This is what happens in...Pokemon Reborn

[Commander]

So since Reborn take centuries to update, it appears that a common problem has been that people have forgotten the plot. I shall forgive your lack of photographic memory or "I have a life" excuses and provide you the most accurate representation of what happens in Reborn:

 

Episode I: You Probably Picked Up this Game Mistaking it for Dark Souls

 

The game starts off with a black screen as all great movies games do. The game belittles you for trying to play this game saying it's probably too hard, but you aren't a baby so it ain't too hard for you. You're then asked generic customization questions where you pick out you gender and character though you can look like a male but be female...and let's you not even not be a gender at all. Just like the rest of the game, you probably have no idea what you want to be. Once you make the decision, you get on a train where you meet this white haired girl, Ame, who has made many questionable decisions such as building a Pokemon League on top of sacred grounds expecting no repercussions. She welcomes you, then tackles you out the window, then a train explodes killing everyone on-board. A lot of people die in this game. Continuing on, your woken up by Ame in a city that makes Raccoon City look like a vacation resort. This is Reborn City: your eternal damnation. You meet this girl named Julia who is blamed for blowing up the train because that's what all adults who still think they are in high school do, but she says no. Also, she's a gym leader. After some talking you finally get to walk around. With all these cutscenes, you'd think this is actually a movie and not a game.

 

And for the one time in the game, you won't be lost and have no idea where to go. It's just a straight line into the Grand Hall. Seriously, who thought it was a good idea to have a bunch of areas to explore and collect stuff. It's like the game is trying to add fun, additional content but that means work. After somehow getting lost on the simplest path in the game, you'll meet Victoria, the game's first mobile roadblock. She's some unimportant stuff as you follow her inside the Grand Hall with includes some random humping moments. Get your character under control, players. After more boring exchanges, you get to pick a starter. If you are expecting a simple 3 choices, you are in for the greatest challenge between choosing from all 15 18 21 starters. Or you could just pick Torchic if you're a pussy. If you were a real man, you'd pick the weakest starter of all: Chikorita. Once you make a choice more difficult then choosing a degree, you'll go back downstairs where you greeted by a cute girl. Well she's cute until you realize she's actually a guy named Cain. After a few battles, you learn that whoever destroyed the train station is now captured. Then you're given a bunch of stuff you probably have forgotten about and sent off.

 

The game then cuts to a clipscene of downstairs where we see the little terrorist. The interrogation is going pretty poorly as the terrorist didn't talk, but he didn't realize that Mael was told he was no longer allowed to bring alcohol to work and wasn't going to be taking anyone's sh*t. That poor terrorist's hand were never the same after that. The world is finally opened up to you, or at least what feels like the whole game if you've only been playing those official games. Too bad there's not much to explore as you're options are finding and catching sh*tty Pokemon or battling trainers for a sh*tty amount of cash. At least you can beat that sh*thead Eric who blocks you from the bridge. Also make sure to mug his 40 bucks. After running around for what feels like hours, you'll finally come across the gym ready for your shiny new badge. Except the gym is locked. Unlike everywhere else, you won't be able to even earn a badge from a leader until you become their f*ckboi. Now all you have left is to run around like the hobo you are until you finally find some green haired guy standing in front of a factory like the jack*ss he is. You beat his ass and he mentions something about going to the wrong factory.

 

Now you'd think the next step would be going to that one factory you passed, but that'd be too convenient. You have to walk all the way back to the gym to activate another cutscene. Turns out this whole time that she was just jacking off to who knows what behind locked doors...also it was Julia. You then meet two green haired girls bullying a green haired boy just because they can. Girls are evil...and psycho. Actually, pretty much everyone who isn't Fern or Hardy is a bit messed up in the head. I mean hey, just because you're a shithead doesn't mean you are mentally unstable. Anyways, we get stuck with second fiddle as we explore this place infested with terrorists. We then meet up with the group and come across every RPG protagonist's greatest nemesis: a locked door with no keyhole. Fern's robotic sister, Flobot says she can hack it, but everyone else knows she's completely worthless so we go with the crazy one's plan to blow the door up. And so we find some bombs, but the bag guys are tired of us loitering so instead they just let us in.

 

Now we meet the boss...I mean one of the higher ups of Team Meteor, Sirius, who is anything but that. Behold the most generic character in the game you probably will forget about because all he does is try to kill people. You beat his goons up and runs away like a coward little puppy because yet if you add a guy who's team almost got swept by an Elekid and Magby and the scrub that did, it's too much to handle. I mean all the last guy ever did was have Budew use growth. Oh, so scary. So the crazy one decides to blow the place up and you now probably missed out on a free rare candy and ability capsule because the game likes to screw you. Anyways, you get an obligatory tutorial on field effects, a mechanic that no one but the fandom likes. And now you have a menu to view field effects...except you have to go around and find them now. Or you can download the field effect text file I made and avoid that altogether because by the time you get info on a field, it'll be worthless to you. This is totally not a shameless plugin.

 

Finally after all that suffering, you can enter the gym to fight Julia...except you have to go through a puzzle so easy that a blindfolded monkey with no arms could do it. I hope you've been studying up on your Professor Layton skills because after this you're going to need them. So after failing an impossible to fail puzzle, you get to fight Julia. She probably beat your ass just like the little f*ckboi you are. And now you're probably b*tching about having no idea what the field effect is doing and that your one Pokemon is now disobeying you because you thought skipping the text was a great idea. You're probably over the level cap and now have to buy common candies to level down your Combusken. Or you can just auto-win by spamming Dragon Rage from Charmeleon. Whatever you do including maybe actually training a team, you became victorious and the prize for your newly colored ass is a piece of metal and a sh*tty TM. We're off to a great start but our adventure is far from over.

 

So I was planning to summarize it in a single paragraph, but unfortunately I had forgotten that this is an RPG and you need to explain a lot compared to other game such as:

LoZ Wind Waker: You sail places

LoZ Skyward Sword: You fly places

LoZ Breath of the Wild: You climb places

I'll now be breaking my summaries up with one episode per post. In the meantime, like, comment, and subscribe to my content and also support my Patreon Page @ http://www.parteon.com/PokemonRebornIs4Loss  I worked really hard on it.

[CrossImpact]

So, your storytelling-style is somewhere between...
- (trying to be) funny
- pointing out flaws while mildly yet sarcastically expressing them like you're (unreasonably carefully) shittalking something for your negativity-breeding teenage audience on your stream that would praise it as flawless if you told them the opposite
- there should be a third point to make it look more sophisticated but in the reply box, the second point reaches over more than one line, so it's point two and three

no subscription, but I'll eat some chocolate and wait for the other parts. ^-^

 

[ZEL]

Who are you and what did you do to Commander

[Taska]

I feel like you made this for shofu...

[Waynolt]

4 minutes ago, Taska said:

I feel like you made this for shofu...

Oh don't be silly, there's plenty of youtubers complaining that this game actually has a plot!

[Lord Drakyle]

8 minutes ago, Taska said:

I feel like you made this for shofu...

it's wasted on Shofu, i doubt he would read past the first line before giving up and even if he did read it i doubt he could understand it, i ain't seen much intelligence in him, quite frankly i'm amazed he makes any progress in the game at all, perhaps sheer dumb luck is what carries him.

[Kamu]

33 minutes ago, Lord Drakyle said:

it's wasted on Shofu, i doubt he would read past the first line before giving up and even if he did read it i doubt he could understand it, i ain't seen much intelligence in him, quite frankly i'm amazed he makes any progress in the game at all, perhaps sheer dumb luck is what carries him.

yikes

[Ojama Yellow]

what the fuck have you been smoking, commander

[TIP]

19 hours ago, Lord Drakyle said:

it's wasted on Shofu, i doubt he would read past the first line before giving up and even if he did read it i doubt he could understand it, i ain't seen much intelligence in him, quite frankly i'm amazed he makes any progress in the game at all, perhaps sheer dumb luck is what carries him.

Chief this ain't it 

[Commander]

18 hours ago, Lord Drakyle said:

it's wasted on Shofu, i doubt he would read past the first line before giving up and even if he did read it i doubt he could understand it, i ain't seen much intelligence in him, quite frankly i'm amazed he makes any progress in the game at all, perhaps sheer dumb luck is what carries him.

To even have the great Pikachu Sage even acknowledge a lowly scrub's presence as myself would be of the highest honor.

 

Now thank you for waiting while I re-energize myself using Cherry 7-Up and Doritos.

 

Episode II: There's More Cracks Here than an Episode of South Park

 

So when leaving the gym you bump into the mobile roadblock. She tells you where to not go, but considering that jack*ss Fern is going that way you decide to ignore her and go away. Victoria is a terrible roadblock who can't even do her job properly. We finally make it to Obsidia Ward or for most people: that one place with a bunch of holes and vines. Like how does anyone ever even remember the name of these places? For now, we shall just call it Whole City. Whole City is where you pretty much do everything including buying all your items. Too bad everything is blocked off by f*cking trees. And because of one single tree, you have to go down south, walk all the way around the ghetto, fight a weird gang of Scrafty, and then have to go South even more because...reasons. Trees are the real villains of the story making you do work.

 

Down in Coral Ward or because of what all those sailor are on is also known as Doobie Docks, not much happens. You sacrifice a Ultra Potion for a Skitty. Poor kid doesn't realize he just got gypped. There's this annoying blind girl who asks you questions and makes you feel like a f*cking idiot for not knowing how many buildings are in a city. You meet Amaria, a woman who won't have any relevance for a long time, and Cain again who rescues a Popplio which falls in love with him. It's weird, we fight, and then we're back to Whole City. You meet Florinia who was holding the HM Cut and being the worthless machine she is, just watched you run all the way around like a jack*ss just to get to her. By the time we got to her, I could've been the Kanto champ three times. So now being her f*ckboi we have to use the HM she gave us to clear away the trees since she was completely unable and then just charges ahead to get captured. Water girl is also there but nobody cares about her. You also meet ZEL, a guy with more issues than Charlie Baileygate, who is standing in front a Tangrowth straight out of an R.L. Stine book. After defeating that Pokemon...if you can call it that, all the f*cking trees are gone and you saved Whole City.

 

Next you go North to Onyx Ward, but most of you remember it as School City. School City is where Florinia's gym is and after all the sh*t she made you do because of her incompetence, you just want that badge and to get out. Unfortunately, a certain jack*ss decides to lock you out and now you have to do the one thing any college student dreads: going back to high school. After venturing through books which are pretty much just Bulbapedia articles and typical random trainer fights, you'll come across a puzzle which is guessing a bunch of questions. If you don't feel like wasting more time than you have to, you probably used Bulbapedia to skip past it because f*ck reading. You see Fern and beat his little ass before you can face his sister. He says he'll get stronger and beat the league before you do as he runs away like the little pussy he is.

 

Normally a piece of trash like grass trainer like Florinia would be a joke, but this game hate you. The only available ice type requires it to be a sunny day so you can buy a chocolate ice cream so you can shove it up Jimmy's ass to get him out of the way of the ice cream vending machine to get a shitty Ice type which is worthless. For fire types it requires it to be rainy or fight a bloody overleveled Klinklang which probably will beat your ass. There's Pidove, but nobody likes Pidove. That pretty much leaves you with just Swalot. Oh wait, you need a Pokesnak and if you gave it away then good luck finding another one as vendors only appear on clear days. You could catch a Spearrow or Makuhita and level them up, but grinding in this game is about as fun as trying to revive a party member in Dragon Quest. At least you have Kricketune. Unless you said no and now it's gone forever.

 

So what makes Florinia hard? Two things: first is a Ferroseed with a special little thing we call seeds. While Field Effects crank the difficulty up to an 11, this takes it to a whole new level. What do they do? Basically, they make your life more miserable. On this field effect, they make an already tanky Pokemon even tankier giving it a +1 def and sp def boost so good luck killing it seeing the above. And the other thing? It's a Cradily, an incredibly weak Pokemon nobody ever talks about. Well since your Pokemon are in their 20s, this thing is a behemoth. Good luck doing damage while sand is up and this thing is spamming stockpile. Even better it has recover just when your about to finish it off. You already knew that though as this is something that still haunts your nightmares after attempt and attempt of losing to it. Once you finally take the damn thing down, you earn a badge, but she sends you off to finish up her work in Jasper Ward.

[Foamy]

On 10/2/2018 at 3:07 PM, Commander said:

Or you could just pick Torchic if you're a pussy. If you were a real man, you'd pick the weakest starter of all: Chikorita.

It's so true though, Chikorita is terrible

(Does it count if I picked Torchic with Blaze instead of Speed Boost)

[DemICE]

Chikorita best starter

 

[Tapu Fufu]

Dude, I did a run with Chikorita as my starter at some point and that thing is actually good. Synthesis is some heat. Who needs Super Potions when you can just spam this early game healing move? And doesn't it learn Nature Power? I remember it being viable in the ice gym for some reason. 

 

Now if you really want some trouble, pick Bulbasaur. That was a pretty unfortunate pick for me. Let's see, what good moves does this get? Take down/Double Edge (recoil), Solar Beam (needs Ninetales to come in first most of the time), Petal Dance (can't switch moves), Petal Blizzard (it's alright as long as its single battle, which so happens to not be the format for a lot of the boss battles). Fuck, this brings back terrible memories. Like great, you get Synthesis basically at the point where you can easily buy good healing items and probably have a solid moveset. The only good thing about this starter is that nothing outspeeds once you get your sun up. Well, I guess you could use Petal Blizzard in doubles with a Sap Sipper mon next to you. If only I knew about that ability back then whoops.

[Starry Knight]

Combee and Spearow are available, for the second gym, Spearow's not bad choice though you need headbutt, there's Electrike Fire fang or Ice fang you can get, I ended up with nothing but rain for first 1/4 of my latest run so I had Numel. I had Treecko but I can't ever land the multi hit moves so choose not to grab it so Treekco was next to useless, Whismur, Joltik, Klink and Grimer

[Candy]

On 11/4/2018 at 7:55 AM, Starry Knight said:

Klink

I see thou art a [insert gender here] of culture as well