Yet Another Writing Thread

[Yours Truly]

Wait don't leave! I'm finishing it this time; I promise; real life got in the way last time baby, but I'm writing this, and I'm not going to stop out of boredom.... probably.

What To expect: Weirdness, Alien, Stream of consciousness style writing, Enough plot twists to make M. Night Shamalayan proud, Absolutely no dancing, Association Football or "Soccer" to you americans, Fast Food, a Heart attack, a single instance of murder, and of course some Weirdness will be involved, and no adventure will be complete without a snarky robot sidekick that will definitely not be marketed to children.

Chapter 1: Foot… Ball?

There is that special feeling you get when you have your dream job; I mean it doesn’t really matter how long you have had that dream doesn’t it? It doesn’t matter if you have held it since childhood, or if you had just gotten the dream a month ago; what matters is that you have it doesn’t it? I’m supposed to record human feelings and human activities, and what’s more human than sports?

I look at myself at the mirror, and somebody else’s face stares back at me; his name was Alex Greene, and today he is going to be late for work; in fact he is probably going to be late for a lot of things these days; he’s stopped talking, or screaming, or even twitching; I wonder what all of that was about; I mean I just wanted to borrow his face; it’s not like it’s a big deal or anything; I did that all the time back where I came from; the people here are really rude you know? Just because I’m different doesn’t mean that I should be shunned you know?

Maybe they won’t me ignore me this time; maybe they won’t stare; maybe they won’t say “Oh god what is this thing; what was in my coffee; somebody please call security because it’s staring right at me”; maybe this time they’ll give me the job; I mean I have all of the credentials; I just didn’t have the right face that time.

It’s working! People are actually looking at me now, and not in horror either; they’re treating me like a regular human being now, and for the sake of the mission I must at least try to seem like one; right what was my name supposed to be again? The robot said something about the importance of names in human society; so I chose….. “Tom”; yes that was it; a good simple first name for a male cat that is, but I like those fluffy killing machines; I can’t wait to see one that’s grown into a lion.

Raawr I said to no one in particular as I tested out my new face; I tried making my lips curve upwards; this is apparently called a smile, and this pleases human’s; some of them are looking at me oddly now and some of them seem a bit uncomfortable; I don’t really know why…. I turned to face a window and I saw my face there… maybe human mouth’s aren’t supposed to bend that far? Huh maybe so…

I continued walking towards the stadium; I raised a wristwatch to my mouth and said “How far away is the stadium?”, and my loyal robotic companion said “The Stadium is six kilometers away from your current location”; I said “That’s pretty close right?”; it responded by saying “it depends, can you walk to for an hour in this gravity?”; I recalled how easy it was to move about back in my home, and I replied by saying “Well of course I do; I’m supposed to be some super strong Football fanatic right? And your average human should be able to do something like that effortlessly, and besides that just gives me more time to talk to you about football”…. It replied with “I’m closing the line now”.

I spent most of the trip calling the robot and talking to it about football; it’s funny it’s like it actually doesn’t find football interesting, but it was only joking right?

the stadium came into view; it was a small building with a square shaped bowl when seen from the air, but the grey building seemed different to me today; because if everything goes well I will be working here ve~~ry soon; heh I can imagine it now; a bunch of well armored male human’s charging towards another bunch of well armored male human’s; trying to get an odd shaped object made out of skin from one end of the field to the other while trying to prevent the other team from doing so by any means necessary; of course there’s a whole lot more to it than that, but I think I got the gist of it by now; all I need to do is be shouty and good enough at interacting with other humans right?

I walked right into the office of the president/top boardmember/head honcho/ect.; I had already made an appointment earlier, and funnily enough I was expected; which is a good sign, but you know what’s not great? the team was a mess; they were failing, and they were failing badly; their previous Manager had left the team in disgrace, and so far their interim Manager has done nothing to help matters; in fact nobody is even sure if they have a Manager; they were basically screwed, and so I started the conversation by dropping a large stack of fake certification on the President’s desk.

“I’m here to audition for the job of Manager for this humble yet historic club”; a confused “But… you did that yesterday; the rest of the board and me decided to hire you, did something happen?”; I twitched slightly as I had realized what happened; the man who’s face I am wearing had been auditioning here yesterday; that explains why he was here; I replied by saying “Oh I’m sorry sir; it must have been the lack of sleep; I was so excited that I went and celebrated, and… alcohol was involved”; the top president head replied with “Oh I see… well you hadn’t mentioned your drinking; this will not be a problem won’t it?”; I replied by saying “No sir; of course it won’t; it was just a one night thing… it won’t happen again sir”; the Super mega ultra edition president head replied with “Well I hope you’re not drunk right now; because we’re having a press conference; it’s just standard fare all you have to do is answer some questions and try not to make us look bad; clean up all off these certificates first? “.

I spent the rest of the day answering the odd questions the human “press” asked me; you know they actually find the amount of times their planet has rotated their star with you on it to be important? It’s one of those funny human quirks like long names or regularly harming themselves and each other; sports is just one the many ways they can channel their aggressive urges isn’t it? and this football consists almost entirely of kicking, charging, knocking down, and generally trying to disable an attacker without permanently disabling them; it is quite thrilling to watch; as of this moment Alexander Greene has neither moved, nor spoken, and he has started to emit an odd odor; I find this to be fascinating; perhaps he’s just angry that the face I gave to him wasn’t that good? I’ll be the first to admit that my face sculpting skill might be lacking.

I also talked to the robot about football; it made a rather funny joke; it said “that if I won’t shut up about football he would delete himself” I find this to be interesting; who programmed him again? And does it have a name?

I intentionally avoided the players of my new team today; I didn’t really know what to do with them.

Edit: This is very embarrasing, but It seems I have forgotten to add a [CW/Feedback] to the title.... can a mod help me out with this?

Edited November 14, 2016 by Cronos5010