The "Talk about your feelings in your life" topic

[Shamitako]

I love people, but I also want to just burn everything and everyone. Every time I try to think which one am I really my chest just hurts and I just stop thinking. I like the way my life is right now, but I'm also scared that I really will hurt someone else at some point.

This sounds like me about two months ago... Now it's worse... In both directions

I most assuredly hate everyone, but there are certain people that I would be very upset to hurt. At the same time, I'm really frightened I'll find that she's gone and killed them anywhales

Reborn mostly gets to see me hating, which is fine, I prefer that. But I still worry sometimes that I'll break again. It's much safer here than the places I'm used to. People aren't so pushy with their opinions (And considering how pushy they still are here...) But there's always the chance we'll go off

[Saber12]

@Bluewolf I think I understand what you mean. Its after you develop that filter in your head so when you speak you don't hurt anyone's feelings. In my case however I barely have any friends who I keep in contact with. That's sort of the reason why I'm a little antisocial to begin with because I hate to say something and in response hear something that makes me feel embarrassed, stupid, or even a little awkward. It's the same thing with me man. I want to live a life with no secrets just me doing my thing, talking to folks, and learning from mistakes in some cases by experience itself but it's that fear that seems to lead you right back into being someone who simply does what he does because he thinks he'll bring everyone down. People will know about how you really feel when your ready to tell them but it's up to you to decide when. I can't even say just do it because I don't know what your thinking specifically but it's tough living in secrecy for too long when some of the things you want to say are best left unsaid. You'll probably need someone that you can talk to privately so that you're prepared to clearly express yourself without saying something that could hurt the people around you.

@Tempest I've been through that kind of cycle. To be perfectly honest though, you're not alone; I'm going through something like that now. Let me first say that its great that you have these goals or hobbies: good grades, lacrosse, golf, being the mod who'll take care of business when he see's it. I've got my own set of goals: draw everyday, practice martial arts, find a new part time job, learn Japanese, go back to college and get a bachelors. No matter what it is you want to do, all of these things take some time. However, if there is a change in your schedule or everyday lifestyle, then everything could fall apart. Let me see if I can paint a clearer picture. If your normal priorities in your free time are something like this:

1st study with reborn server open,

then take care of chores,

next get a little exercise from playing golf,

finally open reborn server again now to beta test the reborn game until curfew, any other events or vacation may become easy to get used to especially if you now have less responsibilities. Another thing to watch out for is your speed. Sometimes you need to slow down with the multitasking(not saying you do multitask) workload and focus on one thing at a time until you can speed up again. Everybody wants things to get done fast but it's not always easy to move at 100% if you're continuously getting 4 hours of sleep a night or are so busy in the day that you don't get a chance to just relax and take a break. When I say take a break, I mean you just sit down for a good half hour to an hour or so and enjoy it as if time doesn't even exist. Like think of it as your time to come up with crazy ideas while watching T.V. or don't even think at all. For that time period you have no duty and are free to just wander where your mind will. Most I can say is combat an odd change in your lifestyle with another one. The best advice that I can give is to try to slow down until you can get back to speed or give yourself an hour for your mind to relax and not think about a schedule. And finally don't try too hard to be a perfectionist. It's good to aim high but if you beat yourself up too much, that negativity will slow you down like it did me. I don't claim myself to be a professional on fixing this problem since I sort of have it too but I think it's worth trying until you find out what works for you.

@Mikzal Try using a kitchen timer or an alarm to keep yourself from going overboard on the internet. Non of us can handle browsing the whole thing in a day. Not saying you browse the whole thing but try using limitations as painful as they might feel at first. It'll only get easier as you remember less about what you saw those nights or better yet were curious about seeing. No promises but at least when you turn off the laptop you'll have no choice but to find something else to do.

@RubyHeart I'm so at ease. For a moment there I thought I was too late.

@Kyra, Rogue, Snow You'll make me choose one of these names right?

In all seriousness though, why do you hate everyone? why notsay a lot of people in Reborn annoy you if they do of course? Sure everyone's just about lost their sanity including me but hate can be so harsh. And of course, love is a strong word but we can all get along right?

[Magus]

This is like the Feels thread for Reborn. I'm actually excited, I got Prom this Saturday, my friends and I scratched up enough money to rent a limo. After we get suited for prom we will go to Incredible Pizza and play Laser Tag, it will be just like James Bond.

[chuckles]

Normally I wouldn't do this, but I kind of need some advice.

For the past around month or so, I've been having some issues. I've been relapsing into things I drove out years ago. My grades are slipping, and while I'm in no danger of dropping the class, even an A- drives me fucking nuts. If it was due to the class being difficult, I'd be okay with this, but this ordeal is caused by my own laziness and complete lack of motivation. I mean hell, I'm going to be doing an assignment on my way to school tomorrow that I could have done in fifteen minutes tonight, but I stayed on the server, because I just had no motivation to do the assignment. This laziness shows up everywhere in my life. Not wanting to go play lacrosse or golf, both of which I love tremendously, and even here. I've been lazy about modding the forums. I've been complacently saying another mod will get it, which is exactly what I told myself I wouldn't be and was one of my criticisms when I first joined. This just leads to me be undergoing needless stress, which I already have enough of in my life, and I can't bring myself to make a change. I simply don't know why I can't get up off my ass and do something, even when I know I should.

The stress caused by this just compounds the other issues I've been having. I suppose I should provide context. When I was younger, I had an explosive like temper and an enormously over active conscience: I'm was extremely self conscience. However, I hated these traits of myself and was able to drive them out of my character. But as of late, they're both reoccurring, leading to me having outbursts in my own life and on here, like just tonight when I snapped at another member or in my own life, when I ended up making some my best friends cry after I snapped when they ignored me for the entirety of my vacation. It's interfering with my ability to judge and compromising my ability to do my job around here as well as I'd like to. Then after that happens, the self conscienceness kicks in and I feel extremely guilty or very self critical over a minute situation that is of almost no importance. Then I end up apologizing for said action and just making my self feel even worse for making my self look weak and making people worried.

All of this just goes on to make the problem worse, with me snapping more and more explosively, then feeling more guilty and self critical because of it, and then my grades fall again and the whole cycle starts over again, albeit worse the previous iteration.

Sounds like an issue of motivation mainly. You're not even thinking clearly about your priorities or even what you want to do with free time, you just have little to no interest in much of anything, right? Even things that require little effort or time. I can't go much into why you feel this way because there are too many possibilities, most of them subconscious and related to growing stress, but i have two suggestions:

First, and i can try to do this a little bit when possible, try to get some outside source from your own mind to tell you to do things. This is best with other actual people, but you could even just set alarms and calendar entries in your phone or computer that tell you directly to do something. It seems like you don't really think about doing these things much, and an outside force, even if it is nagging, would help.

Second, when you need to do something or even feel like maybe you should, just do it. Reverse your perspective and ignore the part of you that wants to be lazy instead of the part of you that wants to actually do something. When there's something to do, just DO it. Make it simple. Don't even give yourself time to think about something else or anything. Say 'fuck it' and get that shit done. Push yourself the way you might if you have to get up early for school and couldn't sleep very well.

[Tempest]

@Tempest I've been through that kind of cycle. To be perfectly honest though, you're not alone; I'm going through something like that now. Let me first say that its great that you have these goals or hobbies: good grades, lacrosse, golf, being the mod who'll take care of business when he see's it. I've got my own set of goals: draw everyday, practice martial arts, find a new part time job, learn Japanese, go back to college and get a bachelors. No matter what it is you want to do, all of these things take some time. However, if there is a change in your schedule or everyday lifestyle, then everything could fall apart. Let me see if I can paint a clearer picture. If your normal priorities in your free time are something like this:

1st study with reborn server open,

then take care of chores,

next get a little exercise from playing golf,

finally open reborn server again now to beta test the reborn game until curfew, any other events or vacation may become easy to get used to especially if you now have less responsibilities. Another thing to watch out for is your speed. Sometimes you need to slow down with the multitasking(not saying you do multitask) workload and focus on one thing at a time until you can speed up again. Everybody wants things to get done fast but it's not always easy to move at 100% if you're continuously getting 4 hours of sleep a night or are so busy in the day that you don't get a chance to just relax and take a break. When I say take a break, I mean you just sit down for a good half hour to an hour or so and enjoy it as if time doesn't even exist. Like think of it as your time to come up with crazy ideas while watching T.V. or don't even think at all. For that time period you have no duty and are free to just wander where your mind will. Most I can say is combat an odd change in your lifestyle with another one. The best advice that I can give is to try to slow down until you can get back to speed or give yourself an hour for your mind to relax and not think about a schedule. And finally don't try too hard to be a perfectionist. It's good to aim high but if you beat yourself up too much, that negativity will slow you down like it did me. I don't claim myself to be a professional on fixing this problem since I sort of have it too but I think it's worth trying until you find out what works for you.

Sounds like an issue of motivation mainly. You're not even thinking clearly about your priorities or even what you want to do with free time, you just have little to no interest in much of anything, right? Even things that require little effort or time. I can't go much into why you feel this way because there are too many possibilities, most of them subconscious and related to growing stress, but i have two suggestions:

First, and i can try to do this a little bit when possible, try to get some outside source from your own mind to tell you to do things. This is best with other actual people, but you could even just set alarms and calendar entries in your phone or computer that tell you directly to do something. It seems like you don't really think about doing these things much, and an outside force, even if it is nagging, would help.

Second, when you need to do something or even feel like maybe you should, just do it. Reverse your perspective and ignore the part of you that wants to be lazy instead of the part of you that wants to actually do something. When there's something to do, just DO it. Make it simple. Don't even give yourself time to think about something else or anything. Say 'fuck it' and get that shit done. Push yourself the way you might if you have to get up early for school and couldn't sleep very well.

To be honest, all of this seemed to have gone away today. I dunno. Maybe because I admitted there was a problem. This was the best day at school I've had all year.

[Shamitako]

Eh, Aaron is the only person that annoys me about here. And I just so. I rarely have a reasonrta do, I don't even really have a reason anymore. I rarely have a reason anymore (Because I'm really into FE: Awakening ATM: My personality lands somewhere between Noire, Tharja, and Nowi)

Oh, and pick Snow or Kyra, Rogue is a joke thing from a week or two ago that I may or may not appear as on the server at some point

Edited April 8, 2014 by MasterWeavile898

[chuckles]

To be honest, all of this seemed to have gone away today. I dunno. Maybe because I admitted there was a problem. This was the best day at school I've had all year.

That's excellent, keep it up.

[Saber12]

@Tempest Well, glad you feel better. Even though I brought up some of my personal stuff, it shouldn't hurt.

@Snow okay snow it is unless you've got a death notebook then my name is U. I might give fire emblem a try in my free time.

[Arkhi]

This is like the Feels thread for Reborn. I'm actually excited, I got Prom this Saturday, my friends and I scratched up enough money to rent a limo. After we get suited for prom we will go to Incredible Pizza and play Laser Tag, it will be just like James Bond.

Very nice. Except classy people in suits don't eat pizza. With our hands, at the least. Make sure it's a good one.

To be honest, all of this seemed to have gone away today. I dunno. Maybe because I admitted there was a problem. This was the best day at school I've had all year.

I believe heavily in philosophy and perspective. I've found that meditation helps. Even just sitting and clearing your mind leaves you more prepared to think about any situation when you are finished. But whatever it is you're doing that's keeping you up, keep that up.

[Shamitako]

Death notebook? U? I'm lost >_>

And wow, I think my PC glitched and did some copy pasting, because things are appearing twice in my last post >_<

[Mikzal]

@Mikzal Try using a kitchen timer or an alarm to keep yourself from going overboard on the internet. Non of us can handle browsing the whole thing in a day. Not saying you browse the whole thing but try using limitations as painful as they might feel at first. It'll only get easier as you remember less about what you saw those nights or better yet were curious about seeing. No promises but at least when you turn off the laptop you'll have no choice but to find something else to do.

I just don't know what to do. TV is boring, reading is boring, the weather sucks so I can't go outside, my family annoys me, and my social life died in middle school.

[RubyHeart]

@RubyHeart I'm so at ease. For a moment there I thought I was too late.

It's hard to be late with this kind of thing for me.

I have had lots of advice about it from someone before, and the person is really the only thing keeping me from hurting someone.

I just want to be able to stay me without someone having to remind me... I still don't even know which is me.

Everything here is 'perfect' now, but I know that some things will fall apart soon

[Saber12]

@Snow whoops I was thinking of Kira from the manga Death Note not Kyra as that names spelled. My bad.

@Mikzal step one is taking a break from the laptop. I can't really say much for step two other than to try and open your options a bit more if you can. Something else should appeal to you if you look hard enough. Maybe karate? Eh eh eh you know you want to!

@RubyHeart I wish I could do more than just give suggestions but I guess that's one of the limitations to the internet. I don't want you to end up in a dark place when bad things happen around you or to you either. Now I know I may not be able to give you the best advice but I'm sure that person is lucky to be able to keep you from going over the edge. I'd feel special if I were that person and I knew that whatever I did kept someone important to me safe. Sometimes I wish my words of encouragement would get my little brothers to loosen up and not become antisocial like me but eventually I just gave up since whatever I said couldn't even crack a smile on there faces. I don't want to put up a huge wall of text if what I say sounds similar to everyone else so I'm personally rooting for you to be strong and caring for your friends. I'll see if I can get on the server sometime when my internet stops acting up.

[chuckles]

It's hard to be late with this kind of thing for me.

I have had lots of advice about it from someone before, and the person is really the only thing keeping me from hurting someone.

I just want to be able to stay me without someone having to remind me... I still don't even know which is me.

Everything here is 'perfect' now, but I know that some things will fall apart soon

Why so pessimistic though? Just because things are okay now does not mean they won't be later, right?

[Shamitako]

Lol, I wouldn't know in the slightest Saber >_<

[Magus]

*Wall Of Feels Incoming*

So tonight I celebrated my 19th birthday with my brother and some of his friends, and all I have to say is thank you. All my life I was abused by my younger brother and my stepdad was a psycho path, abusive to both me and my mom. I retreated inward shutting the world out, it even got to the point where I was on the verge of suicide in my 8th grade year. But over the years my brother introduced me to new things and slowly broke down my walls. Tonight he took me to a gay club ( yes he is gay) and all I can as a straight male is "DAMN you guys know how to party hardy". If your there for boody, there is a plethora, as gay guys typically hang with straight girls, and if you wanna check them out, you can check them out with some lesbian friends and NOT get slapped.If your there for a good ass time like me, then get yo ass on that dance floor and drop it. I'm telling you that is fun, I had a damn good time, and I'm slightly drunk. (It me 4 shots to get me hammered, and that was my first time with alcohol). Well Magus out, I'm tired as hell. Justin you're the greatest brother ever and I love you.

Edited April 14, 2014 by Magus

[Bluewolf]

So happy for you Magus. Good things do happen when we learn to understand one anothers true feelings. n_____n

Well lately my brain has been kind of full and at times unresponsive in ways; I guess that's a good way to put it. Normally I'm good at focusing on multiple things at once, however I haven't been able to exert much mental energy on anything. Lost motivation to write music, room is becoming a mess, homework and grades are piling up and I can't seem to find a way to chop them down, people are getting frusturated with me for being inattentive. And now it is just driving me to the point of anger and maddened seclusion. I tried taking a break from the computer, going outside, reading, talking with family, trying to do things with friends, heck working out math problems. But activities like those only postpone my "clusteredness". I know it's something that doesn't have to do with the time I spend on the computer and it's certainly no other person. But that is what everyone seems to think: I either spend too much time on the computer, somebody is influencing me or some other shot-in-the-dark reason. I honestly don't know, I really don't. And I don't want anyone to try and solve it for me, or atleast anybody I know. This may just be one of my teenager stages and it'll fade away and it'll be like nothing happened, which upsets me. That all my feelings and anxiety were for nothing, but that's for a different time. I just feel better telling somebody how I really feel, that's all.

[Greed_Demon]

I just got my mind on my money and my money on my mind

[AngelGozen]

Okay here I go. I feel like I'm broken inside, and I don't know why. It just seems like I can't feel anything, any attachment to anyone or any emotion, like I just don't care, but sometimes I can feel like I have the child I once was, happy and oblivious, banging inside my chest, wanting to burst out of me and start crying, but even at those moments, if I take a look at myself in the mirror, I would just look like usual : impassive. I feel like I lost my feelings and can't express them anymore. My best guess is that it comes from when I became a teenager and realized I was different, and had to hide it from my family, maybe it hurt less to just pretend like I didn't care, and I got used to it.

I'm actually glad of being that way sometimes, because even if my parents, my brothers, and most of my family on my mother's side has accepted my being gay (or at least tolerated for some), they still don't understand why I get upset with the way the world is, and to them I shouldn't think about it too much. For instance, I would like to tell my uncle (my father's brother) about this, but I just can't, because my father is affraid of his reaction, and so my parents keep asking me to be someone else when he and his family are with us.

Oh and I should mention, I'm Lebanese, so my only grandma left, who I care (or cared, I'm not even sure how I feel anymore) about deeply, who lives in Lebanon, can obviously never know about me, so yeah maybe that is why I disconnected and shut down my feelings.

[Akatsuki1033]

So I have been doing poorly in my academics and I have been neglecting any activities in general besides sitting at my computer and browsing the internet. It's been causing me a lot of stress due to my family getting angry at my mediocre grades and the fact that they yell at me for not doing tennis varsity this year. The only thing that I seem to be doing that is productive is coding various programs in fact it landed me a possible job at linux if I finish my academic prerequisites. The thing that bothers me is that I used to be a straight A student and now I am getting C's and D's on my report card ever since the end of my sophmore year and I think I know the reason as to why its because I do not study, but, I do not know how to study for school usually I just memorized all the things on the test on my first time and I was never taught study habits. There is also the fact that I cannot force myself into studying even if I tried to. So now I am completely stressed out because I have AP tests coming up and I do not know the material all that well as indicated by my grades because I cannot seem to just understand the material like I used to thus making me fail most of the test given to me and probably the AP tests as well. It's not like I am stupid or anything either according to an IQ test the school ran I am in the gifted range and when I took the SAT I got around 2150 on it on my second try. So now I am left with zero motivation to do anything in school because its almost the end of the year so its obvious the grades now are going to be the same grades that will be entered into my transcript and I can't seem to just naturally get the material. In short I have a lazy work ethic when it comes to school and anything that goes beyond playing video games, watching anime and coding I have zero interest in now and don't know how I can motivate myself to do well when I just fail perpetually and as stated before, I cannot seem to amend these short comings either because I do not know how to do well in school besides just learning the material the first time I am exposed to it. Its also been also making not want to do other things outside of academics as well such as playing a sport or working towards completing my prerequisites for that linux job and so on in fact it has gotten so bad now that I am beginning to also ignore doing my chores.

Edited April 30, 2014 by Akatsuki1033

[Guest]

So I have been doing poorly in my academics and I have been neglecting any activities in general besides sitting at my computer and browsing the internet. It's been causing me a lot of stress due to my family getting angry at my mediocre grades and the fact that they yell at me for not doing tennis varsity this year. The only thing that I seem to be doing that is productive is coding various programs in fact it landed me a possible job at linux if I finish my academic prerequisites. The thing that bothers me is that I used to be a straight A student and now I am getting C's and D's on my report card ever since the end of my sophmore year and I think I know the reason as to why its because I do not study, but, I do not know how to study for school usually I just memorized all the things on the test on my first time and I was never taught study habits. There is also the fact that I cannot force myself into studying even if I tried to. So now I am completely stressed out because I have AP tests coming up and I do not know the material all that well as indicated by my grades because I cannot seem to just understand the material like I used to thus making me fail most of the test given to me and probably the AP tests as well. It's not like I am stupid or anything either according to an IQ test the school ran I am in the gifted range and when I took the SAT I got around 2150 on it on my second try. So now I am left with zero motivation to do anything in school because its almost the end of the year so its obvious the grades now are going to be the same grades that will be entered into my transcript and I can't seem to just naturally get the material. In short I have a lazy work ethic when it comes to school and anything that goes beyond playing video games, watching anime and coding I have zero interest in now and don't know how I can motivate myself to do well when I just fail perpetually and as stated before, I cannot seem to amend these short comings either because I do not know how to do well in school besides just learning the material the first time I am exposed to it. Its also been also making not want to do other things outside of academics as well such as playing a sport or working towards completing my prerequisites for that linux job and so on in fact it has gotten so bad now that I am beginning to also ignore doing my chores.

My, poor you( and most people on this topic ) =/

perhaps it could be a good idea to frequent a psychologist.. it may help you aleviate the stress and maybe he can help you concentrate more.

As a side note, maybe having someone you trust helping you with studying may help you focus, that person may help ye keep yourself on track when you feel like you should stop. It's okay to unwind, as long as you don't lose your track. good luck.

[Arkhi]

Positive feels belong here as well. And I just so happen to be having a goddamn fantastic day.
Not even that many good things happened. Murdoc made me get all "Oh shit!" in this hizzouse, I managed to convince one of my friends to join Reborn (game & forum), and I don't have much homework. Things are looking up, with the end of the school year incoming, my final projects are proceeding just as I want them to, I finally got around to arranging songs to post on my profile page (in case anyone likes instrumentals like I do), and the weather is great.
At any rate, I'm feeling great and, even when I'm not, I am open to hear out people's venting. Don't know why I added that, but I did and so it remains.
Have a bodacious day, all you glorious individuals!

[Cuddlesworth]

Nice topic!

I've read some of the posts here and they are pretty much.. depressing & reflective. Some I even kinda went through myself and can empathize with.

For me, I'm going to be a 4th year college student this opening; it's summer break here currently. And this is the year where internships, theses, graduation and that shite all scramble together. That's fine and all, except when you consider that I currently am not happy with my course, as in at all. It's certainly not because of the lessons or my kick-ass grades (ok, not so much, maybe between excellent and amazing? kidding). It's not the teachers or students either. I don't know. I'm feeling it's the work I do. The blood collecting, smearing, etc. I find pretty much troublesome. I feel pretty much incompetent when I do them, as in less than sub-par quality of work I might say. I feel... useless when it comes to these things especially when other people find it easy. I pretty much wanted to shift courses since last year but people, even my parents, were saying stuff. Translated to english: "But you get so good grades and people are expecting of you! You cant shift now." Some would even take offense when I say that, saying that I mock them b/c they try hard and get not-so-good scores, and that I get good ones appearing so effortlessly.

It's not like that at all.

I bust my ass pulling all-nighters just trying my best, and expecting the worst of my teachers. It's nerve-wracking really and even my health has diminshed b/c of this. I don't blame my professors though, as I believe a moment of pain is worth an eternity of peace... or something like that. People saying that I do it effortlessly obviously haven't tried hard enough and I hate them for saying that.

Getting back to the me being incompetent part, this is probably the main issue. Good grades are fine. but that's all they are and will ever be. Meanwhile, being skillful in your trade is of utmost importance and something you inherently are or acquire. Months of practice and training and I have nothing to show for it. What can I do?

I wanna leave my course so bad. All the expectations, visions and goals people have thrust upon me have piled up and I really cant take it anymore. They're really so blinded by my being studious that they forget that in truth, I really am useless.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

^Sorry, I just wanted to type-scream while I actually screamed at the end typing this.

This was nice, even if no one may read it, at least, my chest is a little bit lighter... but what to do?

[Tempest]

You are the ultimate decider of you. Just switch, no matter what they say, if that is truly what you want. Why should you do something you don't like?

[Wendel]

I'll keep mine short:

I hate my life

I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown

3 friends might not make it to next year

I don't believe it when anyone says they like me

I don't trust those close to me

And one of the voices inside my head is an asshole