idea for a fan games story

[relax]

(i think this is the best place to post this if not tell me)
(ps sorry for any poor english it isnt my first language)

anyway i got this idea for a fan game story line and i just want to get some feedack

so the gist of it is you have an overprotective mother who is also the champion, i dont supose someone else came up with this before.
my main gripe here is if the player should be an existing character instead of just a blank slate to project upon, i do supose you could have dialoge options like in rejuvination tho.

ofcourse theres a bit more to game than a consept for the story it has to start somewhere.
in a small town there you live with your mother some other villagers, you never get to realy explore mutch outside of the town and when you do your mother has one of her strong pokemon with you.

but one day your mother gets a call about something ( you know probably the bad guys) and tells you shes gonna be gone for a couple of days and she leaves with that pokemon she has following you.
before she leaves she tells you to talk to a breeder/ professor in town that happens to specialize in the starter mons as she told him to give you one sothat you atleast have some sort of protection.

this is when a strange figure wanders into town, he asks for directions but you cant give any sinse you know you havent ben anywhere else, wich prompts him to ask about your life, so you tell him about your overprotective mother and sush and as you tell him how shes gone rn he asks you if you'd like to travel a bit with him, offcourse you take him up on that i mean who wouldnt want to experience more.
eventualy you reach a big city (shoker right?) with your new friend, he tells you this is the place he was trying to get to and he has a couple friends here if you want to meet them feel free to come with, you then when your done with exploring the city meet him in a side alley, where you then meet his friends.
theres not mutch place for them in a big city like this so they get by by stealing but they're quite kind harted you find, your new friend had told them about your story but it didnt quite add up to them i mean can the champions daughter not battle or something so they challenge you, after you beat them they're impressed at your skill but still confused, never the less they tell you you should challenge the gym leader.

 

when you arrive at the gym and finish the gym puzzle you find a lazy bored guy, he says to you: oh another challenger? whatever lets get this over with.
after you beat him he seems impressed i guess it would be a nice refrecher to accualy be beaten by a challenger for once instead of constantly crushing kids who think they have a chance, he thanks you and gives you his badge and tm.

after that you go back to the alley you present your badge to your friends and they're impressed, noone has beat that guy in a while one of them says.

then they tell you about a plan they have, there is a fancy party happen where a very precious gem is gonna be pressent, they think if they can swipe that and sell it it would make living in this city a lot more bareable, but they need some sort of distraction to properly steal it becouse its going to be in the middle of the ball room, thats when you mention you sing, maybe you could put on a show and distract everyone while they get it.
so you start to make a plan, if you could get booked for the venue you could sneak them in, then when its time to accualy steal it one of them cuts the lights and puts a spotlight on you as you walk in and start your performance while your distracting the crowd your second friend swipes the gem while noones looking all the while being guided by your third friend trough an ear piece.
the first one is a smooth talker, the second is sneaky, the third is tech savy you get the idea.
the techy savy one says he could fake a bunch of information for you to seem like a big deal for sush a venue, everythings planned out now you just need to wait a bit.

finaly its showtime, you maneged to get booked for the venue and sneak your friends in, everything goes as planned now you just need to get on stage and give a performance, you walk onto stage and cant quite tell whos in crowd, but your mother definatly notices you on stage, as you give your performance promting maybe a rythm game or something, your friend tries to steal the gem but there happens to be someone else also trying to do the same thing, not wanting to raise the alarms they comicly have a very silent battle (maybe the minigame you play is to cover up the battle going on), eventualy he does win and takes the gem and get out of there as fast as possible.
then as the lights come back on you notice your mother staring daggers at you, you swiftly make your way off the sage, she then follows you off stage and confronts you but then your interupted by a couple of the bad guy grunts noticing the champion is here, you then fight of the grunts with your mother and it shows you are more capable of taking care of yourself than she thought or perhapts she would take care of them both (i cant quite decide between the two rn, btw this is where the story so far kinda becomes a mess couse i havent thought all the way trough) ,anyway you randevous with your friends in the allyway and i the mission was a success, they have the gem wich just happens to be the red orb (maybe? i mean it explains why the bad guys and the champion and some league officials where there, idk tell if you got a better idea for this gem), but the champion being there takes the orb with her cosue thats why she was there in the first place, then she lectures you but you show her your gymbadge as a rebuddle, she then tells you to just go back home where its safe.
(also you can meet an npc who saw your performance and found it incredable, he then expains he works as an agent for performers, this basicly akin to pokestar studios in black and white 2)

yea thats what i got sofar ik ik it might be a little cliche at times,

its always good to get some critisism and feedback.

 

[Saijo]

Overprotective mother who is the champ. Why not. In the right context, it may be interesting.

Why is the mother overprotective?

Maybe was there some kind of accident in the past which the MC doesn't remember/knows.

 

That your friends tell you to beat the gym leaders feels weird for me, they seem to have gathered there for a reason, since one of them didn't know the way to the city

As well, the red orb at a fancy party and is presented in the ball hall.

Would another event setting be better? Why is it held?

Was the red orb lost? Was there an artificial one created?

Or is it an item to boost pokemon battle power, like a boosted eviolith.

 

Lazy or rather unmotivated gym leader reminds me of  him.

 

I thought the guy who traveled with the MC may be related to Team Bad Guys at first.

Still think that your friends were connected to them, maybe Team Bad Guys hired or gave them the info for red orb for their own distraction plan to steal it.

 

MC can battle and can sing and is well off because of her mother. MC is too blessed for my taste.

The reason to enter the party doesn't sit well with me.

I'd favour a battle for entertainment. Why not hire the person who beat the gym leader who rarely get beaten. At the same time you can introduce a rival.

 

And good luck for working on your idea. 

[relax]

hey thanks this helps a lot

i couple of these point i didnt even think about

especialy that point of the friends being part of group bad guys, that could make for interesting interactions.
and yea i guess a battle would be better fitting for a pokemon game, i supose i just wanted to add some musical flare.

Edited June 9, 2022 by relax

[relax]

alright back again. i made a second draft of chapter 1 not quite sure if thats where to end it or a bit later after your mother confronts you at home, and yea theres still some stuff like why is the mother overprotective but ill get to that later for now i figured it might be good to put this up and see what people think.

 

chapter 1 draft 2:
in a small town there you live with your mother and some other villagers, you never get to realy explore mutch outside of the town and when you do your mother has one of her strong pokemon with you.

but one day your mother gets a call about something important and tells you shes gonna be gone for a couple of days and she leaves with that pokemon that follows you.

before she leaves she tells you to talk to a breeder/proffesor in town that happens to specialize in the starter mons as she told him to give you one sothat you atleast have some sort of protection.

after she leaves and you pick your starter mon a strange figure wanders into town, he asks for directions but you cant give any sinse, you know, you havent ben anywhere else, wich prompts him to ask about your life, so you tell him about your overprotective mother and sush and as you tell him how shes gone rn he asks you if you'd like to travel a bit with him, offcourse you take him up on that i mean who wouldnt want to experience more.

eventualy you reach a big city (shoker right?) with your new friend, he tells you this is the place he was trying to get to and he has a couple friends here if you want to meet them feel free to come with, you then when your done with exploring the city meet him in a side alley, where you then meet his friends, the tech savy, the sneaky guy, and your friend from before the smooth talker.
(this time you dont tell them your the champions daughter)
your new friend had told them about your story and told them how you where pretty good while fighting trainers on the way there (they also are told you could be perfect for the heist), they seem sceptical so they challenge you, after you beat them they say something allong the lines of "well you beat us but we're not that good, if you can beat the gym leader here that would be impressive, noone has beat him in a long while now"
so you challenge the gym leader, he seems lazy and bored, i mean i guess constantly cruching newbies thinking they have a chance gets pretty boring, never the less the beat him and he seems glad, must be a nice refresher.
after you come back and show your badge they're definatly impressed so they tell you about team bad guys but they lie and tell you they're good, they then tell you a precious gem was stolen from them and they plan on getting it back but they wherent so sure on it with just them sinse they're kinda bad at battling.
they seem nice bringing you to the city and it was pretty fun to explore more with your new friend so you feel enclined to help out.
so you and the gang make a plan, tech guy will be on comms, sneaky guy will be with you, and smooth guy will be disguised as a guard.
smooth guy will walk in the front door of the safe house / manor / bank and leave a window in the back open, you and sneaky guy go in trough there and make your way to the holding cell of the gem beating up any guard that happens to see you, you notice a figure keeping guard with no way past them, so you need to make some sort of distraction, smooth guy then cuts the lights and makes a noice in the opposite side of the hall, letting you sneak past them no problem.
there you see the red orb, you know that dangerous artifact that lets you summon groudon witch definatly shouldnt be in team bad guys hands (to bad you dont know they're bad), the case it is in is no problem for sneaky guy to open.
as you make your way out of the cell as the lights are still out you get grabbed but sneaky guy just runs away instead of help you, thats when the lights come back on and, its your mother witch seems to have daggers as eyes currently but as she has to chase sneaky guy she just pops out the gardevouir that normally supervises you and tells it to use telleport on you to bring you home.
(end of chapter 1)
side note im thinking maybe including reborn as cannon and the new world doing its duplicating thing being the couse of the red orb being there
or maybe its some new sorta precious item still cant quite decide that yet.
some notes for the future chapters:
im thinking of having the first gym leader show up at your house couse they where wondering where you went perhaps wanting to know what you where up to?

 

[Sze]

Why would you say yes to stealing something with someone who you have just met?

 

1 hour ago, Sze said:

Why would you say yes to stealing something with someone who you have just met?

I mean if you have just stayed at home almost all your life you would probably not trust anybody other than some people who might have visited you at your home a lot