Screwing Up

[Shamitako]

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. But I do know I need to talk about it before my head explodes

So like an hour ago I was getting ready to play League. It's been like two weeks since I played an actual PvP match, so I was excited to get back into the swing of things. And I realized that I was actually really anxious about playing. I kept asking myself, "What if I don't do very well? What if someone yells at me?" And the more I think about this, the more I realize that it's not just LoL

I'm kind of scared of screwing up, or worse being scolded for screwing up. And I really have no idea what to do with this information except post a mini-rant on the internet

P.S. Please please please don't tell me to suck it up and/or not care what other people think. I already don't care what other people think, that's not really the issue. And just telling me to suck it up is pointless advice... I'm not even really asking for advice

EDIT: So I like the people sharing their own anxiety story things, so totally do that if you can/want to ^w^

Edited March 20, 2015 by KosherKitten

[Hellsoul0]

eh league is a game of experience and finding your groove, Sure you'll probably fall down on your face a few time before your body and mind remember what is needed to be done and know what to do. Just go at it your own pace i feel -3-

[Pixl]

Aha yeah, I get this. Back when I played League, I would constantly be scared that other people would yell at me. Not because I really cared that they were mad at me, but because if I got yelled at I just felt... Useless, like I didn't belong. I actually wasn't bad at the game but it was so stressful to think that others might think of me as a waste of space or a bother. I don't like bothering people, so playing a game where I might do so worries me, and so I would avoid the game generally.

I guess it's a form of insecurity for me? I don't think that's exactly it. I mean I love the game as a game, but when it comes to playing with people I just can't. And then when I do, I need to play alongside a friend so I feel more comfortable. Like I said, I wasn't bad at all, but being scared kind of made it a cyclical thing.

I never really did find my groove for it, but I wish I had, because it's fun (if only I could get all the money I spent on it back ).

But I'm not giving you advice, just sharing my story, maybe you get something out of it.

[Jacobliterator]

Failing is nothing to worry about. I've learnt more from failure than from any success. And if you do fail so what? There is no such thing as perfection(although Super Mario Galaxy is scarily close).

[Arkhi]

When things don't feel right, I've learned to flip them completely.
Instead, try caring more about what people think. That will make praise you receive all the sweeter. Certainly, the negativity stings more, but there's no feeling like acknowledgement. Play a match without trying too hard and see if you can't have more fun than kick ass. If you play for the thrill of victory, then there's not really any way around that except giving it your all. Still, the results you get from a well-earned victory will shoot you full of dopamine. Shake things up and experiment with them.

Or wait a day or two until I get on. I'll praise you no matter what.

Since I'm not very good :x
Oh well.

[Shamitako]

Well, this isn't really about League. I mean obviously League is affected by it, and is what made me notice it. I'm just generally anxious. And especially now that I'm thinking about it, it's a lot worse

[Chiggy21]

Being anxious isn't really a bad thing, its natural. If it really bothers you, just calm down and relax. Life will go on no matter what happens, and things will usually turn out for the best. It doesn't really matter if you screw up, it's one mistake in thousands of good things you will do. Sit back, relax and enjoy life.

[Jacobliterator]

If I may share something, I am actually diagnosed with moderate anxiety. I know the feeling of anxiety and pressure from others to succeed. I suffer tremendous pressure to succeed at school. I once got a B+ for an assignment in Physics, the highest in the class. But what did my parents say? "Oh. I guess that's ok." OK?! I worked non stop for 3 weeks and all they say is that its ok?! It was at that point I realised. Its not about what others think of you, its about what you think about you.

[HorizonLog]

its better to play with friends that your comfortable with. Would be better if there funny and just want to have fun. So you don't have to feel pressured around strangers that will talk smack. When making mistakes with friends you will laugh it out and move on to the rest of the game. Like i make jokes when i play with my scrub friends that play with ai bots. When they make a mistake i tell them that they should be in Diamond after that play. The important thing is the mood going into the game.

[Guest]

She already said it wasn't just about playing games, thrice in fact.

The OP is interesting to me, as i personally think i'm a person that "screws up" alot, and there was a time i did feel the same way about "failing" for a while, and i honestly don't know for sure why i felt like that, it was like i was always deeply ashamed of myself and i didn't know exactly why, i was also terrified at the very idea of being "useless" or a "walking disaster" that rotted everything i touched, and while i don't know if all this applies to you or not, what helped me overcome this was the idea that instead of thinking about what i did do, it would be better to think about what i did not do at the time, i also kept asking myself why did i feel like that, but i couldn't really find an answer on my own, i just thought that thinking too much about was weighing me down, so i decided to just have a "Go in. Without fear." attitude when i felt like that.

Please don't think this is me telling you to "get over it" or just "don't care about it". I'm just sharing what happened to me in the hopes it helps tracing down how you feel yourself so that you may try to overcome this in your own way.

I know how anxiety problems can mess with one's head, and i honestly think i sympathize with that too much at times, but i also know how every little bit of "care" helps.

[Shamitako]

Thanks all, especially Telos and Pixl for sharing your stories. I still feel kinda nervous about literally everything, but this is being helpful ^^

[Amethyst]

It was at that point I realised. Its not about what others think of you, its about what you think about you.

This is very perceptive of you and refers back to a tenant of sociology, the looking-glass self.

"I am who I think you think I am."

This can hold true in a number of circumstances, but the good news therein is that it means YOU have control over that. You just have to learn to exercise that power.

Just because some anxiety is normal doesn't mean that it's unavoidable.

[Shamitako]

Meep. I never forget to read and reply to my own threads

Strawberry, that sounds absolutely miserable and I'm thankful the worst I've had to deal with is League

I suppose part of this could be that I'm the oldest child in my family. I've been told that eldest children are expected to perform the best at like everything. I do get quite upset when people tell me to work harder/do better/etc when I'm already doing my best

[Claydoll]

I cannot exactly relate, but i can share this piece:

Since i was little, all the way until highschool, i aced through pretty much everything and was recognized for doing so. The thing is that all that recognition, which in occasions was made public and awkward, from teachers and older people was coupled with disdain and rejection from the kids i would have normally hung up with, which only got worse by things like me preffering to play with my imagination by myself instead of other kids most of the time. I still had friends and such, but was excluded and deemed "too good to belong" by the majority whenever i felt like branching out.

Then in highschool i started to think that putting such effort into excelling was not worth it and i started to, well, put less effort... loosen up and do some pretty stupid things that, while i don't regret, weren't really sensical. I also met really abusive individuals in that time which started to develop some sort "protective behavior" in me, meaning that it is impossible for me not to react when personally witnessing uncalled acts of abuse on other people, and that got me in a lot of fights (some including serious threats to my well-being) as you would imagine.

It became a lot better after that and there's a lot more to it than what i just mentioned, including all the interactions i've seen online and a bunch of stories along the road. But what i wanted to say is that i started with that fear of failure and realized that failures are necessary at some points with whatever consequences they bring, i also became aware how fortunate i have been in my life and that itself made me more understanding and patient with others.

I am the youngest one in my family and have always been expected to do as well as my brothers or parents by most people, even when choosing very different paths. Now in any activity, like playing league or other competitive games to follow your example, i think of the pushing and insults from other people as cheering now. Some people will always try to screw with you, very seriously at times, out of envy or spite at some point but those always get what they deserve even if it takes a long time.

I hope any of this is helpful for you, and anyone who reads, in some way.

[Felicity]

Y'know, I've noticed a common thing to say is that failure leads to learning more. I don't understand why. Success just means that you now know how to do something right and have the experience to more likely do it again.

Completely unrelated but hey, there you go.

[Magus]

I grabbed a lot of floor in boot camp. My RDC pretty much beat all the anxiety out of me. I got a good story to share, one day I we were running a drill inspection for uniforms, and I missed 1 button on my NWU (work uniform)and he ITE my entire section for my fuck up. I think after that my anxiety went away, at that point I stopped doing things for my well being and I worked for others. Just do, don't think and don't nuke it.

Also BEAT and ITE are the same and all it is, is Intense Training Exercises, really sucks when you have steel toed boots.

Edited March 27, 2015 by Magus