Need help with a serious issue

[Lorisaur]

Let's first clarify one thing: I've known Reborn 6/7 months ago and I fell in love with it. I got into the forum afterwards, and I love how many of you are very gentle with others and ready to help them. I'm writing here because I have nowere else to ask. Please, answer me only if you are going to be serious and sorry for the english

 

There is a new classmate in my school. She quickly became a great friend of mine, and I'm her best friend actually. However, she has so many problems and I would really like to help her... one of her issues is anorexy. She says to not be anorexic, she used to be in the past but now she is no more like that. In my opinion, she is now anorexic, but less than in the past. I'm so worried, a couple days ago she told me that she felt horribly guilty because she ate food for 600 kcal, while she usually only gets around 400 per day. Strangely, she isn't even the skinniest person I've ever seen, possibly because her metabolism is now used to getting no food...? She often vomits, I avoid asking how often but I have reasons to assume she does it few times per week. She has gone to a psychologist for three years, and she changed many, she has recently tried to go to a psychiatrist and she now makes use of SSRI (as depression, panic and anxiety are other great problems of her...) and she is just 18. She has also been to a nutritionist, but she completely ignores what he told her. Of course part of her obsessions came from her family problems... but let's not discuss about it. All I need to know is what can I do for her... I'm trying so hard. She would litterally sacrifice herself for me, she would do anything, and I must help her as she need it.

[Destrakon]

1 hour ago, Lorisaur said:

Let's first clarify one thing: I've known Reborn 6/7 months ago and I fell in love with it. I got into the forum afterwards, and I love how many of you are very gentle with others and ready to help them. I'm writing here because I have nowere else to ask. Please, answer me only if you are going to be serious and sorry for the english

 

There is a new classmate in my school. She quickly became a great friend of mine, and I'm her best friend actually. However, she has so many problems and I would really like to help her... one of her issues is anorexy. She says to not be anorexic, she used to be in the past but now she is no more like that. In my opinion, she is now anorexic, but less than in the past. I'm so worried, a couple days ago she told me that she felt horribly guilty because she ate food for 600 kcal, while she usually only gets around 400 per day. Strangely, she isn't even the skinniest person I've ever seen, possibly because her metabolism is now used to getting no food...? She often vomits, I avoid asking how often but I have reasons to assume she does it few times per week. She has gone to a psychologist for three years, and she changed many, she has recently tried to go to a psychiatrist and she now makes use of SSRI (as depression, panic and anxiety are other great problems of her...) and she is just 18. She has also been to a nutritionist, but she completely ignores what he told her. Of course part of her obsessions came from her family problems... but let's not discuss about it. All I need to know is what can I do for her... I'm trying so hard. She would litterally sacrifice herself for me, she would do anything, and I must help her as she need it.

You might help her in many ways. In my opinion, you might make her take her nutritionist's advice for good, even if she doesn't want to.. it is for her own sake. But of course, family problems are usually the core of every problem a teenager has (at least for me..) Maybe she doesn't feel properly attended by her family..? Which probably is otherwise. A best friend is someone who always you can count on, imo, give her every moral support you can, spendin more time than usual if possible with her. Be sure she follows her psychiatrist/psychologist/nutritionist's advises, while taking care of her family issues, which a great cause, and I fully believe, that if this is solved, she will change for better. You said that she would sacrifice herself for you, then you should pay with the same coin, by sacrificing yourself for her own health.

 

Sorry if I wasn't of help, but you case got me, and I just wanted to give you a hand on this. I wish you the best of lucks.

[Duskfang Shadowpaw]

The only thing I can give for advise is, that you take it slow. To me it sounds like you desperately try to help her. Otherwise a method I approve of but in this case, don't do it, it frightens most people (at least from my experience it does) after all. Give her space, she knows you'll do everything for her, so it will help her open up to you over her issues over time. Of course I'm no psychologist so there is a slight possibility it might fail, but I highly doubt that.

 

I hope I could be of service, from a long-term point of view at least

 

 

[Lorisaur]

11 minutes ago, Destrakon said:

You might help her in many ways. In my opinion, you might make her take her nutritionist's advice for good, even if she doesn't want to.. it is for her own sake. But of course, family problems are usually the core of every problem a teenager has (at least for me..) Maybe she doesn't feel properly attended by her family..? Which probably is otherwise. A best friend is someone who always you can count on, imo, give her every moral support you can, spendin more time than usual if possible with her. Be sure she follows her psychiatrist/psychologist/nutritionist's advises, while taking care of her family issues, which a great cause, and I fully believe, that if this is solved, she will change for better. You said that she would sacrifice herself for you, then you should pay with the same coin, by sacrificing yourself for her own health.

 

Sorry if I wasn't of help, but you case got me, and I just wanted to give you a hand on this. I wish you the best of lucks.

Thank you very much for your help, this is a bit what I was trying to do but it's always nice knowing that it was the good choice... I will of course take her of her when needed, and thanks for the wishes, too

 

10 minutes ago, Hyena2305 said:

The only thing I can give for advise is, that you take it slow. To me it sounds like you desperately try to help her. Otherwise a method I approve of but in this case, don't do it, it frightens most people (at least from my experience it does) after all. Give her space, she knows you'll do everything for her, so it will help her open up to you over her issues over time. Of course I'm no psychologist so there is a slight possibility it might fail, but I highly doubt that.

 

I hope I could be of service, from a long-term point of view at least

 

 

You are perfectly right but... it's her seeking me in first place, and this sounds weird even to me. I should get less involved, for me and for her, but not in this case. Probably in a future, but by now I have to try help her. Thank you btw

Edited January 29, 2019 by Lorisaur

[Maelstrom]

It would be stressing your relationship if used your friendship with her as leverage to make her eat a little more without throwing it up, but it is an (bad) option. And by that, I mean that you put it that she risks losing your friendship if she continues her pattern of behavior. So instead, go the opposite route. Tell her it would impress you and make you feel better if ate such and such or more and kept it down. If she trusts you, you could ask her to believe in you when you say she will be healthier and happier if she eats a bit more. But you have to be able to check and reinforce this to have a chance at being effective.... And of course, whatever changes you ask her to make have to be small increments, gradually. Helping someone with these sorts of issues will always take time and patience, it will never be solved overnight or even over a couple of weeks or months. Be prepared for years. 

 

It also sounds like something you will have to commit to. Not just time-wise, but perhaps romantically if you really mean to see this through. And even then, she might not be able to adjust well enough to not periodically relapse as life goes on and adult responsibilities are eventually laid upon your and her shoulders. At the same time, it may be better in time, if she is able to live and support herself away from any of the negative family baggage she has to deal with currently. Time and distance help in many things. 

 

Barring moving away to college and stuff with her, you can just hang out somewhere away from home and create the time and space she needs away from other stuff. That alone will help some. Show her people who don't think and act the way that the people who drive her into insecurity do. Be like Aladdin. Show her a broader, wider world than the one she knows and judges herself off of. We all need a respite from what ails and worries us. 

 

What you are asking for is serious. She may not be willing to take help from professionals, but if you have a school counselor or whatnot, you could approach them as someone concerned for another who won't take advice from someone else. You don't have to give her name or anything but you can pick their brains for . Chances are, they'll give you better insight and advice into the situation than I can. But you might have to stop and tailor the advice to fit her better and keep you sounding like you're NOT simply parroting what all the professionals have told her so far. 

[Lorisaur]

 

On 1/30/2019 at 8:12 AM, Maelstrom said:

It would be stressing your relationship if used your friendship with her as leverage to make her eat a little more without throwing it up, but it is an (bad) option. And by that, I mean that you put it that she risks losing your friendship if she continues her pattern of behavior. So instead, go the opposite route. Tell her it would impress you and make you feel better if ate such and such or more and kept it down. If she trusts you, you could ask her to believe in you when you say she will be healthier and happier if she eats a bit more. But you have to be able to check and reinforce this to have a chance at being effective.... And of course, whatever changes you ask her to make have to be small increments, gradually. Helping someone with these sorts of issues will always take time and patience, it will never be solved overnight or even over a couple of weeks or months. Be prepared for years. 

 

It also sounds like something you will have to commit to. Not just time-wise, but perhaps romantically if you really mean to see this through. And even then, she might not be able to adjust well enough to not periodically relapse as life goes on and adult responsibilities are eventually laid upon your and her shoulders. At the same time, it may be better in time, if she is able to live and support herself away from any of the negative family baggage she has to deal with currently. Time and distance help in many things. 

 

Barring moving away to college and stuff with her, you can just hang out somewhere away from home and create the time and space she needs away from other stuff. That alone will help some. Show her people who don't think and act the way that the people who drive her into insecurity do. Be like Aladdin. Show her a broader, wider world than the one she knows and judges herself off of. We all need a respite from what ails and worries us. 

 

What you are asking for is serious. She may not be willing to take help from professionals, but if you have a school counselor or whatnot, you could approach them as someone concerned for another who won't take advice from someone else. You don't have to give her name or anything but you can pick their brains for . Chances are, they'll give you better insight and advice into the situation than I can. But you might have to stop and tailor the advice to fit her better and keep you sounding like you're NOT simply parroting what all the professionals have told her so far. 

Well, I am prepared for years or so I think to be right now. She trusts me, but when it comes to certain things (like eating) she always tells me that I'm right but when she comes home never has changed and... I understand her. It's an obsession, how could I solve it by myself so fast? I'm trying and that's what I'll keep doing if is the right thing, by never embarassing her, but altough I'm currently the one she listenes to the most, I don't have a psychology degree. Sadly, I'll never be "romantically committed". As you probably might think, I really like her but she doesn't and never will so never mind I tried (that was about 3 months ago) I'm used to friendzones and we did not want to lose eachother as friends so here we are.

One last thing, there is a free counselor at school, but I know her and for that reason I trust much more you guys. Thank you, seriously.