LIPS. I. TRIED. LETTING. IT. GO. But it kept creeping in the back of my mind, and I hate that.

Edited March 17, 2015 by TheIronButtcheek

[Pixl]

Right so I'm gonna come from experience in saying this, and I'll tell you something you probably won't accept or want to believe. I'm saying this because the way you said that comment actually reminded me of something I went through before.

You can talk to her about it, but she might not listen. If she doesn't take advice from her friend over what she just thinks of some guy, or at least just consider the advice, then she's the one with the problem now.
The issue here is time. I know you've waited your time and felt like it was enough. But well, if you feel this way, then it wasn't. It's just one of the stages.

But like I said, I went through something similar. I was certain that I'd "love" this girl forever, and no matter what anyone else said about moving on and all that, I wouldn't accept it. I mean, she was a great person to me. I wanted to like her. Just to keep that hope alive that it could work out (because, well, she never actually gave me a proper answer which, by the way, is evil for girls to do). Sure, it was naive. I even knew that. But it could happen, so what's the harm right?

Turns out, it's pretty unhealthy! To constantly think about that all the time really got in the way of everything, and it was not exactly a happy time in my life. I tried meeting other girls too. Didn't work. because it felt too forced.

But one day, I met another girl who happened to like me, according to all her friends. I thought nothing much of it, but over time I came to grow used to the idea. This is because I was so used to my feelings not being reciprocated that it was frankly strange to me that anyone could like me (like I said, that kind of pining over one person is not healthy for your mentality and self-image). Long story short, it didn't work out with that girl either, but that's not the point. It was fine! Having another person admit they like me was strange, and nice, and it made me forget about the first girl. And I was even able to get over the second one rather quickly because it didn't even get that far to begin with. And then I was free of pining over either of the two.

You just gotta let what happens happen. I was the strongest believer that I would never meet another person, but hey, by complete coincidence, I did! It's not a romance novel, but that stuff does happen, and when you least expect it too! Don't go searching for it, because you'll never be satisfied.

Now, this wasn't a post to try to rationalize any answer or give psychological or scientific reasoning for what you should do and why you should do it. The girl just might not be worth it in the end, but I completely understand that you can't accept it. After all, I couldn't either. I was thinking logically during the whole thing too. It's not a matter of being confused or misguided; it's a matter of experience. It all changes perception.

tl;dr you'll get through it, even if you think you won't. There's no advice any of my friends gave me that satisfied me. And I really don't think there ever could be. I'm not telling you what you should do, only that, believe it or not, you will move on. And it does get better. Just don't fall into despair over this, because it's just one trial out of many.

Also, this piece of advice I'm about to say meant absolutely nothing to me at the time, and I suspect it won't mean much to you either because you "already found" the girl you like, but really, once you get to a point, you do notice just how many people there are in the world. Now even I think it would be a cosmic joke to meet the love of your life as the first person you love. Especially in high school. I mean, that's basically just striking off all the millions of other names on the list without even looking. Maybe you don't think someone could get any better, but you don't have a reference for it. Meet more people, and expand your idea of the type of person you are attracted to. (After all! If a man who has never seen a car in his life sees a relatively nice Volvo, of course it'll be the best car he's ever seen! But he doesn't know about the wonderful Mazeratis and Ferraris and Lamborghinis out there!)

And as an edit to reference posts that happened while typing this: I agree with confronting her, but just know that it might not produce the results you expect. It might not get you over her at all. Happened with me, confronting didn't help.

Edited March 17, 2015 by Pixl

[Shamitako]

I'm definitely not holding her on a pedestal, dude.

Please don't call me dude (not that I expected you to know that before hand, but for future reference, it really bugs me when people do that)

And if you're not holding her on a pedestal, why don't you tell me some of her flaws? It's also good to note the things she does to overcome them

The most perfect of people are often those who seem the most imperfect at first glance

Anywho, yea, he is smart. The problem is, he thinks he's smarter than EVERYONE ELSE, and he lets them know it. He always tries to reply to everything I say or my friends say with something that sounds soooooo intelligent.

So basically, he's like me, lol

As it happens, I'm easily in the top five smartest people at my school (it's a small school, I've only got a B average because #lazy), and I won't hesitate to say I'm the smartest in my class (I barely study at all, and look, B average) I reply to everything anyone at my school says with something that sounds intelligent (or perverted, one of those two). Whether or not any of it really is... that's debatable. And I'm definitely a smart-ass at times (though I've mostly learned the nuances of when it's okay and when I'm just going to hurt someone's feelings) I'm kinda that one person who corrects everyone around them, including the teachers. And everyone who isn't in the drug crowd likes me. Funny how that works, huh

Just because you don't like him doesn't mean he isn't likable. For all you know he could be a Jerk with a Heart of Gold, and Jenny is one of the few people who's come to see him for who he really is

And no, Helia, I am NOT experimenting with boys, not EVER. EVER. NEVER. EVER.

Yeah... Males are overrated. That was a stupid phase, don't bother with them.

[TheIronButtcheek]

Thanks for actually understanding the situation, Pixl. But yea, someone told me to get over her, and I DID try. Didn't work, so it's almost like I never tried at all. So, yea. Thanks for understanding. And Kosher, sry for calling u a dude, I call everyone dude, except for teachers. Yes, including girls. Anyways, same here, I have an A average and never study, but I have a B in both Algebra and Science, cuz screw science, and I'm lazy in Algebra, but I actually like it... Anywho, some of her flaws are: she laughs A LOT (I, however, find that cute), she gets emotional VERY easily (trust me, but I've been there for her through thick and thin), and she's really flirty... at me, though, which I find strange, and I wouldn't really call that a flaw. So yea. The good things about her (to me): She likes metal music, she's a gamer, she likes Pokemans, she's absolutely beautiful, she doesn't put herself on a pedestal, she has a sense of humor VERY close to mine, she's cute in the way she does things, and she's not one of those toothpick-NoCarbs-skinny-FitnessFreaks (don't judge me, I like my women how I like my chicken, a little bit of fat on the ends... lol jk). So yea, I can't move on, no metter how hard I try. And I listed these things cause of Kosher, she asked.

Edited March 17, 2015 by TheIronButtcheek

[Felicity]

Love is a complicated game. Unfortunately, no one's done a walkthrough on it yet...

[TheIronButtcheek]

Love is a complicated game. Unfortunately, no one's done a walkthrough on it yet...

That has to be the BEST thing I've heard all day... xD

[laggless01]

I'm definitely not holding her on a pedestal, dude. And I wasn't implying that you weren't thinking, it was general. And no, Helia, I am NOT experimenting with boys, not EVER. EVER. NEVER. EVER. Anywho, yea, he is smart. The problem is, he thinks he's smarter than EVERYONE ELSE, and he lets them know it. He always tries to reply to everything I say or my friends say with something that sounds soooooo intelligent. Fact is, I know all the "big words" he's saying. What he's saying is actually, in reality, really stupid. Trust me. Dude's a big jerk, I mean a BIG jerk. And I KNOW everything that's wrong with me. My peers won't let me forget 'em... And I admit I can be a bit hard-headed at times, but I'm NOT selfish. Just because I need help with a girl who is smitten by a lean, muscly jerk doesn't mean I'm selfish. And I don't see how my OTHER threads are selfish. "I need to know where a Beldum is". "What's your favorite Fallout game?" "Who likes Slipknot?" "I wish there were legendaries in this game". I always think of the interests of others before mine. And yea, like I said, I tried letting it go. READ MY LIPS. I. TRIED. LETTING. IT. GO. But it kept creeping in the back of my mind, and I hate that.

Or you're being a hothead, or we've accidentally upset you while that wasn't our goal. If the latter, my apologies.

But by responding in an angry matter, you'll only aggravate the situation, making it harder for any good dialogue to find place on this thread. If you respond a bit more calm and collected, most of us (I hope everyone) will have more respect for you and the situation you're in, and people will be more helpful. A valuable life skill, trust me.

For letting it go, watch Frozen. (I couldn't resist. Sorry. I'll let myself out...)

After that bad pun, If she's really into the guy, then whatever bad you'll say about him to her, she will deny it and force you out. (I have an older sister, I'm talking out of experience.)

If you have the best intents for her, then express your worry and say that you just want the best for her. if you do so, DO NOT TRY TO SEDUCE HER, you will only come off as a jerk (since you are if you do so). At least, that's how I would feel in such a situation. If you're that important to her, she might not listen immediately, but she'll keep it in mind.

I think it comes down to this: if you're a jerk, then whatever you do will probably end up 'bad'.

If you're not, then be honest and to the point to her. Whatever happens, you'll probably end up in the best scenario for every possibility (which doesn't mean she'll fall for you).

Keep in mind that this all comes from a guy with not incredibly much direct experience. I don't say I got the one and only truth (I'm not El), but I try to keep in mind what happend to me and people close to me. I wish you good luck whatever you decide to do.

Love is a complicated game. Unfortunately, no one's done a walkthrough on it yet...

Maybe there is, but even if you follow all the right steps, you still can lose. If you already can understand it.

Edited March 17, 2015 by laggless01

[TheIronButtcheek]

OK laggless, I didn't mean to get hotheaded. I just get fired up easily. And I don't say this stuff to HER. I just warned her ONCE, and that was it.

[Gaunt]

Even though if you are older than a teen, you shouldn't play Pokemon.

Not cool at all, don't know about others but i feel kinda insulted here...please tell me why i shouldn't play one of my favorite games?

P.S.

I understand why this girl doesn't like you

[Shamitako]

And Kosher, sry for calling u a dude, I call everyone dude, except for teachers. Yes, including girls.

Yeah, I know. I have plenty of friends who do that ^^

And Guant, she does like him, just not romantically. You needn't be so combative, P sure that was a joke

Anywho, some of her flaws are: she laughs A LOT (I, however, find that cute), she gets emotional VERY easily (trust me, but I've been there for her through thick and thin), and she's really flirty... at me, though, which I find strange, and I wouldn't really call that a flaw. So yea.

You like the laughing, so that's not really a flaw. And "getting emotional" isn't necessarily a flaw, unless you mean she has a short temper, but this sounds more like she's just a delicate person. And, being flirtatious isn't bad either

You talk like you've been her best friend all her life, but I wonder if you even really know her. If you've really been with her through thick and thin, then you should see her flaws clearly, and care for her anyways

Edited March 17, 2015 by KosherKitten

[TheIronButtcheek]

Not cool at all, don't know about others but i feel kinda insulted here...please tell me why i shouldn't play one of my favorite games?

P.S.

I understand why this girl doesn't like you

OK sorry, just saying if you're out of your teens, you should be worrying about working to pay the bills, as you're probably out of high school by now.

[madf0x]

Not cool at all, don't know about others but i feel kinda insulted here...please tell me why i shouldn't play one of my favorite games?

P.S.

I understand why this girl doesn't like you

Man thats what the strikethrough is for, he made a joke :/ ya know since he is a teen posting on a pokemon fan forum? Like that self-referential humor 101

[Pixl]

Anywho, some of her flaws are: she laughs A LOT (I, however, find that cute), she gets emotional VERY easily (trust me, but I've been there for her through thick and thin), and she's really flirty... at me, though, which I find strange, and I wouldn't really call that a flaw.

...Well, in the spirit of trying to be helpful here, that list you made isn't cutting it. Those are hardly "flaws" to you if you find it cute, etc. Even the emotional thing, you mentioned gives you a stronger connection to her.

I think the purpose of the list is not to notice quirks about her that you like; it's to really think of things that would turn you off of her. You don't start to get over someone by suddenly realizing how great they are. Somewhat counter-productive, if ya ask me.

[madf0x]

...Well, in the spirit of trying to be helpful here, that list you made isn't cutting it. Those are hardly "flaws" to you if you find it cute, etc. Even the emotional thing, you mentioned gives you a stronger connection to her.

I think the purpose of the list is not to notice quirks about her that you like; it's to really think of things that would turn you off of her. You don't start to get over someone by suddenly realizing how great they are. Somewhat counter-productive, if ya ask me.

On the other hand theres the relevant Friends episode where Ross makes a pros and cons list of Julia and Rachel. Different context, sure, but the list thing went pretty south for him

[laggless01]

OK laggless, I didn't mean to get hotheaded. I just get fired up easily. And I don't say this stuff to HER. I just warned her ONCE, and that was it.

I can be fired up easily to, if you know the right button sequence. But it really helps to be a bit more calm and kind, even if it feels difficult to do so.

Also, what did you say when you warned her? And how did she respond exactly? This might help you (and us) a big deal.

Edited March 17, 2015 by laggless01

[TheIronButtcheek]

I can be fired up easily to, if you know the right button sequence. But it really helps to be a bit more calm and kind, even if it feels difficult to do so.

Also, what did you say when you warned her? And how did she respond exactly? This might help you (and us) a big deal.

Well, she was going on about how he's dreamy and all that girl shit. She just started liking him about... maybe... 1 month ago, I've been absolutely smitten with her for about 8 months. Anywho, I told her "it's not ALL about looks. The dude's a douch, and Emily can tell you the same (one of mine/her friends)". Emily agreed. He treats her like he does me, which gets me so mad. You simply don't treat girls badly... it's horrible. So yea.

[Felicity]

Well, she was going on about how he's dreamy and all that girl shit. She just started liking him about... maybe... 1 month ago, I've been absolutely smitten with her for about 8 months. Anywho, I told her "it's not ALL about looks. The dude's a douch, and Emily can tell you the same (one of mine/her friends)". Emily agreed. He treats her like he does me, which gets me so mad. You simply don't treat girls badly... it's horrible. So yea.

Hooooo-k, slow down with the sexism there bud.

First: Girl shit, if you really cared, you'd consider something like this important enough to pay attentin and not just dismiss it, even if you don't like how she praises him.

Next: Just because he is a douche doesn't mean he has any redeeming qualities. I can be an asshole but I do have my own redeeming qualities, such as blunt honesty and the genuine, if hidden, affection for my loved ones.

Moving on: Treating people bad is bad, girls specifically, naw. It's hard to take you seriously when yoy say stuff like that.

Finally, in the long term a month/ 2 thirds of a year really don't matter in the long scheme of things. Patience is a virtue, try talking to other people, making new friends. Is the relationship between you and the "Douche" purely antagonistic? If not, try reaching out to him.

Note: 16 myself

[laggless01]

^^^ This. It's very hard to be a complete ass (even if we have Fern and Sirius...), so maybe there is something redeeming.
Also, even if he is, that wouldn't take away from her infatuation (that only kicks in at the long run, trust me). So I'll guess you better try to focus on something else, like for example fitness or learning to play an instrument (CH made some vids about this...). You'll meet new people automatically if you do so, and you'll get more sparse for "Jenny" too. And the infatuation will wear off, I can guarantee you that. It just takes a while.

EDIT: I forgot how I regularily use more academic words, or act like the smartass. (The latter is mainly done for comedic value, except when I'm at family parties.) I guess we're not all jerks...

Edited March 17, 2015 by laggless01

[Shamitako]

What Dobby said. You really want to land in a healthy romantic relationship? Stop treating her like a girl and start treating her like a person