Friends: What they really are

[Mysterious Fox Assassin]

Hello everyone, 

 

Unfortunately, this isn't my art update nor is it a happy-go-lucky message of youthful freedom. This is life and I'm about to share something that happened recent. Okay, so, I have this friend. He has this "ideology" that long distance relationships found on the internet are better than real life ones, so he started to talk to girls on an online game (don't ask). Ever since then, it's been heartbreak after heartbreak for him. I've told him subtly to stop looking for love on a game where you're going to get played literally and figuratively. That's besides the point right now at this point in time. Now, me and this friend aforementioned are fighting. I won't go into detail about the deeds done since it's really petty and stupid. The times I try being considerate and thinking ahead are the times when people think I'm using them for personal gain. Am I wrong for thinking "Hey, this guy wants to try this out at this level in competitive play. I'm sitting here collecting dust and I think it looks bad from my POV so I'll just move on ahead and catch him up later after I finish this character up."? I just feel angry and at the same time emotionally drained. It makes me doubt what friends truly are. Are they parasites or partners? Allies or adversaries? After trying to help him not go through heartbreak, I'm tired of helping people who keep going back to the problem. All I can say is that what's done is done and if he spites me, then he can do so freely because I'm tired of holding grudges to people who aren't worth my remaining brain cells. What do you guys think honestly? I'm running on half sleep fumes and unbridled emotional flooding so...yeah. Do I remove him from my life in order for me to not feel?

Edited July 21, 2017 by Mysterious Fox Assassin

[Damien]

Try to talk things out,be friendly,and if that fails then kindly tell him what you really think.

 

 

EDIT: Or you can simply show him 1 fact about the real world. Most likely if you date in Games you will get dumped,that's how people can use you,it's ALL about how you do your stuff.

Edited July 21, 2017 by Damien

[Anime]

If this friend is close i mean if you have a good relation with them, you should try and talk it out with them

if the

[PSFLeo]

To answer the question made in this post, another friend of mine asked the same question a while back. I personally think it's different for all of us. Friends to me are just family you aren't related to, brought together through school or over the internet or whatever situation it may have been. Brought together through common interests and stay together once you realize who they really are and how much you like being with them. Like family members, friends will go through fights, but if you truly like them for who they are then it's your duty as a friend to help them through it. And your friend here sounds like the kind of guy that doesn't learn his lesson, but if he were my friend I would honestly continue to try to get him to see the truth. Tell him to look back and really question if what he's doing is right. It obviously hasn't worked out for him yet, so I'm not sure why he thinks the next one will work. And, if I were you, if all else fails, no matter how mad he'd get at me, I'd tell him straight up with no filter how much he's hurting himself and his relationships with not only the people he meeting online, as well as his relationship with me/you.

 

Although, what you think of friendship and what you do in response to his actions are entirely up to you. I usually look for some "what would you do" advice when asking for help on these situations, but again, that's just me. It's your job to ponder about what you think friendship means to you and if you really think going through and helping him is worth it if he means that much to you. Whatever the outcome, don't regret it and wish you would've made another decision, because there might be regrets no matter what you decide.

Edited July 21, 2017 by PSFLeo

[Candy]

Friends are important because we humans are social animals, but choosing one's friends is also an important life skill. My grandfather (whom I never met) used to say that one must avoid bad influences at all costs - he'd tell this to his sons, who were attracted to hanging out with the drug addicts of the hood, but I think it applies to other scenarios.

In this case, you have to weigh the value of your friendship against the stress that this person is causing you. He doesn't hear your advice, gets sad, and makes you worry. He also somehow got you on your bad side, and you both started fighting.

That's all worth it, only if this person also offered you comfort, and a sense of belonging, or partnership above many of your other friends. In this case, you can wait patiently until he has fallen so many times as to make him wake up from the dream that he'll find the love of his life online.

Otherwise, if I were you, I would distance myself from him.

If he returns after finding out that losing your friendship was a huge error, then I would welcome him back.

[Zarc]

I have to agree with @Candy , you don't have to " suffer " cause of his mistakes. You tried to convice him many times and he still doesn't want to listen to you. Now it's not your problem anymore , if he is smart , he would acknowledge his mistakes and come back to you  

[Wolfox]

A true friend is someone who's there for you, no matter what. Got a little paper cut? They're there for you! Not in a great mental state right now? They're there for you! Got hit by a bus? Well, they can't help too much with that, but they will do all they can for you! You were trying to be a good friend to him and help him through(not sure if I spelled this right, forgive me if I messed up) his dream. He didn't listen and didn;t learn from it, that even ending up in a fight between you two. One thing you could say is that he's stubborn as a Mule, which I think might be accurate. The real question is, was he there for you when you needed him most? Was he there for you when you needed him? If not then I'd say he's not really worth the trouble and you might have to let him go, as hard as that is.

This says how a friend should be for you best

[Alphagar]

Talk it out. Though, sometimes LDR from online games work. I live with my gf who I met in GW2. : 3

Edited July 21, 2017 by Alphagar

[Mysterious Fox Assassin]

9 hours ago, Candy said:

Friends are important because we humans are social animals, but choosing one's friends is also an important life skill. My grandfather (whom I never met) used to say that one must avoid bad influences at all costs - he'd tell this to his sons, who were attracted to hanging out with the drug addicts of the hood, but I think it applies to other scenarios.

In this case, you have to weigh the value of your friendship against the stress that this person is causing you. He doesn't hear your advice, gets sad, and makes you worry. He also somehow got you on your bad side, and you both started fighting.

That's all worth it, only if this person also offered you comfort, and a sense of belonging, or partnership above many of your other friends. In this case, you can wait patiently until he has fallen so many times as to make him wake up from the dream that he'll find the love of his life online.

Otherwise, if I were you, I would distance myself from him.

If he returns after finding out that losing your friendship was a huge error, then I would welcome him back.

I agree. You could say I'm an extreme empath because my emotions for a subject take longer to let go of problems people usually shove off easily. At this point, he can do what he wishes to girls and get heartbroken. I've told him many times to not to look for love in a game, but alas here we are. I'll welcome him back of course if he does happen to turn around, but for now, I gotta let experience teach him.

 

4 hours ago, Wolfox said:

A true friend is someone who's there for you, no matter what. Got a little paper cut? They're there for you! Not in a great mental state right now? They're there for you! Got hit by a bus? Well, they can't help too much with that, but they will do all they can for you! You were trying to be a good friend to him and help him through(not sure if I spelled this right, forgive me if I messed up) his dream. He didn't listen and didn;t learn from it, that even ending up in a fight between you two. One thing you could say is that he's stubborn as a Mule, which I think might be accurate. The real question is, was he there for you when you needed him most? Was he there for you when you needed him? If not then I'd say he's not really worth the trouble and you might have to let him go, as hard as that is.

This says how a friend should be for you best

As sentimental to me as a friend, I feel like it is time to let him go. Dissociating with him might be the best thing for me to move on. I never spoke much about my problems. (Not that I had any that weren't major nor minor) However, I've gotta try to let go or else I'll keep dwelling on it.

 

10 hours ago, PSFLeo said:

To answer the question made in this post, another friend of mine asked the same question a while back. I personally think it's different for all of us. Friends to me are just family you aren't related to, brought together through school or over the internet or whatever situation it may have been. Brought together through common interests and stay together once you realize who they really are and how much you like being with them. Like family members, friends will go through fights, but if you truly like them for who they are then it's your duty as a friend to help them through it. And your friend here sounds like the kind of guy that doesn't learn his lesson, but if he were my friend I would honestly continue to try to get him to see the truth. Tell him to look back and really question if what he's doing is right. It obviously hasn't worked out for him yet, so I'm not sure why he thinks the next one will work. And, if I were you, if all else fails, no matter how mad he'd get at me, I'd tell him straight up with no filter how much he's hurting himself and his relationships with not only the people he meeting online, as well as his relationship with me/you.

 

Although, what you think of friendship and what you do in response to his actions are entirely up to you. I usually look for some "what would you do" advice when asking for help on these situations, but again, that's just me. It's your job to ponder about what you think friendship means to you and if you really think going through and helping him is worth it if he means that much to you. Whatever the outcome, don't regret it and wish you would've made another decision, because there might be regrets no matter what you decide.

Sometimes, it's hard for me to tell who the friends are from the fake ones. I've already been plagued with someone whom I deem to be two-faced within my school. This time, it's more of therapist to patient. That is besides what I want to convey here. There will always be a sacrifice in making any decision, but letting himself crash and burn emotionally on his own might be the best solution for me to move on and as well as for him to learn what I've been telling him and his friend for months now. 

 

 

It's nice to know there's people here who can empathize with me or at least level with me in this situation, so thanks, I guess. I rarely get "close" to friends anymore so I'm really bad at dealing with things like this alone. Thanks again, I guess 🙂

[Chase]

I can tell you what -isn't- a friend.

 

• A friend isn't a friend if they have no problems using you for their personal gain, but absolutely take exception when you need to lean on them.
• A friend isn't a friend if they openly disrespect you to others, -or- do so without your knowledge of it.
• A friend isn't a friend if they don't stick their neck out for your wellbeing - or at least check on said wellbeing.

Things like distance can be overcome. Things like time lapsing isn't a friendship-killer if the person you are referring to really is your friend. A friendship is a reliable bond.

 

As someone who used to make most of his friends by waiting for them to come to me - I understand where you come from in terms of not having many.

[Ironbound]

Friendship is fundamentally a concept of trust.

 

There are people you can trust with a job.

There are people you can trust with a request. 

There are people you can trust with a favour for another.

There are people you can trust with your possessions and titles.

There are people you can trust with the possessions and titles of others.

There are people you can trust with your life.

There are people you can trust with the lives of others.

There are people you can trust with a legacy.

 

Trust at any level, if founded, is not eroded by time or diluted by distance.

 

There are people you cannot trust.

Some of these people may be people whose company you like, or who may depend on you, or whom you care about. But if you do not trust them to any degree, they are not friends to that extent, if at all. It is futile to lose mental peace over them.