Eviora Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Incoming toxic venting. If you can't stand unadulterated pessimism and despair, you should just go on your way. I am just sick of everything. I just found out that insurance covers less of the stuff I need than I thought it did, and the costs are huge. I don't have the money for any of this, and I'm sick of just being a burden. No one is ever there for me emotionally. People can't even stand me, and I can't blame them. I have absorbed the cesspool of negativity I grew up in. Whenever I start to feel better, like maybe there is hope, it is all violently stomped into the dirt. I can't break this cycle. I'm starting to think there is no point in even trying to improve my life anymore. Everyone would be better off without me... especially me. So there's your yearly dose of angst. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avatar of Grima Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 That just described my weekend. Now if I had any solace to give you I would gladly. All I can say is don't shut out your friends it's only going to make everything darker. At least it isn't Wizard Angst Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roqi Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I'm sorry. *hugs* I don't know what exactly you're going through, but I know I've been in some depths of suckiness myself. And you know what, I emerged stronger, and the feeling of looking back and thinking "I'm not in that place anymore" is glorious and worth trudging through your troubles for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mmmoth Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 My sister's goin through this right now. Its easier and nicer just to think about what you've done for your family, for your friends, for anyone you've talked to. You've done something. People reading your post, you've made them think about their lives or your life or anyone's life. It's never the best choice to end it, you have no idea whats going to happen in the future. I believe in you and I feel that you can get out of this hole and into a better mindset. I know its hard but you can do it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WrathOfTheLamb Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 this is me every day of my life, only i have my son to take care of in this mess of a situation i can never seem to get myself out of. just know this and yes it is hard to consider... you are NEVER alone on going through any source of pain and can change a bit on a daily basis... you will never be alone... ever... no one is. there are those that do care for you here at least emotionally. i do not know you myself, but in a way you remind me so much of me XD i can be very stubborn when i am down and my family came from an abusive situation! mostly the physical.... that is something i am trying to make sure my son does not grow up around and he is a special needs child... coming by money is HARDER than it should be and very unfair... i am sorry for what is going on there.... but mostly i do agree... its not fair at all... im sorry... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laggless01 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Incoming toxic venting. If you can't stand unadulterated pessimism and despair, you should just go on your way. I am just sick of everything. I just found out that insurance covers less of the stuff I need than I thought it did, and the costs are huge. I don't have the money for any of this, and I'm sick of just being a burden. No one is ever there for me emotionally. People can't even stand me, and I can't blame them. I have absorbed the cesspool of negativity I grew up in. Whenever I start to feel better, like maybe there is hope, it is all violently stomped into the dirt. I can't break this cycle. I'm starting to think there is no point in even trying to improve my life anymore. Everyone would be better off without me... especially me. So there's your yearly dose of angst. I don't know your age, so I don't fully understand some things about your situation (I'm not at the age that I have to pay all my bills by myself, sorry for that). Is there something activity-wise you like to do? Playing an instrument has been a lifesaver for me, for an example. I know that I probably just should listen instead of trying to give advice (I'm a guy after all, I guess), but you can probably find something that you can find joy in (even if you don't see it (yet))... Also, we're all here, and I don't think anyone of us thinks about you like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eviora Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I guess I should give this some context, even though I'm still shy about it. Basically, I'm transgender... to use the cliche, a girl trapped in a guy's body, in my case. I recently started taking steps towards transitioning, but now I need a whole lot of other things to keep progressing, and they're expensive... I absolutely loathe my body, I am miserable the way I am, and I'm always reminded of it. I find it hard to tolerate jobs because I feel so fake around others, and that makes me hate myself even more. For the same reason, I don't have any real life friends at all, and people online can't stand to be around me and my rampant anxiety for too long. They get sick of it and stop talking to me. Thanks for all the responses, though... I feel a little bit better knowing that people I barely know are willing to take the time to help cheer me up, even if no one else will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamitako Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 ...Okay, so you just took a turn from being just another random depressed girl on the internet (no offense, I'm just not the type to be randomly outgoing) to something I can very closely relate to So hi, I'm Alexus. I'm also trans. I very much understand the feeling of being "fake." There's a lot of people, especially my immediate family, who I have to pretend to be just a normal guy around, and it's terrible. I have the advantage of my school friends knowing who I am, but all but one treat me like I'm just a gay cross-dresser (NVM that I'm exclusively into girls/largely asexual, lol) I'm also not old enough to start physically transitioning without my parents being in on it and, as mentioned, I have to pretend to be as guy around them. So that's no fun Still, I very well relate to hating my body, and the inability to change it oft makes me feel completely miserable. To the extent where I've gone for entire weeks without showering just to avoid thinking about it (...of course lack of personal hygiene is a "male" trait so that usually backfires) I also generally feel like a bother to people around me because of my own anxiety issues, so I sorta relate to that (though I, luckily, have a lot of people who enjoy my company, at least for short periods of time) [insert generic well-wish that would probably sound very hollow here] With Hope, Lexi~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laggless01 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I guess I should give this some context, even though I'm still shy about it. Basically, I'm transgender... to use the cliche, a girl trapped in a guy's body, in my case. I recently started taking steps towards transitioning, but now I need a whole lot of other things to keep progressing, and they're expensive... I absolutely loathe my body, I am miserable the way I am, and I'm always reminded of it. I find it hard to tolerate jobs because I feel so fake around others, and that makes me hate myself even more. For the same reason, I don't have any real life friends at all, and people online can't stand to be around me and my rampant anxiety for too long. They get sick of it and stop talking to me. Thanks for all the responses, though... I feel a little bit better knowing that people I barely know are willing to take the time to help cheer me up, even if no one else will. NP, always a pleasure I can't really (or fully, idk what the right word is) relate to how being transgender is like (due to not being so), but I wish you (and Alexus) the best of luck (you'll be alright, you're definitely not alone ^^^). (And there's always explosm.net to lighten the burden of life's struggles...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eviora Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 It's funny that you mention being almost asexual, 'cause I'm the same way.... I'm not strongly attracted to either gender. Part of me wonders if that's just normal for me or if I'm repressed. >.< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamitako Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Well, for me it's not so much a lack of attraction as more disliking said attraction. I often wonder if that's purely because I'm experiencing male feelings and hormones and transitioning will make me more comfortable with it. Or maybe if I wouldn't feel any sexual attraction at all if those were gone or what I do know that I don't do guys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Support Squad Felicity Posted March 23, 2015 Support Squad Share Posted March 23, 2015 You bother because it is the equivalent of giving the universe the one finger salute. Every time you pick yourself up is another time you curse whatever brought you down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greed_Demon Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Dont be that way! Look at me im a selfish bastard and yet I feel like a million bucks! You dont have to change yourself for nobody! Just let it all hang out thats what I do. Im pretty damn sure there are people out there around you that can help or might feel the same way. Because I can tell you right now they WONT be on a website about pokemon thats for sure. You might get some sweet words and shit from here but you need to go look for friends and shit out there. By your tone its sounds like you have already gave up and things will never get any better if you have that attitude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flux Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 (...of course lack of personal hygiene is a "male" trait so that usually backfires) Offense taken. I'm practically a germophobe. On topic, I do know what it feels like to have stress and sadness in your life, though I can't relate directly to your situation. All I'll say is don't give up hope. You have years and years left to live, and that's plenty of time for things to get better. It seems horrible when it's happening, but things do get better. Then you'll look back and be so thankful that you didn't end things back then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamitako Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 ...Hey, it wasn't my idea to stereotype guys as messy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maelstrom Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 ...Hey, it wasn't my idea to stereotype guys as messy It's not messy... it's an immunization boosting environment, okay. =P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Never give up. Things may be low now but they'll get better eventually. Life is strange and there are people that care, but the absolute best way to deal with it is to turn around, as said above, give whoever hates you the finger. Rise above the hate. Many people feel the same way you do but the best thing to do is to keep on going. Just think positive, because you can do it if you really put your mind to it. There's always a way to the positive realm. You can do it. Never give up, rise above the hate. You all might think I'm messing about, but I'm really not. As long as you stay positive, you will eventually get out of the problems you're dealing with now. I'm staying positive, and I've been waiting for 8 years for the problems to go away, and they finally are a little bit. Keep trying, believe in yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eviora Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 Same feeling, different day. I'm tired of false hope. I'm tired of people who say they care yet are never really there for me. There is no point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamitako Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Well, chances are they do care. Most people aren't very good at expressing that they care, doesn't mean they don't. I cant actually say since I'm not in your life, but I can almost guarantee there's at least one person who wants to be there for you Unfortunately though, no one will ever really understand you, so you will need to learn to deal with things on your own at times. Even my best friend can't understand the misery I go through every day And there is a point, IDK what it is, but there's always something. I go on because I hope that someday I'll get a chance to actually be seen as the person I want. And because I have a great girlfriend I want to actually meet in person sometime It's absurdly hard all the time, but I refuse to give up Hope Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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