Combat Explains How You Can Survive The Zombie Apocalypse!

[Combat]

For some reason, these last few days for me have really focused on zombies. Not the gritty, hardcore stuff like the Walking Dead, but the more spastic funny type of zombies. The type of zombies that might get defeated by a clown with a flame thrower, or who can be lead into Rube Goldberg death machines. For some reason, I find the whole situation of the dead roaming the Earth to be hysterical when put into the right context. So, this little thread is here to save the lives of various Reborn members. Just ask, and I'll give you a personalized method for surviving the end of the world. Because once the Australians discover a cure and save the remains of humanity, I'd like most of you guys to still be kicking. It would be pretty boring here without some of you.

Surgeon General's Warning: Do not follow any of the advice listed here in the event of an actual zombie apocalypse.

[Strider]

So how does this work? How do you personalize the solution? How much info do you need?

This is just a "What I think your method for surviving the zombie apocalypse" thread in disguise, isn't it?

Anyway, here's what I got: I live in the city suburbs with my family. We live in a large stone house. We own some pellet guns, an axe, a few baseball bats, a bow, hatchet, and some other useful stuff.

Edited November 8, 2016 by Strider

[Alistair]

Curious how you're gonna help us, Combat.

Just to provide a little bit of context, I live on the countryside but not too far away from big cities, I don't have a gun but I have a woodcutting axe and kitchen knives, I have a healthy food stock at home, and a car. Pls save me!

[Gaunt]

Please enlighten me (i have a baseball bat if that helps)

[Cepheus]

First we would need to establish what KIND of Zombie apocalypse would happen... Virus, Parasite, Black Magic, Demons whatever... but since Black Magic and Demons and other supernatural stuff is very unlikely, we would need to go with some biological/chemical/scientific approach.

Airborne-Virus:

WE ALL DED! DED I TELL YOU! (since everyone would be infected the whole time and no one would know until they died... or until some wierd pre-mortem symptoms would start to show - THAT'S WHY WE NEED RULES TO THESE SCENARIOS!!!)

And yeah... even IF a cure was found... well guess what? could you effort the horrendous price that stuff would cost? - did you honestly belief they would distribute that stuff for free after spending trillions over trillions of resources (money, humans, time etc.) for free?

Bloodborne-Virus:

Ahhhhh... the classic... you get bitten, by a zombie and you will turn into one... a classic chain-reaction... (how the first Zombie started to walk again will forever be a mystery...)

Easy... a Zombie Apocalypse would never happen!

On the first sign on something like that, the military would bomb everything in that particular area, where the "signs started to appear", to hell and into oblivion - eradicating all traces of anything that could be in association with the re-animated corpses.

You are only screwed when you would be among the very first that got bitten/infected which would be... maybe one town worth of life in colleteral damage.

Just sit back and keep watching walking Dead, and you know that humans are the true monsters, in a scenario like this... and after that watch the game theory on that topic and move to canada

I hope I saved you all a bunch of time^^

[BreezyPonie]

GIMME THE GOODS SON

(Also, for context-- I live pretty much like Alistair does, only I have three cars, and cannot drive. Yaaay... There's also a gun store closer to town, but I imagine that it'll probably be packed with dangerous people. But you're the judge~)

[Combat]

So how does this work? How do you personalize the solution? How much info do you need?

Information, bah! I'll get you though this laddie! First things first, you have to become Scottish. Don't ask me how, because that's an entirely different guide, but become Scottish. From there, you need to get a few zombies into a pit or cage. Using your bagpipes, you're going to experiment with the different frequencies, trying to see what noises do what to the zombies. From there, you'll know what notes to play whenever a bloody zombie comes by, so you can spend the rest of your time at the pub!

Curious how you're gonna help us, Combat.

Just to provide a little bit of context, I live on the countryside but not too far away from big cities, I don't have a gun but I have a woodcutting axe and kitchen knives, I have a healthy food stock at home, and a car. Pls save me!

Living in the country is great, but for you, you're going to need to take a trip to the zoo. Assuming these aren't the turn animals into zombies too type zombies, you'll need to befriend an elephant. From there, you'll ride your war machine wherever, but should probably go towards Florida so you can keep your new friend well feed.

Please enlighten me (i have a baseball bat if that helps)

You will not need your bat. All you will need make up. For you, you will need to cast of the mortal guise of man and become something more. You will become...

A clown.

You will walk down the road, you're silly hair flowing in the wind, not disturbed by the dead. You will walk, alone, towards the East. Soon, others will join you, also dressed as the enlightened clown. None of you will say a word to the others, but soon, your group will grow and grow. Food will come to you, and the dead shall not disturb you as you walk to the East. He is there, waiting for you. Go clowns. Go. He, will keep you safe.

Honk Honk.

First we would need to establish what KIND of Zombie apocalypse would happen... Virus, Parasite, Black Magic, Demons whatever... but since Black Magic and Demons and other supernatural stuff is very unlikely, we would need to go with some biological/chemical/scientific approach.

Fast zombies aren't even zombies anymore. They're just really angry people who need to chill.

Anyways, you'll go to a local factory and get on the roof with a stereo. For reasons I can't explain, you'll start blasting J-Pop at max volume from there, attracting all of the nearby undead. While this may sound like suicide, the noise also attracts the military, who end up saving you first.

GIMME THE GOODS SON

(Also, for context-- I live pretty much like Alistair does, only I have three cars, and cannot drive. Yaaay... There's also a gun store closer to town, but I imagine that it'll probably be packed with dangerous people. But you're the judge~)

In a desperate attempt to survive a hoard, you call upon the powers of Kali, who gives you a boon. From there, you become a legendary zombie slayer, while slowly losing your sense of self due to Kali's influence until Ra decides to take pity on you and gives you another boon. This goes on until the plague is cured, which at that point, you've become so over powered that the new governments decided to give you New Mexico to tide you over.

[Strider]

Information, bah! I'll get you though this laddie! First things first, you have to become Scottish. Don't ask me how, because that's an entirely different guide, but become Scottish. From there, you need to get a few zombies into a pit or cage. Using your bagpipes, you're going to experiment with the different frequencies, trying to see what noises do what to the zombies. From there, you'll know what notes to play whenever a bloody zombie comes by, so you can spend the rest of your time at the pub!

Thanks Doctor! I am was hesitant at first, but if this step will ensure my survival, I'll do it.

[Cepheus]

Anyways, you'll go to a local factory and get on the roof with a stereo. For reasons I can't explain, you'll start blasting J-Pop at max volume from there, attracting all of the nearby undead. While this may sound like suicide, the noise also attracts the military, who end up saving you first.

I like the "for reasons I can't explain" thing with the J-Pop ... actually I kinda like J-Pop and Rock and stuff... because they are awesome Anime-Intros

...

...

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

[Alistair]

Living in the country is great, but for you, you're going to need to take a trip to the zoo. Assuming these aren't the turn animals into zombies too type zombies, you'll need to befriend an elephant. From there, you'll ride your war machine wherever, but should probably go towards Florida so you can keep your new friend well feed.

Instructions unclear, drowned in the Atlantic Ocean trying to reach Florida

.

[Deleted User]

[Yours Truly]

I live on the 19th story of an apartment with high walls surrounding the apartment building; I also have Knives

[Maelstrom]

Owning New Mexico is a pretty shabby award/appeasement offering if you ask me.

[Swampellow]

Ok, try me, suburbs, Massachusetts, Black Belt Ryan with nunchucks :]

[BreezyPonie]

In a desperate attempt to survive a hoard, you call upon the powers of Kali, who gives you a boon. From there, you become a legendary zombie slayer, while slowly losing your sense of self due to Kali's influence until Ra decides to take pity on you and gives you another boon. This goes on until the plague is cured, which at that point, you've become so over powered that the new governments decided to give you New Mexico to tide you over.

Hey hey, pretty nice. Thanks!

And Maelstrom, it's really only a to-pass-the-time gift... there's more to come once I/the many boons of countless Gods get bored

[Combat]

Do you know what Catmancy is? No? Good, that means you haven't seen the future yet. The less said, the better.

I live on the 19th story of an apartment with high walls surrounding the apartment building; I also have Knives

The walls will protect you for a time, but eventually, they begin to crumble. In an attempt to fix them, you use dark magic that goes terrible wrong... This turns you into...

The Wall!

Ok, try me, suburbs, Massachusetts, Black Belt Ryan with nunchucks :]

You end up joining a rag tag group of survivors including an arsonist, a sharp shooter, Cesar Millan, and other quirky characters! It remains to be seen if you're the black belt or the guy who dies first though.

Hey hey, pretty nice. Thanks!

And Maelstrom, it's really only a to-pass-the-time gift... there's more to come once I/the many boons of countless Gods get bored

That or until Kevin gives you his ability.