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2011


Cyrus

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Happy new year~

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Ok. This is a dual Trainer's Journal and Radio Tower post.

So this is pretty much a year in review.

TJ part: How will you remember 2011? Sadness, happiness, rage, etc? What were your moments of 2011? All that stuff.

For me, 2011 was about finding myself. I started in depression and I somewhat ended in depression. I've been trying to find true happiness. I honestly felt that Reborn was part of that search and change since I was starting to feel different when I started coming here. So thank you guys~<3

Though I am still on that search, I learned a lot about life and about the downside of people. I hope 2012 will be much better and that I can find it.

All in all, 2012 should be great.

RT part: Best in the entertainment industry. Album, movie, etc.

Movie: Drive: Arthouse blended with action, well shot and well acted, and a interesting plot. Drive is perfection.

Album: The Hunter: It's Mastodon, nuff said.

Anime: Mawaru Penguindrum: This would of been more Madoka dick sucking. But then this happened, this is quality, deep stuff, great meaning, well executed, and is paced good.

TV Show: Breaking Bad: God this show is great. Watch and you'll understand.

Game: Deus Ex: HR and UMvC3: Both did their genre well and are fun as hell.

Happy new year all again.

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Kitty came to me. That's enough to make it a great year.

Movie: Sucker Punch

Album: Siberia

Anime: Haven't really watched any current Anime

TV Show: Or TV shows...

Game: Pokemon duh

As for the site, we have so much now that we didn't before. This time last year, we didn't even have a mainsite. By extension, that means no Trainer Cardmaker, no log viewer, no Sprite Shop- hell, no $R at all. We've moved out of the dark ages.

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2011?

A rollercoaster, Unfortunately, there were some points where it wasn't going anywhere.

High points include: Experimenting, finding someone I plan on staying with for awhile, seeing EA live, doing whatever the fuck I wanted until my parents went hardball, becoming main owner of PokeFrontier, and auth here.

Low points include: My best friend trying to kill herself, My parents going hardball, being cheated on by a delinquent, going out with said delinquent, my sex life being generally spread out and sporadic until just recently, and a few months of depression rearing it's ugly head in my direction.

Movie: L.I.E. (Long Island Expressway)

Song:

Anime:

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2011 is the year I went into an emotional break down, lost most of my capacity to love, had 2 immigration hearings, went to immigration jail, lost my best friend, and realized my ex was/is an idiot.

2011 is the year I went on a road trip to see America, went all the way to Boston to meet Icey, met Maelstrom as well, bought the people who mean a lot to me Christmas presents with my own money, and I met Chuck Huber!

There's probably more in the pros and cons, but I don't remember.

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And I really don't look forward to 2012 either, seeing as I'm becoming of age and my childhood is coming closer to ending.

Your childhood ends when you want it to. I've got some free samples of a Peter Pan complex- here, take one!

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^

In seriousness though if I typed out something like Scarlet's I'd be here all night; it's just too much.

Movie: I watched Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol on the last possible day (kinda awesome btw); pretty sure it's 2011.

Album: The Heart and The Broken Compass (Last Winter) or Siberia (LIGHTS) are the only two I can think of atm, love both

Anime: I watched a few, but the only new one (that is, 2011) would have to be the Persona 4 Animation

TV Show: What Ame said ^2

Game: Pokemon B/W, uh... Sonic Generations I guess? I don't keep up much QQ

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Alright, now that I'm more of in...that kind of mood I'll make something more...detailed. Let's go from January. Started pretty awesome of course, my birth month and all. Turned 20, nothing to special, helped out with my High School's production of Grease. Went back to college after vacation. Had a few crushes that didn't develop into anything other than close friendships. You know, friendzoned and all. That made me start to find out how lonely I am at times. That's when everything kinda went downhill. I stopped going to classes. It was dumb of me, but I couldn't get together the determination to achieve much of anything. A couple months of this passed then came spring vacation.

Life picked up a little again for spring vacation. I came back home and helped with the actual show nights of Grease. I was lucky it fell on my break because it really brightened up my life for that week. The people I loved and cared about back from home all in one place. The kids, the adults, the stage, everything. It made me happy. The show went well, it was good. Then before I leave my mother tells me she's getting a divorce from my step father. Now, I was more than okay with this at the time because I hate the bastard, but that's a story for another time. So yeah, I was happy with that because he didn't make her happy, and she deserves to be happy. However, at the time I didn't think of the re-precautions of what this meant.

Back at college I wanted to go to classes, but it felt weird. I walked to the room and then I just walked on. I couldn't go in after missing almost half the semester. So on went my failure as a student. Didn't go to class, which made me feel shitty because I wanted to but it felt too late. Then comes a letter. All my tuition wasn't paid for because of some mistakes my professors made. Now, a normal human would have gone and talked to them about the corrections, but this was the final straw for me, I couldn't. I didn't care anymore. So on I went for the last few weeks without much of anything to do except play games.

So finally college was over, looked like I wasn't going back there now. None of my credits that I DID earn could be acquired now because Potsdam didn't get my payment from federal aid and such. And now I find out I was asked to be in Godspell, my towns summer musical. But remember, my mom and step-dad are divorced, and as much as I would love to be in the musical I couldn't stay with my step-dad yet. Now you may ask why I didn't stay with my mom. Well she was down in Albany already. So after all this hectic-ness I received a blessing. The Director of the production invited me to stay with her family until the end of the show.

Now, this was also a little awkward of a stay, I'm an agnostic and her family is very Christian, but at the same time they are also respectful of others beliefs, thankfully. She allowed me to stay, I didn't have to go to church with them or anything. It was pretty great honestly. They're a upper-middle class family and it was nice living with them. I wish I could still, but I wouldn't want to be a burden on them, however I'm getting off topic. We did the show, all went well. I figured out I'm going down to Albany with my mother after and such, things were alright.

So now I'm down in Albany, and boy was it weird for me. We had a decent apartment with my mom's new boyfriend. 2 bedroom, 1 bath, in hallway kitchen, nothing too fancy but it was nice. But within the first week of being there I didn't want to be anymore. I couldn't stand the city. It quite literally made me feel unsafe and I had difficulty with the air. I could breathe just fine but it felt wrong. Anyways, I talked to my mom about it and I promised her I would try to adjust. Nothing changed. In fact, things got worse. I started feeling depressed and missing everyone up in Peru (New York). I finally cracked and said I would stay with my step-father for the time being.

So I moved back here, I'd spent about 2 months in Albany and couldn't handle it. I've been here now for about 2-3 months I think and I'm still feeling rather down. I was hoping I'd have a job by now but nothing is available. My application is still in all the places though, so here's hoping for that. So I decided I'd try to get back to college for the spring semester. Well it's hard to do it on your own. I couldn't figure things out. So I called the local Upward Bound office because I'd been in the program and they said you could always go there for help. Unfortunately I was too late to sign up for spring semester. Though I've already promised myself I'll get in next fall.

Then just a few weeks back I great heartbreaking news. One of my close adult friends from the musical group passed away. I couldn't believe it. It felt just like yesterday that he had been the Mushnik to our Seymour. The Genie to our Aladdin. Now he was gone. It was horrible. I couldn't make the wake or the funeral which made me feel even worse about the situation.

Now we're in December and almost at New Years. Here's honestly a hope for a better year. I've had so many ups and downs this year that I need a break. Sorry if this is a tl;dr post. Sorry if it's all qq fuck my life but at the same time it feels nice to let my year come out there and be seen. I'm not looking for sentiments. I'm not looking for compliment. I'm not looking for anything.

However, now to the second, less depressing part of the thread:

Movie: Movie of this year or just that I watched this year? Well, I'll go with the latter. Inkheart. I watch it quite often because I love it.

Album: LIGHTS acoustic album. I don't care much for her other music, but this blew my mind.

Anime: FullMetal Alchemist Brotherhood. I've never seen any other movie, book, television show, video game, song, anything better written than this. I loved the original FullMetal Alchemist and I don't think I'll ever stop loving Brotherhood.

TV Show: For anyone who knows me they'd think I would say Doctor Who. Well sure, it is an amazing show, but I feel this spot is a tie between 2 new shows I've just started watching. Grimm and Once Upon a Time.

Game: It came out late 2010, so I didn't really play it until 2011 so Golden Sun: Dark Dawn. I don't care what anyone else thinks about it, I was blown away by this game. I'd been waiting ever since I beat The Lost Age for a new game. It's ending TOLD me there would be another. There just had to be, and after almost 6-7 years of waiting I got one. Not only that but it will have a sequel as well considering its ending.

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Thinking back, I can't remember too many proud moments off-hand. What comes up are the bad choices.

Not taking my last class in college seriously. It ended up biting me in the ass.

Not running on my own during airborne school or SOPC hold. I probably would have had a good shot at SF if I had. I hate cardio. Knowing I wasn't in the shape I should've been was the reason I didn't fight the bogus 'heat injury' thing. I just wasn't ready and I knew it. I need more discipline first.

After that, it's kind of a long blur of the scheduled daily life of a soldier with little variation.

Now highlights... Let me think. You'd think you'd hold the brighter parts of the year all that much closer than the dark, but I have to scrutinize it and make it harder to shake loose.

Let's go backwards from now, maybe that'll help.

Meeting Saya was awesome.

Going home for leave was pretty meh cuz I didn't do much of anything.

One thing I DO like about the army is earning a decent paycheck and having so few bills. Being able to save or spend as I saw fit. Now that's a freedom worth having. It vindicates my decision to cut myself some slack for not trying hard to become a doctor. The extra petty nonsense some call luxury isn't worth the extra effort. I burnt myself out putting extra effort when it didn't matter and did get noticed, and when it was noticed, it was taken for granted. "I expect no less from you."

I miss all my friends and all the fun I had that last semester with Wolf and Kumar. And anime club, before it kinda broke down.

Oh yeah, I miss working at Sonic's. Best job I ever had because of my bosses and co-workers.

All that media stuff I watched, read, saw... it's all a blur now. I read and saw some great stuff to be sure, but it only emphasizes all the stuff I need to do for myself. Time to grab that opportunity and do it my way.

What shines in my memory right now is a dream I had. The dream of freedom. I took all my money I saved up and hopped in my car. I was off to Colorado first. To visit Ame and Saya and the other Rebornians. I was chained to nothing. The drive would be beautiful. I'd breathe the cold, crisp air and watch the sun rise above the evergreens as I drove- as I once truly had, when I drove up to Santa Fe for National guard drill. I would drive all the way up there, and I would enjoy every minute of it. And then I would go somewhere, anywhere I wanted after that. I would drive across the lush, green plains and watch the clouds storm and swirl across the sky. I would revel in the flashes of lightning that rent the night sky, the low rumble of the thunder as it traveled through my body, and the soothing pitter-patter of the rain on the windshield. The indescribable smell of the rain. Then the clouds would open to reveal the stars as you can never see them in a city. Looking up at them, the immensity of it all would would engulf me like a warm embrace from the whole world so that even the stars seemed within the reach of an outstretched hand- glowing gems of red, yellow, and blue, warm to the touch.

Such contentment as I have only felt in but a handful dreams! These are the thoughts I will carry with me when I lay down to rest tonight. My thoughts have wandered far from the new year to a new life. New year. Year is too long, too far away. I AM right now. And this is the moment I will hold with me until I awake tomorrow. Goodnight, everyone.

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