[CW: Short Story and Feedback] Questions.

[Raindrop Valkyrie]

What are we?

Who are we?

Why...?

Many questions race through my mind. Thoughts race at a fever pitch as I sit in the darkness all alone. Echos of doubts, and many darker things swim in the primordial sea, the depths of my mind. It is the beginning and the end of me. It hard to tell, what's a new thought and whats a demon that's been hiding for years.. or even what is a festering wound. Our mind can be damaged too ya know.

Hell, it's mental and emotional wounds that hurt the worst. Because, the pain is so real to me, but... no one else can see it. They can see the tears roll down my face, the anguish in my eyes, but they can't see the hole in my heart. They cannot see the hole within my soul. They can't see the twisting briers that squeeze my form. The gnashing barbs that sink into my soul's flesh and cause it to bleed.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

They can't hear the compounding crescendo, the disheartening disquiet that is an unstill mind. Do they even care about the pain I feel? The pain that cannot be seen? Of course, they do when it rears it's ugly head. When the anguish roars, a beast uncaged. Of course they care then. But, do they care any other time? I doubt it. But, I can't read minds. I can barely read my own. Heh... it's pathetic really. I don't even know who I am. How could I know another enough to understand... when I don't understand myself?

What am I? A curse? An omen? Must I bleed for the world, but the world never bleed for me? A Bleeding Heart. One that loves this world dearly, despite all it's blemishes. All that which is ugly... doesn't pale that which is beautiful. Life itself is beautiful. All life. Despite it's flaws. After all, flaws only serve as the backdrop for greatness. The curtain before the show.

APPLAUSE!!!

Doesn't it sound beautiful? The sound of praise... of worthiness. So they say. But, it only works so long. Until that hole is bored back into your soul. It's only a temporary salve to stop the pain. We seek this gratification to stop feeling our wounds for awhile. It's nice to not feel broken isn't it? To not feel the shards of glass that are embedded in our every emotion, even if for only a second. Some would be willing to do anything for that. They do dangerous things... or terrible ones. Sometimes, it's the only thing they know how to do to make the quiet go away. The painful quiet. The praise of others... such a horrible addiction. I've seen it kill plenty people. But, not their body. Their soul. They have forgotten what it is to live for themselves. They have forgotten that they have desires. It's a fate worse then death it is. For it's a hollow existence. One not worth living. Though, the ones there would hold onto to hope that it wasn't so, they'd say it was. They'd be wrong... after all, their opinions and desires don't hold any value to them, why should they to me? It's sad to see it be so common. Hmmm, I don't know why I'm here. Maybe to illustrate a point... maybe to say this isn't the pain I feel. It doesn't matter. What does anything matter really?

What is value...? Is it real? Is it really okay for a being like me to decide what is valuable in this world and what isn't? I suppose it is if I decide for myself, but no others. Too often I see that though. One will try to push their values on another. Try and tell them what they should care about. It's disgusting really. Trying to force that on another. Presuming to know someone else's concerns but further that yours hold more merit just because they are yours. Peeeeeeeh. I'd tired of questions that have no answers having their answers forced on others. After all, a good question has many answers. Not just one. But, most are so obsessed with being correct, they forget themselves. They forgot that their answer... could be wrong. They forget that their answers could be right, but at the same time so could another. Life's questions are rarely a simple maudlin affair. After all, life likes that color grey a hell of a lot. Life is nothing but a bunch of murky grey loam. It can grow all sorts of things, and it's got a lot goin' on at any given time.

I really don't know what I'm trying to say though.

But, so is life I suppose. It's confusing isn't it? Right? What is right, what's wrong? Who knows but you and whatever deity you believe in. Of course... if you do believe in that kind of thing. Just do what's in that heart of yours. It can't be entirely wrong, no?

It'd be nice anyway. To know that one's heart is always right. But, it's also be a nightmare. To know that every little terror would be true as well. That feeling that every time you feel someone is drifting that they would be. That because you thought everyone hated you that they did. Funny how what could be a good thing, could be so easily corrupted by a human's very own nature. It funny how fragile we are... how we try to kick back at life and things so much bigger than us. Things that threaten to swallow us whole. We just look them in the eye and say "Not today!" as if we have that right. Hell, maybe we do. If you can make it come to pass perhaps you have the right to do it. Doesn't save you from the consequences but... you certainly can do it.

Click. Click. Click.

Orderly clockwork, well oiled machines. Well, we're not really like them, but are in some ways. We're certainly a lot messier, that's for sure. But unlike an automaton we have a soul, a heart. At least, as of now. But maybe that's the issue. It makes us fragile. But maybe it's the spark that makes us... so unique. It's a catch-22 really. Or is it? Look, I don't know, but, we have had the choice picked for us already. We might as well make the best of it.

After all, it's our fatal flaw. It's beautiful, no?