A for effort

[Felicity]

Hi, I've been here 2 years, the narcissist within was gonna make a big old "I love you guys" speech to nab some quick attention and giggles but I'm feeling not so optimistic, I think that is the best term for it at least, so instead I'm going to say something else that's on my mind.

People get bad moods. Everyone gets bad moods. You complain, moan, whine and maybe if you;re optimistic you joke about whatever puts you in a bad mood. You get your good moods too, naturally. Tit for tat in the cosmic balance of maybeitexistsia. What about when you have no mood? What is that?

Your first answer is probably apathy. You don't care, you just move along with your life until whatever ails you ends. At least that's how I've always thought of apathy, I don't claim to know anything proper about the condition itself.

Maybe your next answer would be boredom. You aren't uncomfortable per se, there's nothing actively wrong or right in your life. You just sit there in stagnancy until you have to take care of your basic needs.

With both time just kinda washes over you like a pebble until you're eroded into dust, swept away into the cosmic ocean at death.

I hate that idea. I take steps to avoid this stagnancy whilst precariously managing my life and making arrangements for the future as best I can.

I see other people though who seem to simply sit in this horrid state of being. If you're one of those people I urge you, I implore you to please for the love of whatever deity might exist to get up and find something. Let whatever that little spark of creativity or curiosity or whatever it is that drove the first humans to light you up like a bonfire. Maybe you'll only burn for a short while or maybe someone else will use you to roast a marshmellow then leave. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to provide someone some comfort before you go out or even create a new flame.

At the very least you'll be warm for the rest of your life.

[GotWala]

... This topic is one that I hold very near and dear to me. I think I should give my long-winded two cents while I'm in the area, haha.

Since I was a small child, I was told time and time again that I was very intelligent and that I was destined for great things by family, friends, teachers, and other authority figures in my life. I grew up curious and precocious, demanding answers for why things had to be and what it was I wanted in life. My ambitions always started with grandiose daydreams of what the future had in store; my head was always stuck in the clouds of what I wanted to be. The problem was, I fell into a pattern of opposition early on in life which continued until I was 19. I refused to work, since I thought it beneath me. I abhorred following directions, dictates, and orders since they "held down my free spirit". Every time the call to action was spurred in my life; every time an opportunity came right to my feet I ignored it. I was too prideful for help or guidance and too slothful to work hard despite it being the only option I ever left myself. I found my life spiralling into nothingness as my potential slipped away as the cold, hard reality of life took it's place. As it would happen, no one ever gets anywhere in their goals with apathy, and I couldn't fathom this fact, this TRUTH of life. All of my decisions, or more appropriately lack there of, led me to an abysmal "existence" of couch-hopping, ramen noodles, minimum wage, alcohol, and "various goods and services sold by reputable street vendors". For the life of me, I couldn't figure out how to fill the void since I failed to understand my reality: I WAS the void.

Eventually, one crisp, fall morning at 4:06 AM, I awoke from my stupor covered in the vomit of the previous night. I slipped on bottles of drink and slammed my head on the wood table nearby the all-too-small, pleather loveseat I slept on. Picking myself up and holding my head, I gazed at the mountain of empty dishes filled with the meager rations I'd feasted on for the past 2 months; the smell causing my nausea which was already formed of my hungover condition to flare up. I hobbled to the bathroom and emptied my stomach and used toilet paper to contain the blood trickle from my recently injured skull. Looking in the mirror, I saw a jobless wreck with long, greasy, scraggly hair that had been unwashed for a month wearing a stained t-shirt and "give up on life" pants which had gone god knows how many days unwashed. Gazing into my own bloodshot, grey, lifeless eyes and seeing my thick, course, dark brown beard, I came to this conclusion: I was nowhere and I've done nothing.

I felt so disgusted, so angry at the visage of this shadow of being, that the gears began turning in my head towards what actions I had to take to fix my life. Running through options over and over in my head, I chose one that would bring me from the depths of my self-induced purgatory and grant me absolution. Using the US Navy for a second chance and a way to change for the better, I would finally act on my latent ambitions and carve out the destiny I desired! No more running and excuses! No more wasting the world around me! This would be the first thing I will ever start and finish that I voluntarily signed up for! Happiness and fulfillment is something I will earn!

I say this all not to desire pity or to demand praise, but to put forth the perspective of one who has suffered from their obstinate grasp on apathy. Your dreams and desires are entirely your own to make a reality. To want is not enough when we must grasp and ascend to acquire the future we envision. Ambition and effort are one and the same, for our world does not give simply by virtue of being! You are the captain of your vessel and owner of your soul! A ship does not sail without a strong, motivated hand to guide it through the seas of destiny!

Phew, that was a doozy! I very much hope that my words, however small they are in your world, will at least give you all thought about what it is you want and how you plan to obtain it. Try not to let my pretentiousness steer you away, haha!