Flux Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I have Melanoma, the most dangerous type of skin cancer. From what I've gathered, it has only been seen in the women on my mom's side of the family, so I'm the first guy to have been diagnosed with it. The docs suggest not staying in the sun too long, so I can justify staying inside all day frequently. I've gotten surgery on two afflicted areas on my back, but the cancer's still there... somewhere. Odds are my face is the next place at risk, so I'll have to get some kind of surgery there eventually. Other than knowing I have the condition, the only thing that affects me is knowing I can't stay in the sun too long. I don't photosynthesize well. Arkhi!! I never knew... QQ Don't you dare let that get worse or you'll have a very sad Flux on your hands. As for me, I'm fortunate enough to say that I don't have any diagnosed conditions, though I feel kind of bad saying that here after seeing what everyone else has to deal with. The most I've had was a few broken bones over the years and a hernia when I was 4, which progressed far enough to almost kill me before I showed my dad how I could bulge out my intestines. (I just thought it was cool at the time. Thankfully I showed him, or I wouldn't be here.) That basically means that I'll forever live with a ring around my intestines, though it doesn't really affect me in any way now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkyRunner Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Asperger's is, sadly, just that: a syndrome, a stupidly huge group of symptoms that psychologists put together because there were statistics that pointed towards the possibility that they could be related, up to the point that both a borderline autistic and someone who's had almost not a single meaningful problem in his or her life (because of the symptoms) fall under the same category, even though their characteristics may be caused by different physiological reasons. Why is it sad? Because it's an impractical, useless categorization when it comes to find solutions to the problems that the symptoms may cause. I agree, Asperger's is a ridiculously open diagnosis. I was always adamantly against using my diagnoses as a crutch, but there came a point when I had to. This was when I had a toxic friend. The fluorescent lights at school were burning my eyes out, the bustle was draining my energy, I got migraines every day, I couldn't walk straight, I was acting weirdly. I was missing entire weeks' worth of school, and my schoolwork suffered for it. The school said that they couldn't take me back after Christmas break if I didn't have a reason for my behaviour. As much as I hated it, my parents used my diagnoses as a crutch so that I could return. Since then, I've brought my grades back up, I told my toxic friend that I couldn't be friends with them anymore, and I always have painkillers and my glasses on hand, just in case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raindrop Valkyrie Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Hmmmm, well Diagnosed-wise I have several Auto-Immune disorders one of which has since faded as I only had it as a child which was Psoriasis...((has a different name as it was a childhood version of it.)) The ones I still have are Asthma and Alopecia. I'm sure most know of Asthma since it's a lot more common than most other autoimmune disorders and is one of the easiest to catch as it has pretty clear symptoms etc... It's also a pretty nasty coupler with allergies ((Yay! I got them both and they make my daily life hell...)) as it is an inflammation of the airways that restricts air-flow etc. It's not fun. Luckily for me mine is under control enough that I don't require medication any longer for it other than a back-up rescue inhaler just in-case. I've only actually used the thing in recent times when sick just to make dang sure nothing bad happens lol. I use to have horrid allergy problems though actually having been hospitalized twice as a kid for Asthma attacks so severe that I had to stay there overnight. So, I've come a long way from that. Alopecia on the other hand... is an interesting beast that I'm not sure many know about around here. But basically... while not lethal it's certainly nothing good and hell... it is devastating to some. Anyway, in it's basic form Alopecia is the loss of hair due to the immune system believing hair follicles are foreign bodies. It's usually small circular patches that will in time grow back etc... It's pretty manageable on this basic level. However, what I have is known as Alopecia Univeralis. This means that I have literally no hair on my entire body. I don't have eyelashes, eyebrows ((though most don't notice somehow.)), body hair, hair on my head, any of it. Of course, this makes for a few problems. As I don't have eyelashes... I am required to wear sunglasses outside even on pretty overcast days as the immense amount of light really does a number on my eyes if I do not as the natural barrier to keep light out ((a.k.a your eyelashes.)), I don't have. I usually have to wear hats too if outside of long period of time to avoid sunburn, however it's pretty rare as I rarely ever get it even if I don't, I just like to be on the safe side. It also effects my ability to sweat properly as body hair is a big part of your sweating process allowing the sweat to get out of the body etc... I still do, just nowhere near as efficiently as I should, therefore I am very prone to heat exhaustion and other heat related issues so I need to be suuuuper careful doing anything physical or just being out int he summer time at all. This stage actually has nothing that can be done for it and sorta have to live with it unless it randomly decides to just go dormant for awhile. It can happen and is known to for earlier forms of alopecia but it's really rare for once it gets to my level for it to reverse itself to any degree lol. It's not too much a bother for me, I actually am pretty fine with it other than how stupid people can be. I've literally caught people treating me like a cancer patient, or flat coming up to me and giving me their condolences. It's... kinda annoying they assume such just because I'm bald and don't have any hair. It's suuuuuper inconsiderate. Also,as a guy other than those few annoying folsk I don't got many problems with it. ((honestly... don't need to shave or get haircuts... pretty sweet deal imo XD.)) EDIT: I should note, that Alopecia can effect women. And well... I've met a few that it's something they usually struggle with a lot more than say... me. For guys the shaved head thing is more and more common and it's not really batted and eye at so much anymore, but it's still not so for women. As such... they have a lot more issues with that than say I would. This is what I meant by it is pretty devastating to some. I learned to live with it pretty quickly, but other individuals do not. Some men and women really struggle with self-image issues and straight up being treated differently because of the disorder. While it's something that doesn't seem to big a deal it really can be for some. It didn't hit me hard, I've been through worse things... some have not and it really effects them. So do know while I make it sound pretty harmless that's cause to me it is... but others aren't quite in the same boat. I'd just like folks to keep this in mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Support Squad Felicity Posted August 21, 2015 Support Squad Share Posted August 21, 2015 Uh, diagnosed stuff I really don't consider myself as suffering but I have asthma which is hardly an issue, even if it did have the profound effect of making me more indoorsy. I also have a combination of short sight and a nystagmus I've had for as long as I can remember. ~Apparently~ this tires my eyes out more and the telltale sign for the nystagmus is my eyes shaking as though I'm constantly computing something in my mind. These are apparently compounding and can result in a variety of issues. Nothing I've noticed, so I guess I got away with it. Worst that can come from this for me is maybe no drivers licence because I may not be able to read from a licence plate at a certain distance,no biggie However, I don't consider these issues in my life. I made up with these things a long time ago and, despite people trying to convince me otherwise, they are small things to me. I don't know what it's like to have perfect sight but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate what I see and I'm fit enough that asthma is not an issue. So those are my orderly disorders that aren't disrupting my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorekeeper Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I... have OCD and anxiety due to it, as well as either ADHD, Aspergers, Depression, or a mix of them. Plus an autoimmune disorder that MAY or MAY NOT be responsible for just about everything (according to my mother, who is an RN and did a lot of research on it), which is attacking my thyroid. Truth be told, though? I honestly don't care that much, now that I'm out of HS... Which I couldn't finish, btw. I was completely unable to handle the people by the second half of senior year, and ended up just... bouncing between a specialist charter school (which may have been even worse then the public school) and just doing it from home, with a specialist teacher. The OCD is probably the worst, though. I mean, the thyroid thing, I don't care about. I'm taking meds for it, which helped, a LOT, and now I can actually wake up at a normal hour, instead of sleeping 'til 4pm and staying up until 5am, among other things. But the OCD... It's mostly Contamination OCD, so it makes me constantly worry about germs, and has gotten to the point where I'm disinfecting and washing anything it deems "unclean" at least once a day. I barely go out anymore because it convinces me that I'll get dirty and/or sick. (Back before I became a hermit, my hands would just crack open and bleed all the time, since I was washing them so much; they still do, sometimes, but not as badly.) It also gives me weird, intrusive thoughts (especially if I see or hear something unpleasant), which cause me to obsess over things I dislike, such as gory/creepy scenes or even just germs/dirt/gross things. The anxiety also flares up sometimes (spurred on by those obsessive thoughts), to make me fear for my own, or my family's safety, esp. my brother's. The thing I hate the most about it, though, is that I can't touch my family, or pets. It's not as bad when I'm out of the house, but, as I spend most of my time in my house, it creates a vicious (and awkward) cycle. I could have it worse, though (WAY worse), so I'm not complaining... much. (If you noticed I'm separating myself from the OCD, good job! I just started treatment for it, and one of the things I'm supposed to do is acknowledge the the OCD impulses are NOT what I want, and are NOT rational. It's kind of working, too.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhi Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Arkhi!! I never knew... QQ Don't you dare let that get worse or you'll have a very sad Flux on your hands. If I'm gonna kick the bucket, I'll do it an awesome way. My health is good enough that I'm rarely affected day to day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoneyMadam Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 (edited) Oi this is going to be ALLOT to reply to. xD But just before I begin I just want to say damn, it's bitter sweet to see people with all these issues. I say sweet since I'm finally actually going into communication with people that struggle on a daily basis with disorders. It's bitter because it makes me feel straight up lamentable, just seeing all these people struggle as dumb as it sounds makes me feel teary eyed. Ok ok that's kind of stretching it but Idk how else that could explain my feelings on this tbh. Also heads up, this'll be a long post so I'm going to use a spoiler code for every reply in hopes that it'll shorten everything. Diagnosed disorders: Asthma and Eczema meaning I can't run for to long because ot gets hard for me to breathe , and to top it off my epidermis is damaged and causes severe itching (especially in areas like the back of knees and inner elbows)Undiagnosed: slight depression... it comes and goes but it has never been bad enough to get medicine for it As for your diagnosed issues, I'm sorry that you have both of these :/. I personally don't have asthma but from what I've heard and experienced in the past it can be a pain. And for eczema it kind of runs in my family, I personally don't have it as bad as some but my late uncle had it horribly. So for both of these I'm really hoping that any possible medications you're taking for them are really helping. As for undiagnosed, I'm really hoping that you may find the need to get help for it. If you can't for some reason (financial stuff or others, etc) then there's always online websites where correct me if I'm wrong, there are certified therapists that can give you tips here and there. 1+ for social media I guess heh. But all in all good luck. Despite how i talk and other things, it's kinda fine. That's at least good to hear man, if it ever finds a way to bug you but you feel that it's not a "huge" deal then like I mentioned to xXNasDavXx there are many websites that I think are for free where you can get into contact with therapists and get tips from them. Honestly back in middle school around seventh grade, I was diagnosed with satyromania. It's a very unsavory condition where I experience unnatural sexual desire towards the most random things, and it doesn't matter if it's male, female, human, animal, animate, inanimate, alive, or dead. I used to get turned on by the weirdest things, and often say things that got me suspended because of it. The doctors didn't do a damn thing about it, other than gimme some pills I refused to take, because they said I'd burn myself out after a while. What they thought was a timeframe of more like a year or two. Well they were partially right about that, although it was barely manageable in my freshman year, I did indeed slowly burn myself out of that phase. But man I had to avoid pornography and other morally questionable things like that like the fucking plague, or else I'm sure you could figure out the rest. But yeah, my satyromania has receded alot from how afflicting it used to be. I think it's nearly gone now, but I occasionally have an episode. Firstly I'd like to say that's awesome to at least see that it seems like it has receded a bit. But man just to hear that your doctors didn't specifically give you help bugs me. Unless they did recommend someone that just wasn't helpful enough. Hopefully now if it ever flares up horribly you can go into research for someone who can legitimately help you. Good luck~ This, uh, takes a lot of guts to post in this public a venue, even if the mods will crack down like the fist of God on anyone dumb enough to say anything sideways. Shudda waited till Ace It definitely does, but worst goes to worst someone says something dumb and we all just deal with it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Maybe if everyone on the internet had that mentality it would be a better place, but pssssh WHO AM I TO TALK RIIIIGHHHTT M8?FOCKIN FITE ME! xD I've talked about my issue before on the forums, but I'll say it here too. I was born with Sickle Cell Anemia (disease) Type SC. And let me tell you, I've had quite a few experiences because of this. On a basic level, Sickle cell is a genetic disorder in the blood, hemoglobin specifically, that requires a certain gene to be present in both parents. Normal hemoglobin, dubbed hemoglobin A, is what you all have. Then there are the mutated versions. The more common one is S, the rarer one is C. If a person has SA then they have Sickle cell trait, which doesn't do anything. If they have AC its the same story. However if two people, both with SA have a kid, there's a 25% chance he will have hemoglobin SS, aka the worse version of sickle cell. I have SC, a rarer, milder version. Science stuff aside, what exactly does it do? Well its in the name. Some of my blood cells are shaped strangely. Instead of the usual "donut" shape, a few of mine can become shaped like sickles. These cells can get stuck in capillaries and when they do it hurts like nothing you've ever experienced. This is called a Crisis, and for good reason. There are some triggers, but this is where things get weird. For whatever reason, my triggers are different than the normal ones. Normally, the main triggers are dehydration and cold exposure. The cold makes your blood vessels shrink and the sickled cells can't get through easily, causing pain. Dehydration works just about the same way. In this case the pain occurs in limbs usually. Sometimes in the chest, but that's a different thing. Also, side note, sickled cells are harmless until they get stuck. I have no idea what causes them to sickle, but 99% of the time nothing happens when they do. It's just that one percent of the time when the scenario is right. I'm going off my experience with SC, SS is a whole nother level. Physically, sickle cell inhibits my athletic ability. The messed up hemoglobin can't carry as much oxygen, so I lose my breath faster and my stamina is lessened. This can be counteracted with water. How much water I have in me, the more I can do. In cooler temperatures, this results in me having more stamina and such. I become pretty much normal, and maybe even above that. With me cold has 0 negative effect. Doesn't bother me, doesn't cause a crisis. Unless it's cold water, like swimming in cold water, but everything else is fine. So while cold is good for me, heat is my weakness. The dehydration thing is still in effect, and I get hot easily. Combine that with heat and I get tired very easily. This is where it goes downhill. When I reach my limit and I keep going it can result in a crisis. What my limit is depends on the temperature and my hydration. The chance of having a crisis increases the more I push. Athletic induced problems occur in the lower back for me. It hurts like hell, makes it hard to move, leaves me bedridden for 2-4 days. Feels bad man. If I have some kind of infection or something that can cause my lungs to not get as much oxygen, like pneumonia, then the chance of crisis and the level of pain increase. And the amount of physical stuff I can do decreases. This all sounds very technical and bad and stuff, I know, but for me it's not as bad as you think. Yes, I lose my breath quickly, but I also recover it quickly. A two minute break can completely rejuvenate me. Also, what I lack in stamina I make up for in everything else. And the more I work on it and train, the more I get. At this point no one notices that there's an issue unless I tell them. And if I'm hydrated I'll be fine. As long as it isn't hot, cause the colder it is the better. I can do pretty much everything a normal guy can do. Except I'm faster than a normal guy. My one athletic gift is speed. And the chance of anything bad happening is pretty low. I still don't like sports much, especially fall/spring season. But as long as I take care of myself and take a breather every 15-20 minutes, I'm every bit as good as the next guy. Sorry if this was hard to understand or repetitive. It's really hard to explain. Just be glad I didn't get into the social consequences I experienced at my old school. That's a long story. Let's just say, middle school was rough. And kids are mean. Firstly, since I just got to the last sentence I just want to clarify that this definitely wasn't repetitive! I'm glad that you were able to explain to the best of your efforts. Also yeah man, kids can be a pain. :/ Sadly that's a part of the social circle some people play a part in, hopefully when some of the more "douchey" kids grow up they'll learn a thing or two. Secondly, I've never actually met a person with any type of sickle cell disease so this was extremely interesting and eye opening to learn about. To hear that it's allot better now is music to me ears, or since this was typed...music to my eyes? (xD) All in all I'm glad to know that you're at least able to take care of yourself. This post was personally great for me since now I know a bit more about this disease. Hopefully that'll benefit my perspective on things. But as for you stay safe in the heat and gl!~ Well, i was born with Ashpergers Syndrome which basically destroyed all hopes of me having a social life cause each time i try to say something to another person that aint my mother, or people a lot older than me, i have this blocky feeling blocking me from saying anything, i also react to negative things a lot more, if someone shouts at me or does anything to provoke negative feelings, like a friend of mine ignoring me, or someone saying negative things to me for no reason(IRL), my feelings react to it a lot more than a normal person. I seem to be fine on the internet though, friends not dealing with me anymore or saying negative things to me still applies to the internet though, thats why i tend to keep my friends away a certain distance and not give them a reason to hate me. I am happy that i have it though, it allowed me to be different to other people, it allowed me to have an easier life at school cause i didnt need to study the bs school teaches at all, i had no homework, could go outside whenever i wanted, etc... It allowed me to discover the joys of gaming and anime/manga/visual novels, which are what keep me afloat to this day. And apperently, from what ive heard, having that thing makes you smarter than normal, i am not sure how true this is however. Firstly, I'm glad to hear that the internet in general helps you socialize without having ashpergers get in the way. Or atleast to a bad extent. Secondly, as you said you're not sure as to why this makes you seem like a smarter person. Personally I'm no expert on this (obviously, I'm going into graphic design xD Aye at least cut me some slack I am blonde after all...Yay for stereotypes!) but I think that with hardships people may get wiser or more open minded to a certain extent. So that may just be the case with you. Also that's cool to see that you made this into something positive at school. Lemme tell yah though, taking normal ap or honors classes with ocd was effin' hell so aye you got the better end of it!~ Mainly though I hope that your at least getting some form of support and help for this. You and speaking for anyone with disorders or any problem, you're all normal. If anything we're better than anyone with problems. Ok that's obviously stretching it but I'm saying this in hopes that whenever you're down this may lift you up. I used to have a friend in higschool with ashpergers and I never really (at the time of course) knew how to help him. So maybe this is my way for making up for it. Also gaming or anything within that anime sort of medium, doesn't it run all of our lives? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I have Melanoma, the most dangerous type of skin cancer. From what I've gathered, it has only been seen in the women on my mom's side of the family, so I'm the first guy to have been diagnosed with it. The docs suggest not staying in the sun too long, so I can justify staying inside all day frequently. I've gotten surgery on two afflicted areas on my back, but the cancer's still there... somewhere. Odds are my face is the next place at risk, so I'll have to get some kind of surgery there eventually. Other than knowing I have the condition, the only thing that affects me is knowing I can't stay in the sun too long. I don't photosynthesize well. Man that's gotta be tough, not trying to be a downer but I'm just trying to empathize somehow. But all in all I'm hoping that the surgeries are at least to some degree helpful for you. So as of right now good luck if any other surgeries come up and stay out of the sun o' course. :^) "tumblr disorders" Nice job dismissing people who might not have access to a doctor to actually diagnose them. Eh well firstly I'm not here to start any stupid internet confrontation since what's the point in that. I say "tumblr disorders" because when there's an edgy kid that posts about a problem that everyone has daily struggles with it can definitely get to someone with actual problems. Of course I'm not undermining anyone who may have potential problems. I mean I was in that position before I got help of course. But I'm just hoping that there's at least a way you can see what I mean. Like Nhadala, I have Asperger's Syndrome. I have esoteric knowledge on a number of subjects. My filter is patchy at best, and nonexistent at worst. The result: all the teachers at my school are aware that if I sound snarky, I'm usually just being brutally honest. I suck at expressing my emotions. I get stressed out over tiny details. When I joined my current school, I didn't speak to anyone in my class for two whole months. Thankfully, it didn't lead to bullying at my school, and I have good friends, so I have a social life of sorts. ASD comes with a ton of sensory weirdness. I have migraines, prosopagnosia, Irlen and synaesthesia. I assume that you all know what migraines are. Prosopagnosia is face-blindness, so I can't recognise people out of context at all, or if I haven't seen them for a few months (when school starts again, awkwardness ensues). My Irlen Syndrome means that my vision is slightly distorted unless I'm wearing my glasses. My synaesthesia is probably the only one of those that isn't annoying, and is the one redeeming thing about my senses. Sounds are colourful, so listening to music is usually an enjoyable experience. It also makes it easier to recognise people due to vocal differences. I am glad that I have it though. It meant that I could be weird and awkward. I'm also highly intelligent, so I didn't study much for the exams and I still aced them. "..so I didn't study much for the exams and I still aced them." Ugh where was that magic when I needed it... xD Ok, onto a more serious note since I read Nhadala's post and this one I think I'm getting a better idea of how aspergers works. Like I mentioned to Nhadala I feel like with hardships comes knowledge so whenever you guys where judged somehow in the end it made you become more open minded. Or at least that's how I'm seeing it. But onto the main point, I'm glad to know that you're making this all into something positive. Sure you guys may call yourselves socially awkward but I look at you guys as totally normal people, as well as anyone else with problems. As well as for your other problems hopefully you're getting some form of help for them. As well as the aspergers!~ Uh, here we go.On one hand I really don't wanna fly into a huge rant about trying to live with stuff, but on the other hand I'm kinda glad this thread exists, because lately things have been wearing me down again and it sorta feels good to have an excuse to talk about it for a moment.I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder last year, as well as (at that point) severe depression. For those who don't quite know what BPD is, some of the most prominent issues are out-of-control emotions that are often both difficult to pinpoint and difficult to deal with, difficulty controlling impulse, awfully low self-esteem/a distorted view of oneself, instability in relationships with other people, and a tendency for self-harming/suicidal actions. Also, annoying things like dissociation, pseudohallucinations and paranoia may show up as well. The exact events leading up to how I got diagnosed don't need to be recounted; to put it short, let's just say those two conditions + my life at that point led me down the ugly road of self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Eventually I ended up being dragged to the doc, and after I spat out all my feelings and talked about stuff ranging from my kindergarten days to the last days for over an hour, she concluded that I'm depressed and immediately recommended for me to be hospitalized, since I'd started to be a danger to myself, what with a lot of self-neglect and increasingly clearer thoughts on how and when to take my life. My appointment with a doctor at the recommended hospital confirmed her suspicions, and in addition also suspicions that I might have BPD. Blah, blah, I got into hospital, and ended up with the diagnosis mentioned above. Started dialectical behavior therapy and celebrated my 20th birthday on the psych ward, with candles and happy birthdays instead of the thing I'd planned involving a bridge. And... things are different now. I can feel that. I'm far from having good control over my conditions, but apparently I made a really good start, and most importantly, I started clinging to life again. Sometimes it makes me feel stronger, sometimes just even more pathetic. The worst thing for me is to see what became of the overly enthusiastic, eager little kid I used to be. It was always obvious that I had a certain emotional vulnerability/instability. Not in the sense that I'd already been disordered, but let's just say my parents did take me to a psychologist at a young age, concerned that I might be autistic. They got reassured that it's not the case, but I was still a pretty difficult kid, especially when I started to be more and more spiteful of people. The visits to the psychologist didn't help me at all, however, since all I gathered from them back then was that my parents would drag me along to this guy every once in a while, and then talk about all the things that they were annoyed with/didn't like about me, while I had to sit and listen. I didn't understand why they were doing it, I didn't understand the problem, I just felt like they constantly scolded me in front of a stranger. And I kept having trouble with my emotions, a lot. It made it more difficult for me to connect with people, since other children would find me annoying and tell me to stop bothering them. I had a hard time finding friends, and when I finally did, certain damage had already been done. In primary school, I'd been bullied for not only my annoying-ness, but also my enthusiasm for school. I was supposed to skip first grade because I progressed much faster than the rest of the class. And that's where it started. My new classmates insulted me for it, made fun of me, in short, nobody liked me. I went back to my old class because I couldn't stand it, but they still didn't stop. I felt a little better when I finally made friends, but from that time on, my working morale was destroyed. I never changed back to the hard-working kid I used to be, even when I tried. In secondary school, I once more had difficulties finding friends, and it really wasn't made better by the start of puberty and my continued lack of motivation to do anything in school any more. My emotions kept being all over the place, I had mood swings like no other, I was extremely difficult to approach, and with my peers not liking me and my teachers being fed up with my unwillingness to work, I withdrew more and more from any form of social contact. Escapism made me feel better; I had my stories and books and music and they made me happy for a while. But it was only superficial at best, because while I found an escape for the moment, everything around me just got worse. By the time I found friends in secondary school, I'd already adapted the view of myself as a lazy, aggressive outcast and was paranoid of people trying to get to know me. Having friends made school bearable for me, but I'd antagonized too many people to ever really be at peace; I never stopped hearing mockery and insults, there was always someone making fun of me, and my self-esteem got worse as time passed. By the time I graduated, I was the lazy, selfish, moody, careless asshole. I'd begun to show obvious signs of my conditions, but nobody caught the hints, least of all myself. Besides the problems that I'd been dealing with for a long time already, new problems showed up, in the form of a decreasing ability to care for myself, and a lingering uncertainty of what I wanted to do with my life. My grades couldn't be saved any more, so I just barely passed my exams and stood no chance to get into university, at least not any of the subjects I was interested in. By the time I got hospitalized, I valued myself so little that I only ate when I was at the verge of fainting, only left the house to buy food, only showered when I had to leave the house, only socialized when I couldn't find a good excuse to lock myself in my room. I couldn't be bothered to try anything any more, and I had nothing to turn my anger and frustration against but myself. I was barely aware of hurting myself sometimes; it quickly became my automatic response to even the slightest hint of negative emotion, and since I'd have felt guilty about dragging others into it or destroying things, I only had myself left, and that was good enough. It also gave me more reason to stay inside, since I wouldn't have wanted anyone to feel bothered by looking at my wounds. I legitimately didn't find anything good about myself any more, save for a single thing: I knew I was good at talking other people out of the same dumb shit that I did. I was a mess, but I had friends; friends who needed me. Back then, I didn't see why they could possibly like me, but I did know that they valued me as someone who would listen to them if they needed it. Basically, the only reason for me to keep myself alive was because I knew that in at least two instances, I had been the only thing that stood between someone else and their death. Good people. Worthy people. It gave me a purpose. Even now that I know what really is wrong with me, now that I know, in the reasonable part of my brain, that I'm not nearly as worthless as I feel I am, it's still difficult to actually translate that knowledge into emotion. Maybe it'll get easier with time, I don't know. But as of now, all I seem to do is to keep telling myself the things I should know, but can't feel. Sometimes it works, sometimes I get those little moments where I am genuinely positive about myself. But I still have a long way to go before I can really believe that I'm valuable. My feelings are still a mess. I get emotional, I get moody, I panic, I despair, and I'm still fighting my worst fear, the fear of failure. But somehow, there's been a change inside me that makes me go on anyway, even if some days it's just the tiny little bit of hope that the next day will be better than the one before. Maybe it really is the knowledge. I know I'm disordered. I still feel all those weird emotions, but I am getting better and better at recognizing them as irrational, and thus, learning how to eventually control them. Knowing why I feel and act the way I do has helped me to see everything with more clarity, and I stopped seeing it as me fighting myself, and instead can see me fighting my disorder. But I still hate it. I still hate being so vulnerable, I hate having auditory hallucinations, I hate being paranoid, I hate feeling so pessimistic, I hate how I still automatically put myself below others, apologizing for the inconvenience of existing. I apologize for talking. For eating. For wanting to spend time with people. Not knowing how long it will take until it stops. I feel like I shouldn't even post this. Too long. Too dramatic. I'll do it anyway. Firstly to clarify, there's no need for that fear of not wanting to post about your issues. I;m glad that you went into so much detail so that I can see where your specifically coming from! Secondly onto my main points, I feel that for your specific post I want to say less of "Oh hope it get's better..." or something like that and more of tips. Before I begin I'm clearly not a professional so I'm sorry in advance if my tips aren't as good as I think they seem. Hopefully the thought that I'm trying to reach out is at least enough to give you some positivity. Okayyy so to begin I'd like to firstly give you some positivity on how you did at school. Even without a college degree you're still a valuable human being. If anyone for some reason has looked sown upon you for that then that's their loss. My mom never got her degree and still worked full time and made a living alongside my dad so that's enough proof for me that anyone can still be successful. As for feeling vunerable/paranoid/pessimistic and dealing with auditory hallucinations not only do I want to stress once again that no matter what people have told you in the past that;s their loss and your still a normal human being. I stress to everyone that I've replied to on this thread that their normal is because society always viewed people with disorders as "outcasts". Now that we are in 2015 I'm aware that there are still people who have yet to fully understand that we're no different than them. But now a days there's so much people out there willing to hear your and other's stories. Even if it's a random kid on social media stereotypically saying something like ," OMG! Are you ok? You can always pm me.." Blah blah blah you get the point, This all in all just goes to show that so many people want to help or at least try. I'm glad to hear that you did eventually get professional help but hopefully you see that I'm saying that not only do professional's want to help but everyone wants to help. Hopefully this was some form of encouragement, my bad if it really wasn't, all in all remember to think positively about this situation. Even with how hard it may seem. Never been diagnosed with anything, even if I was, I'd refuse any sort of medication. I'd also be too prideful to admit it to anyone because it'd feel like using a crutch. There -could- be something wrong with me, but I doubt it. I also doubt I'll ever go to a psychiatrist and find out, because quite frankly I don't need some suit telling me all the little nuances of how my mind works and what's wrong with me. Damn I find it horrifying how much you sound like a friend of mine. heh But to be serious that's great to know that you don't (at least) think you have problems! Hopefully you'll be able to continue to live that way for days to come. I used to have "asthma". I had to take inhalers, one was blue, one was purple. I just sort of grew out of that somehow.. My best friend was recently diagnosed with Chrones disease though. Now he has to take like 10 pills a day or something.. I feel really bad for him. My other friend has asbergers (I don't know how to spell that one, sorry) But it's never really effected him, he seems perfectly normal. That's part of the reason I don't like to talk about my problems. I don't have any "diagnosed disorders" because I never tell anyone about any suspicions I have that there's something wrong with me. at one point I was terrified I had cancer and I had to deal with that fear all by myself because I was too embarrassed/afraid to tell anyone I knew. (I still don't know. I probably don't though. I get paranoid about things a lot too. My biggest concern over the years has been my paranoid suspicion that I have Bipolar disorder. Anyone who wants to can go ahead and call me out as an attention seeker or a drama queen if you feel the need. That's why I don't tell anyone I know. I don't want them to think of me as weak or insensitive like that. I don't want to be diagnosed either. The uncertainty is better because about 50% of the time, I feel great and all my worries are just pushed into the back of my mind for later. If I was diagnosed with it, then I might have to take pills and I would probably get special treatment. I don't want that. I want to succeed in life without having any more of an advantage than anyone else and I do NOT want anyone's sympathy. On the other side of the coin, if I were diagnosed to not have any problems, I would no longer have anything to blame for the way I always feel. What's actually wrong? nothing very serious. I find it kind of hard to actually really trust people. I always worry about people letting me down or myself letting other people down. I often put myself into hypocritical situations because one day, I might feel great and say something but then the next day I could just feel completely shit and tired and terrible and contradict what I said before. What usually happens is that I feel fantastic and in control of my life and even if I should be feeling bad about something, I don't let it get to me but I have too much energy and I can't sleep, I stay up too late ( I have stayed up until about 5 a.m. for the last 2 weeks) but as result of that, I start to get more and more tired until I find it hard to deal with things and I just kind of lose the will to do anything. Being single doesn't help any of this of course. But hey, I can't blame anyone for not wanting to put up with such an inconsistent person. Anyway, that's me. If you think badly of me now, it's your choice. I'm sorry for not having a "real disease". Firstly, you're not inconsistent! I love to hear how everyone feels. When I said before no "trumblr disorders" I guess it was just a cruel joke. Hopefully no one here has called you out for being a "drama queen" because you're absolutely not. Secondly, I definitely see where you're coming from with not getting help. I always stress people to get help because of how much it's helped me. But everyone varies with different opinions on what they want to do. So do what you feel is better for yourself. Now onto how you specifically feel, I'm not trying to throw something in your face like," YOU SEEM TO HAVE THIS PROBLEM" but from what I never mentioned on this post since I got over it is my old bipolar depression. From what it seems is that you may be experiencing the same symptoms to how I felt at the time when I had it. Buuut I really don't want to label you with something so do watcha gotta do and hopefully life continues to go well~ Add me to the list - even though it's not saying much. Asperger's is, sadly, just that: a syndrome, a stupidly huge group of symptoms that psychologists put together because there were statistics that pointed towards the possibility that they could be related, up to the point that both a borderline autistic and someone who's had almost not a single meaningful problem in his or her life (because of the symptoms) fall under the same category, even though their characteristics may be caused by different physiological reasons. Why is it sad? Because it's an impractical, useless categorization when it comes to find solutions to the problems that the symptoms may cause. In my case, I was unaware of double meanings, certain jokes, subtle social interactions in general that I didn't care about until some point at high school. That led to bullying at some points (and its consequences: lower self esteem, social seclusion, and other bs that it's not cool to talk about), until I finally decided that, If I was to find interesting people at some point of my life, it would be for the best that my social skills didn't suck, so I started paying attention to other people's gestures, tones, reactions; and later analyzing and practicing myself in front of a mirror. Like If I was researching the subject of "how to be socially successful among all of these morons". The process was really slow, and it would take ~3-4 years to culminate. When I was starting, I was aiming for a state grant to join international Baccalaureate, so I joined the high school in which I could take it one year later. The first confrontations of the ideal life I was imagining for myself with reality was, as it should be expected, disappointing. I lost interest for it before it even started, I didn't have any interest in meeting people, and, at the first new signs of bullying, I turtled myself - but at least it didn't go too wrong. Instead of getting into an abusive dynamic, this time I was fast to reply back to "jokes" (If you can call something with such terrible intentions a "joke") and I developed a fame of being an honest, but prepotent asshole. That, united to the fact that I frequently engaged in discussions with the teachers, simply because I hated the idea of having an authority figure giving diffusion to their dumb opinions (why hello there philosophy teacher), earned me some kind of respect. I didn't get in other people's lives, they didn't get in mine. After the first delusion, that was all that I ended up wishing for. In my disinterest for most things, I was happy. Somehow, I had ended up making friends, and even though I had stopped studying and getting good grades, I received the grant for IB. The next year, however, several adversities found me at the very same time. The collapse of romantic delusions and other false expectations, a love rejection stupidly prolonged in time (precisely wasting the only months of my life in which I had been rejecting girls myself), the pressure of having a tight schedule in which I had to dedicate too much time to study stuff I didn't care about, while the subjects I was interested in was advancing way too slow... I quit High School. I got in depression, quit High School against my friends, family, classmates and teachers recommendations, and three months later, after I had got more perspective, I regretted it and came back, but it was too late. Not paying attention in class and catching up with your classmates' notes later is one thing, but completely leaving HS during a trimester, only to come back some time before the final exams... I failed completely the first one, realized the situation, and didn't attend to any other test. I had to repeat the grade - this time in regular High School (logically, they wouldn't give another grant to someone at my situation), got distanced from my friends and fell, again, further in depression. Drama. I suspect I've got deviated from the main topic, so back to it. A couple of years after that, after I had gotten new friends and stuff, they all agreed in that I was charismatic.... !?!?!?¿¡!? To my surprise, I hadn't realized that, even though I had been going through so much bullshit, I had finally developed social skills up to the point that I didn't have to consciously act to express my feelings or thoughts. My whole perspective of life might have crashed and all, but hey, at least I excelled at overcoming my social awkwardness. (Yay.) My other big symptom associated with Asperger is obsessions. Once I take a particular interest in something, my mind enters in a train route that forces me to keep thinking about it. This has both positive and negatives consequences: I can easily spend hours and hours learning about something (be it learning click optimization or tactics in AoE or something more useful, such as programming), but I can't easily choose what my next obsession will be, so it can get really troublesome some times ("You have had a fight with your girlfriend and didn't solve it yet? FUCK YOU, you are not going to sleep tonight" my mind, making a worryingly accurate prediction). I haven't been as successful with this, and it's getting increasingly annoying lately. In any case, there's as much intelligent and stupid people with Asperger as there are without it, so I'd gladly get rid of it If I could. Edit: Several typos corrected. To start this off I'd like to say that even if you've dropped out of highschool (Like I've mentioned in a previous post) I know for a fact you can still live your life happy and successful. In a nut shell my proof for that is how my mom never ended up getting a college degree (she was also a valedictorian in highschool just to mention.) yet she still found a nice full time job and helped support my father and siblings throughout our childhood. So with that if you ever feel down about that try to remember this little story. Hopefully it was helpful. Now I'd like to address your actual problem with aspergers. From the previous posts that I've read it seems that a similar problem with this is that you often get "judgemental of others". I'd like to state that sure back in the day it must have been tough. All in all kids can pretty much be pricks in school. But once everyone starts to grow up and become more open minded life becomes a little bit better. To finish up my post though I'm thrilled to hear that life's seemingly gotten better for you. I hope that it continues to stay that way. Asthma. Recently however, and like Jericho alluded to, I'm not going to admit to it or treat it because it's something is not diagnosed and I don't like crutches, I've seen docs... and a "possible" future diagnosis is Recurrent Brief Depression. God, that sounds weak for an official diagnosis. RBD is a mental disorder that is essentially an episodal version of major depression in which depression episodes last shorter than 14 days and are -not- related to a woman's menstrual cycle. Symptoms include hypersomnia (which is extremely easy to find in a case like mine where I'm normally a chronic insomniac), heightened anxiety, and extreme irritability For NOW though, the "diagnosis" if you will, is Adjustment Disorder - or "situational depression." Aye even if it's not specifically diagnosed then I'd still be happy to give out some form of encouragement. From what I see on your post it seems to (hopefully) be a problem that's not bugging you. Since you don't want to get labeled by a doctor I see where your coming from completely. All in all, do what's better for you. Nothing fancy here, just clinical depression and severe anxiety (well, nothing fancy that's been diagnosed) I also have Renaud's Syndrome which makes getting to school in the winter "fun" >_< Like I mentioned in other posts when I said "tumblr disorders" or "non diagnosed syndromes" I was just trying to stress that I don't want people to wrongfully post about a problem. If you're currently undiagnosed but you feel like you actually know enough about the problem then go for it and post!~ Onto the main point at hand, I hope at least that you're able to live your life happily. Since I don't have enough information (which of course is ok) I can't go deep into tips but I hope the slightest encouragement is helpful enough. Also I just did some research into renaud's syndrome and damn, at least for you it's hopefully bearable enough to sustain through cold weather. Just move to California and everything will be all right! The seasons here go like ᶠᵃᶫᶫ to what's winter? to spriiing to SUUUUMMMMMEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR. (My bad for the random-ness)....xD Eh, I kind of feel a little out of place considering I only have ADHD. It's not very noticeable until you're around me enough and then the off topic tangents begin. No no no, you're not out of place at all. My younger sister grew up with ADHD and I can tell you that it definitely from her perspective seemed to be stressful. But like I've mentioned before, with the lack of information I can really say much but that I hope things are currently good for you and that they'll continue to be that way. Man it makes me feel some sorrow for everyone on here, because many of you got something that's probably gonna affect you for the rest of your life, and more like it may not go away. I feel very lucky, like my brain sort of shaped up or something, because the majority of my episodes occured outside school, and mostly at home. I'm nowhere near the saytromaniac I used to be back in middle school, and I was disturbing. It's slowly faded away as I've aged. Although subconsciously, I think it was a huge factor in me becoming a furry.Compared to you guys, I feel really stable compared to depression and other serious shit. I wish I could help, but alas I cannot. This is what I appreciate about Reborn, knowing that all of us aren't that different. Aye that's what this thread is all for, positivity from everyone. All in all I'm glad to know that nothing as of right now is currently running your life. Hopefully things will continue to be like that in the future. this part sold the thread for me, lmao. but seriously though, it must really suck to have ocd. i shouldnt speak because i havent experienced anything special, but this video made me realize how glad i am that i dont have ocd or other disorders. stay tough, man. and if there's anything i can ever help with, i'll be here, just pm me or something :]. Aye if you don't have any issues, encouragement for others is ok on this thread as well. Also I'm glad that you're at least trying to get an understanding of how ocd works. That video executed allot of things about ocd very well. Then again they're based off of true stories. Arkhi!! I never knew... QQ Don't you dare let that get worse or you'll have a very sad Flux on your hands. As for me, I'm fortunate enough to say that I don't have any diagnosed conditions, though I feel kind of bad saying that here after seeing what everyone else has to deal with. The most I've had was a few broken bones over the years and a hernia when I was 4, which progressed far enough to almost kill me before I showed my dad how I could bulge out my intestines. (I just thought it was cool at the time. Thankfully I showed him, or I wouldn't be here.) That basically means that I'll forever live with a ring around my intestines, though it doesn't really affect me in any way now. Why feel bad? There's no need to. If anything we all feel ecstatic for you that you have no known issues. But all in all I'm at least glad to see that you're still here and seemingly healthy. It could have been worse if you never mentioned anything to your dad. I agree, Asperger's is a ridiculously open diagnosis. I was always adamantly against using my diagnoses as a crutch, but there came a point when I had to. This was when I had a toxic friend. The fluorescent lights at school were burning my eyes out, the bustle was draining my energy, I got migraines every day, I couldn't walk straight, I was acting weirdly. I was missing entire weeks' worth of school, and my schoolwork suffered for it. The school said that they couldn't take me back after Christmas break if I didn't have a reason for my behaviour. As much as I hated it, my parents used my diagnoses as a crutch so that I could return. Since then, I've brought my grades back up, I told my toxic friend that I couldn't be friends with them anymore, and I always have painkillers and my glasses on hand, just in case. After reading different opinions on diagnoses being used as a crutch I definitely seem to knwo what everyone mean sat this point. No one want's to feel week, or something like that. I guess having a problem to some may feel bad not only because it's a problem but also because they don't want to be labeled. But back to the main point, I'm just glad to know that you got better with that who issue and that things a seemingly better as of right now. Hmmmm, well Diagnosed-wise I have several Auto-Immune disorders one of which has since faded as I only had it as a child which was Psoriasis...((has a different name as it was a childhood version of it.)) The ones I still have are Asthma and Alopecia. I'm sure most know of Asthma since it's a lot more common than most other autoimmune disorders and is one of the easiest to catch as it has pretty clear symptoms etc... It's also a pretty nasty coupler with allergies ((Yay! I got them both and they make my daily life hell...)) as it is an inflammation of the airways that restricts air-flow etc. It's not fun. Luckily for me mine is under control enough that I don't require medication any longer for it other than a back-up rescue inhaler just in-case. I've only actually used the thing in recent times when sick just to make dang sure nothing bad happens lol. I use to have horrid allergy problems though actually having been hospitalized twice as a kid for Asthma attacks so severe that I had to stay there overnight. So, I've come a long way from that. Alopecia on the other hand... is an interesting beast that I'm not sure many know about around here. But basically... while not lethal it's certainly nothing good and hell... it is devastating to some. Anyway, in it's basic form Alopecia is the loss of hair due to the immune system believing hair follicles are foreign bodies. It's usually small circular patches that will in time grow back etc... It's pretty manageable on this basic level. However, what I have is known as Alopecia Univeralis. This means that I have literally no hair on my entire body. I don't have eyelashes, eyebrows ((though most don't notice somehow.)), body hair, hair on my head, any of it. Of course, this makes for a few problems. As I don't have eyelashes... I am required to wear sunglasses outside even on pretty overcast days as the immense amount of light really does a number on my eyes if I do not as the natural barrier to keep light out ((a.k.a your eyelashes.)), I don't have. I usually have to wear hats too if outside of long period of time to avoid sunburn, however it's pretty rare as I rarely ever get it even if I don't, I just like to be on the safe side. It also effects my ability to sweat properly as body hair is a big part of your sweating process allowing the sweat to get out of the body etc... I still do, just nowhere near as efficiently as I should, therefore I am very prone to heat exhaustion and other heat related issues so I need to be suuuuper careful doing anything physical or just being out int he summer time at all. This stage actually has nothing that can be done for it and sorta have to live with it unless it randomly decides to just go dormant for awhile. It can happen and is known to for earlier forms of alopecia but it's really rare for once it gets to my level for it to reverse itself to any degree lol. It's not too much a bother for me, I actually am pretty fine with it other than how stupid people can be. I've literally caught people treating me like a cancer patient, or flat coming up to me and giving me their condolences. It's... kinda annoying they assume such just because I'm bald and don't have any hair. It's suuuuuper inconsiderate. Also,as a guy other than those few annoying folsk I don't got many problems with it. ((honestly... don't need to shave or get haircuts... pretty sweet deal imo XD.)) EDIT: I should note, that Alopecia can effect women. And well... I've met a few that it's something they usually struggle with a lot more than say... me. For guys the shaved head thing is more and more common and it's not really batted and eye at so much anymore, but it's still not so for women. As such... they have a lot more issues with that than say I would. This is what I meant by it is pretty devastating to some. I learned to live with it pretty quickly, but other individuals do not. Some men and women really struggle with self-image issues and straight up being treated differently because of the disorder. While it's something that doesn't seem to big a deal it really can be for some. It didn't hit me hard, I've been through worse things... some have not and it really effects them. So do know while I make it sound pretty harmless that's cause to me it is... but others are quite in the same boat. I'd just like folks to keep this in mind. Firstly, I'm glad to know that your auto-immune disorders are pretty well kept as of right now. Hopefully it'll continue to stay that way for future reference. Secondly, my cousin actually has alopecia. Being a male as well it seems to him that it's not that big of a deal aside from keeping clear of to much heat. I'm glad that you're looking at the more positive perspectives of this and that you're trying to live you're life as happily as you can. Hope it continues to stay like that. Uh, diagnosed stuff I really don't consider myself as suffering but I have asthma which is hardly an issue, even if it did have the profound effect of making me more indoorsy. I also have a combination of short sight and a nystagmus I've had for as long as I can remember. ~Apparently~ this tires my eyes out more and the telltale sign for the nystagmus is my eyes shaking as though I'm constantly computing something in my mind. These are apparently compounding and can result in a variety of issues. Nothing I've noticed, so I guess I got away with it. Worst that can come from this for me is maybe no drivers licence because I may not be able to read from a licence plate at a certain distance,no biggie However, I don't consider these issues in my life. I made up with these things a long time ago and, despite people trying to convince me otherwise, they are small things to me. I don't know what it's like to have perfect sight but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate what I see and I'm fit enough that asthma is not an issue. So those are my orderly disorders that aren't disrupting my life. That's great to hear! I'ts always so awesome to see how well everyone is doing on these posts. For you specifically I'm glad that it's not to big of a problem and hopefully it'll continue to be that way as your life continues. I... have OCD and anxiety due to it, as well as either ADHD, Aspergers, Depression, or a mix of them. Plus an autoimmune disorder that MAY or MAY NOT be responsible for just about everything (according to my mother, who is an RN and did a lot of research on it), which is attacking my thyroid. Truth be told, though? I honestly don't care that much, now that I'm out of HS... Which I couldn't finish, btw. I was completely unable to handle the people by the second half of senior year, and ended up just... bouncing between a specialist charter school (which may have been even worse then the public school) and just doing it from home, with a specialist teacher. The OCD is probably the worst, though. I mean, the thyroid thing, I don't care about. I'm taking meds for it, which helped, a LOT, and now I can actually wake up at a normal hour, instead of sleeping 'til 4pm and staying up until 5am, among other things. But the OCD... It's mostly Contamination OCD, so it makes me constantly worry about germs, and has gotten to the point where I'm disinfecting and washing anything it deems "unclean" at least once a day. I barely go out anymore because it convinces me that I'll get dirty and/or sick. (Back before I became a hermit, my hands would just crack open and bleed all the time, since I was washing them so much; they still do, sometimes, but not as badly.) It also gives me weird, intrusive thoughts (especially if I see or hear something unpleasant), which cause me to obsess over things I dislike, such as gory/creepy scenes or even just germs/dirt/gross things. The anxiety also flares up sometimes (spurred on by those obsessive thoughts), to make me fear for my own, or my family's safety, esp. my brother's. The thing I hate the most about it, though, is that I can't touch my family, or pets. It's not as bad when I'm out of the house, but, as I spend most of my time in my house, it creates a vicious (and awkward) cycle. I could have it worse, though (WAY worse), so I'm not complaining... much. (If you noticed I'm separating myself from the OCD, good job! I just started treatment for it, and one of the things I'm supposed to do is acknowledge the the OCD impulses are NOT what I want, and are NOT rational. It's kind of working, too.) Firstly, I'd like to say that in the end do what's better for your mental health. If you needed to drop out of highschool then there's no reason to feel judged at all, which hopefully is how you're looking at that situation. Secondly, yay someone else on the ocd boat *sad sarcasm included*. Heh well to be serious I'd just like to quickly mention that I was surprised to see someone with something a bit similar to my germ ocd problems. Although I don't wash my hands compulsively I do have a problem with hugging people, looking at gore, etc etc. Who knows, it may even be a minor variation of what you seem to have. Any who back to the main subject: I'm just glad to see that you're getting help and that it seems to be helping! Hopefully you'll be able to get over the obsessive hand washing one of these days, as well as other ocd problems. Gl~ Edited August 21, 2015 by MoneyMadam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deleted User Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Damn I find it horrifying how much you sound like a friend of mine. heh But to be serious that's great to know that you don't (at least) think you have problems! Hopefully you'll be able to continue to live that way for days to come. Dang, thought I was your friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juniper Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Firstly, you're not inconsistent! I love to hear how everyone feels. When I said before no "trumblr disorders" I guess it was just a cruel joke. Hopefully no one here has called you out for being a "drama queen" because you're absolutely not. Secondly, I definitely see where you're coming from with not getting help. I always stress people to get help because of how much it's helped me. But everyone varies with different opinions on what they want to do. So do what you feel is better for yourself. Now onto how you specifically feel, I'm not trying to throw something in your face like," YOU SEEM TO HAVE THIS PROBLEM" but from what I never mentioned on this post since I got over it is my old bipolar depression. From what it seems is that you may be experiencing the same symptoms to how I felt at the time when I had it. Buuut I really don't want to label you with something so do watcha gotta do and hopefully life continues to go well~ It might sound stupid but after posting, I actually felt kind of bad after thinking about that kinda stuff but this cheered me up lol thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoneyMadam Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 (edited) Dang, thought I was your friend. *satanic laugh* Nah but you is cool It might sound stupid but after posting, I actually felt kind of bad after thinking about that kinda stuff but this cheered me up lol thanks. Np~ Also nunununuunno you're not stupid in the slightest. xD Edited August 21, 2015 by MoneyMadam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkyRunner Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Wow, that's one long post. Now on to the specific things... "..so I didn't study much for the exams and I still aced them." Ugh where was that magic when I needed it... xD Ok, onto a more serious note since I read Nhadala's post and this one I think I'm getting a better idea of how aspergers works. Like I mentioned to Nhadala I feel like with hardships comes knowledge so whenever you guys where judged somehow in the end it made you become more open minded. Or at least that's how I'm seeing it. But onto the main point, I'm glad to know that you're making this all into something positive. Sure you guys may call yourselves socially awkward but I look at you guys as totally normal people, as well as anyone else with problems. As well as for your other problems hopefully you're getting some form of help for them. As well as the aspergers!~ I stole all of your magic. Sorrynotsorry. That sounds about right. All the judging did instil the ideas that bullying is wrong and that accepting people is a good way to go about things. And don't worry, I am getting help for them. Glasses for my eyes, pain meds for my migraines and a course in recognising people for my inability to recognise faces. Got to make the best of what we're dealt, right? After reading different opinions on diagnoses being used as a crutch I definitely seem to knwo what everyone mean sat this point. No one want's to feel week, or something like that. I guess having a problem to some may feel bad not only because it's a problem but also because they don't want to be labeled. But back to the main point, I'm just glad to know that you got better with that who issue and that things a seemingly better as of right now. It wasn't so much that I disliked the idea of being weak or being labelled so much as using my diagnoses as a crutch sounded like an excuse (and a bad one at that) for awful behaviour. Although that would have seemed weak and labelling in turn, so yeah, you're right. Thank you for the good wishes! And the monster reply post, I'm sure that everyone appreciates it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raindrop Valkyrie Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Can;t say I expected much of a reply XD. But yea, I've always been able to roll with the punches so to speak I don't let a heck of a lot get to me if I can help it. My alopecia... eh... it's not something I struggle with a lot outside of the physical implications. Much as you mentioned your cousin. Luckily... being male has the luck I do. Guys, while that aren't always not bothered usually have an easier time of it. It's not weird or odd for a male to have a bald head as I said before. But, society is still at a point where women with it, don't exactly get treated very kindly. It's definitely something that bothers me on a certain level but not much just one person ((me!)) can do on their own to change that. ((this part isn't at anyone in particular.)) I guess If I have anything to say... even if it seems different or strange... be considerate of other people. Just looking at them... we don't know their story. We might be able to guess small pieces of it maybe a little more, but we can't really get the whole story. We each deal with a lot on a daily basis and at the end of the day... we are human. That is the most important part really. Each person, no matter how different is a person and therefore one should treat them with the respect they expect themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kookies Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) When I was little i had been diagnosed with pituitary dwarfism http://www.healthofchildren.com/P/Pituitary-Dwarfism.html In short there is a chance one in 20.000 of the babes born every year to have pituitary dwarfism. The syptoms are delayed growth. My parents got really worried because I was too short for my age(around 120cm at 14 years of age). We went to the doctor and I did a growth hormone replacement therapy. Every night (for 4 years) before i went to bed i had to make an injection with growth hormone. After three years of therapy i was 170 cm tall. The day i stopped the therapy was one of the happiest days of my life! Now i am just average height-wise but i have changed myself in the process. When i was little i was too short but i also was social and had lots of friends. After i gained so much height in so little time i thought people were looking at me like a monster . And then i was becoming a misfit without friends. But you know guys after sometime with the help of my best friend and my ex I got back on track. Conclusion: We are who we choose to be and not who we think we are and a real friend can mean the world Edited August 22, 2015 by Kookies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamitako Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Like I mentioned in other posts when I said "tumblr disorders" or "non diagnosed syndromes" I was just trying to stress that I don't want people to wrongfully post about a problem. If you're currently undiagnosed but you feel like you actually know enough about the problem then go for it and post!~ Onto the main point at hand, I hope at least that you're able to live your life happily. Since I don't have enough information (which of course is ok) I can't go deep into tips but I hope the slightest encouragement is helpful enough. Also I just did some research into renaud's syndrome and damn, at least for you it's hopefully bearable enough to sustain through cold weather. Just move to California and everything will be all right! The seasons here go like ᶠᵃᶫᶫ to what's winter? to spriiing to SUUUUMMMMMEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR. (My bad for the random-ness)....xD Well, if you say it's alright then I wouldn't mind talking. I'll get to taht in a moment I live in Ohio, winters here are P nasty. Mostly because they're super windy and not so much because they're actually cold. I had one point last January where literally my entire right arms was blue after being outside fully bundled up for under an hour. My mom buys me handwarmers so it's not the worst thing for me to catch the bus, mostly just the 10-20 minute wait to transfer buses is bleh. Also I absolutely abhor heat, which is part of what makes this so terrible since I generally love the winter. NEways. On to other things First off I have some kind of unspecified social disorder (which is part of the cause for my anxiety I think) that makes it extremely hard for me to formulate my thoughts into words and convey ideas to others. Also makes me struggle to understand when they try to convey ideas to me (like when my mom is trying to explain a math concept and I'm just not getting it and she gets mad and thinks I'm pretending not to understand to upset her) I also struggle to comprehend emotions and I have a tendency to come of as very rude without any intention of doing so (and of course perceive things as rude when they're not intended as so either, I'm like a walking internet) Then I have relatively minor OCD issues that are currently undiagnosed, though I have spoken to both my doctor and psychiatrist about them so hopefully that'll change soonish. And when I say "relatively minor," I more mean there's few things that set me off than that the anxiety I get from my OCD isn't bad. I don't feel like trying to provide too many examples, but lets just say that until about a year ago my fingernails were constantly bleeding from me biting them (I now only bite them when I'm focusing on something and can't consciously stop myself... Which is a lot, but not enough to make me bleed... often) I'm relatively certain I have some variation of schizophrenia. At least that seems like the best explanation for the voices in my head. My grandfather has it and I believe there's a hereditary component to it which adds to the likelihood of me having it. I don't wanna talk to much about the disorder since I could be wrong. But the symptoms aren't exactly fun to deal with, though one of them has proven useful. I mostly just get constantly berated by like seven different people (though thankfully not all at once) for whatever I do. The one at least generally yells at me for things I know are wrong anyways (I used to honestly think she was my conscience, lol) One of them is like super violent and whenever I do anything nice she gets really pissy. One is super paranoid and a compulsive liar and is always suggesting that things I believe aren't real and trying to convince me to lie in scenarios where there's literally no benefit to it. Etc. Another thing I've been talking to my psychiatrist about that we have yet to actually diagnose is ADD. Apparently there's a type of ADD that causes you to be hyper-focused instead of easily distracted or something. I honestly don't remember what he said, I was too focused on the song I was listening to at the time while he was explaining it. But it's likely I have that And lastly there's the fact that I'm a trans girl. Which isn't exactly something I feel needs a diagnosis but I was keeping things short before so I didn't mention it. That's one of the main causes for my depression and easily the hardest thing for me to live with. I'd honestly rather not talk about it super publicly but I have no issue talking about it to anyone who's curious so feel free to PM me /done Whew. None of this is an especially large secret but it's still nice to be able to get them off my chest all at once for at least a little Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosesong Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Alright, so my list is tons of fun Asthma- It was diagnosed as severe, so any form of exercise, even walking, laughing too hard or too long, or crying, and strong scents can send me into an attack. I used to take inhalers, but have since decided that I wanted to try life without them, so I stopped taking them. It seemed to work, as long as I don't overstep my bounds when it comes to my limitations Migraines- I have specific triggers, being fluorescent lighting and the heat. Normally when they happen, I drink/eat something with caffeine, like a soda or dark chocolate, and then go lie in the dark with a wet cloth over my eyes to sleep for awhile. I have to have my glasses lightly tinted grey to stop fluorescent interference, but the heat... There's nothing to stop that Scoliosis- A lot of people have this, but mine is a special pain in the ass. I have two curvatures in my spine, and the lower of the two is one of the causes of incredible back pain that I sporadically experience. When first diagnosed, both curves were so bad that I had to wear a back brace as a preventative measure, and surgery was briefly discussed. However, the curves have regressed, which normally does not happen, so now I just have back pain (though I'm also not allowed to lift over 20 pounds) Fibromyalgia- This. Is. A. Bitch. This is a diagnosis of overactive nerves, which means that every joint is supersensitive. As such, my joints will randomly slide out from under me or bend without my agreeance, causing me to fall quite a bit. As a bonus, there's normally quite a bit of pain in my knees and back when it's going to rain. The other fun bit is that because my nerves are overactive, REM sleep (the dream stage of sleep where you actually get rest) is extraordinarily difficult to come by, so I'm always tired! Medicine for this has the double classification of being an anti-depressant, and began to change my mood and mannerisms. So, the best thing to do is just grin and deal with it Acid reflux- I hadn't ever experienced symptoms of this until recently, but was able to be diagnosed because of a rough cough that went away when I started the medication. Just an overabundance of acid in the stomach that can build up Muscular-skeletal disease- Doesn't even have a proper name, smh. Basically, my bones aren't as rigid as they should be, yet not brittle. I've overly flexible and my bones quite literally bend (one of my friends pointed out that he could literally bend my arm). The result is that I'm allowed to do no physical activity at all, with the exception of walking, biking, or swimming, all of which being low impact Suppressed immune system- This is my favorite. Quick lesson on the immune system. There are four antibodies that work within the immune system: IG a, IG e, IG g, and IG m. A suppressed immune system means that there is a lack of one of these. For me, it was my IG g antibodies. Before learning that, I had a doctor formally resign from taking care of me because I had managed to contract 8 different viruses in 5 months. Being overly sick, missing appr. 30 days per school year, I dealt with transfusions and am now reasonably healthy, though I still get sick at the drop of a hat Anemia- Hooray for deficiency in iron, potassium, and calcium! Plus, in raising iron, you make calcium drop and vice versa. Tons of fun I think that's all of them, will edit if I think of anymore amusements Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiss13 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 All I really have is minor scoliosis. Nothing anywhere near the extent Rose says to have but it does exist and shows in my posture. Oddly enough, it seems to run in the family on my mom's side. My mom has it. Her mom has it. It's odd. Still, I guess it's a good thing that it is only a mild case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZEL Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Firstly to clarify, there's no need for that fear of not wanting to post about your issues. I;m glad that you went into so much detail so that I can see where your specifically coming from! Secondly onto my main points, I feel that for your specific post I want to say less of "Oh hope it get's better..." or something like that and more of tips. Before I begin I'm clearly not a professional so I'm sorry in advance if my tips aren't as good as I think they seem. Hopefully the thought that I'm trying to reach out is at least enough to give you some positivity. Okayyy so to begin I'd like to firstly give you some positivity on how you did at school. Even without a college degree you're still a valuable human being. If anyone for some reason has looked sown upon you for that then that's their loss. My mom never got her degree and still worked full time and made a living alongside my dad so that's enough proof for me that anyone can still be successful. As for feeling vunerable/paranoid/pessimistic and dealing with auditory hallucinations not only do I want to stress once again that no matter what people have told you in the past that;s their loss and your still a normal human being. I stress to everyone that I've replied to on this thread that their normal is because society always viewed people with disorders as "outcasts". Now that we are in 2015 I'm aware that there are still people who have yet to fully understand that we're no different than them. But now a days there's so much people out there willing to hear your and other's stories. Even if it's a random kid on social media stereotypically saying something like ," OMG! Are you ok? You can always pm me.." Blah blah blah you get the point, This all in all just goes to show that so many people want to help or at least try. I'm glad to hear that you did eventually get professional help but hopefully you see that I'm saying that not only do professional's want to help but everyone wants to help. Hopefully this was some form of encouragement, my bad if it really wasn't, all in all remember to think positively about this situation. Even with how hard it may seem. Well, you see, the unfortunate part is, there are a lot of things that I rationally already know. As for the school part: I'm not unintelligent or talentless by any stretch, so not having done well at school is more... regrets. I have so many regrets about not having been able to motivate myself, about not having done as well as I could have. People have never tried to put me down for not being smart, I don't think I remember any instance where someone would have tried to tell me that I'm stupid. In primary school, I got harassed by my classmates for doing too well in school, whereas in secondary school, people started to resent me for what everyone, including myself, dubbed my "laziness". I was scared of being looked down upon again for the same reasons as before, so I spent most of my time in class trying not to stand out. Eventually, people started scolding/complaining about me because they perceived my behaviour as me being so lazy as to throw away my chances. I've had people go and tell me that I'm selfish for not being thankful for how easy I had it. Except it wasn't easy for me, but for different reasons. My crippling fear of going through the same shit as in primary school made it pretty much impossible for me to do anything in class without feeling guilt or shame for it. I almost never responded to teachers' questions or volunteered to present my work, out of fear that people would think I was showing off. Even in subjects that I wasn't all that good at, but definitely more so in the ones that I do have a talent for. I got my degree (graduated from Gymnasium, so I got Abitur), and am currently waiting for the results of my university applications. As for stuff like hallucinations: The problem isn't normality. The good thing about pseudohallucinations is that you are aware that they're not real, so you're not really tricked into believing them to be real. It's just that they're a major pain to deal with because they stress me out. A big part of why it's been so difficult for me to deal with things is that I feel like I am under a lot of pressure, especially from people like my parents. I often think I hear their voices, or hear someone open my door/knock on my door, and I have the occasional, fleeting visual impression that someone is opening the door or someone's standing next to my bed. It makes it difficult for me to relax, especially at home, but I even get it when I'm far away from here. Heck, I've had it happen in my hotel room in Latvia. The reason I went into the rambling about my school experiences isn't that I was, back then, an outcast for being disordered. I wasn't. I developed my conditions because of everything that happened. I had specific emotional needs as a kid/teenager, that people failed to meet. my feelings got invalidated a lot, I remember how, over and over again, nobody took me serious back when I tried to express how difficult school was becoming for me, or how alone I felt when nobody wanted to be my friend. When I was... 14? I tried talking to my father about how hard I found it to bring up motivation for school work, and he simply walked out of the room, scoffing at me and my "laziness". Basically, what happened to me up until I was 13/14 wasn't the fault of any disorder. It's what set me up for developing it. It's around 13/14 that I then started having recurrent depressive episodes and got more and more into the problems of self-esteem and motivation. I've been progressively getting worse over the years, until I eventually ended up with the personality disorder. I mentioned it in my earlier post, but overall, the big problem is and remains that I know a lot about how I should be feeling, but I can't actually feel it. I can tell myself over and over again that I'm not less worthy than anyone else, that I have a right to be as happy as any other person, that I don't have to put myself down in order for others to be more comfortable, that I have useful skills or that i'm likable. I just can't feel it. When I think about/get told about stuff like that, what happens is that my brain vaguely recognizes that it's true, but as far as my emotions go, nothing of the encouragement or positivity reaches it. It is very rare for me to be able to properly process encouragement or compliments in a way that boosts my self-esteem. Usually, when people compliment something about me, I am thankful because they are being nice to me, but I rarely think "hm, they're right, this was good/I did this well". I simply can't find it in me to be proud of myself. There are exceptions. Occasionally somebody will say something and it'll really stick. Most the time, though, it doesn't. I really don't exaggerate when I say I feel guilt/shame about everything. I feel guilty about eating. I even feel guilty about eating things I buy with my own money. I feel guilty about talking to people, even if those people start the conversation, even if those people explicitly tell me that they enjoy talking to me. I apologize for talking to friends. To best friends. To my boyfriend. When I said goodbye to the friend I've been visiting on my vacation, I told them that I hope I didn't inconvenience them by being there. I actually needed reassurement that they didn't mind my visit; hoping that they had fun, just as I had, wasn't even on my mind. That's the difficulty. I know that there's more than enough people who are willing to listen to me, that there's people who don't mind putting up with my issues, I've met a fair share of people trying their best to be supportive and encouraging, and I appreciate it and am very thankful for everyone like that. But getting through to my feelings isn't easy. It's not based on intentions, it really is a difficult process of having the right words in the right situation, and under the right circumstances. There's a reason those professionals are professionals; they are trained to and experienced with handling people like me. I am not kidding when I say that I have never been treated more like a human being than at the psych ward. Everyone from my fellow patients to the doctors and therapists knew what they were dealing with, they knew how a mind like mine works, and they were able to figure out how to approach my issues and feelings. It was understanding at a completely different level. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dead account Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) I'm autistic. I inherited it from from my parents. All of my siblings and I are on the Autism spectrum. I often find talking about myself a bit difficult. And whenever I'm with a group of any sort, I always either just feel like an outsider or that I'm under enormous pressure to fit in or pull my weight, even when I'm getting on great with them. I think I'll leave it at that, since I feel like I'm under a lot of pressure while writing this. Edited August 22, 2015 by aquawaffle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jelly Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 for the mental side of things is just a scary combo of borderline personality disorder (diagnosed recently), mild depression, and anxiety. it really explains how paranoid i am at certain things and how intense and on-and-off my personal relationships are. for the physical side i have recurring pilonidal cysts, a spinal syrinx, and hyper-sensitivity of my lower extremities (when the doctor does the little knee tap thingy my leg goes really high). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Anxiety is the only thing that comes to mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vinny Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Depression on the mental side. Pretty easy to figure out. And rheumatoid arthritis on the physical side. At least it doesn't affect me as badly as my mother, though it tends to get worse when you grow older. We'll see. Nothing too fancy here, I suppose. This also makes me realize that I never said this before. Hmm. All right then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BreezyPonie Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 When I was younger the doctor thought I had asthma, even though I had been breathing fine all my life. She made me take an inhaler every night for about a month until I just sort of forgot about it, and I've still been fine... inb4 I suddenly choke and die and everyone says "I told you so!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Odybld Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) Well, you see, the unfortunate part is, there are a lot of things that I rationally already know. As for the school part: I'm not unintelligent or talentless by any stretch, so not having done well at school is more... regrets. I have so many regrets about not having been able to motivate myself, about not having done as well as I could have. People have never tried to put me down for not being smart, I don't think I remember any instance where someone would have tried to tell me that I'm stupid. In primary school, I got harassed by my classmates for doing too well in school, whereas in secondary school, people started to resent me for what everyone, including myself, dubbed my "laziness". I was scared of being looked down upon again for the same reasons as before, so I spent most of my time in class trying not to stand out. Eventually, people started scolding/complaining about me because they perceived my behaviour as me being so lazy as to throw away my chances. I've had people go and tell me that I'm selfish for not being thankful for how easy I had it. Except it wasn't easy for me, but for different reasons. My crippling fear of going through the same shit as in primary school made it pretty much impossible for me to do anything in class without feeling guilt or shame for it. I almost never responded to teachers' questions or volunteered to present my work, out of fear that people would think I was showing off. Even in subjects that I wasn't all that good at, but definitely more so in the ones that I do have a talent for. I got my degree (graduated from Gymnasium, so I got Abitur), and am currently waiting for the results of my university applications. As for stuff like hallucinations: The problem isn't normality. The good thing about pseudohallucinations is that you are aware that they're not real, so you're not really tricked into believing them to be real. It's just that they're a major pain to deal with because they stress me out. A big part of why it's been so difficult for me to deal with things is that I feel like I am under a lot of pressure, especially from people like my parents. I often think I hear their voices, or hear someone open my door/knock on my door, and I have the occasional, fleeting visual impression that someone is opening the door or someone's standing next to my bed. It makes it difficult for me to relax, especially at home, but I even get it when I'm far away from here. Heck, I've had it happen in my hotel room in Latvia. The reason I went into the rambling about my school experiences isn't that I was, back then, an outcast for being disordered. I wasn't. I developed my conditions because of everything that happened. I had specific emotional needs as a kid/teenager, that people failed to meet. my feelings got invalidated a lot, I remember how, over and over again, nobody took me serious back when I tried to express how difficult school was becoming for me, or how alone I felt when nobody wanted to be my friend. When I was... 14? I tried talking to my father about how hard I found it to bring up motivation for school work, and he simply walked out of the room, scoffing at me and my "laziness". Basically, what happened to me up until I was 13/14 wasn't the fault of any disorder. It's what set me up for developing it. It's around 13/14 that I then started having recurrent depressive episodes and got more and more into the problems of self-esteem and motivation. I've been progressively getting worse over the years, until I eventually ended up with the personality disorder. I mentioned it in my earlier post, but overall, the big problem is and remains that I know a lot about how I should be feeling, but I can't actually feel it. I can tell myself over and over again that I'm not less worthy than anyone else, that I have a right to be as happy as any other person, that I don't have to put myself down in order for others to be more comfortable, that I have useful skills or that i'm likable. I just can't feel it. When I think about/get told about stuff like that, what happens is that my brain vaguely recognizes that it's true, but as far as my emotions go, nothing of the encouragement or positivity reaches it. It is very rare for me to be able to properly process encouragement or compliments in a way that boosts my self-esteem. Usually, when people compliment something about me, I am thankful because they are being nice to me, but I rarely think "hm, they're right, this was good/I did this well". I simply can't find it in me to be proud of myself. There are exceptions. Occasionally somebody will say something and it'll really stick. Most the time, though, it doesn't. I really don't exaggerate when I say I feel guilt/shame about everything. I feel guilty about eating. I even feel guilty about eating things I buy with my own money. I feel guilty about talking to people, even if those people start the conversation, even if those people explicitly tell me that they enjoy talking to me. I apologize for talking to friends. To best friends. To my boyfriend. When I said goodbye to the friend I've been visiting on my vacation, I told them that I hope I didn't inconvenience them by being there. I actually needed reassurement that they didn't mind my visit; hoping that they had fun, just as I had, wasn't even on my mind. That's the difficulty. I know that there's more than enough people who are willing to listen to me, that there's people who don't mind putting up with my issues, I've met a fair share of people trying their best to be supportive and encouraging, and I appreciate it and am very thankful for everyone like that. But getting through to my feelings isn't easy. It's not based on intentions, it really is a difficult process of having the right words in the right situation, and under the right circumstances. There's a reason those professionals are professionals; they are trained to and experienced with handling people like me. I am not kidding when I say that I have never been treated more like a human being than at the psych ward. Everyone from my fellow patients to the doctors and therapists knew what they were dealing with, they knew how a mind like mine works, and they were able to figure out how to approach my issues and feelings. It was understanding at a completely different level. As someone who enjoyed talking to you, that was enlightening. I can understand you even better now. My big problem with our comvo was not your irresponsivity, but the fact that after a while my pms didn't even get the read receipt. I couldn't know if you had actually read anything, you didn't seem to have, and I felt unable to even make the message reach your attention. Which blocked me.You were one of the first persons that we really talked in the forum, and I'd love to continue. I don't care to force you to reply, I just want to make sure my words will reach you next time. Please read me to make me feel that I can talk to you and not to the void Sorry for highjacking the thread, I had permission from the punny Madam. Anyway, Ama, when I find time and the right mood, I'll tell you a friendship story of mine. Make sure to read it, please Your sleepless overcoffeinated friend, Ody Edited August 25, 2015 by Odybld Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunbean Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 This was so enlightening to read. It's tough to remember sometimes the problems (for lack of a better word) someone might have when you interact with them, and it's really easy to get frustrated with people whose behavior you don't understand. And vice versa as well, it must be frustrating to not be able to communicate with others effectively not be able to or even be afraid of explaining why. As for me, I don't have any mental disorders. I've grown up with osteoperosis, which basically is a condition where your bones are extremely brittle and easy to fracture. It's more common in elderly folk and extremely rare to develop in childhood but here I am. It's not really something easy to describe, but the easiest way to share my expirience... almost 40 fractures, big and microscopic, since I was diagnosed at 9. I can't do too much excercise, or stand for too long. It used to be really bad as a kid, which was when I had most of my fractures occur just from playing with my friends. No treatment for it, just have to stay really healthy and hope my bones develop well when I get older. And they mostly have! It's been almost three years since last had a major accident, though from time to time I have some pain I suspect might be a tiny fracture, I've reached a point where I can take painkillers, slow down, and just let the bone heal itself. It's expected I shouldn't have issues going into adulthood but I'm very likely to have severe problems as an elder. Most people expect I'm afraid of hurting myself, and I was at first. It is something you do get used to, especially when you get so accustomed to pain on a daily basis. I learned with time what do do, what not to do, and how to learn to treat problems on my own. I just think of it as a minor inconvinience at this point, tbh. I will say though, I sometimes reach these lows where I feel so brittle and weak I can't even bring myself to get out of bed or talk to people. I think those moments are the worst of my condition, much worse than the actual injuries I go through, the points where I'm scared to get those injuries. One positive is that I have plenty of funny injury stories to share. My favorite was when I was in the fourth grade. There's this hill we had to go down through to in my elementary school to get down to the softball field. I don't get to do anything, just watch, and I felt really lousy about it that day. To make up for it, I decided to race with everyone else down the hill every day. Wasn't an issue at first, but one day I tripped on the way down and was literally front-flipping down the hill screaming. And everyond laughed at me because they THOUGHT I was doing it on purpose. I ended up breaking my forearm and wrist and was never allowed on that hill again, but damn was it hilarious looking back. And well, that's my exprience. I feel kinda silly writing all of this, lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 depression social anxiety Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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