Suicide

[Cool Girl]

So, what happened today, was that a couple of guys did something really bad and as a result, everybody in my class (and yes, this is the whole junior class) got suspended for a day, including me. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself for getting suspended. I feel like a failure and feel like I don't deserve to live. I feel like I won't have a future anymore or I can't go to college anymore (nobody would want me in their college) because I got suspended I feel hated by my teachers and everyone. I feel alone because I don't get along with my parents and we constantly fight and I feel like it's my fault. I struggled my whole life with depression because I've always been told that I'm nothing and that I'm a worthless piece of s***. I am now thinking of suicide, but before I even go there, I want to hear what you guys have to say. I know suicide is not the answer, but I just feel so hopeless. I feel like I'm a waste of air, time, and space. I keep hoping everyday that my life will get better, but it doesn't, it only gets worse. I know that the suspension is only a day, but I feel like when I come back to school, I'll be bullied and everybody will hate me. So, before I even leave this world or keep telling myself that "I'm a loser" "I'm a failure" and all that stuff, I want to hear your experience with this.

Thanks for taking your time to read this and I just wanted to let you know, thank you for everything that you've done. You guys have been like a second family and I will never forget that from my bottom of my heart. I'll miss you guys so much that I'm crying Please help me. Someone help me!

- Cool Girl

Edited March 15, 2016 by Cool Girl

[Tacos]

Well, to assume that a simple one-day suspension is going to ruin your life from here on out is a bit of a hasty assumption. I wouldn't think too far into that.

Secondly, I will say I've struggled with thoughts of suicide, as have many people. Although I can't say I'd like to recall the situations in which I felt it was a necessary course of action. Just know that suicide is most certainly never an answer to scenarios like this. Being able to get up and prove you can overcome these struggles is incredibly impressive to most people and I believe you're capable of doing it too. No one comes into this world without purpose, and by offing yourself so soon, you're leaving the world without offering what you are obligated to.

So here's my approach to it, as is the approach of Tyler Joseph, the lead singer of a band called Twenty Øne Piløts. Make something, whether it be writing something, creating a new word, singing a song, composing a piece of music, sculpting something, creating something that has only significance to you, and don't tell the world about it. Keep it a secret. You are the only one who knows about this, and you are the only one who understands its significance. By ending your life early, no one in the world will ever be able to know its significance, and you will have left the world without offering up the purpose you found in what you created. So every time you think about committing suicide, think back to what you've created, and how it will never be appreciated if you don't live long enough to tell the world.

[Joker]

I think ending your life so early on is a reckless decision, and one someone should never resort to. That being said, I have struggled with depression and those very same thoughts myself in the past. Last year was VERY taxing on my mental state for so many reasons and the thought of killing myself popped up several times. Of course, no one ever knew about this since I kept it to myself. What kept me from doing it? Well, mostly because there are many things I have yet to experience. I'd never get to meet the love of my life, have a successful career that makes me proud, get married, raise kids should I have them and watch them grow. There would be many things I would miss out on that a lot of people enjoy, and even speak highly of. Not to mention there ARE people that love me despite whatever I tell myself. The same applies to you. Sure, I might not be your family, and I don't even know you. But none of that matters to me. All human life is precious imo, and that includes yours. So I may not know you, but I'd be a little upset if you gave up here. The future holds many possibilities, and your life has just begun. You have a lot of things you haven't experienced, and while you think no one appreciates you now, that won't hold true forever. High School/College is a very small part of your life. Life will always test you, but remain strong and the trying times will pass and you will be a stronger person afterwards!

[Cool Girl]

Thank you guys so much! I'm feeling a little bit hopeful now, still feeling really really down, though. I'm so happy hearing you guys right now that I'm crying right now!

[Exalted]

ok im not gonna drag this out a point out a few points

.one day of suspension in junior high thats nothing in most cases getting in to trouble at least once is normal for a student.

.your whole class got suspended do anyone has the guts to bullly you for it if they went through the same thing cause your whole class was suspended.

.ive been in trouble before(dont ask me to elaborate a little private matter) and sometimes it was big but still got in to college and even in a successful route to university.

.ill be lying if i said i havent felt about ending my life before but you know what i said to myself in the end whats the bloody point of it believe in god or no god one who ends his own life is condemned to hell for all eternity in most if not all religions and if your not religious means what is there in end nothing just an abyss you life is cruel and hard but its definitely worth living right now you are young a rash decisions come with it if you dont want to live for yourself at least live for your parents siblings or atleast the person whose helped you get this far in life you owe it to them and eventually you will truly know what it means to live and surrendering to the world and ending your life in fear of it that will cement what you are a coward but instead live and show what you are right now you may be a loser but your not even 20 yet with time you will understand and so with others whether you tell them or not there a millions of succesfull ppl that went to jail as youngsters and your case dosent come close to that itll be fine.

.the fact about being a loser my dear friend is very pointless frankly everyone in the world is a loser one way or another i know i can be a loser in many things but i exel in a few things aswell thats how everyone is no ones perfect no one can dictate or say who you are but yourself remember that.

.hundreds of ppl commit suicide everyday and im not gonna lie i hate them with a passions ppl everywhere show remorse that it was so hard and so on then what if it is i know a girl who cause of a neurological disorder is in constant pain but she dosent give up there are cancer patient whose life may be pathetic but still striving to live you call your life the worst and are willing to throw it away while others who cant possibly get anymore misrebel but they strive to live life is a gift dont throw it away it may be the greatest mistake of ones life like a wise man once said you dont know the worth of something till its truly gone.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you, @NovaKnight, you're a very good friend!

[Joker]

I'd also suggest finding something you enjoy to do to focus on until your mood improves some. Personally, I like to binge watch anime or play a game I've been meaning to get to until I'm feeling better. Of course, it also helps to talk to friends for support as well as a distraction. Reborn's always been very welcoming so should you need a person to talk to you have quite a few options.

[Deleted User]

[Cool Girl]

Thank you, @Quinn. Talking to you guys has made me feel better!

Edited March 15, 2016 by Cool Girl

[Despair Syndrome]

H-hold your horses.

Whenever I'm feeling down in the dumps and feel as if there's no escape, I always think to myself: "My virtual pets aren't going to feed themselves"

Yes. I do very much love my virtual pets.

Seriously though, if you feel like everything bad that happens is your fault, 99% of the time it isn't.

You'll find that there's people who love you and care about you, and despite your parents fighting with you, I'd bet that they'd be sad to see you go.

That said, I kinda envy you. You're pretty brave to be sharing your problems like this and for that I congratulate you. c:

Be sure to always look for the silver lining, one day of suspension?

More like, one day off of school! ; )

[TaciturnPhoenix]

Cool Girl, please slow down. You're a wonderful person who has so much to live for! Emotions are very powerful, but you should never let them get the better of you. Trust me, I've felt this way before with my own family. Worthless, a waste of space, stupid... It's all not true. You're a good person at heart, and that's all that matters!

Please rethink your decision~

[Cool Girl]

Thank you, @TaciturnPhoenix. I am definitely not wanting to commit suicide after hearing you guys! Although, I still kinda feel pretty down, though, but I'll think I'll be better. Thank you so much for the support, guys! Seriously, thank you guys. I'm crying of joy reading all of your advice!

[Tringus]

A day of suspension is nothing to worry about at all. Plus, you didn't even do anything wrong at all, so you definitely have nothing to worry about. Best thing you can do is keep rolling, rolling, rolling, and steady on. Keep your head up, because hey, it's only a day of relaxation for you (Honestly, I'm surprised an entire CLASS was suspended though, so I'm guessing school policies must be whack over there. Correct me if I'm wrong) Whoever did whatever (I'm betting right now those guys were smoking weed. Pretty much the common thing anybody could get in trouble for other than alcohol) knows what they did, and don't worry, you'll be fine. I don't really know you too well, but I just know you're a good person. (Sides, a day out of school makes you stronger, right? Or well, you know the song and dance "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!")

[Guest]

I normally do not address personal topics so publically, but as someone who's been through this road before, as well as experiencing those close to me go through it, in addition to not wanting to see a young life lost, allow me to say some words.

Things can get tough, but life is always worth living in the end. There's always ups and downs, but it's those ups that will almost always come around. Things you'll be able to enjoy. Places to see, people to meet. Life is an adventure, and while there will always be those rough spots to get through, I implore you never to give up. You have so much to live for. So many things ahead of you that you won't ever get to see if you were to end your life. You aren't a failure, and one suspension will not invalidate that - nor will anybody else's words. Nobody is truly a failure, we've all got qualities that we bring to the table. All of us. Even the not-so-positive people in our world. We all contribute to something. It might not be immediately available to our knowledge, but we do. I know how it's like living with parents (in this case, my father) who don't get along with you. It's tough, but even that can change in the future - and you won't know if it can if you cut that short.

I guarantee you, this suspension won't change a thing when it comes to college. If you've got the scores to back it up, you're still set. Plus, College isn't the end all be all for everyone - there's a ton of pressure on people to get their degrees, sure, and that's the most reliable way to get around when it comes to a job/career, but at the same time it shouldn't define you either.

Hang in there. Things will get better for you, even if it takes a little time.

[Darvan Korematsu]

ONE day of suspension has you going belly up? Shoot I remember in midde school getting suspended for 2 or 3 days in certain spans of time. First off I would like to ask why you were embarassed about something that was definitely not remotely under your control? It is good at least to know you won't suffer alone, because a man named Billy Joel once sang about how sharing the drink called loneliness was better than drinking alone.

For real, most of us (myself for instance) have gone through this phase of our lives if not are currently going through it. People thinking that you're just an ignorant kid who will never amount to anything because you sit on your ass doing something other than what the world expects of you.

Remember that only YOU are your worst critic. YOU are the one who can drag yourself through adversity and what the world thinks of you. Just remember, the fact you can get out of bed in the morning and take on the world takes more willpower than many would admit in on itself. If you can do that, then step up your game. Taking life in due stride is part of what living and going through life both are what it's all about.

- Darv K.

[Rot8er_ConeX]

Well, to assume that a simple one-day suspension is going to ruin your life from here on out is a bit of a hasty assumption. I wouldn't think too far into that.

Secondly, I will say I've struggled with thoughts of suicide, as have many people. Although I can't say I'd like to recall the situations in which I felt it was a necessary course of action. Just know that suicide is most certainly never an answer to scenarios like this. Being able to get up and prove you can overcome these struggles is incredibly impressive to most people and I believe you're capable of doing it too. No one comes into this world without purpose, and by offing yourself so soon, you're leaving the world without offering what you are obligated to.

So here's my approach to it, as is the approach of Tyler Joseph, the lead singer of a band called Twenty Øne Piløts. Make something, whether it be writing something, creating a new word, singing a song, composing a piece of music, sculpting something, creating something that has only significance to you, and don't tell the world about it. Keep it a secret. You are the only one who knows about this, and you are the only one who understands its significance. By ending your life early, no one in the world will ever be able to know its significance, and you will have left the world without offering up the purpose you found in what you created. So every time you think about committing suicide, think back to what you've created, and how it will never be appreciated if you don't live long enough to tell the world.

When I considered suicide, this is how I did it. "If I die, then no one will see the Ner_Proj Engine come to be."

Ironically, I haven't made the Ner_Proj Engine, and yet the early makings of it can be found among us. We just call it by a different name.

Super Mario Maker

[Cool Girl]

Thanks, @Darvan Korematsu

I feeling a little better about myself until my dad comes and yells at me that I got suspended. He started calling me an embarrassment and he got really angry and called me a b****, Didn't even give me the chance to explain myself. Now, I'm really pissed and starting to feel just like I did on the first post. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I won't commit suicide. I'm just really depressed, though.

Edited March 15, 2016 by Cool Girl

[Odybld]

It's always a big deal when it happens. Once you gain some distance and perspective on it you'll be laughing with your people saying how dumb the whole situation was. Relax, this moment will come

[Rshiran]

I'm sorry for that.

You're young, you live has just begun. You still don't know your potential, much less other people. They don't know everything about you, so, how can they judge you? Everyone fails at somethings, everyone makes mistakes. Specially when they are young. You're not the only one, dear. You weren't even the only person suspended. Take it easy on yourself for now.

I've wanted to kill myself too. Any small error would make me feel hopeless and unvaluable. And I felt attracted to those thoughts. May sound weird but sadness is addictive, so we are easily drawn by them. It's part of being human. But I started to question my suicidal thoughts, Is this really right? Am I that bad? Looking back, I'm glad I ignored that autodestructive bias and tyed hard to look at it in a rational view. Some good friends helped me a lot with it, too. But take care, some people are just toxic. Some wants to make onther people feel down just to feel better about themselves. Don't take them serioulsy, because this life is yours and they can't decide what you are. Only you can do it.

My mother and I argue a lot. Sometimes she treats me in a way that makes me think that she dosen't loves me. But on the other hand, she works hard to make me happy and took good care of me despite I being not a good daughter sometimes. So, I try hard not to fight her because this only makes things worse.

If you kill yourself, you will also kill a future you don't know yet. Things change, more that you think, though it may take some time. Be patient, because I definitely assure you, no pain lasts forever. Thing surely will get better, if you simply allow it to happen. It's not that hard, though sometimes it feels really awful and hopeless. But there's always hope, since people can change. Yes, even you.

I must say it, you're being hasty. With a good attittude, you can make everything better, even though some people may look down on you. You understimat yourself, because you can always improve, and also have a lot to see about you and this world yet. If you throw your only chance to prove them wrong, your only life, you may not know how good things may happen to you, if you just give yourself another chance. At the end of the day, things may not be so bad as you think.

Suicide is wrong and very extreme. Odds are you will really regret doing it. More than being suspended. Everything has a good and a bad side. You just have to see it. I like to believe in what dosen't kill you makes you stronger. Lift up your head, dear. Just keep living.

Thanks for hearing us. You seem like an awesome person, really. Honestly, I wrote this with my hands shaking, so afraid I am of you going.

What kind of music do you like? I will be Cain and share some of my favourites. It helped me a lot and it's true. If you ever want to talk, please call us. We'll be righ here.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you so much, @Rshiran. I'm sorry you were shaking while writing your comment and also cried happy while reading your comment. You really touched me, really! Also, I will admit, I can be quite hasty. Reason: I do a lot of martial arts and in martial arts, you have to be hasty, sometimes, so yeah. But, thank you very much. I hope I can talk to you and we can be friends!

Also, thank you, the music helped me a lot! Also, to answer your question, I like pop, dance, and hip-hop music!

Edited March 15, 2016 by Cool Girl

[Ice Cream Sand Witch]

Although I can't offer much advice since I'm not in your situation, I want to say you're definitely not a waste of space. I've seen you on the forums and you're a really nice person. Reading about what you're going through made me sad because you don't deserve any of what happened with the suspension or being made to feel like you're worthless.

This one incident isn't going to ruin your future, either. You didn't destroy property, start a fight, shoot someone, or anything like that. It was a minor suspension for something that someone else did that you shouldn't have even gotten. I doubt colleges will even be able or care to access this kind of information about students unless they have a decently long criminal record, and even if they can/do, it's one one-day suspension that at that point would've happened years ago and would be easy to explain if you're asked about it.

You said that Reborn is like a second family to you. Reborn is a very supportive place and I'm sure many people here feel the same way as you about it. If you ever feel like your school and family life are overbearing, you can vent here and you'll always find people willing to listen and give advice.

Is there any way you can fight the suspension? It makes no sense at all to me that your entire class was punished for what a few people did. Only those few people should be suspended. Whoever actually thought suspending the entire class was a good idea needs to be fired.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you, Ice Cream Sand Witch. Sadly, there's nothing I can do to fight the suspension. The thing that I find ridiculous though is that they said that even though it's a couple of people that did something bad, they said that by suspending all of us, we can learn a lesson. How the f*** is suspending all of us learning a lesson? Look at me! It's making me really sad! Even though there's nothing I can do to fight the suspension, you're right. Thank you again, Ice Cream Sand Witch.

[Noir]

The fact that you've displayed the bravery to let out your woes with people speaks for itself that you have hope within you. It's a wonderful thing that you did, to find help from someone even if things are roughed up from the outside; emotions are, in themselves, fickle things. They can make you do crazy stuff and make you say things you wouldn't mean to say; however, being able to do the right time at a time like this, is, in my earnest opinion, very admirable. You've shown yourself to at least have some control over yourself to do what's right, and you should be proud of it. Even if your head's giving you a lot of weird thoughts right now, they're only temporary. Emotions are temporary, as they always are, but you've taken a step to handle them well.

You shouldn't put the blame so hard on yourself for someone you've not done; it's clear that the suspension wasn't your fault in the slightest, and life sorta brings you these little distracting things even if you've not earned them. That's the way of nature, but in this case it's a pretty minor thing that you shouldn't be worrying over. Maybe whatever condescending idiot that decided the suspension acted on his or her anger, too. For that, he or she had placed an unfair ordeal on you and several others; he or she made a mistake while being messed around by emotions, you didn't. Hold your head up high for it.

That said, I do hope things would improve on your end. It's just a one-day suspension, it's little to fret over, especially considering you didn't do anything wrong. It appalls in comparison to other things.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you.

[TimTim]

The feeling of taking the fall for something that you didn't do just sucks, i hope you feel better, remember, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, you just gotta look hard for it, hope things turn better for you