A Horrendously Written Guide for Reborn™

[Despair Syndrome]

Hey, the name's DespairSyndrome. I'm pretty new to the forums so cut me some slack ok? c:

Welcome, ladies and mentlegen to a HORRENDOUSLY WRITTEN GUIDE FOR REBORN FOR PEOPLE WHO CANNOT PLAY WITHOUT A GUIDE.

Now, if you're like me, then you're officially A_PERSON_WHO_CANT_PLAY_GAMES_BLIND™. Welcome to the club.

And if you really ARE like me, you are a dirty lurker probably have read Sophia's guide. If you haven't then I suggest you go read it because (and this is important).

I WILL CONTINUE THIS GUIDE FROM WHERE SHE LEFT OFF.

Mostly because I am also a LAZY_SHIT™.

Now, a friendly disclaimer. This guide was meant to help people who cannot play without a walkthrough, and since no other walkthroughs get further then Sophia's, people are going to enter DEMON FOREST Chrysolia Forest blind.

This guide is not for a completionist, and is only for someone who doesn't want to go into the story blind. I'll only cover the STORY and maybe some sidequests here and there but I'll mostly be skipping optional content (hence, the HORRENDOUSLY WRITTEN in the title).

If you're a PERFECTIONIST™, then you might want to read Chubb's guide. As of the time of writing, he has only covered content up until Florinia's gym. Until he catches up to Sophia, you readers are stuck with me if you haven't already left. Feel free to read his guide and send mine to the gallows once he reaches this part of the game though.

Also worth noting is that I'll simply show the Pokemon of your opponents, without the levels or movesets. If you want those, again, read Chubb's guide, or take it a step further and read KUMA'S BIG BOOK OF BOSSES™ (Yeah, that's right. I trademarked someone else's content. Sue me. jk plz dont sue me.)

If you are a masochist think reborn is for pussies are a HARDCORE_PLAYER™, then you're probably playing Pokemon Reborn HARDCORE. If that's the case, then this guide ain't gonna cut it. In fact, you'll need something Marginally Better-Written. And lucky for you, Lord Chespin's gotcha covered. Check out his Hardcore Reborn Walkthrough here!

Want to tell/ask me something? Here's the Discussion Thread.

Anyways, without further ado, onto the guide!

Oh yeah spoilers, that too >w<, but if youre reading this you probably don’t care.

I'M USING COMIC SANS BECAUSE I LIKE TO, DON'T JUDGE

CHAPTER I: THE DEMON FOREST

Continuing from where Sophia left us, we find ourselves at the exit of the railnet. Heather flies away, Cain chases after her and Charlotte asks you to head Northward.

This is the bit where you're supposed to be lost and confused because now you're on your own. You vs the Reborn World.

PLOT TWIST: You're not. Cause I'm here.

Your next step is to head Northward (if you haven't figured that out already). You'll be in Tanzan Mountain, there's not much for you to do here, since most of the other routes are currently blocked off.

At the first left, you can catch either a Lunatone or a Solrock, depending on which you got at the Grand Staircase. Continue up.

You'll run into a fork here. The left and right routes are blocked off, but remember this place, we'll be coming back later on.

Moving on, you'll find Charlotte by one of many paths. The other paths lead to dead ends, so follow hers into Tanzan Cove.

This place is fairly straightforward. Follow the path and you'll find Charlotte's house. Anna isn't feeling well, so since you're the one who's doing all the work, unsurprisingly, it is you that is tasked to go get the medicine from Spinel Town.

There's not much to do here. There's a bed upstairs where you can heal (praise the lord). Once you're done, backtrack out of the mountain. This time, follow the railway tracks East. We're gonna enter Chrysolia Forest.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Other names include but are not limited to: "DEMON_FOREST" and "20FPS FOREST" Because it runs at 20 FPS on my shitty toaster.

Don't let the size of this place fool you. It is actually fairly straightforward, there's only one route to take. Still, this place is so large and so laggy, that you'll probably get lost pretty easily.

Did I mention this place was straightforward?

Once you reach this dead end, you'll realized that YOU GOT JAPED BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS. Now, dear reader, you are probably confused as to where to go to now. My suggestion to you: Give up.

That's right.

But then, as you walk back from where you came from, the tree that is blocking your path disappears! And now, dear reader, you are probably thanking me for telling you what to do. Be grateful that unlike me, you didn't have to spend 20 minutes mindlessly walking around the DEMON FOREST.

This entire forest is in fact, a puzzle. Trees that block the path will seem to disappear and reappear without rhyme or reason. After awhile, it'll seem that you're walking in circles.

The solution to this puzzle? Walk in circles. I'm serious.

Do this and you'll eventually reach Spinel Town.

CHAPTER II: DEMON GYM

Welcome, ladies and mentlegen, to Spinel Town. As soon as you step in, you'll notice that random objects will randomly disappear and reappear.

Well, that doesn't concern us. Our goal is to simply get the medicine. Your next step is to walk into the Pokemart.

Or at least try to before the power of PLOT_VS_PLAYER™ makes it disappear for the sole reason of making your life harder.

The only thing left for you do now other than a few sidequests is to head to the large red building. As it turns out, the Pokemart appeared on top of the house. Anyways, you're invited in so make yourself comfortable.

Turns out this is the house of Serra, the DEMON Ice-Type gym leader. You are also introduced to Bennett who, for some inexplicable reason, I hate more than Fern. Yes, ladies and mentlegen, you heard it here first. A character someone hates more than Fern.

Seriously. Bennett and his bugs can go burn in a hole. You might not hate him now, but you'll probably will later on in the game.

Anyway, Serra mentions Luna, a girl who claims that Serra is her mother. SPOILERS: She isn't. Apparently, Luna had already left, which is for the better probably (mostly because sharing a house with Bennett is probably akin to torture).

Serra mentions how Luna's real parents won't be likely showing their faces here anytime soon. Cue the part where Luna's real parent (probably) shows his face at the door.

Meet El. A FOLLOWER_OF_THE_LORD_ARCEUS™. That guy just reeks bad-guyiness.

After some small talk, El just invites himself in (Really?)

Anyway, now you have to fight Serra to advance the story. Head to the room at the back.

The trainers in this gym are completely optional. The trick to this gym is to use Rock Smash at the part of the room "where symmetry breaks". Shouldn't be too hard. Except it is. (?)

Anyway, SOLUTIONS.

Something I should point out. On the third room, you are forced into a battle with Bennett, so I suggest you heal up before so. Anyways, first battle of this shitty guide wooooooo111

LEIP LEPIDOA LODEP DOUCHEBAG BENNETT

Pokemon are sorted according to level. I can’t write their levels cause I’m shit at formatting

Too lazy to transperify Bennett's sprite.

Anyway, Bennett's team is fairly straightforward. A decent Fire/Rock-Type should take him out no problem.

If you don't have a decent Fire/Rock-Type, then you have to watch out as Bennett knows how to take advantage of his field.

'Take advantage', as in equipping Brightpowder on half his Pokemon and spamming Signal Beam for DAMAGE_BOOST, then yeah.

Cheap bastard.

Anyway, after you hand is ass in, El will consider him Elite 4 material.

Really.

El.

The LOSER is Elite 4 material. Has the Lord Arceus fried your brain so much that you fail to notice who came out on top?\

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Anyway, after that little shindig, go back to heal your Pokemon and enter the next room where Serra awaits. Now, before you go in, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU BRING A SPEEDY/TANKY POKEMON THAT CAN BREAK HER FIELD.

BEAUTY QUEEN SERRA

I might wanna shave off that top half of her sprite. It's occupying a lot of unused space.

Serra is one of the toughest leaders so far, mostly thanks to her field and how much her team compliments it. If you don't destroy it, your attacks will never hit. Evasion boosting OP.

Destroying her field is your top priority and even if your lead dies doing it, it makes the battle hell of a lot easier.

If for some reason, you’re a masochist you don't want to destroy the field, let me tell you.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BAD TIME.

On all my playthroughs, I couldn't beat Serra without destroying the field first. Once that is over, it'll be a nice easy sweep, seeing as how many weaknesses Ice-Types have.

Only Lord Arceus knows what was going through Ame's mind when she created this demon field.

Truly an individual deserving the title of ‘Ultimate Despair’.

Anyway, after the battle, you’re given the Rime Badge, which increases to level cap to 55 and it also slightly boosts the Speed of all your Pokemon (this will be immensely important for upcoming battles). You’re also given the TM for Frost Breath, which isn’t a bad move.

Leave the room and you’re given a cutscene of Bennett casually selling out his crush to a creepy old man he doesn’t even know for a spot in the Elite 4.

After that, he leaves with a simple “Goodbye, mother.” Good for Serra, since he’s gone. Bad for us since we’ll be seeing a lot of him later on.

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Anyway, the Pokemart is gone now. It should be at the fork between Tanzan Mountain and Chrysolia Forest now.

Before you leave, talk to this lady. Walk away and she’ll disappear. (LOL)

This little sidequest will net you an EXP Share.

Talk to this girl to initiate it. You'll have to find her missing furniture scattered across town.

Anyway, solutions!

You can find the bed in this house, there's a tree in the way, it'll disappear when you walk up to it.

You can interact with the TV from here.

This table can be found in one of the first apartment lots.

Ez.

There's a house in the way, but it'll disappear when you walk up to it.

There's a room with a cabinet and a vending machine here in between these two pots. You can get up here via the musesum.

Also ez.

This bookshelf is in Benett's room. It is the Bottom-Left room at the 2nd floor of Serra's house.

Once you got everything, return to the girl for the EXP Share.

Once you’re done with the sidequests here, head back into Chrysolia Forest. You’ll find a house with a weird dude in it. He’ll trade you something a Trapinch (thanks, Chubb) for a Mothim.

Run around in circles until you leave and you’ll find the Pokemart near the entrance to Tanzan Mountain. Buy the Medicine, BUT DO NOT HEAD BACK TO ANNA JUST YET.

Instead go back into Chrysolia Forest and take the first North, you’ll find the lady that disappeared previously here. Give her the medicine. After that, meet her back at Spinel Town and you’ll receive a Dept Store Sticker!

Once that’s done, go and buy another Medicine and head back to Tanzan Cove.

Give the Medicine to Anna, and she’ll pour 500 of your Pokedollars onto her doll (This is why I don’t trust children). But Anna gets better anyway, and she decides to make it up to you by giving you a gym battle with Noel.

Edited April 8, 2016 by Despair Syndrome

[Despair Syndrome]

I have a Discussion Thread now. Feel free to post there!

Due, to popular demand (thanks, guys). Here’s the 2^nd part of A HORRENDOUSLY WRITTEN REBORN GUIDE. Enjoy.

CHAPTER III: DEMON METEOR BASE

DespairSyndrome logging on again, sick, exhausted and determined to finish up the rest of the guide! Let’s go.

Continuing from where I left you guys, it seems you’re going to fight Noel now. You’ll find everyone waiting at the front of the house. Talk to Noel to start the battle.

LEADER NOEL

This is where I’d put Noel’s team if there actually was a battle.

Now Noel is a pretty straightforward gym leader, watch out for-

But your gym battle is cut short thanks to Charlotte’s sister, Saphira appearing out of goddamn nowhere.

Turns out our friendly, totally-not-pedophilic shock therapist and his happy band of Meteor Grunts are on their way to capture you.

Saphira asks all of you (way to talk to a shy 12-year-old by the way, Charlotte literally told you her name 10 seconds ago) to hide in the house.

With that, Saphira tasks you and Laura to keep everyone safe while she flies off to murder some Meteor.

Like, I’m not even kidding. She actually murders them.

Anyway, Anna and Noel hide upstairs while Charlotte and Shelly take the kitchen. Soon, you are forced into a double battle against Sigmund’s orderlies while he checks upstairs.

Immediately after that, you’re forced into another battle with Sirius.

METEOR ADMIN SIRIUS

Your team is somehow mysteriously healed, although I won’t question that.

His team is pretty weird to be honest. He probably just uses his favourites, a sign of a true Pokemon trainer.

He shouldn’t give you any problems though. If you can beat Serra, you can beat Sirius.

A friendly Grumpig has informed me that if you fought Sirius back at Yureyu, you fight Sigmund here instead.

DR SIGMUND

for someone who stays in their lab touching children all day, i like how he still manages to stay buff af

AHEM, I never actually fought Sigmund here, but I'm assuming that he's weaker than Sirius is. Remember that his Eelektross and Rotom can't be hit by Ground moves!

Again, if you can beat Serra, you can beat Sigmund.

btw, i also like how similar sigmund and sirius' sprite looks, they have exactly the same pose even their bloody legs are in the same position. i ship them now.

After the battle, you’re presented with a tough situation. Go upstairs and help Laura, or stay downstairs to lock down Sirius.

I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter what you pick (completely negating anything “tough” about the situation). The only thing it changes is which princesses you have to rescue later on.

If you choose to stay downstairs, Anna and Noel get taken, if you go intervene upstairs, Laura is taken instead.

Anyway, whoever gets kidnapped, Saphira will ask you to come help her get them back.

WARNING: I HIGHLY RECOMMEND BRINGING A TANKY/SPEEDY PERISH SONG USER, OR AN EASY WAY TO CHEESE SOLO HIGH LEVEL POKEMON (EG. THAT GARCHOMP AT APOPHYLL)

I'm adding this bit here because a Perish Songer is going to be pretty essential. Upcoming battles will feature a lot of solo Lv75 Pokemon and it does not become any easier even when your Pokemon start getting to around Lv70. Hell, this chapter has 2 already.

Though there are many ways to cheese out these battles, Perish Songers are still the easiest and most effective way.

Seriously. Get one. It'll make life a WHOLE lot easier.

This is a list of Pokemon that can learn Perish Song that you can get at this point of the game.

I put Smoochum's sprite because Jynx is ugly af. Smoochum can be caught back at Ametrine Mountain in front of Shade's Gym. It learns Perish Song at lv45. If you have already evolved it into Jynx, Perish Song can taught by the Move relearner. Alternatively, Jynx will learn it at level 55. I wouldn't recommend Jynx though because, aside from being ugly, its Speed and Def is nothing too special, and it has a plethora of weaknesses thanks to its Ice-Typing. Get the other Pokemon on the list instead unless you like Jynx for some weird reason.

Ah, Misdreavus, not a game past Generation 4 goes by without me having this in my team. Misdreavus is probably the most effective user of Perish Song thanks to its SAIKOU_NO_SPEED™ and its SpDef is nothing to laugh about either. It also provides lots of sweep potential thanks to Nasty Plot. It learns Perish Song at Lv46. Once, it evolves into Mismagius, it CANNOT learn Perish Song, so make sure you get it before giving it that Dusk Stone.

DELELELELEWOOOOOP™. This beast carried you through the early game, yet people claim it's useless in the late game. BZT. Wrong. Thanks to the fact that it can Perish Song, you can continue using Kricketune all the way to the end of EP15. It learns Perish Song at Lv50 so prepare for a bit of grinding. Although, its Speed and Def is actually LOWER than Jynx, Kricketune is still worthy of staying in your team due to sentimental value.

IGGLYBUFF IS SO CUTE OMG. Ahem. You can get this from a sidequest early on in the Peridot Ward. It comes with a random egg move of which Perish Song is one of them. It's horrible speed is compensated with an insane amount of health. It might not survive an attack from a solo Lv75 now, but it should be able to once you leveled it to around Lv60 with the right nature. Although this goes without saying, make sure it's a Wigglytuff by that point instead of still being that ADORABLE Igglybuff.

Murkrow can be caught during windy nights at your gang of choice's base. Like Igglybuff, it comes with an egg move one of which is Perish Song. Murkrow is probably the BEST Perish Song user thanks to it's hidden ability, Prankster, which gurantees that Perish Song is going to land. Although, making it a Prankster+Perish Songer sacrifices its potential as a Moxie sweeper. Note that evolving it to Honchkrow changes its Prankster into Moxie, so keep that in mind when planning out your team. If you don't plan on having Honchkrow Moxie sweep in your team, simply keeping a Prankster + Perish Song Murkrow in your PC to bring in during Lv75 boss battles would be the best course of action for any Reborn player.

I'm not sure if the Azurill you can get from the police officer comes with egg moves, and if it does, is Perish Song one of them? If someone has evidence, post it in the Discussion Thread and I'll add in Marill to this list too.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Backtrack to Tanzan Mountain, at the fork I mentioned previously, take a right. You’ll find Saphira standing in front of a gate previously inaccessible.

She gets hear Dragonite to tear it down. Follow her in. And- Oh my god, did she seriously kill those guys?

Makes the part where Cain’s Nidoking pushes a guy off a cliff seem tame.

Anyway, welcome to the DEMON METEOR BASE.

Of all the Meteor Bases thus far, this is probably the most demonic. Like, what the hell is up with these weird gadgets, puzzles and traps? Which Meteor Grunt thought it was a good idea to include these into their base?

Anyway, this machine only let’s you go in a clockwise direction and changes into anti-clockwise everytime you use it and vice-versa. So basically, the only way to advance to step onto the machine from the opposite side.

The first Meteor Grunt mentioned how ‘another one’ slipped by. Like, how did Saphira manage to get through this demonic base so easily?

Anyway, step into the room and you’ll end up on this Disco Floor. The catch with this room is that stepping onto any colored tile warps you to the corresponding colour tile of the second room (which is the room on the right).

To proceed, you need to get to the machine in the middle of BOTH rooms. I have no idea how I solved this. I’m pretty sure I just randomly walked on tiles til I got both machines. If anybody could post a video or a step-by-step instruction on how to pass this bit, it’d be much appreciated.

Anyway, here are pictures both rooms so you can cross-reference them.

After that, you’ll find yourself in another room. In case you forgot the procedure, disable the gates, then come in from the right. Like in the first part, only this time, the room is bigger.

The room on the far left is where they have the damsel(s) in distress. Turns out you need a key to access the cell. And conveniently, thanks to PLOT_VS_PLAYER ™, it’s hidden with Sigmund, at the end of the facility.

There’s a light shard here. I suggest you take it and continue with the facility. Head up this time, you’ll rach another one of these spinny rooms. Spin to the centre and head down.

You’ll find this teleporter.

And you’re back where you were before. BUT WAIT. Head back up and you’ll find the spinnything on the top-most room is able to bring you up now. There’s two teleporters for you to take. The blue one and the magenta one.

Take the blue one and you’ll find a rare candy and give you access to the right side of the facility. Taking the Magenta one simply takes you to the right side, minus the Rare Candy (I think). Head to the rightmost room to find Saphira hacking away. Talk to her and you’ll be forced into a double-battle. (Ame does seem to like forcing you into double battles, I wonder if that’s some kind of innuendo.)

After that, the gate blocking your way is disengaged. You can now proceed deeper into the base.

To proceed, battle the two fat guys working on the machine. (HOW THE HELL DID SAPHIRA MANAGED TO SKIP SO MUCH OF THE FACILITY HNGH)

Btw, I like how the overworld sprites make those scientists look fat but they’re actually skinny in their battle sprites.

And black too.

#notracist #equality

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Anyway, you can find Simon (he’s the grunt Charlotte befriended earlier at Yureyu HQ) at the lower left corner. He won’t fight you, instead he’ll talk about how Saphira killed his only partner, Tara (that’s the other grunt at Yureyu HQ) and a few other guys.

Makes you really think about who really are the bad guys. At the end, they’re all humans, fighting for what they think is right. And if they have to throw their lives to fulfil a similar goal…

Hell, who am I kidding? Screw those Meteor guys.

Oh yeah, and another rant here. WHY THE HELL IS THE ZOROARK + CHANDELURE SCIENTIST FROM YUREYU HERE. I USED A GHOST MOVE ON HIS CHANDELURE AND ITS NOT VERY EFFECTIVE, WHAT, GHOST RESISTS GHOST NOW? I WAS READY TO WRITE A BUG REPORT AND BOOM HE TURNS INTO ZOROARK AND REKTS MY ASS. SCREW THAT GUY MAN.

That is all.

After this room, you’ll reach the end of the facility. You’ll meet up with Saphira and find Dr Sigmund (who up until this point doesn’t know about Meteor and their Pulses, mind you) casually monitoring ZEL messing around with a Pulse!Abra.

After some chat, Sirius walks in and is mad to find you here. But he has more pressing concerns, and proceeds to go to the Pulse!Abra (Really, bitch? Who was the one who rekt your entire team of Meteors, huh?)

Anyway, Sirius announces the arrival of Lin, who 40% of people in this room vaguely recognize. (60% if you lurk on the forums and have not played this scene yet. Yes, that person is you.)

Ahem. 28.571428% if you count ZEL as 3 different people.

AHEM. 42.857142% if you lurk on the forums and haven’t played this scene yet AND count ZEL as three different people.

Anyway, ZEL reveals that they want to use a Pulse!Abra to teleport into a certain place. In fact, that certain place is a certain-hidden-under-a-grand-stairway place that we probably forgot up until now.

Yeah, great idea, ZEL. Look what it did to that lady back in Spinel Town.

Sirius wants that Abra tamed ASAP, otherwise Lin will have their heads (hopefully, he meant it figuratively).

And for some reason, a rogue Abra who does not listen to a single one of ZEL’s commands promptly saves their skins by teleporting you and Saphira somewhere.

Hopefully, you brought your Perish Song user with you. ; )

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Don’t worry, you won’t need TM FLASH. The darkness only lasts three rooms.

There’s a healing machine that speaks in 1337 in the second room, so feel free to heal up. If, for some reason you didn’t bring your Perish Song user, then you’re stupid gonna have to be grinding a bit if your Pokemon are underleveled.

Go through the cave, and you’ll end up here. Reach the very end and you’ll peer down into a chasm. A chasm which Saphira somehow found herself in.

Anyway, backtrack halfway through this path and you’ll find a new path paved for you.

Suspicious.

Follow this path to have another chat with Saphira. Now, go back and another path should be open. Head down this time.

Go back up and head right down another new path and- HOLY SHIT.

POKEMON GARGANTUAN

Don’t bother. It’s just a BLOODY LV75 STEELIX HOLY SHIT.

It says here on the Pokedex that an average Steelix is 9.2M.

…

THAT DOESN’T BLOODY LOOK LIKE 9.2M TO ME.

Ahem. Anyway, I hope you lead with your Perish Song user. Steelix is incredibly slow, so you should be able to set it up easily.

If you didn’t lead with your Perish Songer, it’s better to let your current lead faint, and switch it in instead of switching it in immediately and risk it dying.

If you DON’T have a Perish Song user, or any other way to cheese this fight.

Well. Prepare to face a 200 Base DEF stat Pokemon who resists practically everything with a Sitrus Berry for good measure. My condolences.

Anyway, after you beat it, SAPHIRA FRIKKIN RIDES IT HOLY SHIT.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

She lifts you back to the front of the Demon Meteor Base and goes off to rescue Laura/Anna & Noel.

Head back into the Pulse!Abra room and you’ll find ZEL struggling to get Abra to listen. (Cut it some slack man, it did save your lives.)

Anyway, ZEL gets fed up and haves you defeat Abra.

Hope you still have your Perish Song user. ; )

PULSE ABRA

Again, it’s just a single LV75 Abra…

I’d consider this fight easier than the Steelix one. Abra is a lot more speedier than Steelix, so if you don’t think your Perish Songer (I’m gonna call it that now) can outspeed it, then you might want to avoid putting it as your lead.

PulseAbra seems to only use Hyper Beam (just found out it also uses Dark Pulse sometimes), so it’s a sitting duck every other turn. Let it take out your lead, then switch in to your Perish Songer and let ‘er rip.

If you don’t have a Perish Songer, then consider smacking a super effective Pokemon move EVERY OTHER TURN. It’s crucial to remember this in case it manages to kill your ace.

Oh, and don’t bother using status effects to wear it down. It has Magic Guard.

Note that it also gains Steel-Typing (Could still be Electric, can't be sure without proper confirmation). So watch out for that.

And Sirius comes in announcing Lin’s arrival. He recruits you into Team Meteor so that she doesn’t rip your heads off (I’m starting to think he means it literally).

Lin comes in (Holy shit, her hair looks like a Chatot, the Taka nightmares are flooding back). Anyway, she’s disappointed about the failed Abra project.

She also sees through you not being a member of Team Meteor. (Maybe it’s because you aren’t in uniform)

Anyway, Lin chats a bit before Saphira destroys their base with a giant Steelix. No big deal.

Lin goes out to take care of it.

And her Hydreigon one-shots it. :’|

Anyway, Sirius says this is your only chance to leave before Lin comes back and decapitates you. So if I were you, I’d be leaving ASAP.

Can we just take a moment to enjoy how beautifully hilarious these scenes were?

• Sigmund (who, as I already said, has no idea of the Pulse projects up until now) utters this line: "I think that's Abra's way of politely declining,"
• ZEL, knowing how super-powerful you are, gets you to destroy the Pulse project before Lin destroys everyone.
• Sirius, who is probably the person who HATES YOUR GUTS the most out of everyone in the room and probably wants you dead, RECRUITS YOU TO JOIN METEOR.
• The protagonist, NON-CHALANTLY ACCEPTS.
• Lin SEES THROUGH IT IN LITERALLY 4 SECONDS.
• Sirius, who, as I'm gonna remind you, wants you dead, asks you to quickly escape while you can.
• ZEL (Lumi specifically) wishes you good luck. Aww.
• NONE OF THEM BOTHERS TO BATTLE/KILL YOU AFTER THE DEMON WHICH IS LIN.
• NOT EVEN SIGMUND.
• YOU CAN EVEN HAVE A PLEASANT CHAT WITH EVERYONE.

Oh, and Saphira (probably) died. That too.

I'm not sure if Ame meant this bit of the game to actually be serious. BUT IT'S HILARIOUS.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Head back to Laura’s house to find the damsel(s) in distress safe and sound. Sadly, we can’t say the same for Saphira.

Anyway, talk to everyone and they start chatting about keys and whatnot. Too bad you already know all of this. Laura apparently LOST one of the keys and then proceeds to piss of Charlotte. (Way to go, girl)

Anyway, talk to Anna again and she’ll ask you to battle Noel again.

Edited January 30, 2016 by Despair Syndrome

[Despair Syndrome]

Monday is a holiday so I can spend the entire day wasting my life working on this new update! Hooray! Welcome, ladies and mentlegen. DespairSyndrome here with another Horrendous update. Have fun!

CHAPTER IV: DEMON WOODS

Anyway, from where I left you previously. Head back out and talk to Noel to start the battle. Déjà vu, huh.

PRODIGY NOEL NOMOS

anna&noel are actually empty shells and they’re actually being controlled by their dolls who are actually alien parasites called N0M05 and N05TRA

Ahem. Noel is the Normal-type leader, but make no mistake, there isn’t anything normal about him. Common sense dictates you fill out your team with Fighting types. If that’s the case then you obviously learned nothing about Reborn up until this point.

5 out of 6 of his Pokemon have moves that will ONE-SHOT your Fighting types.

4 out of 6 of his Pokemon won’t even take super-effective damage from your Fighting types.

Instead, I recommend using the bulky Steel type instead as it is resistant to most of his Pokemon’s moves.

Being a DIRTY_ARSONIST and setting the field ablaze helps immensely in this battle. (It will also help give Shelly PTSD). This may backfire on you though as 3 of his Pokemon know Hidden Power-Fire.

Your team should be made out of speedy sweepers to counter his team of bulky Pokemon. Watch out as his Wigglytuff lead can set up Stealth Rock, so I recommend killing it ASAP.

His most dangerous Pokemon is easily his Guts+Flame Orb+Façade Swellow. It can and WILL sweep your entire team if left unchecked. Get something that outspeeds it and take it out in one-shot, otherwise, you’re gonna have a bad time.

If Swellow is taken out and your team isn’t 6 Fighting types, then this battle shouldn’t be much of a problem. If you can beat Serra, you can beat Noel.

After the battle, Noel gives you the Standard Badge, which is by no means standard. It lets Pokemon up to Lv60 obey you. He also gives you the TM for Hidden Power, which might be useful granted you know and can take advantage of your Pokemon’s hidden powers.

Afterwards, Laura comes back and tells you their tragic story with little regard to Charlotte’s feelings at all.

Anyway, everyone gets back into the house, once again leaving you on your own. You’re probably that one friend that everyone in the group ignores all the time. Feels bad man.

Talk to Noel and he wants to chat privately for a moment. He mentions how Saphira is probably dead but he can’t leave until the others are sure she is, so since you’re the one who does everything, it’s up to you to go check.

Noel is probably the most mature of the entire cast. Like seriously. Love the kid.

Before you leave, Tanzan Mountain explodes.

Ok. Now you can leave.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Head back to the fork and head left this time. You’ll find the gate blocking this part to be mysteriously broken.

And BAM! Saphira appears out of goddamn nowhere (again!) and not only did she destroy the base, she has a little present for you. ; )

Saphira is going to bring the others to Calcenon and Labradorra to the North and tasks you to go on your own and keep the keys safe.

The way she phrases it, makes you feel like you AREN’T that friend that gets left out of everything. (Even though you totally are)

You can go into the hole Saphira came out of to find this weird rock. You might want to come back later. Since there’s nothing to do here, head North.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Welcome to DEMON WOODS Aventurine Woods.

Please note that this is different from DEMON FOREST since that is obviously a forest and this is a wood (lol), dummy.

In fact, I would say that this place is MORE demonic than DEMON FOREST. About 172% more demonic.

You’ll notice that there are logs, webs, ledges and tall grass lurking in every nook and cranny. These are in fact, PARTS OF A PUZZLE THAT YOU MUST SOLVE.

Demonic. Amirite?

Did I say you MUST solve the puzzles? Then here’s some good news, ladies and mentlegen. I was lying.

This entire Demon of a Wood is completely optional! The bits of the route aren’t though, but this route isn’t that demonic. The demonic route is Route 2.

Anyway, leave the forest to enter Route 1. Immediately, you’re thrown into a battle with Fern. At this point I’m not even disgusted by him. Bennett leaves a sicker taste in my mouth.

SWAG JOCKEY FERN

I cannot wait for the day where I can officially become a SWAG_JOCKEY™.

I am a Swag Jockey.

As the battle starts, it is immediately apparent that Fern ditched his mono-Grass run (pussy). He instead leads with a Fraxure, which may catch you off guard if you aren’t prepared. For the most part though, he is still an easy win.

F_YOU_FERN Run : Whenever you lose to Fern, delete your savefile and start the game again.

If you can beat Serra, you can beat Fern.

Anyway, after that’s done, grab the Light Shard. Your destination is the castle to the East. You’ll need to solve a bit of the puzzle to get there.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

This part of the guide is going to become particularly horrendous. Just so you know. Aventurine Woods is 80% sidequests. The stuff you can get here include a Glaceon (Icy rock), Flabebe and most importantly, a Dept Store Sticker. Chubb’s probably gonna have a field day writing this part.

A simple summarization of the puzzle:

+ Help the Tauros and it’ll let you ride it. You can jump over ledges with it but you can’t go through tall grass.

+ Help the Bouffalant, and it’ll charge head on, knocking any logs in its way.

+ Buy some honey at the Lapis Ward, which you can smear on trees around the forest.

+ Go offscreen for a few minutes and come back to find a Pinsir and Heracross fighting.

+ Help the Heracross and it’ll help tear away nearby webs.

+ Help the Pinsir and it’ll help tear down a nearby log.

+ Finally, Pink Tiles. They don’t do anything. Step on them all you like.

How was that? Understand?

If not, screw you, I’m not gonna type that all again. Just go reread the damn thing.

Ahem. To the East is your destination. You only need to use the Tauros/Bouffalant part of the puzzle to advance.

To the West is a research facility where you can heal your Pokemon. Entering and exiting the facility will refresh all Bouffalant and Tauros in the area.

One of the researchers is missing his glasses (even though he’s clearly wearing glasses on his sprite). You can find his glasses deep inside the DEMON WOODS.

Now I won’t cover the sidequests here, but I highly recommend you find his glasses before moving on, as he gives you a Dept Store Sticker.

Here’s a video guide. (Thanks, Lostelle).

From the research facility, head South to find the Grand Gates to Reborn. Closed for decade, locking out the outside world (and some homeless guy) from Reborn City.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Once, you’re done sidequestin, head East, jumping over any ledges and pushing any logs in the way. (Although if you actually did go sidequesting, these logs should be pushed aisde by now)

Note that some parts of the Route require you to take a small detour into the Woods to advance.

Also on this route, is someone I hate as much as Fern.

That’s right. Die, Elliot.

Once you reach the far right end of the Route (which hopefully isn’t too hard to work out on your own), you can either go North or South.

North takes you to Agate City, but it’s currently blocked off, since the guards are asleep. So go South instead. Here, you’ll find the castle.

You have to get through a labrynth first, but that shouldn’t be too difficult. Eventually you’ll reach the castle.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

There’s a PC and a recovery unit here. A girl will invite you in, so make yourself comfortable.

Go in and talk to her again and Radomus will make his appearance. What the hell is that, a pyramid head? Is this Silent Hill now?

Anyway, his Gardevoir will introduce herself first. Apparently, she is the famous Gossip Gardevoir that you see on TVs all over Reborn. Well by golly, she actually IS a Gardevoir. I just thought she was someone roleplaying as a Gardevoir.

For me, this was the biggest plot twist in Reborn.

Radomus introduces the girl as Luna. His daughter who he apparently gets to work as a maid in his mansion.

Radomus is the Psychic-type leader and is easily my favourite character of the game. The guy is a walking Sherlock reference.

He asks Luna and Gardevoir to leave so you two can have a private chat. (“How sensous~”)

Radomus warns you about El, and Luna’s mysterious appearance.

Anyway, Cain joins the party. Any scene with Cain and Radomus together is a great scene. Get used to this, you’re gonna be stuck with each other for awhile.

Cain mentions how he found Heather a home. Adopted by a guy named Blake (Now why does that name seem familiar?)

Soon, you’re forced into a battle with Cain.

PRETTY BOY CAIN

I love how Muk's XY sprite looks like its giving you the finger.

Cain, like Fern, abandoned his monorun. But he’s still the same as before. He simply included an Absol and a Galvantula into his party.

A Psychic sweep can still beat him no problemo. You shouldn’t have any problems with this fight.

Do note that his Absol has Sucker Punch. If you let it stack Swords Dance, it can do quite a number on your team.

If you can beat Serra, you can beat Cain.

After you finish the battle Luna’s sprite mysteriously vanishes everyone continues chatting a bit. (You gotta love the interactions between Radomus and Cain. One is hip and trendy while the other is an old bum. It’s hilarious.)

“On the other hand, it is you who might be taking things too seriously.”

Ooooo, Cain. Checkmate. The joker got outjoked.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Anyway, Gardevoir disappears and Radomus receives a ransom note.

“…’to one’? Does that imply that there’s more than one? I should like to meet the other.”

I could literally make an entire book made out of nothing but Radomus quotes.

Anyway, Gossip Gardevoir is kidnapped and y’all have to get her back. Yee haw.

But Radomus pulls a Magic Conch on us. Apparently, we should do Nothing.

Cain gets fed up and decides to look for her himself (probably wanted her autograph). Radomus reluctantly helps out as well. He puts on his signature Sherlock hat (“It’s a deerstalker, Watson!”) and is on the case!

Join them outside. It looks like the game is on~

CHAPTER V: DEMON DITTOCEUS™

Before you go on, I highly recommend bringing your Perish Songer with you.

Radomus calls Cain “animous one”. If you don’t like Radomus already, I question your sanity.

Radomus mentions how El should be somewhere near Reborn. Your next stop would be to head to the Grand Gates. Don’t be like me and mindlessly backtrack into Reborn City through the railnet.

Reach the Grand Gates to find El there. He sees you and casually walks off to the East. Follow him.

Cain and Radomus join you. Go through the gear and listen to Radomus and Cain exchange some hilarious remarks. This arc is easily the best part of the game for me.

And now, for the single most hilarious scene in Reborn:

“…Well now I’ve done it.”

Talk to Radomus to continue into the cave. This cave is pretty straightforward. Keep pressing forward and you’ll eventually reach sunlight.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

You find Gossip Gardevoir with a mysterious person.

Gardevoir will reveal xyr (not really familiar with non-binary pronouns so cut me some slack ok?) name as Adrienn. Gardevoir seems really pissed holy hell. This in turn pisses off Adrienn too. (“How sensous~”)

Gardevoir snatches your Amethyst Pendant from you and promptly flees. And your party gives chase! The plot thickens~

Use your Ruby Ring to open the red door and head on in.

And wow~! We actually get a puzzle that requires intelligent thinking and is not frustrating to demonic levels (looking at you DEMON WOODS).

This is a classic Lie/Truth puzzle. What you’re supposed to do is identify the liars. The trick is to listen to everyone’s statements and find which statement contradicts which. Start by assuming one of them is a liar and see where it takes you.

Anyway, solutions!

Chimchar: Dark

Monferno: Dark

Infernape: Light

With that, you can advance up. You’ll find Adrienn here and it’ll question who’s really telling the truth here. “Elementary, my dear Adrienn. Since we are the protagonists, it is obvious we’re telling the truth.”

Cain proceeds to utter more hilarious innuendos.

Adrienn confesses itself to be a non-binary. If your player character is non-binary too (which Cain, weirdly did not question way earlier in the game) he'll state that that's the reason you're so cute. Aww <3

Apparently, one refers to non-binary individuals as xe, xem or xyr. Which again, I'm not so familiar with :c So expect me to eff up the pronouns here and there.

Anyway, continue up for another Lie/Truth puzzle.

But of course you want solutions, otherwise this wouldn’t be a guide right?

Tyrogue: Light

Hitmonchan: Dark

Hitmontop: Dark

Hitmonlee: Light

There’s a light shard here, which obviously means there’s gonna be a boss battle.

Hopefully you brought your Perish Songer. ; )

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Talk to El for a cutscene, where THE MYSTERY IS FINALLY SOLVED.

El reveals this place to be the resting place of the lord Helix Arceus. (Ame, please make Omanyte appear as a random encounter in this place. I will love you for it)

Eventually, you’ll be asked who you’re gonna side with. El or Radomus.

Remember, El was the person who recruited Bennett instead of you into the Elite 4. Think about that for a second. Bennett. Elite 4.

If you sided with El, please close this guide, dig a hole, lie in it and calmly reevaluate your existence.

GARDEVOIR TURNS INTO A DITTO. DITTOS CAN TALK CONFIRMED. I’M GONNA TAKE MY MATE SLAVE DITTO OUT OF THE DAYCARE AND SEE WHAT IT SAYS TO ME.

AND THE DEMON DITTO TURNS INTO ARCEUS. I’M DONE. THAT’S IT. MY NEXT RUN WILL LITERALLY BE 6 DITTOS.

INB4 EL’S E4 BATTLE IS JUST 6 DITTOS WITH IMPOSTOR AND PERFECT IVS.

PARSON EL

The face of true evil.

Arceus.

You’re battling the god of all Pokemon.

Well at least a false god.

But there’s nothing false about his power.

For all intents and purposes, this Demon Ditto is no different than your regular, everyday Arceus. Notably, it’s moves aren’t restricted to 5 PP.

It also has Leftovers for good measure.

Also Recover.

Hopefully you managed to set up that Perish Song.

If not, I’m not sure if there’s any way to win this battle without cheesing it.

If you're an idiot not determined enough to defeat Arceus. If you sided with El earlier, you can actually lose this battle and still advance the plot. (Thanks, the90skid for pointing this out).

Please refrain from siding with El though.

Please.

After that, the REAL Gardevoir makes her appearance!

And with that, everyone ditches you yet again. :c

After you leave, you will notice an EXTREMELY easy-to-miss and forgettable plot point. I didn’t even remember until I replayed this bit on my Guide run.

Some mysterious voice talks to you. Talking about having fun with it.

That’s some Flowey bullshit right there.

Anyway, feel free to head back out of the cave. And sadly, here ends probably my favourite arc of the game.

Hopefully Radomus comes back later (hopefully having to deal with Fern’s bullshit this time).

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

When you leave, you’ll notice the gear is moving (!!) THE GRAND GATE IS OPEN.

Now you have an easy way to go back to Reborn City instead of having to backtrack all the way through the railnet. If you haven’t already, now’s a good time to finish up any sidequests in the city.

You don’t have to do it now though, we’ll be coming back later.

Anyways, Adrienn seems pretty distressed. Mostly because Reborn City is absolutely HORRENDOUS. Been there, done that. Xe goes insane for awhile while an innocent old man looks on in confusion.

Adrienn goes to check on xer gym (and runs diagonally while doing so). Follow xer to Coral Ward.

Of course, that means you have to go through the Obsidia Slums.

APPARENTLY THIS EXISTS CAN I GO KILL MYSELF NOW KTHXBAI

Now that you’re back in Reborn, you can grind at the Grand Hall if your Pokemon are underleveled.

Anyway, meet everyone at Coral Ward. It turns out Adrienn disappeared from its gym for a decade, stuck in some gigantic time capsule. Turns out xe's the Fairy-type gym leader.

Adrienn wants to fix the city. Too bad we won’t be seeing the fruits of her labors til EP16. Anyway, for the first time in Reborn history, you are NOT ditched! Instead, Radomus offers to walk with you back to his castle.

If you have nothing to do in Reborn, I suggest you follow him. So you don’t have to go through that stupid slum.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Anyway, you can battle Radomus now. Head on into his mansion. And Radomus is in a ridiculous Gallade hat.

Where can I buy that.

Anyway, Radomus turns El into his personal butler.

Um.

Radomus gets the Amethyst Pendant back from El and asks you where you got it.

“Of course, I know better than to ask such a question to a player character with no dialogue.”

Now if Radomus isn’t your favourite character yet, I struggle to comprehend the inner workings of your mind.

Anyway, Radomus keeps the pendant. It’s probably better that way. You better not go breaking my heart and actually turn out to be a member of Meteor, Radomus. :c

The puzzle of Radomus’ gym is to move your pieces in such a way that you can checkmate the opponent. Of all the places I could’ve learnt chess from, I never expected it to be Reborn.

If you don’t know how to play, go to the room on the left and El will teach you. Of all the people I could’ve learnt chess from, it was the antagonist of a Pokemon game. Go figure.

Anyway, these puzzles are pretty hard on beginners. So, as usual, solutions will be provided, hooray for me!

If you make any mistakes while moving, simply leave and reenter the room.

For this one, move one of your pawns to the end of the board and turn it into a Knight.

Promote the left-most Pawn into a Queen for this one.

And with that, you are on your way to battle Radomus. Good luck. Beat his butt.

GRANDMASTER RADOMUS

You’re playing White this game, so you’ll be going first. Black, as usual goes second.

Of course, if Black uses his turn to set up Trick Room, things aren’t going to end well for White.

Too bad the AI is so stupid, he probably won’t set up Trick Room

I’d recommend Ghost-types over Dark-types in this battle (this choice may be a little bit biased) since his Gallade, Malamar and Gardevoir probably has super-effective moves against them.

Your team should be made out of speedy sweepers. Of course, if Trick Room is set up, this could backfire EXTREMELY hard for you.

On your first move, I’d highly recommend focusing all your firepower on his Reuniclus if you want to KEEP ON having the first move. It may not use Trick Room, but it’s best not to take chances. This may leave a Pokemon open to Gallade though since it has a skill to counter both Ghosts and Darks.

Know what? BUG. Bug is the best type to bring into this battle.

His second Pokemon that can use Trick Room is his Slowking. Again, focus all your firepower on it since the one after it is usually Metagross. A Trick Room boosted Metagross can easily destroy you.

Even if he fails to set up Trick Room, he still has one more trick up his sleeve. Gardevoir. A speedy sweeper. Hopefully your Pokemon can outspeed it and take it out before it does a number on your team.

This battle isn’t hard as long as you can avoid getting Trick Room’d. If you can beat Serra, you can beat Radomus.

And that’s checkmate. El mysteriously vanishes and you’re given Millenium Badge. Pokemon up to Lv65 obey you now. You’re also given the TM for Trick Room that will only work with a specialized team like Radomus’.

It is revealed Luna is also a gym leader if that wasn’t obvious enough. Specifically, for Dark. And speaking of Dark, the power goes out.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Anyway, you’re free to leave now. Our friendly neighbourhood antagonist has already secured an escape route for us, so just follow him.

Since this is obviously not a tra- OH IT WAS A TRAP. Well played, Ame, making sure falling into the trap was the only way to advance the plot.

El chats for a bit before Cain comes in to save the day. He sacrifices himself to hold off El (Watch out, Cain, he has 6 Dittos!).

“You will bow before the Lord.”

The reason my mind inteprets it the way it does is probably because the receiver of this message is Cain. Oh Cain will bow for you alright, but for not the reasons you’ll be expecting.

Anyway, you get out of there. Luna’s been captured and it’s up to you to go save her. Grab that convenient Light Shard and prepare to head out.

Edited April 3, 2016 by Despair Syndrome

[Despair Syndrome]

Welcome back, ladies and mentlegen with another Horrendously Written update.

This chapter may be a bit rushed and won’t cover much of the plot thanks to LAST_MINUTE_SCHOOL_ASSIGNMENTS™.

This part was written literally before the deadline I set for myself so expect some rushing and quality drops here and there.

also, why the hell am i telling you all of this.

CHAPTER VI: DEMON OLD LADY

After grabbing that Light Shard, head back into the labyrinth. Don’t bother going back and try to beat the living crap outta El. The door is locked. (Also your Pokemon might be a bit underleveled to take him on, but as a friendly Le Gogh has shown me, nothing is impossible if you’re determined enough)

Where was I again? Oh yeah.

Back into the labyrinth.

You’ll find the path to the left and right blocked by Meteor Grunts. So you’re trapped. Battle the one on the right if you wish, but the one we’re looking for is on the left.

Hmmm. Maybe it’s because he has a beard/moustache? (Can’t really tell, all Meteor Grunts look the same amirite XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD)

That “XD” was irony btw. In case you didn’t get it.

Anyways, it turns out that Meteor Grunt is Radomus! Surprise surprise.

He leads you to a secret passage in his labyrinth. He takes the Amethyst Pendant and requests you to go look for Luna at seventh street.

Don’t know where that is? Radomus suggests you ask someone who’s more familiar with Reborn’s back-alley dealings, like Ame for example.

Anyways, walk on the hedges and completely bypass all the Meteor Grunts with tunnel vision. Buckle up, kids, we’re heading back to Reborn.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Feel free to look for 7^th Street on your own. Good luck finding it though.

You’ll find that there’s a 6^th and 8^th street, yet 7^th Street is no where to be found. Guess you have to look for your local back-alley expert, which is your respective gang leader. Not Ame.

Go to your respective Aqua or Magma base and talk to your leader. Note that you need to complete all the gang sidequests in order to continue. (So technically the Gang quests aren’t sidequests after all. Huh.)

Turns out, 7^th Street is the name of a hidden black market in Reborn. Huh.

I wonder what the people in charge of Reborn were thinking.

A: Sir, there seems to be the error in the naming of the streets, see there’s no 7^th street.

B: Of course, kid. That’s the name of the underground black market.

A: What? Isn’t that illegal?

B: Of course it is. But wouldn’t that be cool and mysterious! It’ll give Reborn that extra zazz.

A: Well, if you say so, sir…

Anyway, the entrance to 7^th Street is located at an apartment in Lapis.

Head on in and talk to the lady. Get into the elevator and find your friendly grunt there. He’ll take you down to 7^th Street. Ooh, boy, you’re a criminal now.

Feels great doesn’t it?

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Welcome to 7^th Street. Pegglers, druggies and pirates. You’ll find them all.

You’ll also find this to be the most useful place in Reborn to brush up your team. A bunch of facilities here give out a bunch of benefits to deck out the most awesome Reborn team ever.

For a price of course.

If you’re like me and don’t spent shit tons of money on Pokeballs or healing items, your money should be soaring in the 200k ranges now.

Too bad. That money means jack shit here.

You know those shards you have been collecting from rocks all around Reborn? Hopefully you didn’t sell them. ; )

That’s right. The currency used here in the black market is those stupid little shards you’ve been finding all around Reborn. As one of your gang members will tell you, the shards are ground up to be used as an ingredient in naughty things.

Drugs. I’m talking about drugs.

Facilities found here are in this spoiler.

This guy here will sell you Ability Capsules for a small price. Buying one and soft-resetting til you get the ability on the Pokemon you want will save you lots of shards.

These 2 guys will teach your Pokemon some situational moves. What they teach can be found in these spoilers. Spoilerception.

Yellow Tent

Gastro Acid – 1x Blue Shard

Iron Defense – 2x Red Shard

Snore – 1x Blue Shard

Bind – 1x Purple Shard

Helping Hand – 1x Purple Shard

Skill Swap – 2x Green Shard

Role Pay Play – 1x Purple Shard

Red Tent

Spite – 1x Red Shard

Worry Seed – 1x Red Shard

Magic Coat – 2x Blue Shard

Trick – 2x Green Shard

Block – 1x Purple Shard

Magnet Rise – 1x Red Shard

Recycle – 1x Blue Shard

This guy here sells the “rarest wares” for actual money. Huh, guess not all homeless people want “Rare Candy”. What he sells are inside this spoiler.

Pokesnax – 400$

Metal Powder – 300$

Ill-Fated Doll – 300$

Iron Ball – 1000$

Lucky Punch – 200$

Eject Button – 1800$

Data Chip – 400$

Magnet Powder – 600$

TM64 Explosion – 7500$

I’d suggest you get the Ill-Fated Doll if you didn’t get it at Gothitelle’s mansion yet as it’s one of the requirements for Absol. If you missed the Data Chip back at the orphanage, you can get one here as well, it will get you a Porygon at Onyx Trainer School.

You can buy some Pokemon here, though you’ll already have most of them already. There’s some sidequests you can trigger here, refer to the guide for more details. The Pokemon you can get here are in the spoilers.

Vanillite – 3x Purple Shards

Loudred – 5x Blue Shards

Roggenrola – 3x Red Shards

Abra – 8x Purple Shards

Lickitung – 7x Blue Shards

Makuhita – 3x Green Shards

Jigglypuff – 5x Green Shards

Cyndaquil – 9x Red Shards

Ditto - ?

If you didn’t get Ditto back at the factory, you can get it here now.

One of your gang members will sell you Blast Powder for 2500$, which lets you mine rocks twice. It’s also a required to get Ralts.

This guy sells you random junk for regular money too. As usual, wares in spoilers.

Oval Stone – 2100$

Quick Powder – 300$

Sticky Barb – 600$

Charcoal – 800$

Soul Candle – 2000$

Light Ball – 500$

Stick – 200$

Float Stone – 400$

Binding Band – 1700$

Charcoal is a good buy if you have a solid Fire-type Pokemon. If you used the Soul Candle given to you by the Gothitelle earlier for Pumpkaboo, you can buy another one as you’ll need it to get Litwick later.

This is where you’ll find the Pokemon Psychologist. He’ll change the nature of a Pokemon for a Heart Scale. I suggest soft-resetting until you get the nature you want as to not waste Heart Scales.

This lady here teaches you some very, er, suggestive moves. They can be found in the spoilers.

After You – 2x Red Shard

Snatch – 1x Blue Shard

Magic Room – 1x Green Shard

Wonder Room – 1x Purple Shard

Gravity – 1x Red Shard

Covet – 2x Blue Shard

Electroweb – 2x Green Shard

At the bottom-right of this place, you’ll find Mrs Craudburry reprimanding you for loligagging in this place.

Pretty ironic if you ask me.

Your gang leader comes and asks you to help teach her a lesson. Seems like fun, if you ask me. I always hated those douchebag old lady stereotypes. Meet him at Lapis later when you’re done with your stuff here in 7^th Street.

Anyway, here you can buy some illegal Pokemon. But wait a second, don’t those Pokemon seem familiar?

If you were doing the Rare Pokemon quest (the one you’ve been doing from the start of the game til now) The guy above the white-shirted guy will sell it back to you for 2 blue shards.

But then it gets stolen again, surprise surprise. As of E15, you are unable to continue this sidequest.

Apparently, if you buy all the Pokemon here, you’ll trigger a sidequest. Careful not to miss the Roggenrola, it might be a bit hard to see.

There’s a recovery unit and a PC here.

In order to advance the plot, talk to everyone on 7^th Street. They’ll tell you about a guy in white hanging around here. EL ILL KILL YOU.

Once you’re sure you talked to everyone, go into the recovery unit building and leave. And…

Ugh.

Bennett.

If I don’t see him again, it’ll be too soon. Follow him into the druggie chamber. Yes, that’s what I’m calling it.

UGH. BENNETT. Please tell me we get to kill him in here. Nobody will give a damn about the body anyway.

Sadly, we don’t get such luxury. He tells you that he knew you were following him. Bitch? Who would want to follow you?

Anyway, it seems he’s trying to save Luna by infiltrating El’s base. He helps you by revealing the entrance of the secret base.

Huh. Guess he isn’t so bad after all.

PG18 Warning : Don’t open the spoiler if you’re under the age of 18! Or your parents will be really cross.

What the hell, Ame. Naughty words in a Pokemon game? You’ve been a very naughty girl. I mean, little children could be playing this game!

That said, now that I think about it, any little kids playing this game would’ve quit at by this point.

Anything past Serra is purely an adults-only zone. Probably.

Tfw I’m not even 18 yet. So I can’t use too many naughty words in this guide, but this NPC gave me the a-ok.

After my 18^th birthday, I’m going to be ready to fill this guide with naughty words.

But fuck it. Back to the guide.

This is where you’ll find El’s secret base. But before entering, I have a bone to pick with someone. Head back to Lapis.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Back in Lapis Ward? Great. Meet your gang leader at Mrs Craudburry’s house.

He’ll give you the a-ok to beat the living shit outta her. Hell yeah!

Before going in, let me give you a little backstory/clarification.

This guide was meant to cover the story and a few sidequests which aren’t extremely out of the way. “Hey, Despair” I hear you saying, “This sidequest is pretty out of the way. Why are we doing this?”

Well first, you can choose not to do this, at which point I totally lose all respect for you and second, it’s because, as I mentioned earlier, my hatred for douchebag old lady stereotypes.

This hatred stems from my past childhood experiences. Almost every show that I watched, and even in real life, there were old ladies that acted like complete pricks to everyone around them.

And the worst thing is, you can’t even do anything about it. They’re old, so you have to respect them. They’re also ladies, so you can’t hit them. Basically being an old lady is like a get-out-of-jail-free card for being a dick to others.

Yes, bitch I’m looking at you.

The only way to get back at douchebag old ladies is through some kind of 3^rd party with no respect for human standards. In this case: Pokemon.

So what the hell are you waiting for? Get in and show her who’s boss. Talk to her and after some shit-talk, she’ll battle you.

HARRIDAN CRAUDBURRY

Our lovely, demonic old lady. She only has 3 Pokemon, so she doesn’t really count as a boss.

But who gives a damn.

Also this part needed a boss section.

Watch out, her Pokemon are all in the lv60 range. which, are all higher leveled than Radomus’ Pokemon.

Come on, old man, step up your game.

If your Pokemon are sufficiently leveled, you should have no problem with this battle. If you can beat Serra, you can beat this old hag.

After that, your gang leader gives the old lady a lecture. Feel free to leave now.

Talk to your leader outside. If you’re a Aqua member, he’ll give you the TM for Rain Dance. If you’re a Magma member, I have no bloody idea what he’ll give cause I always sided with Aqua, but my guess is a TM for Sunny Day.

“Despair” I hear you call again, “Why did we go through all that trouble for these shitty TMs?”

Well, please reread the past few paragraphs. If anybody asks on the Discussion Thread why I brought them all out of their way to do this, I’ll literally copy and paste those entire paragraphs.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Anyway, with that out of the way, we can continue on with the story.

Go into the secret base Bennett showed you earlier and run left. You’ll find yourself in some weird ruins place. They’re keeping Luna here, so it’s up to you and Bennett to save her.

Head on down, you’ll see Bennett standing and OH COME ON.

FUCK YOU, BENNETT. UGHHHH.

DID I SAY HE WAS ON YOUR SIDE?

THAT WAS A JOKE OK? I DIDN’T EXPECT YOU TO BELIEVE ME.

“But you actually thought I was dumb, didn’t you?”

Of course you are, you stupid retard. Why did you join this cult? Was it to be in the Elite 4? You crazy? You outta your mind? What the hell.

“Most people don’t seem to think highly of me.”

OOOOOOOO, I WONDER WHY.

“I am merely doing what is best for my future, and for Luna.”

Yeah sure, joining a cult that would most likely do some mass suicide ritual would be good for your future, of course. That said, if he did commit suicide, it’ll be tons better for Luna’s future, so he got that bit right.

Go kill yourself, Bennett. Your mom doesn’t love you.

“I want to help Luna as much as you do, sir.”

I’m starting to think Bennett is blinder than El.

And the kid drags you into a dungeon. And he didn’t even sing a nice song to go with it. The nerve of him.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Anyway, read the green book on the ground, as you don’t have much choice. It says something about the world ending which further convinces me this cult is gonna do some mass ritual suicide.

I called it, Ame.

Anyway, after you’re done reading, the hobo next to you chats for a bit. Then, he presents his trump card.

Klefki.

The cult of Arceus, enlightened they are, just got outsmarted by a homeless dude and his Pokemon.

The homeless dude is also a whole lot nicer than their lot. I’m starting to like the homeless people in Reborn.

Next episode better have a quest where you join the homeless uprising where you team up with homeless people to fight Meteor Grunts that made an apartment their base so that the homeless people can turn the apartment into their home. Your reward could be that dude’s Klefki.

Again, calling it, Ame. ; )

Anyway, feel free to climb up the stairs and leave.

Up there is where you’ll find the DEMON CULTISTS.

Edited February 7, 2016 by Despair Syndrome

[Despair Syndrome]

CHAPTER VII: DEMON HIDDEN ANCIENT RITUAL PLACE THING

Continuing from where we left off, you’re gonna want to escape this place. Climb up the stairs and you’ll find yourself in a labyrinth sort of place.

What you want to do is avoid the tunnel-visioned guards.

Don’t worry if you get caught though, you’ll be put back into the dungeon and go through a pretty long animation before you get rescued again.

In fact, the animation is so long, that there’s no room for error here.

Please don’t get caught.

If you get caught, feel free to go eat a sandwich or something.

Luckily for you, you’re reading my guide, and here’s some insider information that no other guide will teach you! (What do you mean this is the only guide which is at this part of the game?)

Everytime you pass a guard, save. Press ‘D’ to quick save, in case you don’t know. Boom. Half of your worries here have been solved. If you get caught, press F12 to soft reset. It’s much faster.

What do you mean you already thought of that? Clearly this strategy was invented by the one and only myself.

It’d be pretty hilarious if when you save, you get the Undertale “…fills you with determination” lines.

“Passing Tunne-Visioned Cultist A and saving every 5 seconds, it fills you with determination.”

Anyway, I’m gonna give you step-by-step guide on how to escape this hell hole.

Start by going directly right, then go up.

Next keep going up and head to the corridor on the right. There’s a library here where you can find a Spell Tag and read books.

I’d suggest you remember the contents of these books.

Head back out and you’ll find SPINNING_CULTIST_A™.

Head up when he’s looking away from you, then take the first left.

Here you’ll find DEAF_PATROLLING_CULTIST_A™.

What you want to do is when he turns away, run behind him. Yes.

Follow quickly behind him and quickly take the first fork as soon as you reach it.

Stay in the corridor and wait for him to turn away, then continue left.

Head down at the fork and go to the far-left corridor. Here you’ll encounter SPINNING_CULTIST_B™.

Head up when he’s not looking and take the first left.

Here you’ll find SPINNING_CULTIST_C™. Bypass him using that small passage beside him and continue on.

These guys don’t know anything about choke points, huh.

And congratulations! You made it through the most demonic part of this place. Feel free to head on up the stairs. (Or talk to the cultist in front of you for MAXIMUM_MASOCHISM)

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

When you head up the stairs, a voice will call all the sentries to some worship site, leaving the labyrinth completely empty.

Thanks, PLOT_VS_PLAYER™.

Anyway, there’ll be cultists standing around here, but you can battle them now. Maybe they should’ve took your Pokemon when they locked you in the dungeon?

Maybe they forgot because Bennett’s stupid.

What you want to do, is to get through this door here. To do that, you need to interact with all 4 Arceus statues at the corners of the place.

There’s also Light Shards at the rightmost and westmost corridors.

Once you reach the statues, it’ll give you a quote from one of the books back in the labyrinth library. What you’re supposed to do is to enter in the number of the verse that corresponds with the quote.

If you forgot, feel free to go back to the labyrinth and check.

Alternatively, just look at the solutions here lol.

SouthEast: 02:04

SouthWest: 38:27

NorthEast: 23:03

NorthWest: 16:05

After that’s done, the door will be open. Head on in.

And you’ll walk into an erm… a pretty compromising situation. Erm. Awwwwwkwaaard.

To put it simply, you walked into an old guy holding a ritual with a young girl bound in chains while his men (one of which with an awfully familiar moustache) watches in the sidelines.

Ooooookkkkkk. I think I’m gonna head on back to the dungeon.

Unfortunately, the game makes you sit through it. (Besides, El invites you to watch sooo…)

AND BENNETT.

BENNETT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

HOLDING A PRETTY BOY 10 YEARS OLDER THAN HIM HOSTAGE WHILE HIS CRUSH GETS MOLESTED BY SOME OLD DUDE.

BOY HAS BEEN READING TOO MANY DOUJINS IF HE THINKS THIS IS ANYWHERE NEAR ‘OK’.

LUNA IS HIS CRUSH, PEOPLE.

Anyway, El proceeds with the ‘ritual’, while you stand and watch awkwardly.

And boom. Gardevoir.

She eats El’s men and Radomus subdues El.

Radomus, ladies and mentlegen. I can’t believe neither El or Bennett spotted him standing there. Then again, they’re idiots, so I don’t blame them.

Gardevoir attacks Bennett (I think? No, I hope, serves that idiot right) Turns out they were living together? Ew.

“How I look at Luna us nobody’s business but my own.”

What the fuck. How the hell is that appropriate? Have you ever heard the term “undressing with your eyes”? Cause I’m pretty sure that’s what we’re all thinking you’ve been doing, Bennett.

Gardevoir suspects Bennett was jacking off to Luna the entire time.

That was pretty obvious, Gardevoir, you didn’t need to point that out. Otherwise, why would Bennett be even the slightest bit ok with keeping his crush in chains.

Filthy pervert. Bennett better die in the next episode.

Hell, even El’s worried about what Bennett’s been doing in his room. I actually lol’d.

Radomus, like the nice guy he is, claims that Bennett is just a confused little boy. A confused little boy with a bit too many hormones.

“I just want the best for Luna.”

I. Am. Speechless. Honestly I am. No smart remarks here. Just speechlessness. Just. Why?

And with that, Gardevoir teleports you lot out of that filthy place. Luna apologizes for almost getting molested by Bennett. Don’t need to apologize, dear. I’ll make sure Bennett-blood is spilled.

Radomus teleports away and Cain utters more innuendos. Luna gives you a Crystal Plug (How sensous~) :^)

Luna says she’ll be waiting for you in Iolia Valley. It is hidden in a single tree in Radomus’ labyrinth. It’s time for you to head out then.

Or you can stride back into El’s base with no repurcussion whatsoever. Your call.

CHAPTER VIII: DEMON VALLEY

Back at the labyrinth? Great. This is the tree that you have to run into. Feel free to jump into the rabbithole.

*I could've sworn I saved a picture of the tree. Turns out I didn't. If anybody has that post it in the Discussion Thread kthx

It seems to lead into a dead end. But hold your horses, use your butt Crystal Plug on this rock and a wall will appear.

Use Rock Smash on it twice and you’re in!

Welcome, ladies and mentlegen to Iolia Valley. I suggest you come at night, it feels way out of place in the day time.

There are three paths for you to take here. The rightmost one has a blue crystal and the middle one has a green crystal. You can’t activate either of them so take the leftmost path and activate the red crystal.

Continue through the cave and you’ll find another red crystal.

Activate this and continue on.

You’ll find another plug here :^) You can now activate green crystals.

Now backtrack to the starting area and take the middle path this time.

Activate the green crystal and the nearby bushes will turn into Rock-Smashable crystals. Smash the crystal in the way and head onward. At the end of the path will be another red crystal, activate that.

Smash the wall and-

WHAT THE HELL.

WHY. OH GOD WHY. BLOODY BASTARD FOLLOWED US.

GO GET YOUR OWN PLUG, MORON.

GOD, JUST GOD. GO AWAY, BENNETT. I KEEP GETTING THE URGE TO THROTTLE YOU EVERY TIME YOU OPEN YOUR STUPID PIXELATED MOUTH.

YOU WATCHED IDLY BY AS YOUR CRUSH WAS BOUND IN CHAINS AND NOW YOU’RE LOOKING FOR HER? HOW DISGUSTING CAN YOU GET?

AND NOW YOU WANT TO APOLOGIZE? BITCH, GTFO.

THIS DOESN’T CONCERN ME ANYMORE? BITCH, DON’T MAKE ME CLIMB UP THERE AND RIP YOUR BLOODY THROAT OUT.

Ahem. Anyway, after that nuisance leaves, head on in.

In this cavern, there’s a purple crystal. You can’t activate that yet. Continue on.

Here, you’ll find the another piece of the Plug ; ) You can activate blue crystals now. You know what that means.

Head back to the start and take the rightmost path this time.

Interact with the crystal and a bridge will form. Cross it and take the rightmost path first. Activate the green crystal here to clear the way. There’s another red crystal here, use that and head in.

Head through the cavern and continue straight. You’ll reach a dead end with a green crystal. Activate that and a bush below you will turn into a crystal.

Now backtrack to the bridge and take the other path. Activate the green crystal and head on in. Activate the blue crystal here and cross the bridge.

At this side there’s another green crystal. Activate it and bust through. There should be another blue crystal. Activate that and cross. Break through the crystal here that you activated earlier.

At the end is a red crystal. Activate that. Head on in and find-

BENNETT!

Not funny, Ame.

Bastard asks you to leave. If you agree to leave, you are a filthy Bennett x Luna shipper and I want you to close this guide and go to your nearest church or other religious institute to have yourself exorcised.

He promises that he’s the one that can make her happy. He’s the only one that can make Luna happy.

The boy who almost killed a pretty boy while watching Luna being bounded by chains can make her happy.

Riiiiiiiight.

When Bennett finally gtfo, grab the item. It’s the final piece of your plug ; ) You can now activate purple crystals.

In fact, activate this purple crystal right here and head down. At the very end will be a blue crystal. As usual, activate that.

Cross the bridge and at the other side is a red crystal. Head in and activate the purple crystal here. Now you’re gonna have to backtrack.

Backtrack all the way to the start of Iolia Valley and take the leftmost path again. Keep heading straight and you’ll reach this Light Shard.

I suggest you take it. You’re not gonna want to lose this next battle.

I just realized that literally all the previous paragraphs were literally just “Activate the crystal. Go straight. Activate the crystal. Go straight.”

I now feel like an idiot for not being able to solve this area without a video my first time. Well, dear reader, be grateful that you have me to spare you the torment.

That said, take the Light Shard, activate the red crystal and head on in.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

You’ll find Luna. Unfortunately, someone else also found Luna.

Bennett.

All this time, he asks you to leave you guys alone. I would gladly leave him here in this valley. Bastard doesn’t even have a plug or a Pokemon that can use Rock Smash. He couldn’t have gotten here without your help.

And now he’s crediting finding Luna to himself? How self-centered can you get? This amount of self-centeredness might be able to rival even Fern’s.

If you don’t hate Bennett yet then I struggle to comprehend the inner workings of your mind, you’ll definitely hate him now.

Bennett approaches and Luna backs off like a sensible person would. I actually feel very bad now. I’m sorry, Luna. I should’ve murdered him and threw him into the river when I had the chance.

Noone would find him anyway. Noone would miss him.

Luna forgives him. Awwwwww. You’d need a heart of solid gold to forgive someone like Bennett.

And she asks him to go away. Yes, please do.

And Bennett drops the “I love you” bomb.

Though to Luna, it probably came to her as more of a “I think of you when I touch myself” bomb.

Erm. Awwwwwkwaaaaard.

And Luna backs off again. ayyyyy.

“Luna would you be mine?”

ERM. I don’t think that’s how you confess to someone? Unless you’re a total perv. Kid is a child prodigy, can’t you think of a confession that doesn’t sound like you’re mentally touching her?

Luna leaves and asks you to deal with Bennett.

My pleasure. *cracks knuckles* *sharpens knives*

Oh, Bennett you want a Pokemon battle? Do you know who I bloody am? Has the promises of being Elite 4 gone to your head?

I’ve got some bad news for you, Bennett. El letting you join the Elite 4? It’s faaaaake. It’s just a prank, bro.

He only wanted to use you to get closer to Luna, moron.

But whatever, he insists. So let’s destroy him shall we?

DIE-IN-A-HOLE

I swear to god, if you lose to him after letting him shit all over your dignity like that, then you’re officially a masochist.

I don’t have a problem with that though. ; )

But for god’s sake, DON’T LOSE TO HIM. He doesn’t have Serra’s demon field to compliment him this time, but for some goddamn reason, this field boosts Signal Beam too.

“Can you stop being cheap for once?” – Fern

Power Gem is also boosted in this field, so I also decided to be cheap little shit and had my Mismagius sweep his entire team.

Watch out for his Yanmega. If you let it freely stack Speed Boost, it can do quite a number on your team.

His Butterfree is also quite the nuisance. If you let it Sleep Powder you, it’s gonna stack that Quiver Dance all the way to hell and back. So erm, don’t let it Sleep Powder you?

Other than that, same strategies apply as the previous battle. Good rock/fire moves can sweep him no problem-o.

If you can beat his mother, you can beat Bennett.

Oh, congratulations, Sherlock. You solved the mystery at last.

He promises that next time, he’ll be stronger. And he’ll make all of you regret ever doubting him. And he also decides to continue siding with El.

Moron.

Maybe next time, don’t bring an entire team that’s weak to rock, yea?

Anyway, he leaves without you having the chance to finish him off. Whatever, we won’t see him for the rest of E15, so he’s dead to me now.

Activate the crystal here. You’re gonna have to fight Luna now.

Before the battle starts, I suggest putting a Pokemon with a decent Fighting move as your lead.

Talk to her and she’ll give you a nice little speech about darkness. Cue battle.

DARK DREAMER LUNA

Bisharp - Carpenter

Sableye - MarchHare

Honchkrow - JubjubBird

Malamar - HumptyDumpty

Tyranitar - Bandersnatch

Umbreon - Cheshire

Boom. She leads with Bisharp. Go ahead and one-shot it with Karate Chop or Rock Smash or something.

That’s one of her Pokemon down, easy. But she still has 5 more powerhouses. And they’re all nicknamed too, so you’re gonna have to guess which is which.

Alternatively, refer to the spoiler. Lucky you have me, eh?

I suggest bringing Fairy types, since Fighting types can get absolutely destroyed with her Moxie+Brave Bird Honchkrow. And the only Pokemon of hers that can effectively counter fairies just got ruthlessly one-shotted.

Thank god, that Malamar doesn’t have Contrary, otherwise that Superpower will destroy you.

Her damagers aren’t very threatening with the right team. What really is threatening though, are her bulky Pokemon. Sableye and her ace, Umbreon.

Those things will slowly wear you down if you don’t have a way to deal more damage than Moonlight recovers.

You might want to equip a berry that counters Burn, Confusion or Poison, depending on which you’re most afraid of. If you have a good Fairy-type with a strong Fairy move. This battle shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

*cough* Gardevoir *cough* Azumarill *cough*

A fighting type will also work against Umbreon due to its weaker Def.

If you can beat Serra, you can beat Luna.

And with that, Luna gives you the Eclipse Badge. It raises the cap to Lv70 and you’re given the TM for Dark Pulse, one of the better TMs in the game.

Luna decides to continue to stay in the cave so that she’s safe from Bennett.

She asks you to meet Cain at Agate City. Well, dear readers, guess we’re off once again.

Edited February 9, 2016 by Despair Syndrome

[Despair Syndrome]

Greetings, ladies and mentlegen.

This chapter’s gonna be a bit of a quickie, seeing as I’m writing this during that rest period between visiting family members on Day 1 and visiting family members on Day 2.

Ching Chong New Year sure is stressful huh.

But with the red packets and greetings out of the way, Despair Syndrome is back to bring you another quick chapter for a Horrendously Written Guide™. Enjoy.

CHAPTER IX: DEMON CIRCUS

Well, technically it isn’t the circus that is demonic, it’s the… it’s…

It’s the M I N I G A M E S.

Oh, boy. But don’t let an old fart like me scare you into quitting Reborn. We’re not even there yet.

Anyway, from where I last left you, you should be in Iolia Valley. Simply leave the way you came. Back at Route 1, head north and meet Cain in the Agate City checkpoint.

Now Cain tells you it’s a long time before you’ll be coming back. This is kind of the game’s way to tell you that this is sort of a point-of-no-return area, at least until E16.

If you’re a COMPLETIONIST™, then why the hell are you reading this guide you should probably finish up all the sidequests before moving onwards.

Don’t worry. I’ll wait.

.

.

.

All the COMPLETIONIST™ people gone? Great. Now we, the Horrendously_Savage_Players_Who_Don’t_Give_Two_Shits_About_Sidequesting, will go in without them! Uhuhuhuhuh~ All part of my diabolical plan to weed out the people who actually want to complete this game 100%.

But seriously, before you go though, I’d suggest you buy a Pokedoll at the Obsidia Dept Store.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Give Cain the a-ok and he’ll have his Nidoking break open the door. Pretty frikkin savage, considering we could’ve maybe, I dunno, jumped over it?

You guys will walk in and find Agate City to be a living ghost town.

Then, Cain spots the corpses Aya and Hardy on the ground. It seems the town was put under a spell, causing everyone inside of it to fall asleep. Cain almost falls into the trap himself when suddenly-

Boom. Meet T3RR4. A living incarnation of everything Borderlands. For me, I can almost hear Tiny Tina narrating every single one of Terra’s lines.

Anyway, she invites Cain out to dinner and shoves her giant mallet up her butt. ; )

By this point, you would’ve probably stopped reading my guide right now cause Terawr is way funnier. I don’t blame you. If it wasn’t for FORUM_RULE_#2™, this guide would be a lot more hilarious.

And incomprehensible.

uubich awww yeh

rip exhibit b never forgetti.

Anyway, M3G4T3RR4 batters Aya and Hardy to god-knows-where. Actually, I know where. Aya is in a certain demonic circus and Hardy?

Even worse. ; )

now go sing your hakuna terras tatas and join them u bich

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Welcome, ladies and mentleterras to Agate Circus. Like the Demon Woods, this place is 80% sidequests and extra goodies.

And since I’m in a cheery mood, I’ll actually cover them. Wow!

But first, let’s get the story over with.

There’ll be a huge line here. This is where you’ll be having your next gym battle. First, we have to look for Aya.

Talk to the lady in the top hat to the left of the Big Top.

Turns out she’s the ringmaster of the circus. She’ll tell you Samson already took Aya into the circus, so you should look for him.

You’ll find Samson here at the High Striker machine. He asks you to meet him at the Big Top. Go right on there.

Talk to him and he’ll ask everyone to get out of the way. Then he let’s you go first cause that’s what a gentleman does right? Right?

Head into the Big Top and you’ll find Ciel. Follow her and Samson into the back room. There’s a PC and Recovery Unit here.

Talk to Aya and Cain will come in, they’ll have a ‘sweet’ reunion. Turns out Ciel, Samson and Queen of B00ty are gym leaders (if that wasn’t obvious enough).

Together, they form the Powerpuff Girls Agate Ace Triumvirate!

Turns out Hardy was knocked all the way to the DEMON ROUTE.

Whoops, I meant Route 2.

Guess I spoiled the contents for the next chapter, didn’t I?

Anyway, you need a Powder Vial to get through Route 2.

You can buy it from this guy, and with that, you’re ready to head into the Demon Route! But wait!

Before that, let me cover the facilities and sidequests offered here in Agate Circus. (Mostly because there’s a lot of space in this guide I need to fill up)

This place, like 7^th Street, runs on Shards. Luckily, you can buy shards from the guy standing left to the Powder Vial guy. For a pretty price though.

Anyways, the facilities are listed here in this spoiler.

This entire row of shops sell different things. The blue tent sells Cotton Candy that works like a Revive. The orange tent sells useful general goods. The green tent will teach your starter Pokemon Pledge moves for shards. The red tent is the Move Relearner.

This is the rest area. It comes with a recovery machine and a vending machine where you can buy drinks. The guy here sells Common Candy, along with status healing candies.

The tent on the right sells Ability Capsules for a random amount of shards just like the guy in 7^th Street. The tent on the left sells Air Balloons which will be pretty useful in an upcoming battle.

There’s two more tents here. The one on the right can tell you a Pokemon’s Hidden Power type. The tent on the left belongs to the Name Rater.

This area is a little minigame area. The guy in the orange tent sells you ice-cream while the guy in the boxes sells Pokesnax. You can play on the machine for a chance at the TM for Swagger, but don’t count on it. Also, the first time you get a Powerful on the machine, you’ll be given a Clefairy. The other vendors here offer unique rewards that I’ll cover later.

These guys will teach your Pokemon moves. What they teach and for what price are in the spoilers.

Red Tent

Sky Attack – 2x Red Shard

Uproar – 2x Blue Shard

Last Resort – 2x Purple Shard

Shockwave – 2x Red Shard

Water Pulse – 2x Green Shard

Bounce – 2x Purple Shard

Drill Run – 3x Blue Shard

I’d suggest getting either Sky Attack or Bounce for one of your Pokemon for the upcoming fight against Samson. Shockwave is also a great move too if you need Electric coverage.

Orange Tent

Endeavor – 3x Green Shard

Dual Chop – 2x Purple Shard

Iron Tail – 2x Blue Shard

Pain Split – 3x Red Shard

Focus Punch – 2x Green Shard

Icy Wind – 3x Purple Shard

Bug Bite – 2x Red Shard

And that’s all the shops and facilities available for you here in Agate Circus! Finally.

And now, the sidequests. Oh boy.

This first one isn’t really a sidequest cause you need it to advance the plot. Talk to the lady in the green tent and she’ll ask you to solve a puzzle for HM Dive. You need to pay 1 blue shard though. The end product should look like this:

Next, talk to the woman next to the clown. For a Purple Shard, solve this puzzle for a Timburr! Solution is in the spoiler.

Nope. Screw this demonic puzzle.

Conkeldurr looks ugly anyway.

Talk to this guy and for a red shard, solve a puzzle to get a Plume Fossil which can be revived into an Archen. The end product should be:

Finally, talk to this guy. For a green shard, solve a puzzle for a Cover Fossil which can be revived into a Tirtouga. The solution should be:

With that done, we have only one more sidequest to complete. This one is the most important as it rewards a Dept Store Sticker. First, talk to the girl here.

Apparently, she lost her parents and now she’s really lonely. She asks for some Cotton Candy. You can get some for 5000$ at one of the stores. Refer to the facilities section.

Once you get it, deliver to it to the kid. She’ll feel less sad about the untimely demise of her parents. Ok? She asks for a balloon this time. You can also buy it at one of the stores.

Give her the balloon and she’ll temporarily forget the fact that she’ll never ever see any of her family members ever again.

That’s pretty savage. Ahem. This time she asks you to get a Pokedoll from the High Striker, but since RNGesus wants to shit on me at every single opportunity, I decided to get the Pokedoll from the Obsidia Dept Store instead.

Give her the Pokedoll. This time, she requests Ice-Cream. You can get that-

ohhhhhh u sunofabich

Turns out the kids a boy! God frikkin damn it.

Oh, and it turns out his mother is alive and well. And my family asks why I don’t want kids. If I had a kid, they’d probably end up being a little shit like this one.

Anyway, the lady gives you a Dept Store Sticker! Wooooooo!

Too bad we won’t be able to use it.

And that’s basically everything you can do at Agate Circus. Time for you to step into the DEMON ROUTE. Good luck.

Edited February 13, 2016 by Despair Syndrome

[Despair Syndrome]

Ugh. I really don’t want to write this chapter. Part of me wants to just write the title and in it, simply link Lostelle’s video, then onto the next chapter.

But you guys know I’m too good to do that. Right?

Without further ado, let’s hop right in.

CHAPTER X: DEMON ROUTE

Ok, here’s a video guide for this area by Lostelle. Onto the next chapter!

CHAPTER XI: DEMON NOTHING-CAUSE-NOTHING-WAS-AS-DEMONIC-AS-ROUTE-2

jk, guys. Fine I’ll cover this area, since my editor demands it.

btw the editor is myself, but don’t tell the editor.

Start by hopping over these rocks. It actually took me 5 minutes to get through this part the first time I played. Screw me.

Hopping on that stone pillar thing that causes your screen to shake will destroy any powder in your Powder Vial, so that’s something to take note of.

What you wanna do, is push the Crustle into the hole at the far right. First grab some sleep powder (that’s the tree with the green flowers) and give it to the Crustle to make it sleep. With that, you can push them around.

If you are a moron screw up, grab some rage powder (that’s the tree with the red flowers) and give it to the Crustle to wake it up. Now ruthlessly murder that goddamn piece of shit so you can get a new one.

Alternatively, saving after putting a Crustle to sleep and softresetting is WAY easier.

And be sure to not royally fuck up like I did right here. Now you understand why I don’t want to write this part?

With the Crustle in place, it can now be used as a stepping stone to hop onto the other side.

Here’s where you have to hop to now.

Once you’re there, head South. We’ll save the North Side for another day, yea?

If you want to get this puzzle over with now though, just check out Lostelle’s video. I’ll cover the rest of the Crustle puzzles when the time comes.

Anyway, once you climbed these stairs, head East. You’re gonna have to complete another Crustle puzzle. How to get through this demonic tile maze is in the spoilers:

After you get through that demonic tile puzzle, you’re gonna have to do the demonic Crustle puzzle. The Crustle nest is at the rightmost end of this little area and the hole you’re supposed to get it in is all the way to the left.

And no, I’ll not teach you how to do it. Hell, even I didn’t know how I did it.

Once that’s done, backtrack to the fork and head West this time.

Head South and you’ll battle LORD_GOOMY.

CLOWN GOOMY

Nah, just kidding man. I just really wanted to write a boss section.

2-shot that Goomy at your own leisure.

Though it is a single Lv75 Poke, so it might count as a boss? Idk.

Continue south and jump across the Crustle that you put here earlier. (PETA would like a word with you, Ame)

And you’ll find yourself in the bottom of another god-forsaken tile-maze. Why couldn’t these people build bridges over these areas? Are they seriously content with jumping across stone pillars and pushing wild Crustle?

Screw Route 2, man.

Head to the bottom rightmost part of this area, ANOTHER tile maze. Perfect. Head on to this area first.

Get the Crustle here and push it down the slope. (Yes, that is a slope. If it wasn’t for Lostelle, I would’ve been stuck here for hours)

There’s another slope at this bottom area, push the Crustle down there and it'll land on the hole. Perfecto.

Oh, but we still need another two, thanks PLOT_VS_PLAYER™.

Backtrack to the bottom of the tile maze. The Crustle we’re looking for is at the rightmost portion of the area. The slope you need to push it down is at the bottom-right, near the entrance of the tile maze.

Now, head back into the tile maze and take this route.

This one is a lot easier. Push the Crustle a bit to the left, and then it’s a straight beeline South to the slope. (Well, not exactly, the Sleep Powder tree is in the way)

Finally, get back on the tile maze and head on this route. By the end of this puzzle, the protagonist’s jumping skills (or bicycle skills if you roll that way) will have improved tremendously. What a workout. Step up your game, Samson.

Continue straight and hop over the Crustle you pushed here earlier. Here’s where you left the second Crustle. Push it down to the bottom bit of the map and proceed to push the Crustle into the hole.

And here’s another reminder to not royally fuck up like I did. Sometimes I wonder why you guys even read my guide. :c

And with that, all 3 Crustles are in place! Goddamn demonic this place is. I could’ve used the 2 hours beating this place (not to mention the 1 hour of writing this bit) to I dunno, do something productive with my life. Thanks, Ame.

How many times did I link Lostelle's video? 3 times? No, that makes it 4. Seriously, watching it is a whole lot easier than reading. ty based lostelle for making this light in the depth of hell.

Now head on left, jumping on all 3 Crustle, and you’ll end up at Celestine Cascade. There’s not much here except for a river and a house to the North. Go to the house.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Since you are a badass and can stride into people’s houses uninvited, stride right on in and talk to Amaria, sitting on the couch.

And since she recognizes you (hell, I didn’t even recognize her), you don’t get arrested and put in prison for trespassing on private property. Hell yeah!

She lets you meet her best friend- Titania, who totally isn’t a Steel-type gym leader.

Turns out Titania found Hardy and brought him here. It also turns out that they're siblings. Sorry, Hardy, Aya and Cain already took the ‘love-hate sibling relationship’, so you’re gonna have to get a new stereotype.

It turns out Amaria is still injured after that fallout with Solaris. Hell, even I forgot where that happened. Pulse!Muk was just too easy.

Head upstairs and find Hardy slumped on the couch. Titania uses Wake-Up Slap, which is super-effective against Rock-types. Get owned, Hardy.

And Titania just lets him leave because that’s what a caring sister does to her little brother.

Leave the room and you’ll find Hardy and Amaria watching a TV show. What happened to finding Aya again?

It turns out that Team Meteor took control of Labradorra and is having a showdown with the neighbouring city of Calcenon. Labradorra is being protected by a barrier set up by a Pulse!Mr Mime.

Sounds bad. But that’s none of our business.

Except it totally is, because that’s where Anna, Noel and Charlotte are. Goddamnit protagonist and your responsibilities.

If you’re a heartless bastard and play simply to challenge the Reborn League, one of the gyms is located in Calcenon, so you’re gonna have to help whether you like it or not.

Anyway, Titania forbids Amaria from going to help in order to protect the Saphire Bracelet she gave her (Oh, and Amaria’s life. That too.)

And since Amaria can’t go, you’re tasked to do it against your will. You’ll need a HM for surf to get through Ametrine Mountain to get there.

Titania gives you the Battle pass for Samson. Defeat him and you can use Surf. Simple. Except it isn’t cause that means another run through the demon route.

Now leave and go back to the circus. After that workout on Route 2, we’re gonna whoop some strongman butt.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Once you’re back at the circus, head to the Big Top.

Turns out the Agate Ace Triumvirate are helping out against Team Meteor too.

And by Agate Ace Triumvirate, I mean only Terra. cuz she iz super 1337 hacker.

And even then, she isn’t really helping. 10$ says she’s simply googling hentai on that monitor and not doing anything of importance whatsoever.

Talk to Ciel and watch the Agate Ace Triumvirate throw out sex jokes in full view of like 4 people? This world would be a better place if it was filled with people like them.

Talk to Samson and fight him when you’re ready. And now, for the much awaited gym battle! Damn, we haven’t done this in a long time, hope your team isn’t lagging behind ; )

Do note that this badge doesn’t increase the level cap (don’t worry, Samson isn’t about to die) so try not to overlevel your team. Trust me, the next gym battle is tough as nails and you don’t want any of your Pokemon busting the level cap anywhere during that fight.

STRONGMAN SAMSON

This battle takes place on the Big Top Arena, otherwise known as RNGrena. Fighting type moves have a chance of dealing XTRA_DAMAGE™!

Though it has a chance to do the opposite too, but with a high enough attack stat or the right ability, this won’t happen very often.

‘Dance’ moves also have their effects amplified so if you can somehow survive long enough to set up, this battle becomes a cake-walk.

Unlike Kiki’s field, using Flying types have no repurcussion whatsoever, in fact, Acrobatics even gets a damage boost in this field. An attack heavy Acrobatics user will destroy Samson.

Samson has two Pokemon that know Acrobatics, Mienshao and Hawlucha. Mienshao’s doesn’t have the boost because it’s holding Life Orb. Hawlucha, however, is holding a Sitrus Berry. If you don’t one shot it, and it eats the Sitrus Berry, prepare to get your ass sweeped. STAB Acrobatics Hawlucha is no laughing matter.

Samson hits hard and hits fast. To counter him, you need to hit harder and faster. With the right Flying or Psychic type, almost all of his Pokemon can be one-shotted, with the exception of Lucario and Blaziken.

Lucario and Blaziken are his turnaround cards. Lucario is equipped with a Focus Sash and almost always uses Swords Dance first. With the Swords Dance boost, it can destroy you with priority Extreme Speed and Bullet Punch, this is the only Pokemon in his team that must be dealt with strategically instead of brute-forcing. Paralyzing or burning it will cripple its sweep potential drastically.

His other turnaround mon is Blaziken. All this time, you cheesed the game with Speed Boost Blaziken, how does it feel getting cheesed back eh? His Blaziken knows Protect so it can freely stack its Speed Boost, despite that, there’s still Pokemon that manage to outspeed it and take it out in one hit. If it poses too much of a threat, find a way to paralyze it, Prankster works great but I don’t think there’s any at this point of the game that can use Prankster and a paralyzing move. Trick Room is also an effective strategy.

Basically, a brute-force comp that out brute-forces Samson’s can win you this fight no problemo.

If you can beat Serra, you can beat Samson.

Holy shit that was long. Especially since Samson isn't even that strong of a gym leader.

With that, you gain the ability to use Surf and your Pokemon all get a slight boost to their ATK. You also get the TM for Brick Break which is a pretty good move.

After that, you’ll be backstage. It turns out terrawr traced the source of the Pulse causing the people of Agate to fall asleep. Apparently, it’s located in Ametrine City.

You need the HM for Surf to go there, and as always, you get shoehorned into the task without your consent.

Bitch, there are 5 gym leaders here and I’m the perfect candidate? There isn’t even a gym at Ametrine City!

And then, Aya, Hardy and Cain set out for Calcenon. Your next stop is Ametrine. And to get there, you need to go through Route 2! Wooooo.

Sigh.

Edited February 21, 2016 by Despair Syndrome

[Despair Syndrome]

While Chubb procrastinates on his guide, I consider writing my guide a form of procrastination.

Procrastination is a funny thing, it makes you do boring stuff so you don't have to do even more boring stuff. In this case, I'd much prefer to be writing about Route 2 than do the homework that's sitting here right next to me.

CHAPTER XI: DEMON ROUTE 2 – THE RECKONING

After you're done with Agate Circus, head back to Route 2. Ugh.

Head all the way back to the Celestinine Cascade and grab your HM. If you forgot how to get back, use my previous chapter as reference. (Don’t be ashamed, that’s what I did too.)

Head onto the house and you’ll find Titania writing in her diary. Amaria is out so Titania will fetch the HM for you.

Now have fun waiting for Titania to get the HM. Because she never will.

Not unless you decide to invade her privacy and read the diary! NYEH HEH HEH.

This is gonna change in EP16 though so you don’t have to read the diary. But don’t tell me you’re not curious. ; )

Read the diary and you’ll find out some nasty secrets. Turns out Amaria is mentally insane and Titania was only pretending to love her to try and make her stable.

Oh, and also Amaria is gay for Titania. Not that I’m complaining ; )

But seriously, am I only the one who only knew they were lovers NOW? I mean, this was a huge plot twist for me. I always wondered who Amaria’s love was, and turns out she’s standing right next to you!

And I mean literally right next to you. That’s right, stay in that room for 2 hours looking for the HM and only come out as I was reading the diary. Thanks, PLOT_VS_PLAYER™.

She’ll give you the HM and ask whether you were reading the diary or not. Doesn’t matter if you lie, Titania ain’t gon’ take yo bullshit.

She chases you out of the house. But before that, she warns you not to let slip any of the contents to anyone.

Especially not Amaria, who just so happens to return at this very moment.

Thanks, PLOT_VS_PLAYER™.

You get the choice whether or not to tell Amaria what you read. Seeing as how you just received what seemed to be a death threat from Titania, I’d recommend not telling her.

But it doesn’t matter anyway, cause she decides to read the diary for herself.

She figures out that Titania was faking it and leaves. Titania chases after.

Now would be the time for you to gtfo and head far, far away from here before anything bad that happens gets blamed on you.

Unfortunately we can’t do that. Follow them out.

Walk out and you’ll see an Absol on a cliff. You know what that means, kids…

Head over to the river and you’ll see Amaria and Titania having a Mexican standoff.

And she jumps. Wow. That’s almost as depressing as Corey.

And Titania jumps after her, and since you’re conveniently standing there, it’ll be your job to come back later and get her out.

There was supposed to be a joke here but I’m too darned depressed to say it.

With that, head back to the start of Route 2.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

We’re going to through the North Part now, hop to through the area listed in the spoilers. If you followed Lostelle’s video, then you probably have gone through this part already. If you did, save yourself the trouble and skip this chapter.

Remember to grab the sleep powder before hopping through here.

Also, remember to avoid the weak pillar, otherwise you have to backtrack and collect the sleep powder again.

Once you’re on the upper area here, get a Crustle and put it to sleep. Push it to the hole at the North. Easy.

Backtrack and get another vial of sleep powder.

Now, move here.

Now put the Crustle here to sleep. Your next step is to push the Crustle down the slope which is a hella lot more complicated than it seems.

First, push this Crustle all the way to the left. Now backtrack to where you came from using and push the Crustle down.

Next, come over here to the left of the Crustle using the route shown in the picture. You should know how to push it down the slope now. If you don’t, you’re an idiot.

I highly, HIGHLY (Yes, two ‘highly’s) recommend saving here. One screw-up and you’re gonna have to do that all over again.

Now head back to the big tile maze area and head on this route. This time, take the North. Jump across the Crustle you placed here one chapter ago and you’ll be at the spot where you pushed the last Crustle.

Again, and I cannot emphasize this enough, SAVE for god’s sake! It’s EXTREMELY easy to screw up here, and if you don’t save, you’re gonna regret it.

Once the Crustle is safely in place, head on over to this area.

AND THAT’S IT! THAT’S GODDAMN IT! WE PURGED THIS PLACE. PURGED IT I SAY.

Adversaries Purified.

Ahh, I feel so relieved now that I finished the Demon Route. It’s as if a weight have been lifted from my back. It’s as if I had finished my homework that is sitting oh-so idly on the desk here next to my computer.

I haven’t finished it by the way.

Coming up next on a Horrendously Written Guide: Despair Syndrome’s Horrendously Written and Oh-So Demonic HOMEWORK. Stay tuned.

Head on in to Ametrine Mountain. Compared to Route 2, everything else is a piece of cake. Nothing past this point should faze you anymore.

CHAPTER XII: DEMON ICEBERG

Welcome to Ametrine Mountain. Ah. It feels great welcoming you to an area that doesn’t begin with DEMON.

Immediately, you’re greeted with a river. Surf across it. After that, you’re confronted with a slide puzzle, but that should be no problem.

Head up and- What the hell.

How did everyone get up here without pushing Crustle. What. WHAT.

Discrimination. Discrimination against playable-characters I say!

It turns out that the route to Ametrine City is blocked by a gigantic iceberg.

Convenient.

You ask Cain for the HM for Waterfall. Tough luck. That’s in Ametrince City too.

C O N V E N I E N T.

Thanks, PLOT_VS_PLAYER™.

And as it turns out, Ametrine City is a mountain city, so with the only route cut off, no food is gonna be delivered, meaning everyone in the city will starve to death.

CONVENINIENIENIENINETNDINDASDJiKJSBHO

But seriously, can’t someone with Fly just fly out and get food?

Hardy gets his Gigalith to break the ice, and fails misreably. Way to impress a girl.

It seems we’re having a change of plans now. You’re following Aya, Cain and Hardy to Calcenon. Continue East.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Welcome to Route 3. The blandest route in the entire game. Not that I’m complaining. This is heaven compared to the previous 2 routes.

You’ll see the gang standing in front of the entrance to Calcenon. Cain will try to enter and the stairs will be blown to shreds.

Ç̜̪̋͋̍̍̆̏̽͠O̸͔̥̻͙͕ͥͯ̈ͪ͐̒͡ͅN͒ͮ̂͏̞̲V̶̡̙̫̭̗̖̥̞͊̊̑Ẽ̪̣̪̖̉̀̒͜Ņ̇̈́͒͜҉̲̪͉̫̥̪ͅI͉̟ͫ̂͐͟͞ͅĘ̴̷͔̪̹̝͎̿̂͛̈́N̸̸̖̹̙͉̉̊̌̋T͎̗͇̰̫̼̻̅ͪ͑͆̆ͣ̕

Saphira comes to check on us and tells us that Team Meteor is using a Pulse!Clawitzer to bombard the area. And instead of giving us a lift on her Dragonite (the hole is like what, 2 meters long?), she tells us to find another way.

Conveniently, there’s an Eastern entrance we can use. So go there. Luckily, the builders learnt from the mistakes of Route 2 and made this route extremely simple to traverse.

It’s literally a straight line. So what are you waiting for? Lezgo.

Head on East, and-

Well’p. So much for a straight line.

Aya is sticking with you for the time being. Head on into the cave.

In the cave, head to the topmost area and hop on the ledges all the way to the right. You should be able to reach the second floor. There’s another hole in here, head on in.

Inside, there’s a Metal Coat, which you can use to get Scizor. Now head back out and hop to the bottom-most part of the cave. There should be a ladder down.

The exit is in this room. Feel free to leave the cave. The other ladder simply leads to a mine-able rock.

And Boom. Thanks PLOT_VS_PLAYER™.

Head into the second cave. There’s Meteor Grunts in here, so it seems that we have to take em out. Nothing new.

After you take care of the grunts, head into the hole, and you’ll be in another Meteor Base, which is luckily not as Demonic as the one in Tanzan mountain.

Hit the console and it’ll open up the hallway. You can only head to the bottom door, so head there. You’ll be back in the cave, continue through it.

At the fork here, head up. Hop down one ledge to the left and hop to the middle and take the ladder.

You’ll be on the second floor, here you’ll find more grunts. Destroy them and carry on.

You’ll be back outside. By this point, you’re probably goddamn tired of Double Battles. I know I am.

Well, too bad, there’s gonna be a helluva lot more. Well, at least this bridge isn’t destroyed. Cross it, and by Merlin’s beard, it doesn’t get destroyed while we’re on it! The plot is finally on our side!

Oh, another Absol appears as well, but whatever. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You know how Absol appearing usually means someone’s about to die? It’d be funny if Fern/Bennett dies and no Absol appears.

Maybe it’s because Absol forewarns disaster, and those 2 dying would be more of a relief than anything.

Anyone, continue on. Two more grunts here. Sigh.

The grunts are trying to stop you from getting to the Pulse. Erm, bitch? I just want to cross, do whatever the hell you want with the pulse lol.

Anyway, there’s another downed bridge here, jump on the rocks down to the lowest part and enter the cave.

Here, take the right-most path and you’ll find another entrance. You’ll be at the right side of the facility this time. Activate the console and head up.

You’ll find our recurring Team Meteor lackeys, Jessie and James Aster and Eclipse, monitoring some contraption. Aster is eager to pound you guys into the ground, Eclipse? Not so much.

“Erm, excuse me, can you please direct me to Calcenon City? I don’t want any trouble. You can go ahead and play with your Pulse.”

But since your player character can’t talk, they fight.

METEOR KNIGHT ASTER & METEOR DAME ECLIPSE

ASTER

ECLIPSE

This battle is essentially a 12v10, which is frustrating cause it takes so goddamn long. Eclipse specializes in Sp Attackers while Aster uses regular physical Attackers.

What I’d suggestis to leave either Lunatone or Solrock on the field, depending on which your team (cause Aya is frikkin useless) can handle better, and take out all 6 of the other person’s Pokemon before moving to the next, so it’s a 2v1.

Remember, this battle is all on you, cause Aya seems to always use ‘not-very-effective’ moves. I don’t see you using ‘not-very-effective’ moves in our gym battle!

Lunatone can absolutely destroy Aya, since all it’s moves are good against Poison. Solrock on the other hand, immensely cripples physical attackers with both Reflect and Will-o-Wisp. With that in mind, go all in on Lunatone, unless you have a team full of physical attackers, then go for Solrock instead.

Watch out though as these guys (unlike gym leaders) know how to switch out their Pokemon. Plan accordingly.

Watch out for Rhyperior, that thing is huge. Pray that Aya can get a Poison on it. Electivire’s boosted Thunder Punch is also a bit of a pain in the ass. Eclipse’s Pokemon tend to put a lot of crippling statuses on your Pokemon too.

This battle shouldn’t be too much of a problem, unless Aster and Eclipse decide to go all in on your Pokemon instead of Aya’s. Aya is just a meat shield in this battle.

If you can beat Serra, you can beat these two.

With that, Eclipse turns off the Pulse!Clawitzer. Erm, thanks?

Aya decides to tell her that we were simply passing through just as she turned it off. But it turns out it was a lucky break for Eclipse, cause she just wanted an excuse to stop.

Aster and Eclipse argue a bit about how ‘right’ Team Meteor is. Bitch, stop talking and just gtfo. Take me to Calcenon, man.

Eclipse gives us some backstory on Team Meteor, turns out they weren’t always bad. They only started going down the shitter when Lin took over.

That’s nice and all, but I’D REEEEEEAAALY SUGGEST YOU GTFO.

Whoops, too late.

Sirius gets his Chandelure to burn Eclipse’s soul. Bummer, that’s frikkin savage. Now, Sirius directs the attack to you.

Didn’t he save our lives a few chapters ago?

Aya pushes you out of the way. Heroic. Sirius decides to take her instead. He’s gonna use her as a hostage and he and Aster flee, completely neglecting the perfect opportunity to finish you off.

…well’p, another character gone. That sucks man. I find it funny that all of this could’ve been avoided if Team Meteor simply refrained from shooting off the stairs to Calcenon City.

Karma is a bitch, huh.

With that all done, head to the room on the left for a Grass Knot TM. Grab it and head right this time. Climb through the cave and we’ll finally be at the end of Route 3.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Welcome to Route 4. If Route 3 was bland and not-that-demonic, then Route 4 is even less demonic. It’s hella easy to traverse. Simply head to the Northwestern part of the map and you’ll find yourself at the entrance to Calcenon.

Finally, civillisation! Head on in whenever you’re done with whatever it is you’re doing.

Edited February 28, 2016 by Despair Syndrome

[Despair Syndrome]

Welcome back, ladies and mentlegen to another Horrendously Written Guide! The glorious 100^th Post Anniversary Edition!

What’s so special about the 100^th Post Edition you ask?

Well let me tell you!

It’s absolutely nothing.

But seriously, I refrained from posting for an entire day just so that this part of the guide can be my 100^th Post, so yeah.

Hooray.

Onto the guide!

CHAPTER XIII: DEMON.

Yes.

Demon. That’s it.

All this time I was using the word ‘demon’ as an adjective to describe a certain part of this demonic game to be particularly frustrating or challenging.

Well not this time. I’m using it as a noun. Yes, kiddos. We’ll be coming face to face with an actual DEMON in this chapter. Who is the demon you ask? Well, kids, I don’t want to spoil it for you, so read on…

From where I left you at Route 4, head on into the checkpoint. You’ll find Hardy in here. Walk past him and he’ll initiate a conversation. He asks where Aya is to which your character responds:

“Er, sorry, mate. I may have lost your girlfriend, but that’s a’ight, ain’t it, mate?”

Except they don’t cause players characters can’t talk, dummy.

Anyway, Hardy guesses off your facial expression that you lost his grilfriend and walks away. Follow him into Calcenon.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Welcome to Calcenon City! There’s quite a bit for you to do here before advancing the story. Anyways, when you’re done sidequestin, walk into this house here.

You’ll find the orphanage gang in here. Shelly heard that Heather’s with Blake, who she claims is a bad guy, so she wants to go to Ametrine to rescue her.

Well, that’s convenient. Rearrange these words to find out why!

“Beggar Incite”

Here’s a hint: The first word is 5 letters long!

And if you’re still stuck here’s another hint:

The word is ‘Giant Iceberg’.

Have you solved it? That’s right, kiddos! It’s a GIANT_ICEBERG™. Available in random mountains near you.

Small print: Not exactly in random mountains near you. thx golbal warming.

Then, Anna comes up with a super simple solution! If we can’t go around, through or over it, we go under it! Blast!

It was so simple! Why couldn’t we think of that?

You need Dive to do it, though. Hopefully you got it back at the circus. If you didn’t then you’re an idiot good luck going back through DEMON ROUTE.

Turns out you need another badge to use it. Charlotte’s. Anna asks you to tell her you wanna battle. No problem-o. Let’s go.

Head up to the gym. It’s at the northmost part of the city.

You’ll walk into a pretty awkward situation.

Laura seems to be crying about something. Oh, but what I do wonder?

Laura runs off when she sees you. Apparently, Ame fired her from the Elite Four. Good job, Ame. She was replaced already. But by WHO?

If the replacement is a person that uses bug-types, has a weird hairdo, has a perverted crush on one of the gym leaders and has a name that rhymes with ‘railnet’, I swear, I’m gonna spam Ame to add an option that let’s us kill other people.

Anyway, Charlotte leaves, follow her.

yes i know this pic is from a later scene. whatevs man

Go to the Westmost part of the map and you’ll see Saphira and Hardy standing in front of a weird barrier. Talk to Hardy and boom.

Fern joins Team Meteor. Saphira awards him with the BiggestAssholeAward™.

Objection. You may think this is the part where Fern gets all douchey because he joined the bad guys. That’s true, but remember who joined the bad guys first.

Do you remember? Let me give you a little reminder:

Bennett.

Now hopefully Fern is second place on your ‘Most Hated Character in Reborn’ list.

Anyway, after that shindig, talk to Saphira.

Sirius brings out the hostage. Turning on his terrorist switch, he negotiates with you. He demands the Ruby Ring in return for Aya’s life. Saphira asks you to keep the ring, much to Hardy's chagrin.

Since Sirius is your generic ol’ terrorist, Saphira points out that he’ll kill her anyway. Good point.

Then Charlotte walks in while Saphira is boasting how she’d give her sisters life away for a stupid ring. Erm, convenient?

Now she turns the question to you. Awwwwkwaaaaaaard.

I don’t know what happens if you say yes, I personally said no, to which Charlottes responds by snatching the ring and handing it over to the bad guys.

That didn’t go quite as planned, huh.

She agrees to meet Sirius at the power station.

Saphira now talks about ‘absolute faith’, a trait that would probably be nice if she were to look for a boyfriend. Follow Charlotte out of the city.

Boom, Charlotte meets you at the checkpoint. She mentions how nice it is for you to say you’ll spare her, but according to her:

Those are some words to live by.

You have inspired me, Charlotte. From now on, I’ll always live by those words. Never give in to the bad guy. I like that.

She hands you back the ring. She agrees to meet you at her gym. Go there while Team Meteor’s distracted.

She also mentions how Laura disappears. But she brushes it off. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Of course, thanks to PLOT_VS_PLAYER™, we know full well that that isn’t the case. But for now, that isn’t our problem. Head back to the gym.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Welcome. This gym puzzle’s quite the brain teaser. You need to step on all the white tiles and end up at the door without touching any of the tiles more than once.

Sound easy? It isn’t.

Anyway, solutions!

After this first one, you fight Elder Iroh. If that isn’t a super obvious reference, I don’t know what is.

If it wasn’t obvious enough, I did this wrong. Don’t judge.

Once you’re done with that, head on up. Talk to Charlotte when you’re ready.

Charlotte talks about fire and destruction and how she finds art in it.

Erm, ooooookaaaaayyyyy~. Awkward.

Charlotte just goes kinda batshit at this point. If you didn’t guess who’s the Demon referred to in this chapter title, then here she is.

Standing right in front of you.

Purification in progress…

FIREBUG CHARLOTTE

Double battle. On this demonic field. Good luck.

Notorious for being one of the hardest battle in the game, even after her nerf in E15, ladies and mentlegen, I present to you Charlotte Belrose.

This field boosts Fire type moves and weakens Water by a huge margin. It is only when she uses Eruption or Heat Wave, that this field really shines. Her boosts get stronger and your grounded Pokemon take DoT.

Whatever you do, try and not let this happen. Rain Dance and Water Sport is your friend here. Alternatively, Blizzard and Glacierize terminates this field outright, but you usually have to sacrifice a Pokemon to do so. Her typhlosion is extremely speedy, so think about that while choosing a Pokemon for this.

Surf is your best friend here, although it’s damage is crippled extremely in a superheated field, it does regular damage on a burning one. If you have a bulky Water type and RNG is on your side, her Pokemon might convert the field into a burning one, allowing Surf to (most of the time) kill both of hers.

Watch out though, her Typhlosion, Volcarona and Ninetales comes with Grass moves, the one move to end the holy trinity of Rock, Ground and Water.

Darmanitan and Rotom come with U-Turn and Volt Switch respectively for convenient switch-outs. This makes Charlotte somewhat unpredictable so watch out. Her Rotom and Delphox can set up screens too, so I suggest taking them out if you’re gonna brute force your way through this fight.

Her Volcarona and Ninetales (which is over the bloody level cap) can sweep your team if given the opportunity to set up Quiver Dance and Nasty Plot respectively, so take em out before they can do so.

A team that can brute-force faster and harder than she does works as well as a team that can terminate the field and efficiently stall out attacks.

Another thing to note is her team is extremely SpAtk focused, with Darmanitan as the only physical attacker, so bulky SpDef mon that can wear her down works great.

Scald gets boosted in this field, so that moves extremely effective.

If you can beat Serra, you still might not be able to beat Charlotte.

Yes. A gag that spans 13 chapters only to lead up here. You’re welcome.

After you beat her, she gives you the Cinder Badge. Pokemon up to Lv75 will obey you now and you can use Dive outside of battle. She gives you the TM for Flamethrower as well, which is a pretty strong Fire move.

Now that you have the TM for Dive, escape leave the gym and head for Ametrine Mountain.

Bring a Perish Songer with you as well.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Now that you’re back, all you have to do is look for the diving spot.

From here head North and it the water here there’ll be a patch of darker water. Here’s your diving spot. Dive on in.

Inside, head West and surface. Continue South and you’ll find another diving sport. Head down there this time. Head inside the underwater cave and surface.

You’ll be inside the iceberg, where a Pulse!Avalugg is set up.

…

That’s sad as hell man. Put it out of it’s misery.

POKEMON REDOUBT

I have no idea why you clicked this.

Probably one of the hardest Pulse battles in the game.

That is, unless you brought your Perish Songer. This thing is slow as hell and Perish Song should be easy to set up.

If you don’t set it up, prepare for a long battle. It can’t one shot your Pokemon but it hits pretty hard and can wear you out through it’s EXTREME bulk.

It comes with Solid Rock too so Supereffective moves doesn’t hit that hard. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use them though!

If you can set up statuses then this battle would be a lot easier.

If you can beat Charlotte, you can beat this. (Yes, I’m changing it up now)

After that, you’ll find Shelly there. She goes on about how stupid Team Meteor is for putting the iceberg there. She then runs off to look for Heather. Follow her to Ametrine City.

That, and more, next week on a Horrendously Written Guide! See ya next time, folks!

Exams start on the 7th of March, so I have some studying to do.

Because I am a LAZY_SHIT™, I might actually keep to my once-a-week update schedule.

Eh...

Don't count on it.

NEXT HORRENDOUSLY WRITTEN UPDATE: 6TH MARCH OR 13TH MARCH

[Despair Syndrome]

By right, this chapter shouldn’t exist yet since I’m studying for exams. After about 8 hours of playing Danganronpa non-stop, I finally realized that I would never be studying, so use my time to write this horrendous chapter for the lovely Reborn community?

So without further ado, here’s the next part of a Horrendously Written Guide! Enjoy, ladies and mentlegen. ; )

CHAPTER XIV: DEMON SNOW(?)

There isn’t anything demonic about this chapter tbh.

From where I left you guys off previously, you’ll be standing in the middle of a cavern with a Pulse machine in front of you along with the guilt of you having to murder an innocent Pokemon just so you can save a village’s life.

You monster, you.

With the DEMON_ICEBERG™ out of the way, you’ll find a path open to you towards the North, head on up.

Climb the stairs to Ametrine 3F. There are more ice-sliding puzzles for you here. Head East and slide across the ice and climb up the stairs to the first ice puzzle.

Here’s the solution in case you’re an idiot.

Climb up to Ametrine 4F for another bigger ice puzzle. WAY bigger.

Since this puzzle is too big for me to draw out the solution, I resorted to telling you step by step how to solve it. After typing out all the steps, I remembered that I was a DIRTY_HACKER™ so I went into RPGMaker and drew the arrows for you.

Why didn’t I just use this for Route 2? Whatever. Once you’re at the end, head outside.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Welcome to Ametrine City!

…Is literally what this sign says.

Head on West and pass by a few cottages to find Shelly standing there all melanchonic-like. Talk to her and she asks you to ask around for Heather and then you’ll meet up somewhere once you’re done.

And without saying where you’ll meet up, she just runs off. Ok, Shelly, I’ll meet you back at your gym then.

Now, ladies and mentlegen, most of you will be stuck at this point of the game without knowing how to advance.

Some of you may search for the topic on the forum, or even create a new one altogether. Well, let me tell you, Shelly literally told you how to advance a few seconds ago.

“Talk to everyone”

Yes.

Everyone.

You’ll have to find everyone in this goddamn place and talk to them damnit.

But first, head to this house here next to the Pokemon Center, talking to everyone as you go. There’ll be a techie in here dealing with a virus, he’ll ask you to help deal with it. Bitch, I’m a trainer, not a DIRTY_HACKER™!

What? You said I admitted I was 10 paragraphs ago? Hahaha, what a joke!

But this is unique type of virus, seeing as that it can jump out of the computer and attack you. Interact with the computer and prepare for a three-battle in a row onslaught!

You know, as challenging as “THREE-BATTLE IN A ROW ONSLAUGHT” sounds, it isn’t all that challenging. Use these battles to familiarize yourself with the Glitch field if you aren’t a genwunner, it’ll come into play for crucial battles later on.

For that, the techie gives you a Dept Store Sticker. Score!

With that little sidequest done, hurry on and talk to everyone.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

The folks here at Ametrine mentioned how they managed to survive the hunger thanks to a Guardian Angel that brings food to everyone. Turns out she flies out to get food, c’mon her Salamence Pokemon can’t be the only one that knows Fly in this entire village right?

In other news, this kid summarizes in a single sentence why winter is my favourite season:

Once everything’s all said and done, head into this house. It’s where Shelly will meet you.

She’ll mention how weird this place is… Can’t blame her

…GIVEN THAT THERE’S A FRIKKIN PULSE MACHINE IN THE CORNER.

For some reason, there’s a Battle Pass for the circus in here. What. It’s the one for T3r4wr, so we know what we’re doing later.

And since Ame gets a kick out of invading people’s private lives, you and Shelly read the diary left on the table. Maybe people in Reborn should learn to not put the diaries where everyone striding into their homes can read them huh.

It belongs to a person named LUMIna Seijaya. Hmm.. does that sound familiar? Nah, probably just my imagination.

She lives with her sister EVElynn after their parents died. Hmm, that names sounds pretty familiar too. Nah, imagination acting up.

Turns out Lumina caught the disease that took her parents. Because of this, Evelynn tried making a machine that can save her. Specifically, a machine that can enhance a Pokemon’s healing properties.

Then, a man dressed in black (whose name probably rhymes with Fearow) appeared at their house. He forces Evelynn to hand over the machine to his organization (which probably rhymes with Beam Señor) and he uses Lumina as a hostage.

Then, something went wrong. The machine went mad after a Magneton suddenly evolved into a Magnezone (apparently levelling it up in a Pulse machine also causes it to evolve, something to take note of, Magnezone lovers), when it evolves, three separate entities merge into one. Enhanced by the Pulse, the three people merged into a single body too.

The man’s body to be exact, leaving the other two bodies. Must be awkward whenever they have to use the loo, huh?

But at the end, that’s exactly what Lumina wanted. She wouldn’t die and she wouldn’t be alone.

The moral of the story, kids, is to be careful of what you wish for. (That is, unless you wish to merge bodies with someone of the opposite gender).

A person with three consiousnessesses (?) in one body, huh. Seems familiar, but I can’t really place my finger on it. Meh, probably not important. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I make a great story teller, huh. Follow DespairSyndrome at Archive of Our Own for more fantastic stories!

Disclaimer: I don’t actually have an AO3 account, so don’t bother.

And halfway through my story, this blue haired dickface barges in. Turns out his name is Nunya. Nunya B. Snes. I feel like this name’s somehow a pun and that isn’t actually his real name.

Meh, whatever.

Anyway, follow Shelly out and see her brutally interrogate this kid. Way to work on your self-esteem, gurl!

The kid says that Blake would punish Heather if word got out that she’s helping everyone. He’s a guy with a mohawk and a blu-

Ho. Ly. Shit.

Hey guys, get this.

Nunya, isn’t actually Nunya. Nunya was Blake the entire time…!

Gg, 10/10 plot twist.

BLAKE. Why does that sound so familiar?

Could it be we heard his name mentioned by a handsome redhead on top of a volcano? Nah, can’t be.

With that, Shelly goes off to find Blake, which is prooooobably a bad idea. Go stop her before she gets herself killed.

You’ll find that the apartment here that was previously locked is now open. Head on in.

Blake’s room is at the top floor.

You’ll find Shelly trying to ask Blake where Heather is as he casually answers back.

Huh, this conversation kinda reminds me of the conversation between myself and my parents while I am writing this guide.

Turns out Blake was playing video games the entire time while Shelly’s words fly through his head.

Heh, kinda reminds me of the conversation between myse- Know what? I’ll stop here.

Blake then offers you a deal. Ruby Ring for Heather’s life + HM Waterfall. An offer you can’t refuse! What will it be, ladies and mentlegen?! DEAL OR NO DEAL!?

obviously the answer is ‘seal’.

But wait! Before you click that ‘yes’ button, remember those wise words…

also, clicking yes gets you a shiny charm later on, but you’re not gonna defy the DEMON’S PACT for that riiiiiiight~?

So I clicked ‘No’. lmfao. Shelly gets pissed at you and stuff. And I kept on clicking ‘No’. lol get trolled.

And Blake figures out you have the ring (Team Meteor thought Charlotte had it, remember?).

Congratulations, Shelly. You played yourself.

Blake snatches the ring like a typical bad guy. And like the typical bad guy he is, he doesn’t even give you the HM for Waterfall! (Oh, and Heather. That too.)

He tells you that he got Shelly locked up. He also reveals that he’s with Team Meteor (as if that wasn’t obvious enough). And with that, he leaves with a simple “Cya, nerds”.

Reminds me of another resident douchebag.

Anyway, tough luck. No Heather, no Ruby Ring. The only thing left to do is leave.

And Blake jumpscares Shelly. Except it isn’t Blake, his hair isn’t a lump of shit like Bennett’s. Nope, that’s Cal we’re looking at here.

Y’know, Cal. The guy who Victoria has a crush on. The ex-Fire leader on top of Pyrous mountain. The guy who brutally murdered the Fighting type gym leader before she could give me her badge. Aaaahhh, good times.

Anyway, Cal somehow achieved NIRVANA™ and is now a good guy. Turns out everything he did was to try and beat his brother. Well there’s one thing you’re better at than Blake (other than murdering gym leaders) and that’s not-being-a-gigantic-douche!

It’s something at least.

“Blue flames burn even hotter”

Gotta admit, for a gym-leader-murdering-sunofabich, that was pretty cool.

Cal also nonchalantly mentions how Heather is in the Elite 4. Not bad, Corey, single-handedly raising a daughter to surpass even him. He’s a great dad, he didn’t have to jump off a bridge. ;_;

Anyway, he mentions a hidden passage in Blake’s room and he asks you two to find the password for it, and with that, the both of them ditch you.

Ahh, being ditched. Haven’t felt that since meeting Cain and Co at Ametrine.

This is by far my favourite puzzle, so I’d suggest you do it yourself. But if you need solutions, I’ll be glad to provide them:

+ Grab the CD from Blake’s gaming console. (He’s playing Call of Shooting by the way, which is a reference to something I think).

+ Check the trashcan next to the TV for part of a key.

+ Check the drawers next to his bed for the other part.

+ Use the key on the cabinet left of the TV to get a power cable.

+ Plug the cable and the CD into the CPU at the bottom-left.

+ Enter the password into the monitor

+ The password is “5083164”.

+ Also, you can find Blake’s porn collection under his bed. Noob, find a better hiding spot.

With that done, you’ll find the bookshelf in front of Shelly moved. Head on in!

Welcome back to Ametrine Mountain. Head through the caverns and you’ll be back outside the mountain.

You’ll find Shelly in front of a frozen store room. Talk to her and she’ll try to break the door.

Turns out Heather really is in there. Listen to her monologue (she can talk!) about how shitty her life is.

With the combined forces of Heather (person) and Heather (Yanmega), they manage to tear the door down.

And with that, Shelly and Heather ditch you. But we got more important things to worry about. Blake has our HM Waterfall! (and the Ruby Ring too)

We’ll have to go after him. Backtrack to Ametrine City.

Edited March 12, 2016 by Despair Syndrome

[Despair Syndrome]

Waddup, ladies and mentlegen. Welcome back to another part of a Horrendously Written Guide - Birthday Bashing Edtion!

Why is this the Birthday Bashing Edition? Well, first, it’s my birthday! you moron. Secondly (is that a word), this part will feature quite a bit of bashing! With that in mind, enjoy this super wondrous Birthday Bashing edition of a Horrendously Written Guide! (Even if there’s nothing particularly special about it)

CHAPTER XV: DEMON HAIL

Back at Ametrine City yet, guys? If so, then great! If not, then screw you I’m continuing anyway.

First put on a nice fuzzy hat, some warm earmuffs, your favourite winter jacket and a pair of boots! Grab an energy bar (or several), a firm walking stick and a thermos of warm water. Pack them all into a large, light hiking bag and make sure everything is tightly packed and we’re ready for this chapter!

We’re going mountain climbing, ladies and mentlegen!

Actually, you don’t have to do any of the above. The only thing you need to bring is some strong Pokemon. GG no immersion 0/10 totally unplayable.

With your team of demon/god-slaying Pokemon, head to the far left of Ametrine City.

Not even 10 steps into the mountain and you find the BB Boys having a mexican standoff.

Blake leaves after Cal gives him a lecture. C’mon, Cal, you aren’t his mom. Two Meteor Aces then jump out of bloody nowhere. Cue double battle.

After the battle, it is revealed they were sent to slow you down. Pretty darn good job they did too, seeing how GODDAMN SLOW the hail animation is.

Prepare for more double battles like this. Way more.

You’ll be seeing the words “…buffeted by the hail” in your nightmares after this is over.

And Cal ditches you to go after Blake. Sigh.

Guess we’ll be chasing after him. Continue up and you’ll find them having ANOTHER Mexican standoff.

Hey, Blake, y’know, if you send your goons to slow us down and then wait for us to catch up to you just to say some snarky comments, then what was the point of the first double battle?

And then he leaves again. Showoff. Another double battle.

After 20 minutes, the battle should be over. Heather comes in to report about incoming helicopters, one of which contains the leader. Cal casually asks her to shoot them all down til she finds the right one.

Way to go on the NIRVANA™, Cal. Keep it up.

He and Heather then ditches you to blow up some helicopters. Your job is to now get to Shelly who Heather dropped off near the top. Bitch? Why couldn’t you drop me off too?

Continue up and you’ll find Shelly. Well, Heather didn’t actually drop her off far didn’t she?

AND ANOTHER DOUBLE BATTLE! Enjoy 20 more minutes of “…buffeted by the hail”.

And after that, they run off and Shelly acts like nothing ever happened. I’m starting to think Ame put in these pointless double battles in hail weather for the sole reason of pissing us off.

With that, Shelly ditches you. Head on up.

Another mexican standoff. You know, getting people to distract us is pointless if the one holding the valuables stays put to wait for us. And Blake runs off with a “gg ez”.

What? Are you serious? If any of you raeders say “gg ez” unironically in any game, I suggest you close this guide, lie in bed and reevaluate your life choices.

And as the wise DJ Khaled once said: “And another one.”

Another what? Another double battle of course!

“…buffeted by the hail.”

After that completely pointless double battle, head into the cave for something different!

A BATTLE THAT ISN’T POINTLESS.

*gasp*

I-It’s Aster…

If Eclipse’s death wasn’t sad enough for you, well then, here comes Aster to throw you a feels bomb.

Aster shows you the HM for Waterfall and he wants you to fight him for it.

…

METEOR ACE ASTER

…

He’s using Eclipse’s Pokemon. If that isn’t sad, I dunno what is.

He leads with his Solrock which can set up Stealth Rock. Kill it before it gets a chance to do so.

Unlike previous battles, this is a singles battle, so Pokemon like his Rhyperior can’t wreck as much havoc.

Eclipse’s Milotic is still annoying as ever. It doesn’t pack any statuses with it though so you can take it on easier.

Watch out for his Electivire, it’s packed with the elemental punches.

It doesn’t take long for Aster to go down. He isn’t that difficult…

I kinda feel bad for beating him. After that, he gives you the HM for Waterfall. Not all Meteors are bad, huh.

He goes on a depressing monologue about Eclipse. He wishes you luck and is on his way.

I need to take a break for a bit…

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

With that, grab the Light Shard and your immense hatred for double battles and head out.

Couldn’t have said it better myself, Blake.

How many times did I say Mexican Standoff?

Turns out Shelly already lost. Blake makes a terrible pun before turning to you. Here we go, the true boss of the mountain.

AGENT BLAKE

A double battle, ladies and gentlemen. This will be quicker than the other double battles though, since his Pokemon are immune to hail.

But as it turns out, that’s a bad thing.

First thing I recommend you doing is to turn it into a mountain field so that your Fire types can hit for normal amounts.

Four of his Pokemon pack Blizzard so he can turn it back, always be prepared to change it again. All the fire moves that turn this field into a mountain field (Eruption, Heatwave etc) are a godsend in this battle.

The only thing that can effectively shut down Fire types is his Walrein, pack a Fighting type to deal with that.

His leads, Jynx and Rotom, aren’t particularly strong so feel free to set up sweeps. Jynx can set up Reflect though and it can use Psychic to deal with Fighting types, but it can’t do both at once. Brick Break is your friend.

His Weavile is a pain in the ass. Kill it quick or those Power Up Punches are going to stack up.

After that, Blake tries to run away. Pussy.

And then, Cal and Heather smacks Blake in his tiny little bitch face. Haha.

Get rekt.

Now if only they can do that to Bennett.

Cal hands the Ruby Ring over to Heather and Blake runs off.

And after an hour of shitty double battles, Blake actually tells us something useful.

We just got baited.

And with that he flies off. Cal, who casually asked Heather to shoot down helicopters earlier by the way, lets him escape. Ermwat.

Anyway, Cal tells you that the one who told us the Agate sleep spell was coming from Ametrine had baited us (Blake already told us that, silly).

And that can only be one person.

That’s right, ladies and mentlegen. We just got baited by the Queen of Booty.

Played Level: Fiddle.

Cal tells us that Terra is actually a hacker working for Team Meteor. Plooot twiiiist~!

He asks whether or not you want a lift down. WHAT. If he could bring us down, why couldn’t he bring us up!? We wouldn’t have to go through an hour of double battles!

Now that you’re back at Ametrine City, our next step is to confront the Queen of Booty herself. Head back to Agate Circus.

Edited March 20, 2016 by Despair Syndrome

[Despair Syndrome]

Greetings, ladies and mentlegen and welcome to another episode of a Horrendously Written Guide.

Since I ran out of bullshit to write here in the intro, let’s hop right in.

CHAPTER XVI: DEMON G\\LI&T=CH#?

Disclaimer: Don’t expect this chapter to be funny, because firstly, I am a disappointment of a human being that will never live up to the expectations of others (sorry, mom) and secondly, because the events of this chapter are pretty goddamn funny and my guide looks like shit in comparison.

So yeah. Ahem. Anyway.

Once you’re back at Agate Circus, head on over to the big top. We’re gonna need to discuss about serious things

Once you’re inside, talk to Samson. Enter Ciel. >_>

Cough. Reenter Ciel. She’ll notice the Battle Pass which you shoved into the pocket dimension you silly mortals call a Bag.

She’ll tell you Terra has already ‘made herself scarce’ as a certain gym leader murdering individual would’ve said. Fish.

Also, I just remembered that it was Solaris who killed Kiki, not Cal. I always imagined his Magmortar throwing her into the lava along with her Medicham for some reason. Whoops. Well, it is indirectly his fault though.

Your protagonist proceeds to tell the other two that Terra was lying to you. Either that, or Ciel telepathically read your thoughts. I’d go with the latter.

Enter Terra, who publically shames Ciel. Samson tells her about the recent topics. The nice weather, the cute Pokemon and the traitor standing right here in this very room.

And remember kids, if anybody ever calls you out for being an imperial spy, just do what ol’terra here does.

Terra casually changes the subject with the power of her rawrness. When pushed again by Ciel, she admits it.

On second thought kids, don’t be like Terra when someone calls you out for being a traitor. That said, try not to be like Terra in general.

Terra proceeds to tell you about her tragic backstory of why she joined Team Meteor.

Samson then proceeds to prove that Batman is canon in the world of Reborn. (Shouldn’t it be Zubatman)

And then, M3G4T3RR4, with her super 1337 hack skillz, jumps into the computer. Oooookaaayyyy.

For some reason, Samson is decently good at working computers. Grab your team of god/demon-slaying Pokemon and talk to him when you’re ready.

I highly suggest you bring a Perish Songer with you.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Welcome ladies and mentlegen, to Pokemon ReBlue. If at anytime you want to leave, just head down.

The field here is a glitch field, meaning that the mechanics are the same as Generation 1, SpDef and SpAtk are combined into one stat, Fair, Steel and Dark don’t exist, Psychic is OP as frikkin hell among other things.

If you’re a genwunner, this should be no problem, although if you’re not, this might take some getting used to.

Keep on heading forward, occasionally getting stopped by random dudes checking whether or not you have the required badge to progress.

Whoops. This close to turning into a pile of pixels. #wut #ever

Anyway, she screws with the ground a bit. You’ll notice that one of the tiles is a ladder, simply go into that one.

You’ll end up in some spooky dungeon place. Head left then head down.

You’ll find yourself in a Gen1 version of Opal Ward, complete with an 8-bit remix of the song. Head to the leftmost part and there’ll be more glitch stairs. Head down that.

You’ll end up in spooky slide puzzle place. Here’s the solution to pass:

There’s various items here in this slide puzzle, but screw that. Do not climb up the stairs, you’ll just end up back where you started. Instead, leave the place at the exit at the right.

You’ll end up in Lavender Town. Go into the house in the middle and you’ll end up in 8-bit Bysbixion.

Head Northwards, then Westwards. Then go into this building. You’ll find a weird rock place. Interact with the statue to find a secret switch.

It’ll open a door that’ll let you access the room at the bottom-right. Instead of going down the stairs, head through the empty space below the ECLIPSEBADGE dude.

8-bit Arce De somethingwhatever. Head south. You’ll be in a small gear cave. Head up the ladder to the North.

There’s a Max Repel to the right here. Get that and head left. The Pokeball here contains a Light Shard. Grab that and prepare to face the first boss battle.

Head to the end of the place and interact with the weird statue thing.

PKMNPKMNT M2

Another solo Lv75 battle. So long since the last one, huh. This one’s a Mewtwo, which is slightly easier than Arceus.

Slightly.

Perish Song will make quick work of this. If you don’t have Perish Song, watch out as Mewtwo knows Recover and has Leftovers. It’s less bulky than Arceus though, so it should go down easier.

Psystrike gets boosted to extreme numbers here, so watch out for that.

Also your Pokemon are higher leveled than from before. You shouldn’t have any problems with this battle.

With that you get transported to a new area.

This Pokeball is a Light Shard. Grab that and head up once you’re ready.

From this room, head South and South again and you’ll be back at the circus, so don’t worry if you don’t have the right Pokemon for this battle. I’d still recommend you keep your Perish Songer on you.

Talk to Terra, and she reveals her ulterior motive.

She was bored. Truly a demon.

M3G4 T3RR4

Nidoking - GIOVANNI

Hippowdon - HIPHOPOTAMUS

Excadrill - EXCAKILL

Quagsire - SWAGSIRE

Claydol - CLAYBOY BUNNY

Garchomp - RAWRCHOMP

Now I dunno about you, but for me this battle was easy as taking candy from a baby. That is, a baby with sharp demon fangs and an overprotective mother. Who also has demon fangs. For reasons.

Like Luna, all her Pokemon are nicknamed, so refer to the spoilers if you want.

All her Pokemon hit like trucks and have moves ready to counter the holy trinity of Ice, Water and Grass. The thing with them is that they’re so bloody slow.

Get a speedy sweeper and it should actually kill off five of her Pokemon no problem. Thanks, Petal Dance Lilligant. Psychic types work too thanks to field effect.

Note that SpAtk is equal to either SpAtk or SpDef, depending on which is higher, so bulky SpDef Pokemon are actually better in this battle than SpAtk sweepers.

This means you should be wary of her Nidoking and Quagsire, which both know Amnesia, which can also raise their SpAtk with their SpDef. The former can easily be killed with a Psychic and the latter with a Grass. Take advantage of that.

Watch out for her Excadrill, it stacks Sword Dance. Finish that one ASAP.

Another one to watch out for is Claydol. It’s Psychic is heavy thanks to its SpDef, and it also has Explosion, which lowers Defense. Note that Ghost types won’t work on it, since Ghost does not affect Psychic back then. Dark won’t work either cause well, It doesn’t exist. Bug is the way to go.

Now her Garchomp (which is 3 levels over the level cap by the by) deserves a paragraph of it’s own. That thing is a demon. It has Assault Vest, which raises it’s SpDef. And it’s main STAB move is Draco Meteor, which lowers it’s SpAtk everytime it’s used. And since it’s other moves are Special orientated too, that sounds like a good thing right?

Until you realize it’s SpAtk is actually scaling off it’s SpDef and not it’s SpAtk. Not to mention, it’s speedy as frikkin hell. It actually swept my entire team the first time I fought it. Yes. All six of my Pokes.

Despair! I hear you calling. How should I deal with this demonic monstrosity?

Well, never fear, dear readers. I have a fictional degree on killing fictional demons! Remember, ladies and mentlegen, that I asked you to bring your Perish Songer?

Now’s the time you let ‘er rip! If your Perish Songer is too slow or too frail, then mycondolences hopefully you still have a Focus Sash.

And with that, you get the Gravity Badge, which sadly doesn’t raise the level cap. Hopefully you’re packing some Common Candy.

It slightly increases the Def of all Pokemon. Sweet. You can also use Waterrawr outside of battle. Terra gives you the TM for Bullshit too. It’s a relatively useful move so keep that on you.

Y’know, for a member of Team Meteor, Terra’s pretty sweet.

After brutally rejecting her (you baka), she runs away. Head on back to the circus.

Samson and Ciel congratulate you on your victory. Samson (probably mad cause he never got tosee Position 53) pulls out the plug, killing trapping Terra in the computer.

With that, you now can use Waterfall. Now it feels like there’s something incredibly important that we have to use it for. But I just can’t place my finger on it…

Oh yeah!

Edited March 27, 2016 by Despair Syndrome

[Despair Syndrome]

tfw completely forgot to write this so I am binge writing now

Iiiii mean hey! Welcome to another Horrendously Written Segment (that’s a thing now). Let’s hope right in!

CHAPTER XVII: DEMON TREATMENT CENTER

The center treats water by the way. Not demons. Cause demon-water-treatment-center sounds weird. And trust me, this place is demonic.

From where I left you previosly, you should be at the circus. Traverse through the demonic Route 2 and go to Celestinine Cascade, where Amaria and Titania took their fall.

With Waterfall and the license (?) to use it, go down the waterfall. You’ll be spotted by… erm. What’s her name? Vanessa? Valeria? Ah, whatever, it’ll come to me.

You continue descending the waterfall until you’re literally underneath Reborn City. Pfft, Water Treatment Center my ass. That’s just a professional way to say ‘sewers’.

Meet Titania here. She tells you that Team Meteor set up shop here in the sewers (even she calls this place a sewer!) and they had taken Amaria. Since you’re the protagonist character, it’s up to you to go save her.

I’m gonna assume she just knocked them out.

Two guys walk into the room. Wait. That isn’t a Team Meteor uniform is it? Are they Arceus cultists?! *Gasp*

Though admittedly, who didn’t see this coming.

The two guys let you out of your cage to explore the facility. Titania responds by brutally murdering one of them. Sheesh, at least say some thanks before doing that.

You come out to find Titania over the corpse of another guy. Chill, girl. Have a kitkat. Being stuck in the sewers is no reason to be brandishing that sword at people.

Your first task is to decrease the water level with that nifty machine over here. You can get there by hopping over the pile of… erm… I’m not gonna even ask what that is.

Once the water level is down, you can push those things around so you can hop on them when you raise the water level. Sounds easy? Trust me. It isn’t.

Anyway, with the water level down, you can get to the platform on the right.

This is the easy part. The rest of the sewers is a labyrinth.

And what better way to deal with a labirynth than with a map! With the help of RPG Maker, I compiled up a map of this demonic facility.

Right click "Open image in new tab" and you can zoom.

Huge ain’t it?

Anyway, at the room where you are, follow Titania down. First order of business is to shut off the PC activating the shutters on the left.

Then, go back to the previous room. With the water level down, move the two thingamabobs from the right to the left, like such:

If you ever make a mistake, simply leave and reenter the room.

With the thingies in place, raise the water level and head to the second room.

Hop over here to find a Quick Ball and another PC. This one opens the System Storage at the top right of this room. There you can battle an Electrode and find a cell battery.

The other top right room will lead you back to the first room and back to the waterfall, where you can find a Hyper Potion.

With all that done, head to the top left room.

In this room, head up and left to find the console that lowers the water level. Activate that.

Head into the pool and arrange the thingies like so:

You can also find a Smoke Ball at the bottom left bit of this place.

Once all the thingies are in place, head back and raise the water. You should be able to reach the PC now. It will unlock the shutters to the right.

Ugh. That was frustrating. Are all the architects in the Reborn region this bad?

Head back and lower the water level. You should be able to go right now. There’s a key on the table here. Be sure to grab that.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

With that little shindig done, head back to the room with Titania in it. The reason we grabbed the key first instead of advancing this part is so that we don’t have to do it later and totally NOT because I got stuck and didn’t know what to do.

Ahem. Back at Titania’s room. Push the thingies here:

Raise the water level again and hop over to the other side. Activate the PC here.

Go to the room on the right and Titania will join you.

She decides to hop over and all of a sudden, the water level drops. Turns out it was the work of my husbando Taka. Haven’t seen him in awhile huh? hows our children

Titania asks why Taka let her out. He shrugs it off and walks away. Run, Taka, before she stabs you with a Pokemon.

Anyway, push the thingy here so Titania can jump across it. Head to the top left most part of the area and jump all the way to the right, where the machine is. Activate that.

Titania will jump across the thingy and activate the PC for you. This reminds me of those LEGO games where the second player has to wait patiently for you to activate stuff. Hehe.

Lower the water level and you should be able to access the room at the bottom right. Head there.

You’ll be attacked by two Meteor Cultists (or more like Titania attacks them). This battle is pretty tough. At all costs, don’t let Aegislash die, otherwise, it’ll become a 1v2 and that’s pretty tough to deal with.

After the battle, Titania uses her Aegislash (her fainted one in my case) to kill one of them. Ouch. Taka points out that killing others is very naughty of you, Titania. Go sit in a corner.

Titania spares the other guy for some reason and hops across the platform. Taka lowers the water level so she does end up sitting in a corner. Heh.

Push the thingy here and head to the top left of the room wheret he console is. After the battle, activate it. Apparently, Titania killed this Meteor’s sister. Savage.

Well at least she didn’t kill any gym leaders.

Wait, never mind.

Once she hops over to the other side, lower the water, push the thing here:

And raise the water level again. She’ll activate the PC for you. Lower the water level again and head South. You’ll find yourself back in the first room. Activate the PC here.

Now head to the middle of the room and lower the water level. Go back to where you activated the PC and head into the water here. Arrange the THINGIES™ like this:

Raise the water level again. Now you can access the PC at the bottom left. Activate it. Lower the water level and you should have access to the bottom left room. Head there.

You’ll find yourself in the central area of the Demon Treatment Center. Titania decides to take North (although according to the map, it just leads back to the first room), so you take the room to the left.

Activate the PC and head left where the console is. Lower the water and head to the room Titania went to. Arrange the thingies like previously when trying to get the Beryl Grid Key and raise the water level.

With the water level lowered, you should be able to traverse the topmost area. Go up and head leftwards. Continue down and you’ll find another room.

Head in and you’ll find Titania ahead of you. Taka lowers the water again, claiming he’s trying to slow you down. Titania points out that he did quite the opposite.

Turns out, Taka was a good guy all along (as if that wasn’t obvious enough), he was just forced into Team Meteor because of his gym-leader-murdering dad.

He tells you where the key is, but we already got that. So now all we have to do is go forward.

Titania gets pissed and brutally attacks some contraption (probably hurting her Aegislash in the process).

Anyways, feel free to head on forward. You’ll be thrown into another double battle. Same rules apply as the previous one: Don’t let Aegislash die.

After that, Titania decides to spare them. Guess making her sit in a corner does help. Great job, Taka.

Anyways head to the right, where Titania sits in a corner again. Hey it wasn’t his fault this time. Anyway, head over to the left, Titania will activate and deactivate the water for you.

Position the thingies like this and get titania to raise the water (by walking to the tile on the right of my character in the picture).

Next, arrange these batch of THINGIES™ like this:

Then head onto the rightmost platform for Titania to raise the water level. With this, we should be able to reach the bottom left room. Traverse this hallway to reach another room.

Continue down this hallway (don’t forget to activate the PC) to reach another room. Here, activate the PC again and use the console.

What the-

We saw nothing people.

POKEMON STOPPLE

WAKE ME UP

HOLY SHIT THAT’S HORRIFYING.

PERISHSONGPERISHSONGPERISHSONGPERISHSONGPERISHSONGPERISHSONGPERISHSONGPERISHSONGPERISHSONGPERISHSONG.

Actually, at this level, we can kill it without Perish Song. It’s type is changed to Poison/Water in this battle and it recovers every turn from the field, so try destroying the field if you’re having trouble.

It also has Water Absorb, so don’t use any water moves on it. It also knows Recover, so kill it faster than it can heal.

A good Psychic type can kill it no problem.

Once that Swalot is defeated, the Demon Treatment Center will be back to normal. The next time you raise the water, it should be Surfable.

Still doesn’t change the fact that this is a sewer though.

With that done, it’s time to find Amaria.

First, head back to the room with Titania in it. She tells you that there’s a line of gates at the top of the room, and each of them activates whenever a room is cleared. So with that, you have to turn all the water in every room blue.

Luckily we have a map. ; )

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

Once that’s all done, head back to Titania’s room. Surf to the topmost part and pass all the gates. Who’s idea was it to make these anyway?

Activate the PC here to free Titania and unlock the control room door

Grab the Light Shard and head on in. Taka and Titania are having a Mexican standoff. Titania wants the Sapphire Bracelet and Taka gives it to her.

Where’s my ‘That was easy’ button?

Taka just asks for one thing in return for all the help he gave you, and that is to defeat him in battle. Titania doesn’t give a damn and walks away. Bitch. How could you do that to good ol’ Taka here.

Then he asks you to fight him. I dunno about you, but I will never say ‘no’ to my husbando.

And lord knows what will happen to him if you don’t fight, so at least fight the guy.

C’mon.

METEOR ADMIN TAKA

You can tell he’s going easy on you. He never uses any items in this battle.

Prankster Klefki is gonna be a pain. It’ll set up Spikes, Light Screens and paralyze your Pokemon. Kill it quick.

Aerodactyl is holding a muscle band, so it’s Acrobatics doesn’t hurt as much.

His Chatot, though super demonic earlier in the game, won’t do as much now, since most of your Pokemon can probably outspeed and one-shot it.

His other Pokemon aren’t that hard.

And with that, Taka leaves. Meet Titania back at the entrance.

and then a skeleton pop out and i die the end

Shade comes to remind you fo the screen showing four people’s deaths. Oh I forgot about that. Apparently, only two of them were real. Kiki’s and Corey’s.

That means Amaria isn’t dead!

Ooooo, we just got played.

Played by a shade.

With that, meet Titania and climb waterfall. Finally, out of the sewers. I could use a bath.

Edited April 3, 2016 by Despair Syndrome

[Despair Syndrome]

Looks like our journey is coming to an end. But we’ll have to make one last stop, ain’t that right, ladies and mentlegen?

CHAPTER XVIII: DEMON DOUCHEBAG DUO

From where I left you, you’ll find yourself at the Celestinine Cascade, after that one trip in the sewers.

Anyway, head towards Amaria’s house. Someone will call you.

Turns out it’s Julia, that one random gym leader that we met, as she says, 14 episodes ago. And she brought Florinia with her.

Apparently noone gets to challenge high-ranking gym leaders cause most gym leaders are hiding in caves (from pervy prebuscent Bug type specialists) or chased by evil (and probably pedophilic) doctors. Good point, Julia.

Ame gives us the HM for Fly. Final fucking ly. Until you realize you can’t use it yet.

You need to get the badge from beating Ciel to use it. I mean, Seel.

So all you have to do is go beat up random Seel til one drops a badge. Thanks for the advice, Julia.

Julia tells you how the Fairy type gym leader spruced up Reborn. C’mon, we were only gone like, 3 hours?

Anyway, Florinia interrupts us to point out the Team Meteor helicopter heading towards Amaria’s house. C’mon, I was having a perfectly nice chat with Julia.

Florinia tells you to prepare before heading in. Now’s a perfect time to heal your Pokemon. We’ll be going through a lot of double battles.

A lot.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

After preparations are done, head towards Amaria’s house.

Don’t be like me, who after heading all the way back to Agate Circus to heal me Pokemon, walk up to find a Light Shard at Amaria’s front door.

Kill me.

Feel free to head on in. Eat your lunch (or dinner, or breakfast. Timezones) if you haven’t and make sure all toilet breaks are settled, cause it’s gonna be a long time before you get to control your character again.

Once you go in, it flashes to a cutscene of Blake and Fern coming out of a helicopter to meet Sirius and Solaris.

Great. The Douchebag_Duo™. Throw Bennett in there and we get the Terrible_Trio™. Fern and Blake become best friends from the get-go.

Turns out Sirius doesn’t like Solaris either. Poor Taka.

In the house, everyone settles to defend the place from Team Meteor and drive them away. Florinia sets up the battle plan and just as if on cue, Solaris walks in.

He negotiates, but heeding to the wise words of Charlotte, Julia refuses and counteroffers him a free boomboom on the face.

Solaris (probably mad about getting his faced boomboom’d) gets his grunts to attack first, cause he’s lazy. Don’t worry Solaris, I’m tired of double battles too.

And thanks to Florinia’s Hipppowdon, we get a free Sandstorm. Hah. HAHAA.

“…buffeted by the Sandstorm.”

After the battle, Sirius threatens to kill Fern if Florinia doesn’t hand in the bracelets.

Just like any rational person would, Florinia refuses. Good job, gurl! Now slit his throat!

Turns out it was just an act though. *Sigh*

With that, both of you engage the Douchebag Duo

DOUCHEBAG DUO BLAKE AND FERN

Blake

Fern​

Both their Pokemon has numerous ways to deal with Fire types, so be careful if you’re gonna use them.

Blake leads with his ace Walrein while Fern does the opposite. I’d suggest prioritizing Blake’s Pokemon since they have a higher average level than Fern’s and also because he has a type advantage against Florinia.

Watch out for Blake’s Froslass, it has Destiny Bond.

As for Fern, you should watch out for his Scizor, which can stack Swords Dance into Technician boosted Bullet Punch. Take care of his Roserade as soon as it comes out, as it can ruin your life with Sleep Powder.

As with all double battles, kill all 6 of one guy’s Pokemon and 2v1 the other guy. With that in mind, this battle shouldn’t be a problem.

After the battle, Solaris exclaims how much of an obstacle you are. I’ll take it as a compliment then. Fern, with his superiority complex, blames his sister for his loss. Yeah, the one who kept landing ‘not-very-effective’ hits is the reason you lost.

Anyway, Fern gets hella pissed and roasts Florinia a bit before running off. Sirius then gets his Seviper to Poison Fang her. Ouch, super effective.

Julia then booms her way out of Blake’s ice wall and defying all rules of Pokemon, she flips Blake off a railing. HAHAHAHAHA.

Julia comes to help you this time, hopefully you’re a better battler than Florinia.

However, if you lost to Solaris back at Pyrous Mountain, Florinia wouldn't take the hit, and she'll help you in this battle. (Unfortunately)

METEOR LEADER SOLARIS AND THAT ONE RANDOM PERSON

Solaris

That Guy

And oh thank the lords, Julia has higher leveled Pokemon than Florinia.

If Florinia's helping you, then that kinda sucks. Although Solaris spams Earthquake a lot, Julia is the better partner since most of her Pokemon have Levitate and those that don't has Air Balloons.

Like the previous double battles, prioritize the threat first. That would be Solaris. With all of Solaris’ Earthquakes, he’ll kill the other guy himself before you even get a chance to.

His Pokemon are meant to do tons of damage, so watch out. Luckily for you, that one random person doesn’t do much to help out Solaris, so if luck’s on your side, Solaris should go down pretty quick.

Solaris’ Garchomp only leveled up one level since you last saw him at Pyrous Mountain. What was he doing this entire time?

His Garchomp isn’t as tough as Terra’s. All you have to do his hit faster and harder than Solaris does and you should be fine.

After that, Sirius threatens to burn down the house. Titania counters by breaking a hole in the gym that causes water to gush out.

Or maybe you could have my Pokemon use its water moves? I dunno, just an idea.

Anyway, Team Meteor retreats. Titania checks on Florinia and at that moment Amaria wakes up, which excites Julia. (There were lots of ‘-ia’s in that sentence I must admit)

Amaria likes the renovation (ironically or unironically, we will never know). She says she doesn’t remember anything, to which Titania responds by running away.

Florinia comes back from the dead just to tell us that Amaria has amnesia. Wowzers. She leaves for Calcenon City and Julia asks you to check on Titania.

For some mysterious reason, she isn’t in the room she went into just now and instead, you’ll find her outside. Apparently Titania is sick of the stress and decides to run away.

Ok, bye then, nice knowing you.

Head back in and report to Julia. She tells you to find Titania at her gym in the desert and you need to get the badge for Fly in order to get there.

So what are you waiting for? Go hunt some Seel.

⚫ ⚫ ⚫

After hours of battling wild Seel, it becomes apparent that that isn’t the right solution.

Instead, go to Agate Circus. Once you’re there, talk to Samson, who’s trying to figure out how to retrieve Terra. He and Ciel exchange some flirtatious remarks.

The ringmaster comes and asks if you’re ready to fight Ciel. Unfortunately, you don’t have the pass for it.

Ciel then gives you a Battle Pass. Huh. Why didn’t we just do this with all 3 of them.

Anyway, prepare your team and when you’re ready talk to Ciel.

SKYDANCER SEEL

Just like Samson, Ciel uses the Big Top Arena field. Unlike Samson, however, you’ll find that this field is completely in her favor.

Unlike what Ame says in her computer terminal, the only Pokemon that Ciel sets up is Talonflame, and even then, it’s only a Swords Dance. Note that Swords Dance is boosted in this field and Gale Wings + Field Boosted Acrobatics can leave quite a dent in your team. Pack a strong Rock type for this one.

Almost all her Pokemon knows Acrobatics which always does double damage, even if the user is holding an item, thanks to the field effect.

Her Archeops, Glisgor and Altaria all pack Earthquake, which can easily deal with Rock, Electric and Ice types, but they are fairly slow so you should be able to take them out before they can use that advantage.

Her lead, Togekiss, knows Thunder Wave. That can be a real pain, so grab an Electric-type (Togekiss has no moves to counter one) or simply kill it fast enough before it gets to use it.

Some of her Pokemon know Roost. If her Pokemon uses it, it will lose it’s flying type for the duration of that turn, so always keep this in mind and use it to your advantage.

When Altaria Mega-Evolves, it gains a STAB Pixilated Hyper Voice, which is also field-boosted. It also becomes Dragon-Fairy, so get something that can deal with that.

It also has Sing, which is 100 base accuracy in this field. That can be frustrating, but nothing too bad.

Mega Altaria could be a pain, so I’d suggest giving it a status effect, or simply bring out the good ol’ Perish Song.

With that, you’re awarded the Suspension Badge, which raises the level cap to 80 and allows you to use Fly. You’re also given the TM for Acrobatics.

You return to the back room and with some parting words, everyone ditches you.

Now, all you have to do is head back to Rebor-

Or not. Damn.

I guess this concludes the Horrendously Written Guide!

I’d like to thank all of you, dear readers for reading this guide. I would also like to thank the people who contributed in the Discussion Thread!

I would also love to extend my thanks to Ame and team for making this game.

I’m going to thank my parents for giving birth to me, and as a consequence, giving birth to a Horrendously Written Guide.

Lastly, I’m going to thank the countless chicken that sacrificed themselves to become my fried chicken. Thank you and goodnight, folks!

…Until E16.

NEXT HORRENDOUSLY WRITTEN UPDATE: EPISODE 16 WHEN AME

Edited April 9, 2016 by Despair Syndrome