The Trials of Reborn [CW / Feedback]

[CodeCass]

Chapter One - "IN MEDIAS RES"

 

Spoiler

 

  Thunder crashed as lightning lit up the ruins of what could have once passed for a beautiful reading room of the library. Now, due to the rampaging plants that had taken over and destroyed a good portion of the Beryl Ward, the room was nearly as broken as the rest of this sector. Several floorboards were missing, books, chunks of ceiling and who knew what else lay littered all over the floor. Merely walking into the room felt perilous. As lightning flashed once more, it lit two figures, standing near the edge of a hole caused by the attacking flora. One, a young man with his raven hair sodden from the rain and dripping water to the ground; the other a young Growlithe, healthy, but filthy from the dust and rubble of the building. 

   Diogenes, for that was the young man's name, stood next to the Pokémon, looking down into the hole. It was farther down than it appeared. Inching closer to the edge of the pit, the stoic man peered further in. As he edged closer, he could hear the fretful, worried whimpering of the Growlithe, who kept her distance, but seemed to attempt to peer into the pit as well. Another lightning flash, another thunder clap, and there could be no doubt as to what lay at the bottom: a human body, clad in a policeman's uniform...

   "And there's the last one..." thought Diogenese, who'd been tasked with finding and retrieving the missing police officers by the chief. The unnatural positioning of the limbs left no doubt; the poor soul hadn't survived his fall. 

   "Damn..." muttered the man. At this, mournful whimper escaped from the Growlithe. As Diogenese turned to her, the Growlithe already began stepping away from the pit and began to walk towards the open library door. Both tail and head down, Diogenese wondered where the Pokémon could be going. But before he could speak, the Growlithe began to run out of the library, to who knew where. 

   "Good luck," he said, and then the man began to follow suite and head back to the police station to inform the rest of the officers of their brother's death.

 

   Hours later Diogenese arrived and gave his report to the chief. The other officers held their heads at the news of their fallen comrade, but secretly, all could not help but feel thankful their own lives had been spared, and that this young man had come to their aid. 

  "As it would happen," said the chief, "I have a reward for you...of sorts". He motioned to his left. There, stoically, sat the Growlithe Diogenese had parted ways with a few hours before. The Pokémon gave off an almost militaristic sobriety. It sat and stared straight ahead, not moving. "As you know," continued the chief of police, "this Growlithe no longer has a trainer. She is a good and useful Pokémon. We'd be honored if you would take her with you to assist you on your journey." Diogenese nodded. He'd had this scenario play out many times now. He helped folks, and they usually repaid him with their most valuable resource, which turned out more times than not to be Pokémon. 

   Diogenese approached the Growlithe. She looked at him curiously, but sat rigid.

   "I'm told that you can come with me, if you like," he said to the Pokémon. Her comprehending eyes studied him. A long sigh escaped the Growlithe's nose. She seemed to melt a little and then lay down. "I know I'm not your trainer," he told her, "and I understand you feel like your being passed on like some hand-me-down. But I could use your help girl." Growlithe again flicked her eyes up to Diogenese. "I want to get the people that did this," he said. "I want to avenge your trainer, and everyone from this city that Team Meteor have hurt with these damn plants!" Growlithe lifted her head. "Plants burn, girl, and I could use a Pokémon that can burn these things away..." 

   With that, Growlithe rose to her feet eagerly and looked up at Diogenese. For the briefest moment, he thought he may have seen would could have been a smirk pass across the dog-like Pokémon's face. But then it stared up at him again, and slowly wagged it's bushy tail. 

  "Chief, what's her name?" Diogenese asked.

  "She doesn't have one," replied the chief. "We don't nickname our Growlithe here, as a rule. But she's yours now it seems, so name her as you see fit." Diogenese thought for a moment. His mind touched briefly on one of his favorite video games; a game about war where a dog was an enormous help to the protagonist; and he smiled and looked back to the Growlithe.

  "You're not just any Growlithe," he told her, and raised an empty Pokeball. "You're diamond among the rough, as it were. A true Diamond Dog. So let's go get the people responsible for all this, and burn those plants away! Let's go...D.D.!" With that, he tossed the Pokeball at the Growlithe. As it landed on her head, it opened, it converted the Pokémon into energy and closed upon her. With three shakes and no struggle, D.D. the Growlithe was Diogenese's newest team member. 

 

   A day later, an epic battle was underway. Amidst the ruins of the Beyrl Ward, Diogenese battled against ZEL and Taka. They had to destroy this infernal contraption that Team Meteor had produced! 

   "Air Cutter!" yelled Diogenese. At this command, Fasan, Diogenese's Tranquil, let loose a move that produced blades of cutting wind that struck both Taka's Chatot and ZEL's Umbreon together. With that, both enemy Pokémon were defeated. Fasan glided down and came to hover above another Pokémon of Diogenese; a noble-looking Zebstrika called Ixion. The victory was short lived however as out of the PULSE Machine lumbered a discolored Tangrowth...Taka's final weapon.

  "Return you two!" called Diogenese as both Fasan and Ixion returned to their Pokeballs. At this a massive burst of energy irrupted from the Tangrowth. What stood before Diogenese now was a vine-covered horror; PULSE Tangrowth: the cause of the attacking plants. "Time to stop this now!" the raven-haired man screamed. "Deeda! D.D., I need your help now!" At that, Diogenese through two Pokeballs. First, in a flash of light, erupted Diogenese's Kricketune, Deeda. Finally, D.D., the Growlithe out for revenge, burst forth as well. 

   As the looming horror of the PULSE Tangrowth grew nearer, Deeda sharpened her blades and small bursts of fire erupted from between D.D.'s bared teeth. 

 

  "It's now or never!" Diogenese told them encouragingly. The man couldn't help but smile. Battles like this were a rare thrill. "Deeda, Sing this thing to sleep, now! D.D. go now and use Fire Fang!" And at those commands, the final stand of Team Meteor's Pulse activity in the Beryl Ward of Reborn City began!

 

...END

 

 

 

Thank you so much for anyone who's taken the time to read this. This is the first story I've written in probably 10 years. I'd be very much interested to know any thoughts and get any feedback, criticisms, or opinions anyone could offer. I hope those who read it could find some enjoyment! Thanks! 

[KmK]

I liked it. You wrote an event that happens in reborn without copying every sentence straight from the game. That way, while knowing roughly what will happen, it's still different enough to have some suspense. I also think the pace of the story was good, by skipping from finding the police officer to the station and from the station to the battle, you don't slow the story down so that it doesn't become boring. 

I was a little confused at the first paragraph, not knowing what the story was about. However, things became clearer as I read on. It does kinda feel like the protaganist should have a bigger reaction to finding the dead police officer. After all, he found a dead person. That should have some kind of reaction besides "Damn". Unless this has to do with the character's personality, which this story was to short for to get a feel for. 

I do have a question though: are you going to write an entire story? Or is this going to be a one-shot? It does say chapter one... If you're going to write the entire game as a story, I wouldn't start with this as chapter one. Also, if you're going to write the entire story, I would put a summary at the beginnning. Just so people know what to expect. 

I also think growlithe's reaction/behavior was a good idea. It makes sense for the pokemon to react to her trainers dead.

Hope this response makes sense, English is not my native language. Overall, I did like the story and I'd be interested in reading more. 

[CodeCass]

On ‎6‎/‎25‎/‎2018 at 8:10 AM, KmK said:

I liked it. You wrote an event that happens in reborn without copying every sentence straight from the game. That way, while knowing roughly what will happen, it's still different enough to have some suspense. I also think the pace of the story was good, by skipping from finding the police officer to the station and from the station to the battle, you don't slow the story down so that it doesn't become boring. 

I was a little confused at the first paragraph, not knowing what the story was about. However, things became clearer as I read on. It does kinda feel like the protaganist should have a bigger reaction to finding the dead police officer. After all, he found a dead person. That should have some kind of reaction besides "Damn". Unless this has to do with the character's personality, which this story was to short for to get a feel for. 

I do have a question though: are you going to write an entire story? Or is this going to be a one-shot? It does say chapter one... If you're going to write the entire game as a story, I wouldn't start with this as chapter one. Also, if you're going to write the entire story, I would put a summary at the beginnning. Just so people know what to expect. 

I also think growlithe's reaction/behavior was a good idea. It makes sense for the pokemon to react to her trainers dead.

Hope this response makes sense, English is not my native language. Overall, I did like the story and I'd be interested in reading more. 

So I'm 5 months late on this reply! Just wanted to say I really appreciate the response and critique and that I'll put them to good use. Hoping to get the creative juices flowing again soon in order to write some more entries.