TheLuca Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 Sorry for my english, its not my first language. ... It took me very long time to write something here. I can be pretty insecure about my inner demons. Its like two years since I finally escaped my major depressive state (which I experienced due to different things than now) and now its slowly coming back. I never got rid off depression or anxiety completely, these two were always there under my control, but now its starting to be off limits again. My mother started to yell at me again after long time (she did that sometimes, but not often as it is now, now it is almost every day), calling me names, telling me literally that Im lazy shit (Im college student and I work at weekends) who dont do anything and when Im trying to defend myself, she calling me rude and then that I should go off this flat and find my own (Im not financially stable yet) and that Im ruining her marriage with my dad (the one who ruining everythig is my mother, not me...) my dad is so done with her, he often protects me after fight, but she listens only herself, making herself the only one who is hurted she is so drama queenish so egocentric ... and I cant even do things to school because Im so stressed after every fight, still hearing her arguing with my dad in living room im in that phase where im just lying on my bed and crying (im quite sensitive person you know) because I cant handle this anymore she have so much hate towards me, she wants me get out of her life she even told my dad that he wanted her just to have me (that happened many times) i started to have suicidal thoughts again, i can barely handle myself to have hands off razors, but its hard i cant even go outside to escape her, because its still winter (and its freezing) and i have nowhere to go (unless places where are so many people, like shopping malls) atleast im trying to help others who have problems too (to make them happy when I cant be happy) but sometimes even that is not enough Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 I know it's cliche, but you are not alone. Seek help, call the emergency numbers that exist in case you have intense suicidal thoughts, tell your dad about these, get him to order a meeting for you at a psychologist. Talk it out of your system... If you need to talk, I'm a stranger, but you can pm me anytime and I will answer, but I'm by no means an expert, even though I've been through depression myself... But fight, darling. Even when it all seems meaningless. I feel so guilty for not being able to help you more. I'd wish I could hug you, or go for a cup of coffee with you and share our stories... Just know that, if you reach out asking for help, you will be given help, sweety. I wish you the best, and always hold an open door for you, if you want to talk. You are not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eevee Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 Luca, we are here for you. I know what depression is like and how it can feel unbearable, but talking to a therapist has helped me cope with it considerably. If you need someone to talk to just let me know, and I'll listen. Take each day as a new day and fight to make it to the end of it. Life WILL get better, even if it seems hopeless right now. Dont give up, and lean on all of us for comfort. You matter, and you are doing your best. Remember that. Working a job and going to college is super stressful, and venting to others helps when life with your mom gets unbearable. Tell your dad your thoughts, he WILL fight to the death for you, and he wants your happiness above all else. He loves you like no other person in this world could and will be your anchor when your mind is assailed with terrible thoughts. Let him be your support. Sit him down and share your heart with him and then let him help. PM me if you want someone to talk to and I will listen even if I might not have the advice you are looking for. Please stay safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoknight Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I know things might be tough for you right now, but stay strong. We're all here for you. Don't feel like you're all alone with this, because you're not. And if you ever need anyone to talk to for whatever reason, my pm box is open. It sounds like your dad is on your side with this whole ordeal. The best advice I can give is maybe try and open up to him. If he is there to defend you, I'm sure he will understand how this situation makes you feel. Let him help, because it sounds like he wants your happiness above all else. He's there for you because he loves you. Don't just bury everything away. Open up. Talk it out. Hang in there bud. Things will get better. No matter how how bleak things may seem, you can get through this. We're here for you, and I wish you the best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candy Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 I don't really want to comment since Idk how good my words would be for someone who is in a tough situation I've never lived through. All I can say is I'm sorry you have this heavy burden on your shoulders. No one should have a person constantly putting them down. All I can say is, realize that you are not what your mother tells you you are. You are your own person, and should know your worth. Don't let anyone but yourself decide that for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BandorKitty Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 Number one thing: Please don't hurt yourself. It will only make things worse. Your dad should be your support through this. Talk to him about how you're feeling, let him know your suicidal thoughts are coming back. Another option is to seek professional help. Talk to someone trained to help you through this. That person combined with your dad will create a rock solid foundation for you to stand on while the storm rages on around you. The storm may get stronger and try to push you into the rough sea, but if you hold on tight and trust your support, there's nothing that can make it crumble. Your dad sounds like a good dad, know that he loves and cares for you. Trust him. Maybe consider going to a nearby library. A nice, quiet place where you can read and if you have a laptop you can play games to pass the time. If not, maybe place some games on a USB/hard drive and hook it up to a library computer, if they let you do that there. If you're still open to talking to someone, I may not be able to offer you specific support but I'm almost always free if you just want to let something off your chest. Feel free to message me any time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5hift Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 If I were you, I'd take this as an opportunity to fully dedicate yourself to a goal such as succeeding in school and finding a place of your own where your annoying ass mother can't reach you. Life is basically chock-full of uncomfortable situations. What sets you apart from the people who have unfortunately chosen to end it here is that you're still around to change things for yourself and maybe even the people you care about. Please, do not stop here. Treat your situation as a catalyst to improve your life, rather than destroy it. A mere change in perspective can go a long way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josef Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 I don't know the whole story, but from what you are telling us, your mother seems to be the problem. Not you. Stick together with your father and kick her out, if thats an option. At least until she learns how to behave around people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caimie Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 Probably nothing that i'll type here will really help but i really want to show my support for you! If you'd ever want to talk to me i'm always available and ready to listen. I really hope things get better for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zarc Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 It was a good alternative to told us your feelings about it. Don't hesitate. We are here to support you as the others said before me. I hope things will be better with time , don't loose hope Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sayia Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. It's good that you told us about it, and although I'm not the right person who can help, you can always write to me. I promise I will listen to you. We are here to support you. Remember this, and please do not hurt yourself.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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