What diagnosed disorder(s) do you live with?

[MoneyMadam]

Soooo I've been wanting to post a topic like this for a while now and I feel pretty comfortable doing it on this specific website. I'm assuming that this topic may get a bit deep so aye no judgement~ (Then again this is the internet so that maaaay be asking a bit much xD).

Any who just to clarify, I'm not talking about "tumblr disorders" were there's a chance that they aren't actually a problem with you. I'm straight up talking about diagnosed stuff that literally runs your life on a daily basis. Before I go into detail about my "quirks" I just wanted to say that my reason for doing this is because I never really went to counseling for my issues to meet people with similar problems. Of course I'm getting help, but it's with a psychiatrist/therapist. I've never really met people who have it as "deep" as I do and I'd totally love to. So I guess this is my opportunity to meet these people.

Well to get this party started I guess I can straight up say that since highschool I've been diagnosed with ocd. I also am diagnosed with anxiety but I'll delve into that topic later. Any ways my ocd is the bigger disorder that pretty much ruins (heh) runs my life. Even though I was diagnosed with it in highschool I'd have to say that I had it for years. It started off kind of like this: I'd have to have everything in place, I'd have to have everything "perfect", and certain things couldn't go wrong. Basically since I was a little blonde six year old I probably just seemed like a selfish brat. xD That's pretty much the explanation as to why my parents never got me help until my "pre teen" years. But as soon as elementary school kept going on I started having crying fits. Of course kids figured that I was weird and "bullied" me for it. Sadly that only made the crying worse. My parents at first thought it was me trying to get my way so they disciplined me like most parents would. And I couldn't blame them heh, it was probably hard not knowing that I had a specific problem going on in my brain. As soon as jr. high came around I changed my demeanor immediately. Tbh it's pretty much me going through that edgy faze that most kids go through at the time hehe. But in a serious perspective I just got scared and didn't want to be judged by anyone. So I closed up to everyone (basically hiding my issues from everyone) and became extremely scared to displease anyone or make an opinion for myself. This is kind of how my anxiety came into place. Back to my ocd though, it came to the bad point were I started checking things. For those of you who don't know checking for someone with ocd it my vary for each person but for me it was like I'd irrationally make sure that everything was safe for my family. For example I'd constantly check to see if the stove is off so that a fire won't start or I'd constantly check to make sure the fridge is closed so food won't "spoil". To some that may seem a bit ok or something like that, but when I said constantly I meant that checking was repetitive. As in I could literally go for hours on end checking things. That's when my parent's finally realized that something was wrong all along. So we went to speak with my doctor and he recommended a therapist for me. The therapist had told me that I had ocd as well as anxiety(I always knew that I had something wrong but I never knew what it was). She explained to my family that these so called "crying fits" are known as panic attacks. She also explained that even though I have these two disorders on my shoulders she stressed that I still needed to consider myself as normal. I began to visit her on a weekly basis. By highschool I started seeing a psychiatrist, who would basically prescribe me happy pills (xD) pills such as zoloft. She also was the one to finalize my diagnosis. As of now I'd just like to specifically speak out to those who have anxiety or ocd (fak it, anyone feeling like they can't get out of their own specific funk). You can get out of this, you just need to find the right place to start. Don't mope around and say," Ugh I have no options, there's nothing I can do". There are so many people out there willing to hear your story and give you help. You just need to find them. I'm proud to say that I'm a 22 year old girl majoring in graphic design, no specific family ties, and with anxiety and ocd I know I'm able to live a happy life.

So all in all hopefully this story was meaningful or helpful to some of you and I'd really love to hear your stories. c: If you have any questions feel free to ask~

Update thing idk: I'll probably make a huge reply post every morning. Since I'm a reaaaallly lazy person I'd rather do that then constantly reply in stuff. #thuglyfe

Edited August 22, 2015 by MoneyMadam

[mde2001]

I don't think you have to worry about people judging you here. We are pretty good with this sort of thing.

I don't feel like going too deep into me today- I will at a later date when I know more people a bit better but I do have issues with depression and anxiety which do impact on my life a bit.

I think you'll find a lot of us here have problems with anxiety so this is a very supportive group.

[MoneyMadam]

I don't think you have to worry about people judging you here. We are pretty good with this sort of thing.

I don't feel like going too deep into me today- I will at a later date when I know more people a bit better but I do have issues with depression and anxiety which do impact on my life a bit.

I think you'll find a lot of us here have problems with anxiety so this is a very supportive group.

I didn't think I would, reborn's community is really awesome tbh.

Also do it whenever you're comfortable man. *points gun at head* NO YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME YOUR LIFE STORY RIGHT NOWWWW Heh no, also speaking of your depression and anxiety I can't really say much not knowing about your specific situation but I really hope that you're atleast getting help and trying to get through it.

Edited August 21, 2015 by MoneyMadam

[TalkingDinosaur]

Glad the "tumblr disorders" got cleared off the bat. :Kappa:

I have Thermal Urticaria, which basically means I'm a vampire because I'm allergic to sunlight. I'm just kidding about the vampire part, unfortunately I'm not kidding about the reaction to sunlight and just intense heat in general. I've had Thermal Urticaria since I was born, my mom used to notice my skin would turn red after playing outside and would always dress me in long pants and a jacket to cover my skin. At the time it was only mild and my mom never took me to a doctor because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (This is the same response she gives me when I ask). But during my sophomore year of high school, I noticed it got much more severe. My skin would turn red and swell and in the worst possible scenario; the swelling would reach my throat and make it impossible for me to breathe. I almost found out the hard way that my Urticaria wasn't exclusive to sunlight when the swelling almost closed off my throat when I was at the gym.

When my doctor diagnosed me, she let me know that this type of Urticaria is extremely rare to develop (Lucky me). It's a little annoying to live with, I wear clothes that cover my whole body aside from my hands and head when I go outside and I can't run or do anything that would exert a lot of energy for long intervals otherwise my body heat will rise to the point where the Urticaria starts. I still do exercise though, while I can't do as much as I used to do, I'm not going to let a life threatening disease stop me. ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ

[Shing]

If well, i think i got infatile autism. Knew it about some months ago, but not bothered with it really.

[MoneyMadam]

Glad the "tumblr disorders" got cleared off the bat. :Kappa:

I have Thermal Urticaria, which basically means I'm a vampire because I'm allergic to sunlight. I'm just kidding about the vampire part, unfortunately I'm not kidding about the reaction to sunlight and just intense heat in general. I've had Thermal Urticaria since I was born, my mom used to notice my skin would turn red after playing outside and would always dress me in long pants and a jacket to cover my skin. At the time it was only mild and my mom never took me to a doctor because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (This is the same response she gives me when I ask). But during my sophomore year of high school, I noticed it got much more severe. My skin would turn red and swell and in the worst possible scenario; the swelling would reach my throat and make it impossible for me to breathe. I almost found out the hard way that my Urticaria wasn't exclusive to sunlight when the swelling almost closed off my throat when I was at the gym.

When my doctor diagnosed me, she let me know that this type of Urticaria is extremely rare to develop (Lucky me). It's a little annoying to live with, I wear clothes that cover my whole body aside from my hands and head when I go outside and I can't run or do anything that would exert a lot of energy for long intervals otherwise my body heat will rise to the point where the Urticaria starts. I still do exercise though, while I can't do as much as I used to do, I'm not going to let a life threatening disease stop me. ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ

Tumblr must burn *cough* OK THEN~

Well on a more serious note I think I've actually met someone a few years ago that probably had the same thing as you. But damn, speaking from a frequent runner's perspective, I can't imagine how that must feel. :/

But on a more positive level, I think that's real cool how you're still exercising and trying to live your life the best that you can. Also I'm glad to know that you're able to take care of yourself with this and at least you're aware of everything you should know now. Then again after that gym incident（；´Д｀）I'm sure it'd have to be an obvious "pointer" of what you needed to find out.

Again though it's really ecstatic to see that you seem to be doing well~

If well, i think i got infatile autism. Knew it about some months ago, but not bothered with it really.

Aye, at least you aren't bugged by it. Hopefully things continue to go well~

[Avatar of Grima]

Diagnosed disorders: Asthma and Eczema meaning I can't run for to long because ot gets hard for me to breathe , and to top it off my epidermis is damaged and causes severe itching (especially in areas like the back of knees and inner elbows)

Undiagnosed: slight depression... it comes and goes but it has never been bad enough to get medicine for it

[Shing]

Aye, at least you aren't bugged by it. Hopefully things continue to go well~

Despite how i talk and other things, it's kinda fine.

[Darvan Korematsu]

Honestly back in middle school around seventh grade, I was diagnosed with satyromania. It's a very unsavory condition where I experience unnatural sexual desire towards the most random things, and it doesn't matter if it's male, female, human, animal, animate, inanimate, alive, or dead. I used to get turned on by the weirdest things, and often say things that got me suspended because of it. The doctors didn't do a damn thing about it, other than gimme some pills I refused to take, because they said I'd burn myself out after a while. What they thought was a timeframe of more like a year or two. Well they were partially right about that, although it was barely manageable in my freshman year, I did indeed slowly burn myself out of that phase. But man I had to avoid pornography and other morally questionable things like that like the fucking plague, or else I'm sure you could figure out the rest. But yeah, my satyromania has receded alot from how afflicting it used to be. I think it's nearly gone now, but I occasionally have an episode.

[Felicity]

This, uh, takes a lot of guts to post in this public a venue, even if the mods will crack down like the fist of God on anyone dumb enough to say anything sideways. Shudda waited till Ace

[SnowGlaceon]

I've talked about my issue before on the forums, but I'll say it here too. I was born with Sickle Cell Anemia (disease) Type SC. And let me tell you, I've had quite a few experiences because of this. On a basic level, Sickle cell is a genetic disorder in the blood, hemoglobin specifically, that requires a certain gene to be present in both parents. Normal hemoglobin, dubbed hemoglobin A, is what you all have. Then there are the mutated versions. The more common one is S, the rarer one is C. If a person has SA then they have Sickle cell trait, which doesn't do anything. If they have AC its the same story. However if two people, both with SA have a kid, there's a 25% chance he will have hemoglobin SS, aka the worse version of sickle cell. I have SC, a rarer, milder version. Science stuff aside, what exactly does it do? Well its in the name. Some of my blood cells are shaped strangely. Instead of the usual "donut" shape, a few of mine can become shaped like sickles. These cells can get stuck in capillaries and when they do it hurts like nothing you've ever experienced. This is called a Crisis, and for good reason. There are some triggers, but this is where things get weird. For whatever reason, my triggers are different than the normal ones. Normally, the main triggers are dehydration and cold exposure. The cold makes your blood vessels shrink and the sickled cells can't get through easily, causing pain. Dehydration works just about the same way. In this case the pain occurs in limbs usually. Sometimes in the chest, but that's a different thing. Also, side note, sickled cells are harmless until they get stuck. I have no idea what causes them to sickle, but 99% of the time nothing happens when they do. It's just that one percent of the time when the scenario is right.

I'm going off my experience with SC, SS is a whole nother level. Physically, sickle cell inhibits my athletic ability. The messed up hemoglobin can't carry as much oxygen, so I lose my breath faster and my stamina is lessened. This can be counteracted with water. How much water I have in me, the more I can do. In cooler temperatures, this results in me having more stamina and such. I become pretty much normal, and maybe even above that. With me cold has 0 negative effect. Doesn't bother me, doesn't cause a crisis. Unless it's cold water, like swimming in cold water, but everything else is fine. So while cold is good for me, heat is my weakness. The dehydration thing is still in effect, and I get hot easily. Combine that with heat and I get tired very easily. This is where it goes downhill.

When I reach my limit and I keep going it can result in a crisis. What my limit is depends on the temperature and my hydration. The chance of having a crisis increases the more I push. Athletic induced problems occur in the lower back for me. It hurts like hell, makes it hard to move, leaves me bedridden for 2-4 days. Feels bad man. If I have some kind of infection or something that can cause my lungs to not get as much oxygen, like pneumonia, then the chance of crisis and the level of pain increase. And the amount of physical stuff I can do decreases.

This all sounds very technical and bad and stuff, I know, but for me it's not as bad as you think. Yes, I lose my breath quickly, but I also recover it quickly. A two minute break can completely rejuvenate me. Also, what I lack in stamina I make up for in everything else. And the more I work on it and train, the more I get. At this point no one notices that there's an issue unless I tell them. And if I'm hydrated I'll be fine. As long as it isn't hot, cause the colder it is the better. I can do pretty much everything a normal guy can do. Except I'm faster than a normal guy. My one athletic gift is speed. And the chance of anything bad happening is pretty low. I still don't like sports much, especially fall/spring season. But as long as I take care of myself and take a breather every 15-20 minutes, I'm every bit as good as the next guy.

Sorry if this was hard to understand or repetitive. It's really hard to explain. Just be glad I didn't get into the social consequences I experienced at my old school. That's a long story. Let's just say, middle school was rough. And kids are mean.

Edited August 21, 2015 by SnowGlaceon

[Shing]

This, uh, takes a lot of guts to post in this public a venue, even if the mods will crack down like the fist of God on anyone dumb enough to say anything sideways. Shudda waited till Ace

What he said pretty much lol.

Sorry if this was hard to understand or repetitive. It's really hard to explain. Just be glad I didn't get into the social consequences I experienced at my old school. That's a long story. Let's just say, middle school was rough. And kids are mean.

I understand somewhat, so it's alright. You tried enough.

Well kids does a lot of stupid things, but that's another story.

Learned something about you snow.

[Nhadala]

Well, i was born with Ashpergers Syndrome which basically destroyed all hopes of me having a social life cause each time i try to say something to another person that aint my mother, or people a lot older than me, i have this blocky feeling blocking me from saying anything, i also react to negative things a lot more, if someone shouts at me or does anything to provoke negative feelings, like a friend of mine ignoring me, or someone saying negative things to me for no reason(IRL), my feelings react to it a lot more than a normal person.

I seem to be fine on the internet though, friends not dealing with me anymore or saying negative things to me still applies to the internet though, thats why i tend to keep my friends away a certain distance and not give them a reason to hate me.

I am happy that i have it though, it allowed me to be different to other people, it allowed me to have an easier life at school cause i didnt need to study the bs school teaches at all, i had no homework, could go outside whenever i wanted, etc...

It allowed me to discover the joys of gaming and anime/manga/visual novels, which are what keep me afloat to this day.

And apperently, from what ive heard, having that thing makes you smarter than normal, i am not sure how true this is however.

Edited August 21, 2015 by Nhadala

[Arkhi]

I have Melanoma, the most dangerous type of skin cancer. From what I've gathered, it has only been seen in the women on my mom's side of the family, so I'm the first guy to have been diagnosed with it. The docs suggest not staying in the sun too long, so I can justify staying inside all day frequently. I've gotten surgery on two afflicted areas on my back, but the cancer's still there... somewhere. Odds are my face is the next place at risk, so I'll have to get some kind of surgery there eventually.

Other than knowing I have the condition, the only thing that affects me is knowing I can't stay in the sun too long. I don't photosynthesize well.

[Neo]

:^) "tumblr disorders"

Nice job dismissing people who might not have access to a doctor to actually diagnose them.

[SkyRunner]

Like Nhadala, I have Asperger's Syndrome.

I have esoteric knowledge on a number of subjects. My filter is patchy at best, and nonexistent at worst. The result: all the teachers at my school are aware that if I sound snarky, I'm usually just being brutally honest. I suck at expressing my emotions. I get stressed out over tiny details. When I joined my current school, I didn't speak to anyone in my class for two whole months. Thankfully, it didn't lead to bullying at my school, and I have good friends, so I have a social life of sorts.

ASD comes with a ton of sensory weirdness. I have migraines, prosopagnosia, Irlen and synaesthesia. I assume that you all know what migraines are. Prosopagnosia is face-blindness, so I can't recognise people out of context at all, or if I haven't seen them for a few months (when school starts again, awkwardness ensues). My Irlen Syndrome means that my vision is slightly distorted unless I'm wearing my glasses. My synaesthesia is probably the only one of those that isn't annoying, and is the one redeeming thing about my senses. Sounds are colourful, so listening to music is usually an enjoyable experience. It also makes it easier to recognise people due to vocal differences.

I am glad that I have it though. It meant that I could be weird and awkward. I'm also highly intelligent, so I didn't study much for the exams and I still aced them.

[ZEL]

Uh, here we go.
On one hand I really don't wanna fly into a huge rant about trying to live with stuff, but on the other hand I'm kinda glad this thread exists, because lately things have been wearing me down again and it sorta feels good to have an excuse to talk about it for a moment.

I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder last year, as well as (at that point) severe depression.

For those who don't quite know what BPD is, some of the most prominent issues are out-of-control emotions that are often both difficult to pinpoint and difficult to deal with, difficulty controlling impulse, awfully low self-esteem/a distorted view of oneself, instability in relationships with other people, and a tendency for self-harming/suicidal actions. Also, annoying things like dissociation, pseudohallucinations and paranoia may show up as well.

The exact events leading up to how I got diagnosed don't need to be recounted; to put it short, let's just say those two conditions + my life at that point led me down the ugly road of self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Eventually I ended up being dragged to the doc, and after I spat out all my feelings and talked about stuff ranging from my kindergarten days to the last days for over an hour, she concluded that I'm depressed and immediately recommended for me to be hospitalized, since I'd started to be a danger to myself, what with a lot of self-neglect and increasingly clearer thoughts on how and when to take my life.

My appointment with a doctor at the recommended hospital confirmed her suspicions, and in addition also suspicions that I might have BPD.

Blah, blah, I got into hospital, and ended up with the diagnosis mentioned above.

Started dialectical behavior therapy and celebrated my 20th birthday on the psych ward, with candles and happy birthdays instead of the thing I'd planned involving a bridge.

And... things are different now. I can feel that. I'm far from having good control over my conditions, but apparently I made a really good start, and most importantly, I started clinging to life again. Sometimes it makes me feel stronger, sometimes just even more pathetic.

The worst thing for me is to see what became of the overly enthusiastic, eager little kid I used to be.

It was always obvious that I had a certain emotional vulnerability/instability. Not in the sense that I'd already been disordered, but let's just say my parents did take me to a psychologist at a young age, concerned that I might be autistic. They got reassured that it's not the case, but I was still a pretty difficult kid, especially when I started to be more and more spiteful of people.

The visits to the psychologist didn't help me at all, however, since all I gathered from them back then was that my parents would drag me along to this guy every once in a while, and then talk about all the things that they were annoyed with/didn't like about me, while I had to sit and listen.

I didn't understand why they were doing it, I didn't understand the problem, I just felt like they constantly scolded me in front of a stranger.

And I kept having trouble with my emotions, a lot. It made it more difficult for me to connect with people, since other children would find me annoying and tell me to stop bothering them. I had a hard time finding friends, and when I finally did, certain damage had already been done.

In primary school, I'd been bullied for not only my annoying-ness, but also my enthusiasm for school. I was supposed to skip first grade because I progressed much faster than the rest of the class. And that's where it started. My new classmates insulted me for it, made fun of me, in short, nobody liked me.

I went back to my old class because I couldn't stand it, but they still didn't stop. I felt a little better when I finally made friends, but from that time on, my working morale was destroyed. I never changed back to the hard-working kid I used to be, even when I tried.

In secondary school, I once more had difficulties finding friends, and it really wasn't made better by the start of puberty and my continued lack of motivation to do anything in school any more.

My emotions kept being all over the place, I had mood swings like no other, I was extremely difficult to approach, and with my peers not liking me and my teachers being fed up with my unwillingness to work, I withdrew more and more from any form of social contact. Escapism made me feel better; I had my stories and books and music and they made me happy for a while. But it was only superficial at best, because while I found an escape for the moment, everything around me just got worse.

By the time I found friends in secondary school, I'd already adapted the view of myself as a lazy, aggressive outcast and was paranoid of people trying to get to know me.

Having friends made school bearable for me, but I'd antagonized too many people to ever really be at peace; I never stopped hearing mockery and insults, there was always someone making fun of me, and my self-esteem got worse as time passed.

By the time I graduated, I was the lazy, selfish, moody, careless asshole. I'd begun to show obvious signs of my conditions, but nobody caught the hints, least of all myself. Besides the problems that I'd been dealing with for a long time already, new problems showed up, in the form of a decreasing ability to care for myself, and a lingering uncertainty of what I wanted to do with my life.

My grades couldn't be saved any more, so I just barely passed my exams and stood no chance to get into university, at least not any of the subjects I was interested in.

By the time I got hospitalized, I valued myself so little that I only ate when I was at the verge of fainting, only left the house to buy food, only showered when I had to leave the house, only socialized when I couldn't find a good excuse to lock myself in my room. I couldn't be bothered to try anything any more, and I had nothing to turn my anger and frustration against but myself. I was barely aware of hurting myself sometimes; it quickly became my automatic response to even the slightest hint of negative emotion, and since I'd have felt guilty about dragging others into it or destroying things, I only had myself left, and that was good enough.

It also gave me more reason to stay inside, since I wouldn't have wanted anyone to feel bothered by looking at my wounds.

I legitimately didn't find anything good about myself any more, save for a single thing: I knew I was good at talking other people out of the same dumb shit that I did.

I was a mess, but I had friends; friends who needed me. Back then, I didn't see why they could possibly like me, but I did know that they valued me as someone who would listen to them if they needed it.

Basically, the only reason for me to keep myself alive was because I knew that in at least two instances, I had been the only thing that stood between someone else and their death. Good people. Worthy people. It gave me a purpose.

Even now that I know what really is wrong with me, now that I know, in the reasonable part of my brain, that I'm not nearly as worthless as I feel I am, it's still difficult to actually translate that knowledge into emotion.

Maybe it'll get easier with time, I don't know.

But as of now, all I seem to do is to keep telling myself the things I should know, but can't feel.

Sometimes it works, sometimes I get those little moments where I am genuinely positive about myself. But I still have a long way to go before I can really believe that I'm valuable.

My feelings are still a mess. I get emotional, I get moody, I panic, I despair, and I'm still fighting my worst fear, the fear of failure. But somehow, there's been a change inside me that makes me go on anyway, even if some days it's just the tiny little bit of hope that the next day will be better than the one before.

Maybe it really is the knowledge.

I know I'm disordered. I still feel all those weird emotions, but I am getting better and better at recognizing them as irrational, and thus, learning how to eventually control them. Knowing why I feel and act the way I do has helped me to see everything with more clarity, and I stopped seeing it as me fighting myself, and instead can see me fighting my disorder.

But I still hate it.

I still hate being so vulnerable, I hate having auditory hallucinations, I hate being paranoid, I hate feeling so pessimistic, I hate how I still automatically put myself below others, apologizing for the inconvenience of existing.

I apologize for talking. For eating. For wanting to spend time with people.

Not knowing how long it will take until it stops.

I feel like I shouldn't even post this. Too long. Too dramatic.

I'll do it anyway.

[Deleted User]

Never been diagnosed with anything, even if I was, I'd refuse any sort of medication. I'd also be too prideful to admit it to anyone because it'd feel like using a crutch. There -could- be something wrong with me, but I doubt it. I also doubt I'll ever go to a psychiatrist and find out, because quite frankly I don't need some suit telling me all the little nuances of how my mind works and what's wrong with me.

[Juniper]

I used to have "asthma". I had to take inhalers, one was blue, one was purple. I just sort of grew out of that somehow..

My best friend was recently diagnosed with Chrones disease though. Now he has to take like 10 pills a day or something.. I feel really bad for him.

My other friend has asbergers (I don't know how to spell that one, sorry) But it's never really effected him, he seems perfectly normal. That's part of the reason I don't like to talk about my problems. I don't have any "diagnosed disorders" because I never tell anyone about any suspicions I have that there's something wrong with me. at one point I was terrified I had cancer and I had to deal with that fear all by myself because I was too embarrassed/afraid to tell anyone I knew. (I still don't know. I probably don't though. I get paranoid about things a lot too. My biggest concern over the years has been my paranoid suspicion that I have Bipolar disorder. Anyone who wants to can go ahead and call me out as an attention seeker or a drama queen if you feel the need. That's why I don't tell anyone I know. I don't want them to think of me as weak or insensitive like that. I don't want to be diagnosed either. The uncertainty is better because about 50% of the time, I feel great and all my worries are just pushed into the back of my mind for later. If I was diagnosed with it, then I might have to take pills and I would probably get special treatment. I don't want that. I want to succeed in life without having any more of an advantage than anyone else and I do NOT want anyone's sympathy. On the other side of the coin, if I were diagnosed to not have any problems, I would no longer have anything to blame for the way I always feel.

What's actually wrong? nothing very serious. I find it kind of hard to actually really trust people. I always worry about people letting me down or myself letting other people down. I often put myself into hypocritical situations because one day, I might feel great and say something but then the next day I could just feel completely shit and tired and terrible and contradict what I said before. What usually happens is that I feel fantastic and in control of my life and even if I should be feeling bad about something, I don't let it get to me but I have too much energy and I can't sleep, I stay up too late ( I have stayed up until about 5 a.m. for the last 2 weeks) but as result of that, I start to get more and more tired until I find it hard to deal with things and I just kind of lose the will to do anything. Being single doesn't help any of this of course. But hey, I can't blame anyone for not wanting to put up with such an inconsistent person.

Anyway, that's me. If you think badly of me now, it's your choice. I'm sorry for not having a "real disease".

Edit: When I was going through my friend's disorders I forgot to mention my OTHER best friend who has anxiety problems (diagnosed) (and is bullied about it) From what they say, it doesn't sound like a pleasant experience and it pains me to think that people out there actually intentionally make things like that worse..

Edited August 21, 2015 by Juuzou

[Kiroen]

Well, i was born with Ashpergers Syndrome which basically destroyed all hopes of me having a social life cause each time i try to say something to another person that aint my mother, or people a lot older than me, i have this blocky feeling blocking me from saying anything, i also react to negative things a lot more, if someone shouts at me or does anything to provoke negative feelings, like a friend of mine ignoring me, or someone saying negative things to me for no reason(IRL), my feelings react to it a lot more than a normal person.

I seem to be fine on the internet though, friends not dealing with me anymore or saying negative things to me still applies to the internet though, thats why i tend to keep my friends away a certain distance and not give them a reason to hate me.

I am happy that i have it though, it allowed me to be different to other people, it allowed me to have an easier life at school cause i didnt need to study the bs school teaches at all, i had no homework, could go outside whenever i wanted, etc...

It allowed me to discover the joys of gaming and anime/manga/visual novels, which are what keep me afloat to this day.

And apperently, from what ive heard, having that thing makes you smarter than normal, i am not sure how true this is however.

Like Nhadala, I have Asperger's Syndrome.

I have esoteric knowledge on a number of subjects. My filter is patchy at best, and nonexistent at worst. The result: all the teachers at my school are aware that if I sound snarky, I'm usually just being brutally honest. I suck at expressing my emotions. I get stressed out over tiny details. When I joined my current school, I didn't speak to anyone in my class for two whole months. Thankfully, it didn't lead to bullying at my school, and I have good friends, so I have a social life of sorts.

ASD comes with a ton of sensory weirdness. I have migraines, prosopagnosia, Irlen and synaesthesia. I assume that you all know what migraines are. Prosopagnosia is face-blindness, so I can't recognise people out of context at all, or if I haven't seen them for a few months (when school starts again, awkwardness ensues). My Irlen Syndrome means that my vision is slightly distorted unless I'm wearing my glasses. My synaesthesia is probably the only one of those that isn't annoying, and is the one redeeming thing about my senses. Sounds are colourful, so listening to music is usually an enjoyable experience. It also makes it easier to recognise people due to vocal differences.

I am glad that I have it though. It meant that I could be weird and awkward. I'm also highly intelligent, so I didn't study much for the exams and I still aced them.

Add me to the list - even though it's not saying much. Asperger's is, sadly, just that: a syndrome, a stupidly huge group of symptoms that psychologists put together because there were statistics that pointed towards the possibility that they could be related, up to the point that both a borderline autistic and someone who's had almost not a single meaningful problem in his or her life (because of the symptoms) fall under the same category, even though their characteristics may be caused by different physiological reasons. Why is it sad? Because it's an impractical, useless categorization when it comes to find solutions to the problems that the symptoms may cause.

In my case, I was unaware of double meanings, certain jokes, subtle social interactions in general that I didn't care about until some point at high school. That led to bullying at some points (and its consequences: lower self esteem, social seclusion, and other bs that it's not cool to talk about), until I finally decided that, If I was to find interesting people at some point of my life, it would be for the best that my social skills didn't suck, so I started paying attention to other people's gestures, tones, reactions; and later analyzing and practicing myself in front of a mirror. Like If I was researching the subject of "how to be socially successful among all of these morons". The process was really slow, and it would take ~3-4 years to culminate.

When I was starting, I was aiming for a state grant to join international Baccalaureate, so I joined the high school in which I could take it one year later. The first confrontations of the ideal life I was imagining for myself with reality was, as it should be expected, disappointing. I lost interest for it before it even started, I didn't have any interest in meeting people, and, at the first new signs of bullying, I turtled myself - but at least it didn't go too wrong. Instead of getting into an abusive dynamic, this time I was fast to reply back to "jokes" (If you can call something with such terrible intentions a "joke") and I developed a fame of being an honest, but prepotent asshole. That, united to the fact that I frequently engaged in discussions with the teachers, simply because I hated the idea of having an authority figure giving diffusion to their dumb opinions (why hello there philosophy teacher), earned me some kind of respect. I didn't get in other people's lives, they didn't get in mine. After the first delusion, that was all that I ended up wishing for. In my disinterest for most things, I was happy.

Somehow, I had ended up making friends, and even though I had stopped studying and getting good grades, I received the grant for IB. The next year, however, several adversities found me at the very same time. The collapse of romantic delusions and other false expectations, a love rejection stupidly prolonged in time (precisely wasting the only months of my life in which I had been rejecting girls myself), the pressure of having a tight schedule in which I had to dedicate too much time to study stuff I didn't care about, while the subjects I was interested in was advancing way too slow... I quit High School. I got in depression, quit High School against my friends, family, classmates and teachers recommendations, and three months later, after I had got more perspective, I regretted it and came back, but it was too late. Not paying attention in class and catching up with your classmates' notes later is one thing, but completely leaving HS during a trimester, only to come back some time before the final exams... I failed completely the first one, realized the situation, and didn't attend to any other test. I had to repeat the grade - this time in regular High School (logically, they wouldn't give another grant to someone at my situation), got distanced from my friends and fell, again, further in depression. Drama.

I suspect I've got deviated from the main topic, so back to it. A couple of years after that, after I had gotten new friends and stuff, they all agreed in that I was charismatic.... !?!?!?¿¡!? To my surprise, I hadn't realized that, even though I had been going through so much bullshit, I had finally developed social skills up to the point that I didn't have to consciously act to express my feelings or thoughts. My whole perspective of life might have crashed and all, but hey, at least I excelled at overcoming my social awkwardness. (Yay.)

My other big symptom associated with Asperger is obsessions. Once I take a particular interest in something, my mind enters in a train route that forces me to keep thinking about it. This has both positive and negatives consequences: I can easily spend hours and hours learning about something (be it learning click optimization or tactics in AoE or something more useful, such as programming), but I can't easily choose what my next obsession will be, so it can get really troublesome some times ("You have had a fight with your girlfriend and didn't solve it yet? FUCK YOU, you are not going to sleep tonight" my mind, making a worryingly accurate prediction). I haven't been as successful with this, and it's getting increasingly annoying lately. In any case, there's as much intelligent and stupid people with Asperger as there are without it, so I'd gladly get rid of it If I could.

Edit: Several typos corrected.

Edited August 21, 2015 by Kiroen

[Chase]

Asthma.

Recently however, and like Jericho alluded to, I'm not going to admit to it or treat it because it's something is not diagnosed and I don't like crutches, I've seen docs... and a "possible" future diagnosis is Recurrent Brief Depression.

God, that sounds weak for an official diagnosis.

RBD is a mental disorder that is essentially an episodal version of major depression in which depression episodes last shorter than 14 days and are -not- related to a woman's menstrual cycle. Symptoms include hypersomnia (which is extremely easy to find in a case like mine where I'm normally a chronic insomniac), heightened anxiety, and extreme irritability

For NOW though, the "diagnosis" if you will, is Adjustment Disorder - or "situational depression."

[Shamitako]

Nothing fancy here, just clinical depression and severe anxiety (well, nothing fancy that's been diagnosed)

I also have Renaud's Syndrome which makes getting to school in the winter "fun" >_<

[Commander]

Eh, I kind of feel a little out of place considering I only have ADHD. It's not very noticeable until you're around me enough and then the off topic tangents begin.

[Darvan Korematsu]

Man it makes me feel some sorrow for everyone on here, because many of you got something that's probably gonna affect you for the rest of your life, and more like it may not go away. I feel very lucky, like my brain sort of shaped up or something, because the majority of my episodes occured outside school, and mostly at home. I'm nowhere near the saytromaniac I used to be back in middle school, and I was disturbing. It's slowly faded away as I've aged. Although subconsciously, I think it was a huge factor in me becoming a furry.

Compared to you guys, I feel really stable compared to depression and other serious shit. I wish I could help, but alas I cannot. This is what I appreciate about Reborn, knowing that all of us aren't that different.

[Meruem]

Any who just to clarify, I'm not talking about "tumblr disorders" were there's a chance that they aren't actually a problem with you.

this part sold the thread for me, lmao.

but seriously though, it must really suck to have ocd. i shouldnt speak because i havent experienced anything special, but this video made me realize how glad i am that i dont have ocd or other disorders.

stay tough, man. and if there's anything i can ever help with, i'll be here, just pm me or something :].