Mysterious Fox Assassin Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Hello everyone, It's truly been a long journey through life, but it doesn't seem like I'm going anywhere fast. I'm dealing with keeping myself from boiling over. I want to throw away all my responsibilities and just wait for death to come, but life's not that easy, I'm afraid. I've been on this emotional roller coaster for a few years now. There are times where I feel like I can take on the world and all of its challenges, and other days, I just...don't. I've been wanting to get off this roller coaster for a while, but it just keeps going. My emotions are all mixed up. Anger becomes sadness; sadness becomes bitterness, and bitterness turns to hatred. Every day feels like another punishment. Sure, there may be times where I laugh, cry, and feel content, but those don't last. I feel too different, and it's not like I can conform to be like everyone else. Everyone seems to find enjoyment in being actual "teenagers" especially seniors at this time of yeah, but I just...don't. It's why I've withdrawn and detached myself from society emotionally. There's times where death would be better than to live life under a kind and happy guise. However, inviting death would only incite more harm than good in my case. My heart and mind is divided into the kind me that wants everyone to go for their dreams and the miserable me who is balled up in a corner, wishing for everything to end. It kind of feels like you're drowning, but everyone can see you breathing just fine on the surface. As I descend deeper into the ocean called life, my mask cracks just a little, and the bitter me shows itself just a little bit. I've learned to cope with it as much as I possibly can to hold back the darkness, but I feel like I've been fighting for way too long. I'm done trying only to be light. I feel trapped and I don't know what to do anymore. It's not like I can tell anyone close to me that I'm feeling this way. They'd probably brush it off and tell me to "cheer up" or "don't be so down in the dumps". I don't expect others to understand the pain I feel anymore. It came with me becoming emotional detached from society. I endlessly wished that I was born with little to no emotions at all. I'm slowly drowning as life's troubles fills my lungs and chokes my sanity. I can only hope that someone can see through the surface and save me from myself... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5hift Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 I'm going to level with you here, things don't get easier from here on out and based on how you're handling your responsibilities, you certainly won't get much further from here. I don't know very much about you so all I can say is this: Just try to find something worth working toward. It can really be anything but the moment you just drop everything, you're pretty much done for. The future doesn't wait for you. Either you start taking action or you just call it quits here. Ultimately its your choice but I highly recommend you take some time to reevaluate your priorities if you have any. If not, make some. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BandorKitty Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Like 5hift said, what you most need now is something to look forward to. Maybe as starters try making small steps to get your life back on track, like just do one thing a day. It doesn't have to be big, it can be as small as cleaning your room or doing some washing. Making a small change in your current environment and routine will make a change in how you perceive things. Doing the same things over and over again daily can lead to patterns developing in your brain, often negative. Making a change will help you break out of it, and make you feel better and begin to think positive again. That's all the advice I can offer you for now, since I don't know exactly what you're going through. Although I have a rough idea, as I have been through it before, so I'm really sorry it's happening to you too. If you even want to talk, my inbox is always open. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candy Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 For a long time, I've felt that life is actually not for your enjoyment but for others' happiness. I would never kill myself even if I do believe death is ultimately better than living, because I have people I cherish and would not like to make them sad with my death. If you have people like that- be your friend or family, I'd recommend focusing on them because it helps me get out of suicidal mode myself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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