Teetering on the Edge

[Mysterious Fox Assassin]

Hello, 

 

From the title, I guess you can tell what this is going to be about. Well, I'll try to keep it short and sweet without boring y'all with the details. I'm sure a lot of you have stuff y'all have to go through as well. Anyways, I've been going through some minor struggles of mine: applications, social environments, hostile relationships, my own insanity, trying to please others, trying to live everyone else's fantasies. It's been hard to keep myself sane and acting like I'm a carefree person. I'm honestly at the point where feelings end and apathy begins. I'm trying so hard, but for what reason? Is there really a reason to play this innocent guy act with people. I may look like the voice of reason, but there's a voice of chaos that echoes silently through that voice. I'm frankly tired of everything now. I'm dancing on the edge of insanity, self and outward loathing. Being strung along by a fate I can't avoid or intervene in... No one would be able to help me if I told them. I get half-hearted comments like "Be more optimistic." or something of that nature. Life isn't worth getting optimistic about; it all gets worse from here.

[Sceptilespy]

Spoiler

 

I guess I can try and help before you do something dumb. First of all, the obligatory stuff. You can't expect people/life to change for you, that's your job. So why even try to please others. If you've tried so hard that it's pushed you to the point of, well, wherever you are, it's clearly not working. Not only is it better for your physical and emotional health, but it's just the most logical option. Don't try to please others. Do your own thing if you have too. I'm assuming you're in High School, and so am I, and I get it's kind of hard to ignore people. But, if you try hard enough, you'll get good at it. But then again, that's more of a final straw option. You really shouldn't have to ignore people, just (oh god, I hate hearing this too) be yourself. I'll tell you what, just being yourself is probably some of the best advice you'll ever get in your life. You'll attract people who really like you for who you are, not some low life lame who you hang out with on the sidelines because you tried to impress him. TL;DR: Be yourself and don't worry about other people. 

 

Second, hostile relationships? I can't say much without possibly offending you and without any more information, but all I can say is leave lol. If you're in a hostile relationship, simply leave. Ok, that was bad advice, there's more than romantic relationships. But try and remedy the problem, instead of just sitting down and letting it weigh on your shoulders. You can't just act carefree, because that won't make the problem go away. Not doing something about the problem, only makes the problem even worse. Have you ever heard the phrase: "Misery loves company?" Well, problems despise company. Because eventually, the company will confront the problem. You need to be that company, if that metaphorical bullshit makes any sense. 

 

Third, find a hobby. Seriously. I chill on the reborn forums ALL DAY during school, and it makes the school day feel like 1 hour. (Of course I pay attention in class, but when I get the chance, I'm usually on the forums.) Hobbies help a ton because they keep you occupied, and if you plan to just let the problems weigh on your shoulder, at least be distracted in a good way (hobby), instead of just self loathing and being depressed. That benefits nobody. 

 

Fourth,  I'll be honest with you. I freaking hate it when people insult the gift of life. Just how lucky are you to be born on this planet. If Earth was under ANY different circumstances, we'd all be massively fucked. So, try to make the best of it, instead of just sitting around and paying attention to the bad stuff. If that's what you're going to do, frankly, you don't really deserve life. Sorry if that sounds harsh, and I'm cool with a moderator censoring that or whatever, but that is really what I believe. If you're not going to use life, then what else can you do. What's the point of anything if you're not going to take advantage of the high points in life, and you're just going to sit around and be gloomy, while everyone else around you is actually succeeding.

 

Fifth, Even though I went on some stupid rant in the paragraph before about appreciating life, Life sucks. I know it sounds hypocritical, but accepting the bad parts of life instead of just wallowing in misery will help you get over said bad parts. Think: "Whelp, my life sucks, i don't like people and people don't like me, what am I going to do about that?" 

 

Sixth, if what you said is really true. Then I recommend you see a therapist or counsoler (I can't spell that freaking word and I'm too lazy to look it up lol. Hopefully you get the gist of it.).  Not on some mental asylum shit, but maybe something your school has to help with people your age. I don't know much about you or your environment, but from my limited experience with counselors (GOT IT RIGHT), they're usually pretty good at their job. You might say in response to that: "ThEy WoUlDn'T uNd3RsT4Nd". Then make them understand. If you can't, you probably don't even know your own problem enough to really be complaining about it. In response to that, I suggest you introspect and find out what the problem is, and explain it in a coherent sense. If that's too hard, maybe there isn't really a problem, and you're thinking to into it. 

 

Seventh, Life isn't bad if you let it be bad. You choose your own destiny. Take that strung along by fate BS, and throw it in the damn trash can. You have free will, you can do whatever you want. So go ahead and enjoy life, instead of just sitting around watching everyone else do so. (I'm not religious btw, in case you were wondering.)

 

Eighth, at the end of the day. Be yourself, and try your best to look up. There will always be bad days, but for every bad day, there has to be a good day, right? Quantum physics agrees. So, I finish this reply, knowing that you'll read it. I don't know whether or not you'll take what I said to heart, but I can walk away knowing I tried. That's what it means to live life to the fullest. To try your hardest and look up, knowing that there's a new day ahead of you. 

 

 

[Candy]

I have often felt this way. I sell myself as an emotionless person (though the reality is unfortunately different) because I have trouble interacting with people and just showing basic humanity (love, empathy, own sadness, etc). That way I don't have to fake being someone I'm not, and don't disappoint anyone in the process. Also, I'm a pessimist too, we're welcome to exist, no worries 😉 

I'm one of those people who wish they had never been born, because I have a similar view of the world as you. (However, I have never tried to reverse what has been done by death. No one guarantees death will be better, so I prefer to live life just living and doing whatever I need to enjoy life )

You asked why you try hard. If it is something you care about, do it for yourself. If it's to support an illusion that is not yourself, just don't try- it's that simple. At the end of the day, what matters is that you enjoyed your life as much as possible, and didn't get dragged down by others.

Don't loathe yourself for being "selfish" - it's actually the first step in being human. Selflessness only comes after one has loosened themselves a little, with time and relaxation.

[Alistair]

Sometimes, responsibilites are crushing. Others' expectations are crushing. Social pressure is crushing. And what's coming up next is crushing. You'd like to tell everyone and everything to f*ck off, because you're on the verge of losing it and hurt yourself or someone else. You realize that all of this isn't what you want in your life, and it drives you insane. Months and years of pretending everything's alright pile up into a heap of hidden bitterness and suffering.

 

The only way I have found of letting go of this crushing pressure is to find someone, the right person to talk to, someone you know you can trust with everything, and just... let everything off your chest. Tell them about the things you're fed up with, the things that make you suffer, be honest to them, to yourself, and to your own feelings. Talk to someone who can withstand your anger and your tears, and still offer your a reassuring smile and friendly advices. Before, I used to think like you, that no one would understand or be able to offer real help, but it can happen. Let them help you, so you won't be alone to face your inner struggles.

 

Of course, finding such a person is difficult. They can be a parent, a family member, a close friend... a therapist, even. They just have to be a special someone who can accept everything that you are and want, and help you with that. It took me a long time to find that person, but when I did... it relieved me of some incredible pressure and loneliness. Having someone like this is incredibly precious. I hope you can find this person, and meanwhile, I advise you to talk to people here or elsewhere, people you don't know too much, because it's often easier to open up to them than to someone who knows you. Tell them about a little thing at a time, so these won't pile up inside you. Don't be afraid of "boring us with details", if you want to. This community is here for that too.

Good, friendly people can sometimes tug you back to the right side, and prevent you from falling off the edge. Something that is almost impossible to achieve on your own.

 

@Sceptilespy

I'd like you to realize that this "Fourth" paragraph in your reply can be very harmful to readers who may struggle with depression and/or have suicidal tendencies. What I understand from it is that in your opinion, people who are not capable of making the best of the life they have, snap out of it and stop sitting there brooding, don't deserve to be alive. That's not just "harsh". That's cruel, disrespectful, completely uncalled for, blatantly ignoring the struggles said people may be facing, and not helpful in the least.

I know some people, members of this very forum, who would be hurt if they read something like this. I don't really want to report you, since your reply is otherwise valuable to the topic at hand. But I strongly advise you to edit that paragraph or erase it altogether. It shouldn't be a problem for you since you said that you wouldn't mind a mod censoring it.

Thanks in advance and have a nice day/night.

Edited October 10, 2017 by Alistair

[Alaris]

I think I can somewhat relate to what you explain. I have often been at a similar point as the one you describe. But sometimes, and unexpectedly, things get better. I'll give you my piece of advice; some of my suggestions have already been pointed out by the others:

 

First: Try to get a hobby. Do you like drawing? Then sign up for a drawing course. Do you like dancing? Go to a dancing school. Well, you get the idea. Don't care about what others will think. Do something you like. Time will go by easily and hopefully you will meet new people.

 

Second: If you have the opportunity, move. I don't know how old you are, and perhaps if you're still in high school it may be difficult. But, for example, if you want to go to college, consider going to an university outside of your town/city/country. You will have the oportunity to start from scratch (with effort on your part, because I know it's not easy), meet new people and be who you are. I know that you may think that nobody likes you, but trust me, I'm sure there are people who would find you very intetesting, just that you haven't met them yet. I was in a similar case, I didn't make real friends and meet people I really connected with almost till college. When you find someone like that, it results in a very remarkable boost in your self-esteem, and that directly affects -and somehow improves- the way you see life and the way others see you.

 

And finally, in the meantime, feel free to discuss anything you may want to talk about with us. I'm sure many people in this community want to help you overcome these feelings.

Edited October 10, 2017 by Alaris

[Sceptilespy]

@AlistairI'm not here to argue so this will be my last reply.  No offense, even though you'll probably take offense. Once again, I'm cool with a mod deleting or editing it. But I would at least like the person I'm responding too, to know how I really feel. 

Spoiler

 

With that said, I feel like you nitpicked a lot in order to find stuff I obviously didn't imply. Anybody who possesses basic logic should understand I wasn't trying to imply on those who were born in less fortunate circumstances. 

1. I didn't ignore the struggles of anyone. If I did, I wouldn't have bothered replying to this at all. Please don't forget about the other seven paragraphs dedicated to helping this person. 

2. Listen, I honestly don't see how my opinion can be harmful, especially on the internet. If the person reading has been on the internet for more then 10 minutes, then they've definitely read worse. Second, a random dude on the internet is definitely not going to hurt anyone. If they really believed my reply was that bad, they'd ignore it, or respond. Nobody has yet, so I'm pretty sure nobody is super offended or depressed because of my opinion. 

3. The person who wrote this probably has a computer and phone. It's a safe bet to say they're capable of making the best out of life, if not, then they're perfectly capable of not being super depressed. There are many ways to treat depression at his/her disposal. So you bringing up people who might be less fortunate, or people who aren't capable of living life to the fullest isn't really relevant here. 

4. So if I wrote the fourth paragraph alone, you'd seriously report me? If anything, I'm a bit hurt. You nitpicked and brought up information irrelevant to the topic at hand that wasn't even correct. Honestly makes me worry about posting my opinion anywhere now. (LOL, the fourth statement again where I take on a harsher tone.)

5. Cruel, disrespectful, and uncalled for? You might have a point with "disrespectful", but everything else is just wrong. Cruel is causing pain and suffering by definition. Anybody who will actually experience pain and suffering from a comment on the internet, shouldn't be on the internet. My comment is tame compared to what other people say. In regards to completely uncalled for. The OC made this comment with the intent of getting our opinions and solutions. I let him/her know how I see the situation to give context. If you think me attempting to help is cruel and uncalled for, then you are wrong. 

6. If you had brought up a legitimate argument as to why I should edit or delete my opinion, then I would've. But if this is what you're going to give me, then that comment will stay the way it is until a mod changes it. 

 

 

[Dragoknight]

Oh boy. Can't tell you how many times I've felt like that. Sometimes feeling like I'm on the wrong side of the balance. Just say "f*ck all my responsibilities, I'm just gonna lie in bed all day." And I really wish I can give some foolproof, step by step, "do this and you'll feel better" method. But I can't. Its just not that easy.

 

But what helps for me is to go out on a walk, clear my head, and then focus on what I have to get done. Just one at a time. Forget tomorrow. Just think about what I have to do now. Now I can't say if this would work for you, or anyone else for that matter, but it helps to just clear your head and remember to live life on at your own pace. Don't forget to slow down and enjoy life. Sure, sometimes its difficult, and yeah, shit happens. And I can't say it'll get better. But in the end, its up to you to make the most of what you got.

 

When it comes to relationships and dealing with others, the best thing I can say is don't stress over it. Now I might not be the best person to talk to about relationships (I often have trouble interacting with people and tend to shut people out), but if there's one thing I've learned, its that there's no point in trying to put up some facade in order to seek the approval of others. It doesn't matter what other people think of you. Just focus on being who you want to be.

 

And yeah, no prob. Feel free to say what you want on the forums. Talking helps. 

[Alistair]

@Sceptilespy

Look, I did my best to give you a polite reply, calmly explaining why your paragraph was potentially harmful. From my perspective and given the tone you're using, you seem to not be taking criticism well. Since you're resorting to arguments like "but you don't understand, I didn't imply this" or "the Internet is a mean place" to justify your disrespect, I can safely deduce that you have trouble using sound arguments to prove a point. That's fine. And don't worry, I'm not taking offense. You're far from a unique case after all.

While we're at it, I might as well enlighten you on how much of an eyesore your paragraph is.

 

"Insulting the gift of life" is one of the most laughable things I've ever read. Life isn't a wonderful gift Santa left for us under the tree. Life is forced upon us all. For some, it's easy and mostly painless. For others, it's a lot less enjoyable. Even for some people who can afford a phone and a computer. That shouldn't be shocking, right? Insulting the gift of life doesn't mean anything. Everyone has to deal with the life they have, and they're not insulting anyone or anything whatever they choose to do with it. Nobody owes their "creator" anything, regardless of the meaning you'll give to the word creator.

 

Then, you claim that we're lucky to be born in the present environment. Well duh, it's not like this convo would even happen otherwise. That's both completely obvious and useless an argument. I guess we could also be thankful that a nuke didn't fall on our heads while we were brushing our teeth this morning. Lucky us.

 

Lastly, that whole part... where to even begin. Let's just say that you're going around asserting who deserves to live and who doesn't. I shouldn't even have to tell you why that's a problem. This line of thought was used time and again throughout history to perpetrate atrocities. It's very, very dangerous no matter how much good faith you believe you're putting in this. And as much as free speech is awesome and all, I'd rather not see people venturing on this slippery ground if that can be avoided.

 

I hope this helps you understand. Don't reply if you don't want to. That's fine by me.

Edited October 11, 2017 by Alistair

[Alaris]

I believe that @Alistair is right here. I'm not sure to understand why you (@Sceptilespy) brought up the issue whether the person who wrote the first post possesses a phone or a computer, or not. Anyway, I believe that what you're missing here is a matter of sheer respect. Ok, other people may be disrespectful, so what? Couldn't you try to be unlike most of the people that post random, incendiary comments around the internet? I believe that it helps no-one here. You could have tried to say the same in other words.

 

Anyway, I think that if we want to discuss it further, it should be elsewhere, to avoid beating around the bush with that here.

[Sceptilespy]

@Alaris @Alistair

Am all for discussing it elsewhere. Just not here.