I really need to tell this to someone...

[Alaris]

...so why not posting it on the Internet, where no-one knows me?

Well, really... perhaps I have not posted too much here, but I've read enough to tell that many of you guys have a similar mindset than mine. So I think that it would be worth to give it a try and explain it here. Maybe, and just maybe, someone relates with what I'm going through and give me some... advice?

The thing is, I've always been attracted to other guys. I'm a very shy person who sistematically avoids talking about this (and about things in general or feelings in particular). In fact, nobody knows that, except for my best friend (female). I guess I once fell in love with who was, at that time, my best friend (male). He had never gone out with any girl, so I supposed that perhaps I stood a chance. Just before I decided myself to drop really heavy clues to see his response, he started dating a girl, so I -tried- to forget about him. In fact, I purposedly made him to hate me in order to become easier for me to avoid him. Since then, I've been thinking if I really loved him or I just wanted a very close friend. I supposed I would never know.

But yesterday I knew. The thing is, this year I moved to study at another college. I knew nobody, and I have severe difficulties to make new friends. But there was a guy I spotted on the very first day. I found him cute... but just that. I was prepared to forget about him, just as I did with my ex-best friend. In fact, we only course one subject in common (he is repeating it), so I thought that if I avoided all contact with him, I wouldn't have to "suffer" from falling in love and then having to forget it. But then I realised that, even when he was with his friends, he would stare at me quite often. I thought that it would be because I were "the new guy", that it was, perhaps, normal. He was the only one that did this, though.

Some months had passed, and I had really made no friends (read: I talk with two or three people, but just about banal things). Some days before Christmas holidays I was at the library preparing an exam. Then that guy just pops out and starts talking to me like we had been friends for a long time. He wished me luck in my exam, and I just told him I had to go. The next day, I ran into him, and he asked me if my exam had gone well (--I know, I know what you might be thinking. For some people, doing that is just "normal" and "easy". That's not the main point of this story, but I needed to introduce it somehow).

Then the holidays arrived, and we had virtually no contact until yesterday. We had a full-day field trip. In the bus, we sat two rows apart (I deliberately tried to sit as near him as possible) but, since in the middle there was one of the few people I had the courage to talk "normally" to, we all ended up chatting about meaningless University things and stuff. Then that guy just talks to me, calling me by my name. Ok, that was weird. I had never told him, and we had just meet each other twice. That made me really happy but, honestly, I told to myself that perhaps that was normal too. Like, hey, there are some people at class that I seldom talk to, and they also know my name (I don't really know why, but they do, I suppose we share quite a lot of subjects).

We arrived at our destination. I supposed that he would go with his friends, so I was prepared to go by myself all the time. But, unexpectedly enough, he came to me, and started talking. In fact, he stuck with me during the whole day, instead of going with his friends. He would try and initiate a conversation about anything, just for the sake of talking, apparently. Then I started to think that that could really mean something. I started making my own mental diagram of the facts: you know, looking at me during the first days, talking to me when I had never, knowing my name, and now this. The other things could have a rational explanation, but now this was suspicious.

To ensure myself that I was not misinterpreting anything, I deliberately got separated from him when we had to make temporary groups, just to see his reaction. I spotted him looking at me various times. I didn't really know what to think. The only thing I'm sure now is that the feeling I have is diferent than the one I had with my ex-best friend. Then I was just permanenly nervous but now, apart from nervous, I feel overwhelmingly happy. I can't help but smile all day. I'm sure I'm in love with him. I look like an idiot. Really.

Today I have processed all what happened yesterday. You know, I'm not used to it. I'm accustomed to be the one that everybody leaves behind. I'm used to be the one that people don't trust. But now this happens to me, and I can't help but think: am I making all this up in my head or there's really something? I have never been in a situation like this, I've never been with someone. I don't really know what to do. Since we just take one subject together and he doesn't come to class very often, I don't have many opportunities to relax and let time pass. But what if I'm just misinterpreting a friendship? Perhaps the fact that I've never had a true one distorts my view of this kind of things. Or perhaps I'm right and that guy really likes me and I should do something about it.

What would you guys do in a situation like this? Please refrain from saying things like "go tell you like him", because I won't. I can't. But at least, I would like to know if someone has passed through a similar experience. What did you do?

Well... that's it. Sorry for the long post and sorry for my English too, I'm not native ^^U

[Isa-Chu]

You shouldn't try to avoid him, my friend; trying to do so will only make him feel unwanted by you and it'll make him give up from you soon. If you truly like him or not you'll find out during the time you'll spend with him.

But still, I wish you the best of luck, my friend. Don't give up! (Also, I understand your feelings about grammar; My native language is portuguese.)

[Peepeepoopoo]

Go tell him you like him.

[Alex]

Stop avoiding him, make manatee puns, and give him a manatee plush, spend time with him, and be all like "hey dude i am in teh lov with u"

guaranteed 120% chance at love

[Cobalt996]

Hang out some more; easiest way to confirm the feelings on your side is to just be with him. Who knows, maybe he'll ask you himself.

Too many words to put in one post and have make sense, so just sticking with that

[Chase]

I definitely don't know about the others about me - but you can at least do half the battle while scouting what is perhaps the most important question you need answered BEFORE you swoop in and ask him out.

Does he prefer men over women - or at least is he open to a homosexual relationship?

I would imagine being homosexual is a rather precarious position to be in when looking for love outside of proven circles (such as LGBT clubs or what have you) - and when you're not sure of the other person's orientation, you don't want to be shot down with "I'm not into men" in your case unless you're one that would prefer being quick to move on.

-I- would suggest being open for the friend zone then. Try to be the guy's buddy and see what his interests are. You'll get a better grasp from there about how you should proceed.

Romance is mutual - so always be willing to care about the other person, even if it doesn't work out the way you would like!

[Alaris]

You shouldn't try to avoid him, my friend; trying to do so will only make him feel unwanted by you and it'll make him give up from you soon. If you truly like him or not you'll find out during the time you'll spend with him.

But still, I wish you the best of luck, my friend. Don't give up! (Also, I understand your feelings about grammar; My native language is portuguese.)

Thanks! ^^ Well I said that at first I avoided him because I thought that he would never get interested on me but now that "he is", I'll try to make some approaches, of course!

Go tell him you like him.

Hehehehe NO.

Stop avoiding him, make manatee puns, and give him a manatee plush, spend time with him, and be all like "hey dude i am in teh lov with u"

guaranteed 120% chance at love

Interesting, at the very least... any example on manatee puns? (xD)

Hang out some more; easiest way to confirm the feelings on your side is to just be with him. Who knows, maybe he'll ask you himself.

Too many words to put in one post and have make sense, so just sticking with that

Yeah, I'll try this. That's what I had in mind though, let's see how it turns out.

I definitely don't know about the others about me - but you can at least do half the battle while scouting what is perhaps the most important question you need answered BEFORE you swoop in and ask him out.

Does he prefer men over women - or at least is he open to a homosexual relationship?

I would imagine being homosexual is a rather precarious position to be in when looking for love outside of proven circles (such as LGBT clubs or what have you) - and when you're not sure of the other person's orientation, you don't want to be shot down with "I'm not into men" in your case unless you're one that would prefer being quick to move on.

-I- would suggest being open for the friend zone then. Try to be the guy's buddy and see what his interests are. You'll get a better grasp from there about how you should proceed.

Romance is mutual - so always be willing to care about the other person, even if it doesn't work out the way you would like!

THAT's the important question. Since I'm the "new guy", I don't really know. I've kind of stalked on his facebook, and at least he isn't kissing a girl in any photo, so I guess it may be something (or not xD).

And that's precisely the point of all this. Should I know he was into guys as well, I'd ask him out myself. I wouldn't really care. The thing is I don't know. And that's the worst thing ever, since I don't know if I am just misinterpreting a friendship.

The problem with the friendzone is that this year I will finish my studies and I will probably move. You know, if I were in a relationship, I would do the impossible to stay in the same city. But if I don't have this certainity, I will probably go elsewhere. The main problem here is time. I can't just let time pass and see how things turn out. I have to do something about it in the next 2-3 months. I know it's quite a lot of time, but still...

But hey, many thanks for the advise! I'll try.

Edited January 31, 2016 by Alaris

[wytch_doctr]

My suggestion would initially to get to know him as a friend. Don't go rushing in headfirst, cause that's doomed from the beginning, with any relationship. get close to him, be buddies, hang out, do "guy stuff", and most importantly you have to see if he's homosexual or not. If not, then i'm afraid there's a low chance, but hey, if he is then there's not many other options.

Anyways, i wish you good luck. Remember to be brave about it and dont shy away from anything that might come up to you :]

[SkyRunner]

Any advice I would give has pretty much been covered by everyone else. So good luck!

[Shad_]

If what you say it's true then there's definitely something coming from him, dunno if the desire of a relationship of a simple friendship

I'd pick the first one, since the things you described are the ones that a guy usually do when he likes someone, tho it's just a supposition

Do you have some friends in common that can tell you if he is into guys? If not, i suggest you to ask him out and see how things turns out

[Dark Desire]

When it comes to figuring out whether he's homosexual or not it should be easy if you just become really good friends with him; he'll probably mention something about his sexuality then or make a move on you since it looks like he's trying to persue you for something

I wouldn't try to rush things though, you wouldn't want to lose what could become a good friend just because you professed your love to him and got rejected/made things awkward

[Kurotsune]

I'm not huge on giving life advice, but let's focus on this bit:

And that's precisely the point of all this. Should I know he was into guys as well, I'd ask him out myself. I wouldn't really care. The thing is I don't know. And that's the worst thing ever, since I don't know if I am just misinterpreting a friendship.

So if he is gay or bisexual, you're totally down for asking him out.

Okay then just fucking ask him if he is gay.

Your fear of making things awkward is subverted by the fact that you will be making things pretty awkward by trying to balance being enamored with him and trying to not come off as such. People aren't stupid. In his shoes you'd pick up on it, and in his shoes, so does he.

So be upfront about it. At the very least, he'll have to respect your bravado. If nothing else, you get closure. Torturing yourself with doubt due to insecurity benefits no one.

[Alaris]

My suggestion would initially to get to know him as a friend. Don't go rushing in headfirst, cause that's doomed from the beginning, with any relationship. get close to him, be buddies, hang out, do "guy stuff", and most importantly you have to see if he's homosexual or not. If not, then i'm afraid there's a low chance, but hey, if he is then there's not many other options.

Well if not, I would surely retire. All this mess it's simply because I just don't know.

By the way, what's supposed to mean "guy stuff"? xD

If what you say it's true then there's definitely something coming from him, dunno if the desire of a relationship of a simple friendship

I'd pick the first one, since the things you described are the ones that a guy usually do when he likes someone, tho it's just a supposition

Do you have some friends in common that can tell you if he is into guys? If not, i suggest you to ask him out and see how things turns out

I don't know, perhaps he's just very "friendly"? I just keep telling that to myself to avoid facing such a situation I've never been into. I mean, perhaps my mind is putting unrelated things together and make a beautiful story out all of it? Idk really.

We do have "friends" in common. Well, classmates, really. We don't have that much of an informal relationship to start talking about that.

And, well, I'll see how things turn out, but I will not ask him out, at least for the time being.

When it comes to figuring out whether he's homosexual or not it should be easy if you just become really good friends with him; he'll probably mention something about his sexuality then or make a move on you since it looks like he's trying to persue you for something

I wouldn't try to rush things though, you wouldn't want to lose what could become a good friend just because you professed your love to him and got rejected/made things awkward

Yup, but as I said earlier, the problem here is time... If I hadn't to move to another city next year, I wouldn't be that nervous (maybe). If nothing changes, I'll go away. If we really felt something for each other (and I knew that by that time) I would do anything to stay there.

Okay then just fucking ask him if he is gay.

Your fear of making things awkward is subverted by the fact that you will be making things pretty awkward by trying to balance being enamored with him and trying to not come off as such. People aren't stupid. In his shoes you'd pick up on it, and in his shoes, so does he.

So be upfront about it. At the very least, he'll have to respect your bravado. If nothing else, you get closure. Torturing yourself with doubt due to insecurity benefits no one.

Well I'm not "trying to not come off as such". I mean, I will drop hints as clearly as he drops his. That is, if he does something, I will answer accordingly. It's not like I will hide it. But I won't go straightforward either. What I meant with that affirmation is that if I knew he was gay I would just be able to drop even clearer hints and eventually, supposing that things went right, ask him out myself.

And... I don't understand the shoes thingy, sorry ^^U

***

Umm... do you guys think that the fact that he has something of the sorts of "I can't get you out of my mind :S" as a whatsapp status means something? Or have I gone completely paranoid?

[Shad_]

I'm an expert in Whatsapp Status like this lol and in paranoid from them as well sadly

Well, let's see...people usually put statuses (is this the plural of status?) like this if they want to get noticed by someone, in particular the one that "can't get out of their minds" Steffo aka Captain Obvious

Did he sent some messages on Whatsapp to you? Not in some groups, but in private chat i mean

Edited January 31, 2016 by AndSoThereIsSt3ffo

[Alaris]

Did he sent some messages on Whatsapp to you? Not in some groups, but in private chat i mean

Not really... well I mean, it was me who started the conversation (we had never talked by whatsapp before, I just got his number from the class' group). Then he answered quite kindly and we chatted for about 20 minutes, but that's all.

But he already had that status when I added him as a contact. So, you know, if it was to attract attention, it would be useless because I -theoretically- didn't have his number. Therefore, this makes me think that perhaps that very sentence is not about me (oh, how egocentric of me) and for someone else instead... But then again, maybe I think too much.

Edited January 31, 2016 by Alaris

[Peepeepoopoo]

Umm... do you guys think that the fact that he has something of the sorts of "I can't get you out of my mind :S" as a whatsapp status means something? Or have I gone completely paranoid?

Just change your status to "sure wish I could touch tips with ________"

Thank me later

[Alaris]

I'm not entirely sure about what would you like to imply with that... (?)

[Shad_]

Not really... well I mean, it was me who started the conversation (we had never talked by whatsapp before, I just got his number from the class' group). Then he answered quite kindly and we chatted for about 20 minutes, but that's all.

But he already had that status when I added him as a contact. So, you know, if it was to attract attention, it would be useless because I -theoretically- didn't have his number. Therefore, this makes me think that perhaps that very sentence is not about me (oh, how egocentric of me) and for someone else instead... But then again, maybe I think too much.

Had you already talked with him before you got his number (talked face to face i mean)?

Sorry for my shitty as always grammar

[Alaris]

Yup, well, I sent him the whatsapp message after all what I told in the 1st post of this topic (I got his number from the class group).