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Ranting ahead.


Yuki

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That feel when you feel exactly the same as Will, but can't draw. :c

Also the fact that I've been trying to upload part 4 of the LP and I'm legitly having to break it into two parts just so it'll upload before our internet gets cut off cause of my mom going to sleep QQ.

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That feel when everyone around you has/had a girlfriend/car/job before you and you feel like you're doing something wrong

Also that feel when you're scared that you're gonna go into adulthood unsure of any way on how to be even remotely successful

That feel when your emotion bottle slips loose and makes you do stuff where normally you'd be all like "klol" and shrug it off.

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When things come together then fall apart then come together then fall apart then come together then fall apart then come together then fall apart then come together then fall apart then come together then fall apart then come together then fall apart.

Can my school fix the damn problems without fucking something up?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Growing to dread being on the same server as some of the people here.

My lip even curls into some sort of pained grimace sometimes.

No, that's not fair.

Growing to dread sharing the internet with much of the internet community, more like it.

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WellUh, don't read/post in it then I guess if it makes you sad.

The whole reason I made this is because I enjoyed being able to express myself to people who had no reason to judge me.

The purpose still stands.

If you want to vent ina more verbose fashion, then by all means, call upyour friends, people.

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stupid real life problems... AND FUCK YOU PEOPLE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME I AM STUPID SO YOU CAN CHEAT THE SYSTEM...

i work in a grocerystore... and geez... some people are such cheapskates that it is pathetic... really...

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I hate this constant flux of emotions I get from being very happy to depressed. At times it's just hours and sometimes it takes weeks, but it's really starting to get to me.

I also hate when I start feeling farther from those who I used to...and still do...consider close. If there's one thing that keeps me sane it's knowing I have my friends and that they'll stick by me. If I lose a close friend I go into a depressive shock that I just can't stand...I cry and just don't feel like doing anything. It's happened once before and I couldn't stand if it happened again.

Bah.

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Karma should be an untamed fucking bitchy mistress.

I'm going to preface this with a whole bunch of language and overactive emotions warnings.

No, I'm just going to leave it at that.

So I found out today that this guy, we'll call him Tom, is still super attractive. And rich. And his parents never got a divorce.

Now, sounds like a good thing, right? Yay for Tom! Fucking Tom. I despise him. I hope he dies.

Let me tell you a little about Tom.

When I was, oh, 14 years old, Tom approached me and said something along the lines of, "Hey, Anthony, right?" and conversation ensued. Back then, I was very very confused about my sexuality and who I was, but was tooa fraid to confide this in anyone. We talked for a few weeks, and then he confided in me that he was gay. I said, "Oh, okay. I.. think I'm bisexual."

I later found out that I was gay, but that's a tale for another day.

He became a big part of my life. We started to hang out more, and we became really close. I was so happy. II felt like I could be myself, and I'd finally found a love interest, all at the same time. There was nothing wrong with the world. Everything, you ask? Peachy.

Then, he asked me out. Mind you, he was 16, two years older than me, and I thought that was not only exciting but sort of sexually charging.

I said yes, of course. I already loved him. He said he loved me, too. Every day. I believed him.

I told my friends about us, I'd come out to them just a week or so before. He made me feel safe. I wasn't afraid of being judged, because I had him there to protect me, and, he loved me, right? I loved him too. Total trust.

And then my friend Dakota told me he was using me. He was just a player, and he'd done this to another guy just in the past year.

I'd known Dakota since kindergarden. She was my best friend.

I cussed her out and told her to never speak to me again, I loved him and he would never do that to me, she was just jealous I was actually happy for once.

And so she never spoke to me again.

And then Tom invited me over. He'd never done this before.

Was this really happening? Is he hinting towards what I thought he was?

I wasn't sure I wanted that yet. I wasn't ready. Yes, was interested. Yes, the thought had crossed my mind.

But was I afraid? Nervous? Not sure what it exactly entailed? Also yes.

Bottom line, did I want to?

No.

I went to his house, and he was all charm. His father was out on business. His mother was at their aunts. His sister was in college.

He asked if I wanted to go up to his room.

I loved him. I really did.

I asked if we could watch a movie instead.

He said no, he wanted to go to his room.

I said I wasn't feeling well.

He insisted.

I gave in.

And so it happened. At the time, yes, it was enjoyable enough. Afterwards I cried and tried to talk to him in school the following week.

I asked why he hadn't called and he said he didn't feel like it.

He'd always called, and always felt like it, what was up?

I asked if we could talk about it, he said "I already talked about it." and then the bell rang, and we went to class, and in that very first period, I found out that he had spread around school that I'd acted as his virgin slut and wasn't any good at it, anyways.

I asked to go to the nurses, feigning nausea, and went home, and cried for a long time.

I couldn't call Dakota. Not after what I'd said to her.

I couldn't call Tom. He didn't love me anymore, and never had to begin with.

I didn't have any other friends close enough to confide in, in reality, everybody I was on friendly terms with at Braddock was more of an acquaintance.

And so I tried to kill myself, failed, and landed myself in the mental hospital at 14 years old. I came back, and 3 months later, started smoking and burning my arm with the cigarettes. My mother found them, and sent me back to the mental hospital. This time, I got beat up because I was a "faggot", and was isntead shipped to a 2-month-stay group home. Summer time, I just continued smoking. I didn't burn anymore. I went to school again, and after confiding in my therapist that I was still very, very depressed and without friends at Braddock, and had been having thoughts of suicide, she called my mother and she said the insurance company would no longer support my stay at the hospitals, so we had to pay for 3 days out of pocket before they kicked me out. I then switched schools, and have been doing much better for myself since.

This all began with Tom.

And he's still fucking attractive, and probably doing the same to other guys.

and he's still rich.

And he's still got a whole damn family.

And I hope he gets run over by a truck carying barrels of oil, and it crashes intoa nother car, and then it explodes, and he suffers 3rd degree burns untill he dies.

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Hark, you need two things.

The first is come here so I can give you the biggest damn hug of your life.

The second is to CALL DAKOTA.

Holy balls please, for the love of everything. Blame it on me, say your friend is making you call, if you must. But I guarantee you that poor girl feels worse about it than you do- or at least did at the time- and maybe you two could still be friends. Maybe not- but if not then it's no worse between you two than it is now. On the off-chance that you two can be close again, I think it would be really good for you. And maybe she'll understand- I don't know, but pleeeeease pleasepleasepleaseplease at least try? That's too sad to leave as is. :c

Also give me Tom's full name and address and I'll have him... "taken care of"... If you know what I mean. ;)

With bullets.

I mean with bullets.

The kind that turn into mushrooms when they impact, but aren't quite as delicious as actual mushrooms.

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Actually no, it's not just a maybe, I will promise you she'll want to hear from you

And you know how I know- yeah, I don't even care I'm double posting right now :C- is because she's done exactly what you asked her to. You asked her never to speak to you again- and do you know how much that must have hurt her? I sure don't, I don't even want to imagine- but by golly, she did it because you asked her to. Because she cared about you enough to respect your wishes- even if it meant that she would lose her best friend.

She cared about you, Hark. And I promise you she still does. CALL HER. T_T

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^@Ame.

Bro, I've not known you for that long, but fuck it, you're my friend (and you're stuck with me so deal_with_it.jpg). Tom is a fuckwad and eventually he'll get what's coming to him because he will fuck up. As for friends, I know it's not the same...believe me I do, but you always have us. We can't hug you, we can't spend nights eating ice cream and watching movies, but we can talk and we can support. Manipulation is not funny in any way and isn't acceptable. If I could, I would personally destroy Tom because it's what he deserves, and I don't care what happens to me because no one, I mean no one, hurts my friends. No matter what you'll always have me, hell you'll have all of us. I know for a fact that a couple of us have gone through our own heartbreak and we wouldn't dare judge you on yours.

We love you. <3

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I'm inclined to formally challenge that... >> <<

We'll stream disney and pokemon movies together for a week because everyone knows disney and pokemon is never depressing or anything of the sort :D

I can't say I know how you feel because I've never been in any position remotely similar; lucky me, right? I can, however, share your hate towards him because it's people like him that give all the good people a bad name by default and RAGE I HATE IT dfsgjhkhhgdfsfshfg

Anyway,

She cared about you, Hark. And I promise you she still does. CALL HER. T_T

This. For as long as she was your friend as you say, to give up so easily would be crazy.

And it fits into the thing I always try to say but never follow myself: If you don't try, nothing can happen, if you do, anything can.

DO IT BRO Y U NO CALL

And because I can't ever be 90% serious in a post such as this,

The kind that turn into mushrooms when they impact, but aren't quite as delicious as actual mushrooms.

>aren't quite as delicious as actual mushrooms

YOU DEVILISH MAN SUCH A FIENDISH WEAPON SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO EXIST even if i hate mushrooms

All in all, pretty much ditto what Edge said. I won't volunteer to destroy him or something, naturally because I can't, but I bet 4chan would be able to somehow but you got all of us bro. I was actually about to post something of my own here, but I saw Winter's post as the latest one, went "wat" and scrolled up to see that; first thing I thought: "Mah boi Hark takes priority, I should help out with that first since my problem's not much at all anyway"

We love you. <3

You know me, no love allowed, but consider whatever else is the next best thing yours =P

YOU KNOW HOW I DO.

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I got up and checked on the forums, sort of sheepish after having posted that, because it was so long ago but somehow still manages to haunt me. I ended up with the sort of big goofy grin that makes you look away awkwardly when you see it in a movie, because it's just that dopey. I really appreciate all the support. Thanks for being people I can rely on.

Really, the worst thing about all of this is feeling used, and losing my virginity to such an ass. I later found out that he dates girls, too, so he wasn't even gay. He just deduced that I was and was trying to make a connection.

Hark, you need two things.

The first is come here so I can give you the biggest damn hug of your life.

The second is to CALL DAKOTA.

Holy balls please, for the love of everything. Blame it on me, say your friend is making you call, if you must. But I guarantee you that poor girl feels worse about it than you do- or at least did at the time- and maybe you two could still be friends. Maybe not- but if not then it's no worse between you two than it is now. On the off-chance that you two can be close again, I think it would be really good for you. And maybe she'll understand- I don't know, but pleeeeease pleasepleasepleaseplease at least try? That's too sad to leave as is. :c

Also give me Tom's full name and address and I'll have him... "taken care of"... If you know what I mean. ;)

With bullets.

I mean with bullets.

The kind that turn into mushrooms when they impact, but aren't quite as delicious as actual mushrooms.

Aw, hug accepted.

Oddly enough, Dakota ended up moving to Germany sometime last year. I didn't find out until about a month after it happened, though. I could still try her on facebook...

^@Ame.

Bro, I've not known you for that long, but fuck it, you're my friend (and you're stuck with me so deal_with_it.jpg). Tom is a fuckwad and eventually he'll get what's coming to him because he will fuck up. As for friends, I know it's not the same...believe me I do, but you always have us. We can't hug you, we can't spend nights eating ice cream and watching movies, but we can talk and we can support. Manipulation is not funny in any way and isn't acceptable. If I could, I would personally destroy Tom because it's what he deserves, and I don't care what happens to me because no one, I mean no one, hurts my friends. No matter what you'll always have me, hell you'll have all of us. I know for a fact that a couple of us have gone through our own heartbreak and we wouldn't dare judge you on yours.

We love you. <3

Thanks <3 I run into conflict here, but I know I can always be confident in confiding with you guys.

Call Dakota. Best friends are there no matter what, until the very end.

We're here for you.

What's this Tom's last name?

Gimme his address.

I'll hunt 'im down, chop him up and feed him to rabid dogs while his family watches in horror.

If you need to talk, when I'm on, feel free.

I miss you lots.

too late. Hark and I alreeady set the date for that plan :c also, everyone agrees. Call Dakota, let us kill Tom.

Before or after our cross-country road trip, by the way?

We'll stream disney and pokemon movies together for a week because everyone knows disney and pokemon is never depressing or anything of the sort :D

I can't say I know how you feel because I've never been in any position remotely similar; lucky me, right? I can, however, share your hate towards him because it's people like him that give all the good people a bad name by default and RAGE I HATE IT dfsgjhkhhgdfsfshfg

Anyway,

This. For as long as she was your friend as you say, to give up so easily would be crazy.

And it fits into the thing I always try to say but never follow myself: If you don't try, nothing can happen, if you do, anything can.

DO IT BRO Y U NO CALL

And because I can't ever be 90% serious in a post such as this,

>aren't quite as delicious as actual mushrooms

YOU DEVILISH MAN SUCH A FIENDISH WEAPON SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO EXIST even if i hate mushrooms

All in all, pretty much ditto what Edge said. I won't volunteer to destroy him or something, naturally because I can't, but I bet 4chan would be able to somehow but you got all of us bro. I was actually about to post something of my own here, but I saw Winter's post as the latest one, went "wat" and scrolled up to see that; first thing I thought: "Mah boi Hark takes priority, I should help out with that first since my problem's not much at all anyway"

You know me, no love allowed, but consider whatever else is the next best thing yours =P

YOU KNOW HOW I DO.

I dunno, the first movie still makes me cry. I add my tears to the magical pokemon sorrow involved.

No love allowed?

How about chocolate?

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