Abyssreaper99 Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 Hi guys, as the title says I need a bit of advice. My big brother is getting married and he's made me an usher. I know what it is but the trouble is how to deal with it. I'm really honoured that he's involved me with some element of the wedding but I am very socially awkward, partially due to my autism, so am really freaking out in case if I screw up. I'm not used to social situations on a scale as this and the most I have had to deal with socially is presenting in front of a class and I really freaked out during it. I'm really looking forward to seeing my big bro getting married but it's just stuff like presenting myself in the right way or how I should speak to people that is troubling me. Any advice is greatly appreciated! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pandalex12 Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 While this may not be advice, I would like to wish you the best of luck. I'm not a very sociable person myself so I can't offer much advice; the best I could do was present to a class. I expect that the occasion would involve wearing a suit of some sort. Make sure you iron your shirt and trousers, tie your tie in a presentable way - appearances speak volumes in these occasions. As for speaking to people... that's a very hard thing to do. What I normally do is say hello and greet myself; I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm an introvert though and people tell me these social interaction abilities come with experience which doesn't help your case. There's probably a social master on these forums. Hopefully they come to your aid soon! Congrats to your brother and the best of luck to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ironbound Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 (edited) Congratulations to your brother, by the way. Marriage is a noble institution. I can sympathize with your situation, especially if you are so distinctly uncomfortable with society, especially on such a large scale as a wedding. I should also remind you that family is above all else, and that if your brother understands your issues, you should be able to gently tell him why you wouldn't be able to go through with this obligation. I don't mean to say that you won't be happy to see him at his best, but at the same time if it is such an issue for you on a personal level, and if you'd much rather prefer attending the wedding quietly and from the sidelines, you shouldn't have to hesitate to tell him so. Our cultures are likely different, so I would have limited understanding of particular wedding traditions, but in general, if you are indeed going ahead despite your reluctance, I should advocate being calm and not worrying about your behaviour, reaction or other people's opinions. A wedding is attended by family and friends, and you can generally be relaxed with them and not be stiff or formal. I do not suppose that you will have much to do, other that say a pleasant hello, guide people to a seat if they wish, and accepting a lot of blessings and compliments on behalf of your brother. I of course cannot exactly know how that would be for you, so please don't mind if it is very arduous. All the best. Edited April 6, 2016 by Viridescent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimTim Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 (edited) First of all congratulation to your brother and your family for this great news. As for alleviation of anxiety, most of the guests in a wedding are either relatives or aquaintances of your family, once you have that in mind, it helps lessen the anxiety as you are surrounded by people that more or less know you. In addition to that, as Panada said, attire is very important in making first impression, make sure you dress appopriately for the occasion. Take a deep breath and a moment to sink in before you approach the guests. Try not to interject in an ongoing conversation between guests as that would appear impolite. Also, it would help to start a conversation with how they know your brother and your brother's bride as the wedding is about them. Speak of your brother's best qualities when you are given opportunity to give toast. I have not attended a lot of weddings, these are etiquette that i abide by if i was to go to a wedding. Edited April 6, 2016 by TimTim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abyssreaper99 Posted April 6, 2016 Author Share Posted April 6, 2016 Thanks for the advice so far guys. What I have heard has really made a difference in my thoughts of how I feel about it (in a good way). It's gonna be really difficult to talk about my brother and his bride since I don't see them that often but it's a good way to get to know my brother a little better through the guests. Luckily I know his mum a little (we have different mothers) so it should be ok. My brother is doing this to help me get out of my shell a bit when it comes to socializing and I remember him saying he will help me with the social awkwardness so I guess this is a step to help me with that. I really am happy to help out despite the initial nervousness though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Combat Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 I want to wish you good luck, and am sure yo'll do great with it. Also congratulations to your brother! My only advice, is to just keep breathing. Deep breathing helps me a lot when I get stressed and/or worried. Also, it might be worth seeing if there;s going to be a "practice" run, as I hear some people do them before their weddings. Practice can't hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abyssreaper99 Posted April 6, 2016 Author Share Posted April 6, 2016 Thanks, I'll ask my brother that when I see him next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mde2001 Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 Yeah, I'd recommend you talk to him, and tell him that you're nervous. Then, as well as allowing practices, he can also provide support to you on the day if he sees you struggling. But hopefully you'll be happy enough on the day so that you find your anxiety is decreased. Everyone there is there because they are special to your brother so hopefully they are all nice people and you'll find you come out of your shell because you like them all. Congratulations to your brother and on your involvement in his wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonikku Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 I'll be glad to help Sam! The first thing is, you're thinking a little bit too much about all this. A marriage will have a time to be serious and a time to kick it. I recommend that you when you go to the wedding as the usher, you should relax, and be yourself. Because sometimes, the only way to live is to kill your brain. To sum it up, be yourself and don't overthink anything. Don't create problems that were never there. :] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abyssreaper99 Posted April 7, 2016 Author Share Posted April 7, 2016 Thanks Mde and Sonikku, I think I'm definitely overthinking things and have been told that many times in the past but it's just how I get when something important comes up. I'm definitely ready now though to be able to be really fine with it thanks to everyone's advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ironbound Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 You're always welcome. Remember to never feel stupid or hesitant to ask for advice; this is a place where everyone is friendly. I wish you all of the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonikku Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 Thanks Mde and Sonikku, I think I'm definitely overthinking things and have been told that many times in the past but it's just how I get when something important comes up. I'm definitely ready now though to be able to be really fine with it thanks to everyone's advice! You're always welcome. Remember to never feel stupid or hesitant to ask for advice; this is a place where everyone is friendly. I wish you all of the best. Yep, you're welcome. There are plenty of people here that would be willing to help you out. If you get another question, you could create a topic like this or if it's a small inquiry, you could make a status update, which is located underneath "Sign Out" on the left side of the website. Really hope this helps m8! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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