Failure And Success

[Cool Girl]

I was motivated to discuss about this after I saw something while I was volunteering and working at a judo tournament while waiting to compete. So, my job was to basically organize pools and take the competitors to a mat. I also had to grab winner results and hand it to the person on the mic to announce them. While I was guiding the competitors to announce the winners, at nearly every group I had, I would see little children crying because they lost. Then, I saw a father telling his child that he sucks. I was boiling mad and pissed and basically yelled at him something like "You don't tell that to your child! You tell him he's doing a good job and that he should keep working hard to get better!" I also had a child say to himself that he's a loser. Man, it broke my heart real bad to see all these little children feeling terrible when they lost. Also, I don't mean to be rude, it's just an observation, but a lot of these little children were Asian. I told my mom what I saw and she said, it's the culture in which I understand. I just don't think it's right and it's fair which is why I feel so bad for these children. So, that story is what inspired to write this to you guys today.

 

Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. We all fail. That's what being human is all about. Whoever told you that they never made a mistake or have never failed in their life is lying to you. I spent a lot of my life trying to prove people wrong and have failed many times. Trust me when I tell you, it kills you. It will only make your life harder and miserable. I saw this awesome graph on twitter which exactly demonstrates that

 

 

Your life is going to have ups and downs. You're going to be told that you're nothing and that you can't do it. The important thing is that you don't let it get to your head. I've been told many times that I'm nothing and yes, it hurts, but you know what, as my life gradually continued, I had friends who helped and support me. I'm not gonna lie, it was so bad I even though suicide! Why didn't I do it? Well 'cause I know I would hurt my friends. I would let my parents down who sacrificed everything to move to a stranger country. I can tell y'all, I'm doing a lot better not worrying to much about winning all the time than I did before.

 

I've always believed that nothing is impossible if you work hard for it. My mom always told me this French saying "Si on le veux, on le peux!" It pretty much means "When there's a will, there's a fire!" You have a dream? Then put in the effort and work hard! It doesn't matter how many times you fail at it, keep trying 'cause if it's really your dream, then you wouldn't give up easily on it! Just like Ame said: KEEP TRYING!

 

Spoiler

 

 

It's so sad how many stories I hear of people killing themselves because they feel like failure. Last year, there was a suicide at a nearby high school where my middle school friends were at. When are we going to learn that failure is okay? There is so much pressure put on children! STOP! ENOUGH! Our job is to encourage and motivate them, not to tell them that they failed and therefore they'll always fail!

 

Seriously, I get so fired up when I hear or see something like this happen like I did in the judo tournament! Man, I'm so glad I spoke against that father! And I encourage you to do the same!

 

Anyways, I wrote this to provide discussion. Let me know what you guys thought of this. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[Eviora]

Based on my personal experiences, and what several people I have spoken with have told me, I'm guessing that many people react so badly to failure because they have an unstable self image and try to overlay "success" onto "self".

 

Many people don't know what they want to do with their lives. There was a time when I was one of them. I had no direction, no real aspirations, I thought it was all pointless. So I did what others told me I ought to do. In my case, that meant "succeeding" in school. And, forgive my immodesty, but I completely excelled at that. Several of my teachers practically worshiped me. It was all way too easy, and I let academic success become who I was. I was dead back then, so there really wasn't much "self" to displace.

 

But, of course, I wasn't perfect. Sometimes, I would make silly mistakes. If I got less than a 97 or so on anything, I beat myself up. If I knew I messed one thing up on a test and feared I might get less than a B, I was often outright suicidal. But I plowed ahead anyway, because that was who I was. Who I had to be. Without that, there was nothing left.

 

In the end, I graduated college near the top of my class. And then...

 

I fell apart.

That was not me. It never had been.

What was I doing with my life? What was I?

 

That "success" had only ever been an illusion. Something to make me feel like I was worth something. But, in reality, it had only been a distraction. I had never bothered to understand myself. There was no passion for me to chase. I was a complete failure after all.

 

When you're a child, you're told: "Be yourself." "Follow your dreams." "You can do anything."

When you're older, you are told: "Sacrifice yourself. Your dreams are impossible. Be a cog in the system."

 

I internalized that second set of messages, but they only left me empty. I should have never let them set my direction for me. To truly succeed - that is, to find fulfillment in something - you need some understanding of yourself.

 

That is something our education system completely fails to convey, and in the absence of that lesson, far too many people come to define themselves by the results of the trials others place before them. That's why failure is so devastating. It destroys the self that others tell us we ought to be.

 

Anyway, that's how I feel about the subject. Sorry 'bout the somewhat aimless nature of my ramblings!

 

 

Edited April 2, 2017 by Eviora

[Zargerth]

There's a story of an old farmer and his son. They live in the countryside in a rural village and own a horse. One day, however, the son accidentally leaves the fence door open and during the night the horse runs away. The villagers come to cheer up the farmer, but he replies: "How do you know this is a loss or failure?"

 

A few days later the horse returns back to the farmer and his son, bringing several other horses with it. This time the villagers visit the farmer and want to congratulate him. Now the farmer asks: "How can you be so sure this is a success?"

 

And so the farmer and his son keep doing their daily routines, until one day an accident happens. One of the horses kick the son in his right leg. The injury is so bad he has to limp for the rest of his life. Again, the villagers visit the farmer, and again he asks how they know this in fact was misfortune or failure.

 

After some time a war breaks out. Men of the village are sent to the battefield, save elderly - and the farmer's son, who still was suffering from his injury. The war eventually ends, resulting in terrible casualties, but at the very least the old farmer and his son led a peaceful life.