The Bemusings and Questions I Have of Life [Part 1 of 3]

[Darvan Korematsu]

Well I dunno if you guys know me, but in case you haven't seen me before, the name's Darv. I've been floating around the forums poking in and out of various threads, giving my two cents and dealing cards of whimsy when I feel up to it. However, I have several bemusings and questions I want to confide in my Reborn brethren and ask at the same time. I'm only gonna focus on one particular category for this week.

What I wanted to reach out for my fellow Reborn users is questions I have about sexuality. I've come to understand pretty quickly that the majority of the community is liberal and fairly progressive in morals, since the majority of Reborn is a younger demographic (mostly 15-25 from what I've seen).

Obviously, with about 14000 different members, there is no way in hell all of us beat to the same drum. I've seen a mix of people on here who are homo- or bi-sexual (at least from what some of you claim and I'm deriving from that) and the most puzzling gender role of non-binary. Honestly, I don't really care if y'all are different, embrace who the hell you are, screw what society thinks, unless what you do is counterproductive to what society promotes.

I could get some psychologist mumbo jumbo on why you guys who are different behave so, but I wanna hear it from the belly of the beast. To the users who choose to answer, whom are not straight, I'd like to ask, what piqued your interest in people of your gender, and maybe why? For the non-binary people, I'd also like to ask why do you feel like you identify with neither gender? All I have to say about that is that God (or whatever universal force you believe in) gave you a certain set of goods when you were born, so why do you feel different?

I'm trying not to offend anyone, but I'm curious, and I'm sure a number of people on here may be curious too.

[Peepeepoopoo]

We do what we want because we like doing it :^) if you want a really good explanation then you should ask Freud.

As for the whole gender identity thing, I noticed that you're a furry. So why do you dress up like an animal? Maybe because of the same reason people with wangs think of themselves as women. They just feel more comfortable that way. We all have our own reasons for doing the things that we do. There is no single thing that solely influences these decisions.

As long as you're not hurting anything intentionally with the choices that you make then I say go ahead and make them. Life's short, be happy.

Edited June 6, 2015 by DarkSpite

[Rezilia]

I'm asexual. This means that I do not physically react to anyone or anything in a way that would suggest sexual attraction. I am demiromantic, meaning that I do not get into a romantic relationship unless I know someone well enough; aka I don't date or go through anything like the dating ritual. I do not believe in marriage; I believe that if you're going to be with someone forever, you're going to be with them forever regardless of a ring or a vow (actions, not words).

I can still have intercourse and prefer women and shemales, sometimes hermaphrodites and sometimes traps (which are very different from cross-dressers, as cross-dressers only wear the clothing that their sex is "not supposed" to wear [according to sexist and genderist peoples] whereas traps claim themselves to be the sex that they are not without claiming to be any kind of trans...and as such generate a unique sense of self which influences others' perceptions of them in unique ways), the latter being due to psychological reasons which manifest very interestingly during intercourse.

I don't subscribe to masculinity or femininity, although I am proud to be female. This means that while I am proud to acknowledge my sex, I don't care about gender, or atleast gender on a binary scale. I'm a second-wave feminist, meaning that I believe that women should find out who they are as individuals before worrying about who they are as women and before worrying about their femininity.

The reason I don't subscribe to binary concepts of gender is that I have found them to be incorrect. Masculine traits are easily done by females and feminine traits are easily done by males; similarly, masculine and feminine traits now interweave in first world 21st century cultures. I believe that I do have a gender; I simply believe that said gender has not been formulated yet as it is part of a different gender system than the binary system.

Above all else, I am an individualist. I care more about who a person is in their own way than about labels. Labels create collectives; collectives are ruled by a hive mind; hive minds are dangerous to the person and that person's self. That is my philosophy. I don't do cults; I'm not patriotic; I refuse to respect someone unless they've earned my respect; I refuse to follow someone just because I'm told to; and I definitely am not part of the crowd. This is part of why I am a Westernist rather than an Easternist: I cannot stand discriminatory, collective societies as are rampant in and near Asia.

[AlexanderGraves]

Without too many details, I have been interested in men my entire life, but hid it because of my dad. I had a lot of girlfriends, but was a virgin until I was 17 because none of them interested me. I settled down when I was 21, separated and moved out of state when I was 23, and got divorced when I was 24. I decided enough had been enough, and began to date someone I was actually interested in. I will not deny that I cheated on my ex, but she had cheated far more times in the course of 6 years than I ever imagined, so I'd like to think I was the better person since she was sleeping around and I left to be happy.

And I haven't regretted my decision once. Sure, my boyfriend can be a little high strung at times, but as long as he doesn't get any coffee I can handle it. Besides, all couples have disagreements and I am no angel myself. We don't have to make things work between us, because they just do.

As for the why I am interested in my own gender, well, it's just kinda how I am wired. It's difficult to explain, really, except to say that there are certain things men can do that women can't, and I don't mean that in a sexist way, either. I mean, I like the feel on my boyfriend's body hair when he holds me while I try to calm down. I love his scent, and I couldn't imagine a life without feeling his arms around me. I've had one other boyfriend in my life, and things were like they are now, except that with my old boyfriend, I didn't feel the same love as I do towards my current boyfriend.

[Ice Cream Sand Witch]

There wasn't really a specific event that led me to be interested. I just saw them and thought they were attractive. With me, there's not really any deep stories about how I became interested in something, or why I am the way I am. I kind of just do things, or things just happen, for the most part.

As for being given a specific set of parts: Well, Earth isn't real, and Earth messes a lot of things up when it comes to peoples' bodies. For example, on Earth most people keep physically aging beyond their actual age. On our real planet, Cerri, peoples' age actually match their souls. I've been on Earth for 20 years (21 as of August 13, which also is Sigmund's birthday) but my real age is only a little over half of that. And people who actually are up there in age don't become wrinkled and physically weaker at home. Also, regarding gender and sex at home, physical appearance isn't a factor. There are males who physically look like earth females, and females who physically look like earth males. All gender is at home is a certain vague set of mannerisms. People are able to tell someone's gender at home through some kind of aura. Reproductive organs don't exist at home, either. There are tiny holes where those places are on Earth. I don't have much data on how we reproduce at home, but it seems to be through some kind of tube.

Edited June 6, 2015 by Ice Cream Sand Witch

[Rezilia]

ICSW, are you roleplaying or are you serious? o.0

[Amethyst]

We do what we want because we like doing it :^) if you want a really good explanation then you should ask Freud.

Oh, for the love of fuck, please do -not- ask Freud.

(pun subconsciously intended)

For me, being inclined to women is mostly a matter of being repulsed by men. On the surface level, the social habits men are popularly rewarded for (never showing emotion, sexual aggression, trying to be dominant, etc) are absolutely detestable to me. In addition to that, certain past experiences I've had with boys have been rather miserable. Those compound to create a general and rather constant discomfort around males for me. Fortunately, it's not a problem over the internet, and it also seems to be subverted for people I know better, and for more feminine boys.

And since it seems trans* stuff seems to have gotten drafted into this topic, I'll offer my piece on that too. Because for me, transitioning wasn't just about "being comfortable". It was about the fact that if I had to keep trying to live a life that wasn't mine, I was just going to kill myself instead. I realized how much of my entire world was caked in self-loathing that stemmed from the simple truth that who I am, was entirely incompatible with who I was expected to be. After that, there really wasn't another choice.

[Ice Cream Sand Witch]

ICSW, are you roleplaying or are you serious? o.0

Serious. My trainer card on this site is the only thing I've done that could be considered RP'ish.

[Rezilia]

Oh, for the love of fuck, please do -not- ask Freud.


For me, being inclined to women is mostly a matter of being repulsed by men.

Because for me, transitioning wasn't just about "being comfortable".

Agreed.

Ouch. But yeah, Internet solves everything.

You had a sex change? o.0

Serious. My trainer card on this site is the only thing I've done that could be considered RP'ish.

Oh. I had to ask since normally a background like that would come in an About Me page...

[Amethyst]

It's a bit more complicated than just "had a sex change." Especially since the sex part of it is only a piece of a much larger picture. But I am transgender, yes. It's not exactly a secret, although I won't be surprised that a lot of newer people here might not have known that.

[Rezilia]

Huh. Your appearance doesn't look male at all so I was like o.0 (I mean, your appearance on YouTube. Since you show it on there. >.> *not a stalker*)

Edited June 7, 2015 by Rezilia

[Amethyst]

Being that I'm not male, that would make sense, wouldn't it. Trans or not.

(And yeah, making videos means what I look like isn't a secret either, so no worries about that.)

[ZEL]

I'm bigender, one of the genderfluid variety.
I only discovered the label around the time when I was 18, but that doesn't change that I've felt what I am since... well, I can remember that feeling since Kindergarten.

It was a confusing experience for me.

At some times I'd be fine the way I was; born female, feeling female. But other times it simply felt wrong. I'd be upset and angry for not having been born as a boy. I'd say that I'd rather be one, and that it wasn't fair that I had to be a girl.
I think people always just pinned me as a tomboy, because especially as a little kid, I fit right into most of the gender roles for boys. From the way I liked to dress to the games I played and the interests I had, I was "boyish".

But it was more confusing for me to deal with my feelings about myself.

Sometimes I'd just say that, yeah, well, I want to be a boy, no wonder I'd have "boy's interests". But then I'd turn around and be upset about the notion that I as a girl was perceived as weird for it.

My parents did teach me about gender as far as they knew it. They told me that some people's gender didn't match the body they were born with.

Ever since they told me that, I've wondered every so often if maybe I might be trans. Maybe I really was a boy, I mean, I felt like it, right?

But then I'd always remember that I also felt like a girl, and it made me doubt myself, because I didn't know about non-binary genders, didn't know about genderfluidity.

I thought maybe I was just being stupid, or even conforming to stereotypes by assuming I'm male.

But the feeling never went away, so I started calling myself a tomboy, too, and that's what I figured fit.

It got more frustrating once I reached puberty because it means that the differences between male and female sex were getting bigger, and oh boy did it suck to have to deal with being female during the times when I didn't feel like it. I would not have had the courage to bind, so I spent many days wishing I could just make my boobs disappear or my face structure more masculine, or anything other than clothing that could somehow help me look more like I wanted to look.

I eventually got a pretty neat short haircut that worked well for female and male presentation, and that gave me a huge boost of confidence back then.

Still, things were complicated. It's pretty annoying to have those insecurities about your own identity.

Until I heard of the term genderfluid, and, by extension, bigender. Suddenly, everything made so much more sense, because it described exactly how I felt.

Sometimes male, sometimes female? Yeah, that was how I felt, and I can't describe how incredible it was to learn that this is a thing, that it exists and I'm not just being confused.

And in all honesty, I know now that I'm not confused.

As for being pan, I never really needed to figure that out. Rather, it was simply something I never even gave much thought.

I didn't always know about the term, and only learned about it at the same time I learned about NB genders.

But I never perceived a person's gender as a factor in whether or not I'd be attracted to them.

I'd just go "huh, well, if I love 'em, I love 'em".

My parents are accepting of all different sexualities, and when I told my mom about being attracted to a female, she just said "So? You're not the first in this family" and that was all she had to say about it.

As such, I never gave a damn about who I'm attracted to.

[Antilegend]

As a heterosexual, reading these really puts a lot into perspective when I'm not able to relate personally.

My roommate is a homosexual. I've heard many difficult stories he's had to endure with not only his sickness but his sexual orientation as well, especially when he was growing up. He secluded himself from the world completely, thinking something was wrong with him. He told me stories on how he'd play Xenosaga for countless hours without eating because he couldn't muster the energy or will to do so. He struggled with his homosexuality for a long time, and having grown up in the country with relatively conservative parents, it only compunded his depression and his inability to accept himself.

Though he experienced adversity growing up, he just reached a point where he was either going to die, or he needed to accept that he was gay. Fortunately he chose the latter. It's both amazing and frightening how much pressure society applies on people that break away from the established paradigm. Something so simple as your sexual orientation, which quite frankly is nobody's business but your own, impacts many people tremendously to this very day.

[Felicity]

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I dunno. I'm slowly thinking that I swing either way, leaning more towards hetero for sexual attraction but who I like isn't based on sex. Thing is I never thought about it. All that mattered was whether I liked someones company and wanted to show affection and have that be reciprocated. That's still the case. If ever sex does appeal to me it's as a way to make a significant other happy.

As for gender identity, I don't care what people see me as unless I want to be romantically involved because it's no one elses concern. If I wanna cry at something sad I'll cry, If I wanna yell and growl like a moron I will. If I wanna dress without regard for current fashion for men then fuck it, that's what I'll do. It has the same significance as picking my dinner for me.

[Darvan Korematsu]

Man I did not know. Honestly I got a face full of Ame's pic from the Reborn confirmation mail, and I never in my life would have ever guessed. I mean, one person asked why I'm a furry, because it can be used in the same context as the topic I asked on the forefront. I am making use of the cards I was dealt with at birth, rather than trying to switch my hand or complain about my opponent's hand.

Then again, Amethyst, what you're talking about is a patriarchal majority of societies on Earth. I'd absolutely love to think the circumstances would be different if we were a matriarchal majority instead. I think that male dominance lies a little deeper than that, like in our DNA. Simple similarities of partiarchies are in the animal kingdom, such as with gorillas and lions. Granted the females do a lot of stuff for the males, but I think they learned to accept it.

Although, I get two vibes Ame from what I'm reading. Like if you actually went through a procedure, and you're absolutely serious, then why? I mean, from the characteristics that turn you off from men, are the exact things I love most about being a dude. We still show emotion, but we hide it, because it could affect our pride or strength. Sexual aggression? Meh, that's variable depending on the guy. Dominance? That's more along the lines of survival, striving to be better than someone akin to you. In reality, how I see it, that sounds more like the human genome than just men alone.

EDIT: Honestly, I am hetero through and through at my core. I have definitely entertained homosexual thoughts or inner desires at many times, but at the end of the day, I know that is not the real me. I enjoy a good yaoi every so often, but the human purpose of life is to carry on the next generation, as cruel and nihilistic it sounds, it is true. I just wanna contribute my part.

Edited June 7, 2015 by Darvan Korematsu

[Amethyst]

Honestly I got a face full of Ame's pic from the Reborn confirmation mail,

That's. Something awkward I did not realize.

Note to self, get a site email set-up ASAP...

I don't maintain the notion that humans are inherently any different between the two major sexes. But as I said, society rewards one group for acting one way, and another group for acting a different way. The traits I listed for example are things men are rewarded for, whereas women are often not. This inevitably shapes both groups' behaviors in more or less opposite ways. It just so happens those things conflict with my personal ideas quite directly. Those are just my ideals though, and exploring why I hold them is a different discussion entirely.

Nonetheless, the primary difference remains in reinforcement from society. As I would say about many things.

[Antilegend]

That's. Something awkward I did not realize.

Note to self, get a site email set-up ASAP...

I don't maintain the notion that humans are inherently any different between the two major sexes. But as I said, society rewards one group for acting one way, and another group for acting a different way. The traits I listed for example are things men are rewarded for, whereas women are often not. This inevitably shapes both groups' behaviors in more or less opposite ways. It just so happens those things conflict with my personal ideas quite directly. Those are just my ideals though, and exploring why I hold them is a different discussion entirely.

Nonetheless, the primary difference remains in reinforcement from society. As I would say about many things.

I think men being in the role of a dominant, stoic person is a contributing factor why their lifespan is shorter than that of women. Whenever the standard of men having to stomach their emotions in favour of appearing more masculine is a ridiculous standard to have.

[Peepeepoopoo]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnYfYlQD7hA

[Rezilia]

Simple similarities of partiarchies are in the animal kingdom, such as with gorillas and lions. Granted the females do a lot of stuff for the males, but I think they learned to accept it.

I mean, from the characteristics that turn you off from men, are the exact things I love most about being a dude. We still show emotion, but we hide it, because it could affect our pride or strength. Sexual aggression? Meh, that's variable depending on the guy. Dominance? That's more along the lines of survival, striving to be better than someone akin to you. In reality, how I see it, that sounds more like the human genome than just men alone.

EDIT: Honestly, I am hetero through and through at my core. I have definitely entertained homosexual thoughts or inner desires at many times, but at the end of the day, I know that is not the real me. I enjoy a good yaoi every so often, but the human purpose of life is to carry on the next generation, as cruel and nihilistic it sounds, it is true. I just wanna contribute my part.

Something that most people in general do not know is that women chose their traditional roles in the beginning. I mean come on, why would you want to risk your life in war, do heavy lifting, and spend every day organizing an entire society, when you could just relax and have men do it for you? The truth of the matter is that women were smarter (by human standards wherein smartness = cunning) than men for years and years...until the entire procedure backfired when men stockpiled all the weapons, designed laws favoring men over women, and expected women to spend all day cleaning the house. The reason why most human societies are patriarchal is because men were in the position to gain power at the right time and since then have made sure it wasn't taken from them. We women screwed ourselves and just recently have gotten the opportunity to fix that mistake.

There are actual biological factors which cause men and women to be intellectually different, such as the communication center of the female brain being more sophisticated than the male's and how the size of INAH-3 creates tendencies that affect personality in regards to sexuality. These factors and many others create what individuals believe they and other people should act like; they are the reason why Ame is repulsed by the features that you admire.

As for continuing the human race, such a primitive reason is no longer needed. The population problem is real - the human race with survive simply because people don't use protection. In fact, rampant homosexuality in modern society is a good thing since it decreases the pregnancy rate and acts as a natural solution by limiting the amount of population over time.

[Maelstrom]

I think men being in the role of a dominant, stoic person is a contributing factor why their lifespan is shorter than that of women. Whenever the standard of men having to stomach their emotions in favour of appearing more masculine is a ridiculous standard to have.

That's a thing that applies to everyone though. If one does not talk about personal issues often or at all, a person may be perceived as having their shit together. Whether that is actually indicative is case by case.

[Deleted User]

That's a thing that applies to everyone though. If one does not talk about personal issues often or at all, a person may be perceived as having their shit together. Whether that is actually indicative is case by case.

(The rest of this thread doesn't necessarily apply to me but I'll answer this from another prospective) I'll fully admit it's one of my character flaws that I don't talk about things. Hell it's so deeply ingrained in my head to handle things myself and deal with it, that I've found talking to others about it literally makes me feel worse. Is it society, my upbringing, or something else all together, or a combination? Couldn't tell you. Perhaps maybe I just prefer the out of sight out of mind approach, instead of 'bleeding it out' by talking about it, I replace it with other things, being productive, or interaction with others so that said issues are put on the back burner of my mind and eventually lose fuel letting the fire die out. Is this a trait of 'masculinity' and 'machoness'? Or just a different way of managing stress and problems?

[Kurotsune]

I'll bite.

First, I'm pansexual. The difference between bisexuality and pansexuality is a blurred one. Oftentimes the same thing, oftentimes not, for the sake of the discussion I will separate bisexuality as one who feels attracted to both cis-men and cis-women, while pansexuality describes someone who is attracted to anyone regardless of sexual identity - Be it binary, trans or neither.

Briefly touching the sexual aspect, I don't have a particular taste for either gender, but rather whatever I'm "in the mood" for. I'm a fairly whimsical person, and I tend to, especially in bed, do mostly whatever the hell occurs to me. Has worked so far.

As for why I identify as non-binary.

First, short answer. I posit these hypothetical questions:

"Why do you identify as male?" - To a man

"I was born this way."

"Why do you identify as a male?" - To a trans-man

"I was born this way"

"Why do you identify as a female?" - to a woman

"I was born this way."

"Why do you identify as a female?" - to a trans-woman

"I was born this way".

Get the gist?

Long answer, from the very start of my life I was bombarded with gender stereotypes on how I should act because of what I have between my legs and how much fat I hold within my pectorals.

I don't identify with them. In a binary world, there is either male or female, and no in-betweens. When actions are either masculine or feminine, being non-binary isn't the delusion that your actions will not hold and implication of a gender, as all actions do - we think in a binary gender system, so we judge and measure others in a binary gender system. All actions are seen as male or female, and there is little exception to this. Body language, choice of words, even how one writes - they all imply gender.

So, my being non-binary stems from the simple fact that I don't identify with the stereotypes that compose either gender. I don't identify with masculine nor feminine behavior, and more importantly, I don't want to be judged by masculine or feminine standards.

This, perhaps, is the biggest one. If I'm a guy, there's certain things that I can't talk about. If I'm a girl, there's certain things I can't talk about. If I'm binary, I am and should expected to be judged by each person's idealized view of how said binary gender norm acts.

Being non-binary, I wish - it is often not the case - to not be judged by said standards. Being non-binary is opting out of the gender equation altogether, it's seeing yourself as something beyond your genitalia and whatever hormonal discharges they imply. While I don't mean to romanticize it too much, being non-binary is merely asking you to judge me for how I act, regardless of whether I am a man or a woman.

That said, to me, being non-binary is a strictly psychological thing. I don't see my biological gender as non-existent nor do I want it to become non-existent - there isn't a "sex reassignment surgery" for someone to become non-binary. Unless we come up with a third type of genitalia - and I'm open to suggestions on that one - I still follow normal biological procedures that my biological gender may require, whatever those may be.

(And that also means when I check in at a hospital, I'll tick either the "male" or "female" column, but I'll ask to not be referred to by "mister" or "miss".))

And that's all my gigantic headache will allow me to write. May revisit this later.

(( But as a small addendum, part of me does quite like seeing people guess my biological gender or try to label my actions as either masculine or feminine - and get it wrong. Only a few people have actually figured out what's my biological gender, and I'm not about to tell them that, either. ))

[Rezilia]

Unless we come up with a third type of genitalia - and I'm open to suggestions on that one - I still follow normal biological procedures that my biological gender may require, whatever those may be.

Well, besides the common herm/futa options, I don't think 3 sexes (squeedly-spooch?) at once will ever work for humanity - we aren't Vulcans, after all.

I actually would like to know people's opinions on whether it would be in our best interest to just become entirely a one-sex race...or if anyone would nonetheless like to become a true mixture of both sexes regardless. I know there are some in the non-binary crowd who would like becoming said mixture, but I know there are those that won't (perhaps even desiring to have no sex at all, lacking reproductive capabilities other than cloning). o.0

Edited June 8, 2015 by Rezilia

[Kurotsune]

As a disclaimer, that bit was a joke. I've no desire to undergo any alterations.