The Perfect Partner

[Felicity]

Forgive me if this is not the case but I can't remember anyone making a thread like this.

I'm curious as to what your ideal partner is like.

Seeing as it's unfair to ask of any of you without answering myself, for me I guess I'd like someone who can talk for hours on end. I'm far, far better at listening than talking myself. Ideally they'd be talking about stuff I have an interest in too. I'd love to weeb out with someone without someone saying "God, you're such weebs" or to chat shit about the latest games and such. I suppose after that I'd like for them to be largely independent too. I've seen what happens to couples who you can't seperate and it's not nice. Absence makes the heart grow fond and, so long as it's not growing fond of someone else, I'm happy.

[Combat]

Preferably with skin. Eyes are optional.

All joking aside, I don't really know what I want in someone. Love has always been a looming thought in my mind, but what I want in someone is something I can't really say I know. I mean, yes, there are traits that are appreciated, but traits are almost a means to an end. The real "thing" that would make a perfect partner is indescribable to me. Perhaps words are just failing me, but saying there is a definitive way person that i would hopefully spend the rest of my life has to be isn't something I can really put into words.

Sorry if this got a little wordy/strange, I just got out of a Literature class.

But yeah, skin is still something that would be preferred.

[Cool Girl]

I'm not sure what I want in someone. Maybe someone that will be there for me.

[Tacos]

Perhaps I ask for too much. Perhaps I don't ask for much at all. It's probably the former, it's all in the eyes of the beholder.

Well, let's begin. Being male is a prerequisite. A man who's there when I need to talk, and can trust me enough to talk to me. A man who will look at me with the same dumbfounded and blissful look that I will give him. A man who's willing to put up with me on my apathetic days and carry me through my fits of sadness and believes in me when I won't. A man who's willing to go on adventures with me one day and the next day be able to sit and cuddle on the couch while watching stupid Netflix documentaries or cheesy musicals. A man who will be able to walk down the street, his hand interlocked with mine and not have a single ounce of worry about what others would say, proud enough to be seen beside me. A man who will take cute, artistic photos with me in the snow beside a frozen brook even if it's just to make me happy. I've got more things I like, but perhaps I should leave those to myself.

[Joker]

Someone that actually likes me, but its always been asking too much in the past. So I guess a better reply would be someone that can restore my faith in "love".

[Chase]

I guess if we're sharing - my ideal woman has changed due to having fantastic experiences and being able to see what works well and what doesn't with me. That's in no way supposed to be shallow - because without the experience I wouldn't even have a good answer to begin with. Signs along the broken road still hold valuable information.

Ideally, not because there aren't any men or distinguished others who aren't great folks, my partner would be female.

That woman would have to be just that - a woman and not a girl. Again, this isn't because some of the younger girls out there are horrible human beings, but my life is centered majorly around young people - and young people have a tendency to dabble in trifle pursuits. After causing such to someone else - I would rather not have my time wasted on someone who is going to prioritize things of non-value a significant amount of the time we're together. That prevents growth. "Girls" also tend to crumble over pressure, responsibility, commitment, maintaining interest levels, fidelity, and morality. Women are either stable, or acknowledge their faults and build upon what they learn from their mistakes - meaning, they prioritize growth.

After having been a rather polarizing partner myself - I would gladly sacrifice my passion for argument for having a woman that believes in many of the things I do. Particularly sharing of faith the nuances of life that faith impacts. While I enjoy spirited discourse, a family can't be unified in conflict without causing harm.

That woman would have to be willing to pick me up. In the past, there was no better feeling of love than when who I was with went out of their way to right my emotional ship. Life is going to be difficult and without a mutual effort to have each others back - the reverse often ends up happening, and your partner goes from friend to foe even if they didn't mean to.

Having mentioned "family" earlier - the ideal partner must be open to the concept of at least -raising- children - be they a result of intercourse I and said woman or the adoption process. I'm someone who works directly with children on a daily basis, so any previous uncertainty about children is largely erased on my end. This isn't of importance, but if the woman wants to "tie 'em up" as soon as the doctors are willing to give them the procedure - and doesn't want to adopt on top of that - that's reason for worry in my book.

That woman had better be playing for keeps. I think that much speaks for itself in a lot of the ideal partners that have and will be shared in this thread - but it's hard for me personally to be okay with the game-players or freelance daters of the world.

---

I guess that means I want a woman who has strong faith and similar ideals, open to starting a family in some form, who is going to help me up when I stumble and not leave me behind. That might sound picky - but I feel to compensate I should give the things my ideal partner DOESN'T have to wield.

---

Libido. - One could make the argument that because I want a partner who is open to a family that I want a woman who is willing to round the bases. This is exactly the reason I posit adoption - as sex has not usually been something I have cared particularly for.

Wealth. - I myself will probably not make a fortune throughout my lifetime - and if that's the case, how could expect any partner I have to endow me with theirs? In fact, that's going to happen with my ideal partner anyway (finding fortune) - with or without monetary gain.

Independence. - Dobby makes a good point about how the "glue couples" of the world tend to have catastrophic partings and less-than-desirable moments - but I've learned that having a girl that can fend for herself isn't all that important if you're willing to pick up the slack for her. While the door's open to be super picky - I don't think I have the credibility to endorse such a thing being a requirement here.

Physical Appeal. - The right partner will have you enamored by things other than looks. If they happen to be good enough to be found on the cover of GQ or Cosmopolitan mag covers - then that's simply icing on the cake. I'm not one for decorations.

Lack of Imperfections. - Today's culture does a fantastic job of persuading people to believe in the lie that they aren't worth it without having to spend money on their products or conform to a certain style or changing who they are so that they can be better. One thing I've learned mostly about myself - is that I couldn't do "Mr. Perfect" even if I had all the means to, so it would be a crime to expect such a thing out of "Ms. Perfect." - I could be lucky enough to run into Kate Upton, but if Kate Upton doesn't match up with me, then I'd rather have someone who isn't a supermodel and rich who does. Period.

[Gaunt]

My perfect partner is right beside me: my PC!

...seriously though it would be nice if we had at least some hobbies/interests in common (hentai included) just to be able to have some conversations outside of the usual "how are you/how was work". She should be able to handle my stupid sense of humor (someone with the "sarcasm" stat maxed out would be good). Said person should be an Atheist (or at least Agnostic) or we would argue every day (and that is not good for a relationship). I don't want to marry and have children (adoption is a maybe but only if we both have a stable income) so again someone who wants 3 sons and 3 daughters is not for me and of course said girl should have good looks which is a highly subjective thing i know but i could never be attracted to someone ugly and/or fat (if i like only her personality we can be friends but nothing more). In conclusion finding someone with these parameters is almost impossible...so yea my PC it is.

[DusknoirSama]

Hmm I've never really been too picky.

I don't care about looks that much, because I want someone who has a good heart. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Someone with a good personality. Someone who would have a sense of humor and who wouldn't take things too seriously all the time(my past ex). One who would show the same kind of love and careness back, though I understand some people have a hardtime displaying things like that. It wouldn't matter to me about their flaws or anything, because I'd just look past that. I'm with them because I'd love and accept them for who they are.

There's many other things, but the mentioned would be the things I look for most. Having a bunch of stuff in common is an added bonus, and as such doesn't mean you can't be together if you don't have much in common. There's always a chance that could change after being with that person for a long time.

Edited February 16, 2016 by DusknoirSama

[Guest]

The perfect partner, huh?

Well, I should probably start this by saying that no partner is inherently perfect - this is because no human being is perfect. But you sure as hell can aim for the best, and to me, someone who I truly, truly love after being in a relationship with them - chances are, I'm probably going to call that person perfect anyway after a while.

I'm picky with who I like, and all the various circumstances that make me like someone can't truly be mapped out - I'm a dynamic person and so is everyone else. I'm not going to shoot down someone that admits any kind of feelings for me, but I'm also not going to fall for everybody either; I fall for people pretty rarely, and those who I do fall for, I fall for pretty hard. Even then, someone who I show an interest in - I require to know them on a decent level before I really get to fall for them and be like 'this person really pushes all the right buttons'. A simple six-point list in two categories should best sum this up - honestly, a lot of these qualities also double over as qualities I look for in friends - that's right: personally, I think that any partner should be pretty good friends with me before I hook up with them. I hate the idea of random matchups... it feels awkward and forced, not to mention I don't do very well with strangers in the first place.

DO:

* Be an honest person. There is nothing I cannot stand more than someone who is dishonest. When someone is dishonest, it creates confusion, mistrust, and chaos among them and I. I would rather not have to be prefaced with a partner who is dishonest, as it creates way more worry and heartache for everybody involved. Sometimes, there are good reasons for lying, but I consider these exceptions to be from a very small pool. There should be nothing to hide - we're partners, people who are looking to spend the rest of their lives together. Why be dishonest?

* Place your trust and confidence in me. I'm gonna be honest, I'm not fond of being jerked around, being mistrusted, held back from, etc. For any bond I share with someone -- friendship or romantical, I expect you to place trust and confidence in me to a certain degree. If there is a reason why someone can't place trust and confidence in me, then that means I am doing something wrong, and that needs to be addressed ASAP. I thrive on my close friends and especially my partner putting their trust, confidence, comfort - whatever the hell you want to call it - in me, and I try to offer the same back. If you can't do that, how am I supposed to help you? How is that healthy for either party? It makes things way harder, not to mention it could cause one to hold themselves back from me, and that just creates a feeling of being left out. I would prefer someone who can place their trust and confidence in me, and be willing to sort things out.

* Not hesitate to share your little interests and nerdiness. Fuck, I love it when someone close to me geeks out about something they really really like. It's fun seeing someone be passionate about something they like. It gives me energy, seeing their passion. That kind of mood gives out positivity. I might not understand what you're talking about at first, but I'm going to ask, and I'm going to research!

* Be communicative. We were created with multiple abilities - the ability to communicate was developed by us over time, and it is perhaps one of the most important abilities of them all. There's no way I'm going to know about things that might be wrong unless you talk to me about them, no? I don't expect one to tell me about every little detail in their life, but if something is bothering you about life, me, or anything that's got you down, as a partner, that is what I'm there for. There's no use in bottling things up and holding it in. Even if it's a happy moment that needs to be shared, a sad moment, a funny moment... I'm all ears. And I'm going to be there to lend an ear.

* Be comfortable with affection - primarily receiving it. I love giving partners affection, and an ideal partner needs to be open to that. Cuddles, hugs, all of that jazz. I certainly do prefer such being returned in kind, but I don't need it to live.

* Be independent. Some people close to me know I can be very patient with people (at times) and put myself on the backburner sometimes, but I think over the years I realize that I really do appreciate those who can be independent and operate on their own, away from me. One who doesn't need me around every waking moment, one who can function without me, one who isn't clingy to a smothering degree and has to ask who I'm hanging out with every time I'm away, and someone who can fend for themselves.

DON'T:

* Sell your appeal entirely on looks. That's not me, and that's not what I'm looking for as a priority. I will admit that looks can matter, but I don't truly understand the appeal of someone who looks fucking amazing but has a terrible personality. I don't go for those types of people, and are far from the 'perfect' partner.

* Be a money-based person. Money makes the world go around, and chances are, you need it to navigate around in this world. Both partners need to be financially stable at some point, but if your world revolves around money and expect me to be making boatloads, forget about it. I want someone who sees that money is a requirement to get around in life, not a requirement to be with someone. There are many great people out there who don't have a lot of money but are great, great people.

* Be disloyal. If you are proven to be consistently disloyal, chances are I want nothing to do with you. Disloyality and dishonesty are both the same thing in my book. I can't stand people who cheat - if you're making a commitment to me, you need to be absolutely sure of it. Once locked in, I'm old fashioned as fuck and I expect that to last between us and us only, unless the relationship is called off. If you want to be with someone else, end your current relationship first.

* Disrespect my ideals. I personally don't believe that two people need to share ideals to become partners. But respect for eachother's ideals is a must in my book. How can we respect one another when we don't respect eachother's principles? It's a recipe for disaster, and for someone as strongly embedded in their ideals as I am, I don't really take kindly to such a thing.

* Expect me to get into every interest you have. And of course, I don't expect to get into every interest you have. I feel shared interests are a backdrop in relationships - while at least one shared interest will do wonders, I feel two people don't need to be entirely embroiled in eachother's personal interests and hobbies to coexist. Yes, like I mentioned, I enjoy seeing someone be passionate about something, but there are some things that I won't particularly find interesting, and vice versa.

* Be aggressive and otherwise insensitive. I don't deal well with aggressiveness - I either become more reluctant to open up, or I can become annoyed myself. I believe in a peaceful environment between partners - at the end of the day, I expect that from everyone. I don't expect people to be aggressive and insensitive about me, my feelings, friends, etc. - I expect a partner to be capable of handling conflict and getting their points and messages across in a calm, mature way that is respectful to all involved.

There is definitely more qualities to a "perfect" partner that I have, but I'd be here all day if I were to list them all. Plus, no one person is going to hit all of the "DO's" anyway. And that's completely fine.

[Maelstrom]

Well, I did rant on about this a bit in the server chat once and I've debated with myself for a long time about making a similar topic, asking what people want or like in a person. But here it is.

I don't want a girl. I want a woman. Some of you may think it's a subtle difference, but it very much is not. Chase has an idea of what I mean.

I don't want one of those broken anime harem tropes either.

I want a woman who is strong and intelligent on her own. I'm not here to fix her. At the moments when she is weak (as we all have those times), I will be there. Not to give her worth, but to merely remind her of the worth she already has. I want a partner, not someone to babysit.

I'm with her because she wants me, not because I'm taking psychological advantage of her flaws.

I am not here to rule or control her. I would complement her, not be her everything.

She has to contribute, not just be some pretty wallflower. Might as well be alone if she has no thoughts or desires of her own and it's all just me. Some guys want the trophy wife. I'm not one of those guys.

I'm not anyone's meal ticket either. She has to have her own job and be able to earn for her own self her own living. None of this stay at home all the time stuff. I've been out in the field, in the dirt and literal holes in the ground, sweating every minute of it, in the exact same set of clothes (thank you army). It gives a lot of perspective on what cleanliness is and what a body can take. A live-in maid/mooch is not a thing I need or want.

Obviously, she has to share some of my interests or else 'we' wouldn't be a thing in the first place.

I'm shallow enough to say that yeah, she has to be kinda pretty. Certainly not perfect. I ain't perfect anymore, if even the best version of me could be even have been considered close. I recognize this flaw in my expectations but I can't change it.

Did I mention I'm not in a relationship to fix a person? She has to have her own self-worth, someone I can be proud to show to my family.

I have high standards, and I expect her to have high expectations of me as well. And so, I'm working to get myself back to the former glory and accomplishment I have achieved before. Lead by example and ask nothing of anyone that I wouldn't be able or willing to do myself. Fair is only fair.

Btw, swag is a loud mouth with nothing to back it up. Swag is a lie, a pretty front, gloss on a turd. Pure pretension. I hate swag with a passion. I believe in class. Class is smooth, understated, and not obnoxious. Class is power and strength refined by discipline. Swag is a clown equipped with a megaphone. Class is the man who whispers and everyone else stops talking to hear what he has to say.

[ZEL]

I could probably write a long post about all the things that I value in another person and which not, but I'll try not to ramble too much. Hah.
Plus, a lot has already been said by others here. (Scarlet's list in particular is a good one; I agree with everything on there, so there's that.)

The most important thing I expect from a partner is that they can accept me as the person I am.
This doesn't mean that I want them to tolerate bad behavior, or expect them to sit idly by if I am acting like a goddamn idiot.
What I mean is simply someone whose idea of me being the best I can be is not to change some of the core aspects of who I am.
It sounds simple, but it really isn't, for me at least. I'm so used to hiding parts of my personality, parts of my views, parts of my interests, just so people would accept me. Learning how to openly be myself again has taken and still is taking a massive amount of effort, and I know I can't allow myself to be in a relationship that would encourage me to hide myself again.

A good partner would be someone who is a good listener. Someone who I can open up to about things, and who will make an effort to understand my position, even if it differs from theirs. Someone who can acknowledge my feelings and ideas as valid, even if they don't feel the same.
Similarly, I want my partner to be honest and open towards me, too, and will do my best to be the same kind of good listener to them.

I'm someone who does happen to carry around a fair amount of problems. A good partner to me would be patient and caring, but not someone who tries to play therapist with me. It's not my partner's job to fix me or to try to find solutions to my issues, but they can support the endeavors I make and give me encouragement and feedback.
I don't need anybody to carry me, but it's comforting to know I don't walk the road alone.

Sharing some interests is a must. Sharing all would not only be impossible, but probably very uncomfortable.
I feel happy when I can share something I care about a lot with those who are close to me, so having a couple of common interests to bond over and enjoy together is very important to me.

And as silly as it may sound, one of these things has to be fiction/writing.
Writing is far too important to me and who I am to be swept aside by the closest person in my life. I've learned from experience that while I'm not picky about every other interest I have, this one is something I cannot make compromises for.
Someone who can't share my enthusiasm for fiction will never be able to understand me as a person. I've been shaped a lot by the things I created, and someone who doesn't know what it feels like to be a creator inevitably misses out on a defining part of my personality.
Been there before.

And nothing beats the feeling of being able to share this interest with someone, to let them be part of it and work on my projects with me (or the other way round!). There's a reason I'm so close with my writer friends. It's a special kind of magic, really.

Okay, that was probably already more than I should've said. Whoops.
One last thing, though: They better be fond of animals, because I'm not gonna bother with someone who's an asshole to them.

Edited February 16, 2016 by Ama

[starkidcosmo]

Since we're talking 'ideal' and not 'a real person,' I'm going to go ahead and be ridiculously selfish/unreasonable/unrealistic/shallow. I'm talking about my absolute perfect person, not my actual expectations of real people.

So, number 1: both obscenely wealthy and generous. Honestly, I'd feel guilty just mooching off of someone, but someone who could help out when I needed it/buy me stupid things I want but can't afford/throw money at various charities and people in need would be fantastic. Having a little padding should work go sour somehow would be extremely nice, and having a little extra to help out whoever needs it would be a dream.

2a: Someone who can put up with me. I'm not even talking about my various Issues right now; I just mean someone who can listen to me go on and on and on about whatever thing has consumed my entire being. People who ask questions about things I love are great. People who challenge various aspects of things I love are great. I love to talk and discuss my interests with people who can be engaged even though I'm not talking about something they care about, so a discussion partner or even just an active listener would be excellent.

Also, I get emotionally attached to stupid things sometimes. Like, deeply attached. It's embarrassing, but I want someone who can understand my ridiculous feelings for ridiculous things.

2b: Someone who can put up with me part two. Now I'm talking about my various issues. Without going into too much detail, I have next to no self-confidence and that impacts my interactions with other people nearly constantly. I don't need someone to hold my hand all the time or anything, but I want a partner that I can be needy and clingy with sometimes. A person who could take care of and spoil me when I'm at rock-bottom, you know? Also someone who enjoys physical affection, because I'm a sucker for hugs and cuddling.

3: They gotta love cats. And I mean love. Cats do a lot of obnoxious things and they have to be able to look past all the bullshit long enough to train it out of them. And sometimes a cat just can't be tamed, and in that case they still need to be able to deal with it. I can handle all the gross stuff, they just gotta love the cat no matter what.

4: A good cook! I love food, but I can't cook for the life of me. The best I can make is fried eggs, and that gets old after a while. I don't even need someone to cook for me 24/7, just someone who's patient enough to show me how to make some of the simpler, tastier things. And cook for me sometimes.

5: There are some things that we have to agree on. These are things that are essential even for my friends. I'm not totally inflexible, but there are just some fundamental beliefs of mine that I can't compromise, and it's a deal-breaker if even one of their beliefs contradicts these. I'm not even going to talk to someone whose beliefs don't at least align with mine.

And that's... pretty much it. I could go into more detail, but I think this is already long enough lol. Again, this is really just a fantasy; only a couple of these are Absolute Musts.

[anethia]

The perfect partner is someone I love in all their entirety and someone who loves me in all my entirety. Nothing more, nothing less.

[Kurotsune]

The perfect partner is someone I love in all their entirety and someone who loves me in all my entirety. Nothing more, nothing less.

This person gets it

[Ironbound]

Oh, I like my white calculator.

In all seriousness though, if I am able to care for and assume responsibility for someone, and they can do the same for me, there's not much else to ask for, is there?

[Alex]

Someone who I can be extremely silly and comfortable and lewd with and doesn't mind me talking about the stuff I like and accepts me for who I am

[GotWala]

Hmm, I guess I want someone I can believe in. Not only that, but they have to believe in me as well. I don't want a crutch and I don't want to be one, but it'd be great to know that someone, somewhere always believed you could. Someone with a will strong enough to carry them through life and motivate me to come with them. Mostly, I just think it'd be nice to have someone I deserve.

Gah, I'm not really that good at this kind of thing, haha. Always too esoteric and lose my focus when I think about this stuff. Most likely, I don't even know what the hell I want, haha!

As for those who posted, I commend your bravery to be forward about something that could be somewhat personal. It takes guts, despite the anonyminity of the internet to lay yourself bare like this, haha.