Cool Girl Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 (edited) So, here's a short story I wrote a long time ago. This is not the kind of writing I write now, but I thought I should still post it 'cause I want to hear your thoughts and I want to see how my writing is improving or will improve throughout the years. Anyways, here it is. The Crazy Life of Spoiled Little Leah This is the story of spoiled little Leah, who cares about people around her, but is shy to talk to them. This young child was born in Hollywood California with black hair as the night, a very straight posture and with nobody else to trust but herself. She loved with clothes with spikes on them. She doesn't remember her real parents; all she knows is that she wants to be a movie star when she grows up. No matter what excitement happens in her life, she always felt lonely in her life. She could never bring herself to be happy, even though she has friends. Yes, indeed, she has depression. How? She was hated by almost everyone in her life. Ever since that day, hatred, anger, and sadness grows in her heart. But, at the same time, she knew that her friends always had her back, no matter what. She knew that there are still people who care about her. But still, she could never bring herself to be happy. After all, her trust with people had been hurt. The more the days fly by, the more anger and sadness she feels in her heart. "MOM! LEAVE ME ALONE" she screamed This is how it was everyday, screaming and crying. Her parents were clueless about what was going on with their adopted daughter. "If you don't stop, I will send you back to foster care!" Her parents screamed back at her. "Fine! I don't care! There's nothing left for me here in this dump!" she said while crying Day after day went by. Despite her depression, she was a very good student. She always got A's and B's, even though the story is "The Crazy Life of spoiled Little Leah." Hahaha! The day of her graduation came by. She tried to smile, but you can clearly see that she was scared, shy to speak, and depressed. She had gone in the best universities in the world including Harvard, Oxford, and UC Berkeley, but even that, was not enough to make her happy. The time had come for her to be a movie star. She had got her degree in acting & movie directing. She had co-stared with many famous celebrities including Robin Williams (Rest in peace, Robin Williams) , Matt Damon, and Angelina Jolie. Finally, she had won her Academy Award for her best performance in a Marvel movie. There came the day of "The Happy Life of Happy Little Leah". Yeah, anyways, let me know what you think of it! Edited June 24, 2016 by Cool Girl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strider Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 I'm not a writing critic. The main thing I noticed is that tenses are mismatched. It also seems a little short, even by short story standards. Are you planning on doing more work on it, or are you satisfied? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool Girl Posted June 24, 2016 Author Share Posted June 24, 2016 I'm not a writing critic. The main thing I noticed is that tenses are mismatched. It also seems a little short, even by short story standards. Are you planning on doing more work on it, or are you satisfied? I mean, I wrote this story a really long time ago, like when I was in 6th grade I believe is when I wrote this story. So, I guess I would say I'm sastified with it. But, if there is enough interest for this story, I might write more. I hope that answers your question! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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