The "Talk about your feelings in your life" topic

[Arkhi]

I'll keep mine short:

I hate my life

I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown

3 friends might not make it to next year

I don't believe it when anyone says they like me

I don't trust those close to me

And one of the voices inside my head is an asshole

As much as I'd like to home in on your strong suits and drive you to believing that you are more than that list states, the depression/rage/etc. will come back. I'd rather be blunt and say it how I think it is than be soft and dishonest, but I think your life philosophy needs to change. By the sound of it, you're swimming in neck-deep shit right now. Your recent status has made it clear that you are feeling far from okay. The best thing I can suggest is taking a second to breathe, evaluate what is wrong, and change what is wrong. If you can explain that you have problems, then you can still fix them. Don't spend time thinking about how screwed you are or that nothing is going to improve. Bring your chin up and change those problems however you can.

Talk with those other friends who won't make it. Go outside of your zone of comfort and do something nice for them. It will dramatically help them to know that you care, and it will assist you in believing that you aren't a nutcase. You both will benefit. In my experience in talking with people who want to kill themselves, I've drawn the conclusion that they want to be their own person. Make an identity for yourself outside of your name, your clothing, or your personal culture. Let your actions state that the person who talks to you had better know who the hell you are.

I believe it takes the right mentality to fix anything. Believe what you will, but the one thing that is clear is that you need to change something. Despite what happens, I wish you the best.

[HolyKnight]

One of the things that break me down was that my best friend was diagnosed whit schizophrenia (sorry for the bad grammar) I knew this guy since we were kids, day by day we see each other and when he was 16, he suddenly had a change on his personality. He was more agressive. A year later he just run away, he not even said goodbay, and one day his mother called me, begging me to pick him up at the psychiatric and he told me everything. I felted like crap, i didn´t notice it and if only i wasn´t so blind back there, maybe i could actually help. After he arrive, i hoped everything would be better, but no. His condition just got worst the next years, and in one July, his mother called me, and told me to go to his funeral.

That was messed for me, i mean it. We were like brothers and it just happen, in the blink of an eye.

But the thing that was the worst shit on my life, something that leaved my friend issue like some insignificant shit, was losing my wife Beatriz, and my 1 year old child Daniel, four years ago. It happens on the verge of violence in Nuevo Leon (Mexico) When kidnaps and extortions was in a daily basis. When i was working whit my trucks, i get a call from my mother. She told me that Beatriz got a call from some narcos claiming a million pesos (more or less than 90,000 dlls back in 2010) The first thing i did was to pick her up and keep her whit me almost all the time. But then, the next day when i go to work, I got home at night. She wasn´t there, and i tought she might go whit her sister to shopping or something and i just wait some hours, till i got a call from the narcos, telling me they had Beatriz and my child hostage and wanted 1 million pesos or else they would kill them both.

After I shout at them all the possible curse words, i hung the phone, and start searching her in every single part she kinda visited (her mother, her friends, my mom and her sisters. The next day, they send me a human finger and the wedding ring i just gave her. They called me again, around 1. am, asking me if i got the money. I hung again. Panicked.

I go to the police, and like always, those pig fuckers can´t do a damn thing. Even my friend of the ministry cop (those cops are some kind of branch of the mexican police who have experiences on this cases) told me they won´t do a shit. He told me that the big ones had the law buyed for no one others than themselves, and those bastards were mostly likely protected by their bosses.

The hours were like days till they called me again, and cited me on a ranch for the exchange. When i talk to my friend who work at the ministry cop he told me to pay them and to talk to him later. I go to the ranch, give them the money and they leave me a bloody cardboard box, whit the heads of my wife and child.

They leave.

That break me down. I just wanted to grab my trucks and kill every single motherfucker I could catch, and at the same time i wanted to die. Fucking impunity man, the cops just laid down their heads and told me to forget it, that i better get used to it. Months after that, on my almost eternal depression, my friend catch one of the bastards and he was, he assured me that many families suffer the same thing as I did thanks to him, and by god, the things i do to him were only a small fraction of the pain that he make me feel.

Losing a wife and a child is something that most people don´t know until they experience it, and i don´t desire it to anybody. But, as like they said "it´s life, get over and start again" I had it to do it.

The deal whit me now, is that i don´t feel too capable of love again as I loved my late wife, and if even if i manage to find somebody wich i consider, impossible, i would feel powerless. Even when people told me "You were at work it´s not your fault" I just feel guilty in a sense.

If you read this, thank you for taking your precious time, would love an adivse at least.

[Saber12]

One of the things that break me down was that my best friend was diagnosed whit schizophrenia (sorry for the bad grammar) I knew this guy since we were kids, day by day we see each other and when he was 16, he suddenly had a change on his personality. He was more agressive. A year later he just run away, he not even said goodbay, and one day his mother called me, begging me to pick him up at the psychiatric and he told me everything. I felted like crap, i didn´t notice it and if only i wasn´t so blind back there, maybe i could actually help. After he arrive, i hoped everything would be better, but no. His condition just got worst the next years, and in one July, his mother called me, and told me to go to his funeral.

That was messed for me, i mean it. We were like brothers and it just happen, in the blink of an eye.

But the thing that was the worst shit on my life, something that leaved my friend issue like some insignificant shit, was losing my wife Beatriz, and my 1 year old child Daniel, four years ago. It happens on the verge of violence in Nuevo Leon (Mexico) When kidnaps and extortions was in a daily basis. When i was working whit my trucks, i get a call from my mother. She told me that Beatriz got a call from some narcos claiming a million pesos (more or less than 90,000 dlls back in 2010) The first thing i did was to pick her up and keep her whit me almost all the time. But then, the next day when i go to work, I got home at night. She wasn´t there, and i tought she might go whit her sister to shopping or something and i just wait some hours, till i got a call from the narcos, telling me they had Beatriz and my child hostage and wanted 1 million pesos or else they would kill them both.

After I shout at them all the possible curse words, i hung the phone, and start searching her in every single part she kinda visited (her mother, her friends, my mom and her sisters. The next day, they send me a human finger and the wedding ring i just gave her. They called me again, around 1. am, asking me if i got the money. I hung again. Panicked.

I go to the police, and like always, those pig fuckers can´t do a damn thing. Even my friend of the ministry cop (those cops are some kind of branch of the mexican police who have experiences on this cases) told me they won´t do a shit. He told me that the big ones had the law buyed for no one others than themselves, and those bastards were mostly likely protected by their bosses.

The hours were like days till they called me again, and cited me on a ranch for the exchange. When i talk to my friend who work at the ministry cop he told me to pay them and to talk to him later. I go to the ranch, give them the money and they leave me a bloody cardboard box, whit the heads of my wife and child.

They leave.

That break me down. I just wanted to grab my trucks and kill every single motherfucker I could catch, and at the same time i wanted to die. Fucking impunity man, the cops just laid down their heads and told me to forget it, that i better get used to it. Months after that, on my almost eternal depression, my friend catch one of the bastards and he was, he assured me that many families suffer the same thing as I did thanks to him, and by god, the things i do to him were only a small fraction of the pain that he make me feel.

Losing a wife and a child is something that most people don´t know until they experience it, and i don´t desire it to anybody. But, as like they said "it´s life, get over and start again" I had it to do it.

The deal whit me now, is that i don´t feel too capable of love again as I loved my late wife, and if even if i manage to find somebody wich i consider, impossible, i would feel powerless. Even when people told me "You were at work it´s not your fault" I just feel guilty in a sense.

If you read this, thank you for taking your precious time, would love an adivse at least.

I don't know what advise is right to give but I know that it takes a strong person to be able to talk about things like this. I know this world is harsh but I tend to forget about the possibility of such evil crimes. All I can do is take your story and let other people know about crimes like this in America so that maybe someday the people can put a stop to it. I won't just up and do it without your permission because this is very personal. If anything just keep living for the future. The kids of the next generation need to know about this stuff. They need your help over there so if you can I don't know how but try and pass this story on to them in some way.

[Cuddlesworth]

You are the ultimate decider of you. Just switch, no matter what they say, if that is truly what you want. Why should you do something you don't like?

Thanks for the advice. Though as much as I'd like, I can't switch right now because my parents are paying for college and of course they said no b/c costs and the like. Thank you though.

[Deleted User]

I had feelings once, but then I killed them.

[chuckles]

I had feelings once, but then I killed them.

Well i'm sure you still have stressful situations in your life. Nobody has a perfectly harmonious experience in this cruel, often nonsensical world. I'm not sure if you mean that you hide your emotions, or you do not experience much emotion. I belong to the latter group, actually. That is, I very rarely experience firsthand emotions besides joy and happiness. Of course, this is a result of extreme trauma i went through several years ago, such that I realized that my only choices were to destroy all negative emotions within my conscious mind, or die. Many people I knew that were in that situation chose to commit suicide. Anyway, I don't really feel anger or sadness anymore. Interestingly though, I've never felt any embarrassment or awkwardness in my life, I am only aware of their existence because of secondhand observations and subsequent explanations. Oh dear, it seems i may have gone on a bit of a rant again...

Anyhoo, could you elaborate please?

[Yash]

this really isnt anything as intense as most of the people have expressed.. but its something really important in my life and after talking with alot of other people im still clueless so i thought maybe i should put it up here and see..

soo... I just finished graduating and have a degree in civil engineering.. so now im working as a junior engineer, while planning to apply for an MS for the fall session of 2015.. my problem is that I am confused about it.. I am not completely sure its something that i want to do.. so another option i have is to do an MBA and switch streams.. again something i am unsure about.. and no matter how much i try i cant seem to make up my mind.. im not very passionate about either of the options but i do believe i will be good at both of them.. so its really tearing me apart as to what i should do..

added to all this is the fact that my father wants me to do an MBA and then rather then taking a job study more and apply for government services jobs which is what he has done in his life.. this however is not an easy option in India as the officials are suppressed by the politicians and also by various thugs.. further having already lived a life of constant transfers i do not want to continue it for another 35-40 years.. and despite me telling him this he is not ready to accept it and keeps pressuring me..

this has further demotivated me.. now i dont study nor do i feel like working.. this adds more pressure from both my parents as well as other family members.. all these issues have also caused me to withdraw into myself and has effected my relationship with my girlfriend.. its come to a point when i feel like i should stop the relationship but i know she isnt ready for it as she has made me the centre of her life and me leaving her would really shatter her.. while i do not want the relationship i do not want to hurt her either.. all this is really screwing with my head.. i just dno what to do anymore..

[HolyKnight]

this really isnt anything as intense as most of the people have expressed.. but its something really important in my life and after talking with alot of other people im still clueless so i thought maybe i should put it up here and see..

soo... I just finished graduating and have a degree in civil engineering.. so now im working as a junior engineer, while planning to apply for an MS for the fall session of 2015.. my problem is that I am confused about it.. I am not completely sure its something that i want to do.. so another option i have is to do an MBA and switch streams.. again something i am unsure about.. and no matter how much i try i cant seem to make up my mind.. im not very passionate about either of the options but i do believe i will be good at both of them.. so its really tearing me apart as to what i should do..

added to all this is the fact that my father wants me to do an MBA and then rather then taking a job study more and apply for government services jobs which is what he has done in his life.. this however is not an easy option in India as the officials are suppressed by the politicians and also by various thugs.. further having already lived a life of constant transfers i do not want to continue it for another 35-40 years.. and despite me telling him this he is not ready to accept it and keeps pressuring me..

this has further demotivated me.. now i dont study nor do i feel like working.. this adds more pressure from both my parents as well as other family members.. all these issues have also caused me to withdraw into myself and has effected my relationship with my girlfriend.. its come to a point when i feel like i should stop the relationship but i know she isnt ready for it as she has made me the centre of her life and me leaving her would really shatter her.. while i do not want the relationship i do not want to hurt her either.. all this is really screwing with my head.. i just dno what to do anymore..

I pass something similar whit my dad like 10 years ago. My most honest advise is to do what you really want to do, do what is most important for you and only you, and if the situation on your place is that dificult, find another place to either study or work.

[Deleted User]

Well i'm sure you still have stressful situations in your life. Nobody has a perfectly harmonious experience in this cruel, often nonsensical world. I'm not sure if you mean that you hide your emotions, or you do not experience much emotion. I belong to the latter group, actually. That is, I very rarely experience firsthand emotions besides joy and happiness. Of course, this is a result of extreme trauma i went through several years ago, such that I realized that my only choices were to destroy all negative emotions within my conscious mind, or die. Many people I knew that were in that situation chose to commit suicide. Anyway, I don't really feel anger or sadness anymore. Interestingly though, I've never felt any embarrassment or awkwardness in my life, I am only aware of their existence because of secondhand observations and subsequent explanations. Oh dear, it seems i may have gone on a bit of a rant again...

Anyhoo, could you elaborate please?

Yeah, basically, there's a few steps I take to manage things.

1. It's okay to talk about things that are issues but don't make your problems other people's problems.

2. "It could be worse" remind yourself that no matter how bad things are that it COULD be worse.

3. Be thankful for whats going right even if it's small.

4. Look forward to the future and goals, there's no time to sit around and drown yourself in your feelings.

[Arkhi]

"If I find some way out,
Then I will stay,
With heart split two ways down,
Like tears down my face" -Koda, The Last Stand

I had to lie about a meet-up with a friend of mine. I am not above that, and I already feel dishonest for it. That's why lashing out at my brother today adds more hurt. Typically, I keep my cool, but today, I couldn't. If I explained the circumstances, I'd be defended, claimed to reasonably respond, but that doesn't change the fact that I wasn't able to control myself. One misplaced card topples the whole house, it would seem.

[chuckles]

"If I find some way out,

Then I will stay,

With heart split two ways down,

Like tears down my face" -Koda, The Last Stand

I had to lie about a meet-up with a friend of mine. I am not above that, and I already feel dishonest for it. That's why lashing out at my brother today adds more hurt. Typically, I keep my cool, but today, I couldn't. If I explained the circumstances, I'd be defended, claimed to reasonably respond, but that doesn't change the fact that I wasn't able to control myself. One misplaced card topples the whole house, it would seem.

"If I find some way out,

Then I will stay,

With heart split two ways down,

Like tears down my face" -Koda, The Last Stand

I had to lie about a meet-up with a friend of mine. I am not above that, and I already feel dishonest for it. That's why lashing out at my brother today adds more hurt. Typically, I keep my cool, but today, I couldn't. If I explained the circumstances, I'd be defended, claimed to reasonably respond, but that doesn't change the fact that I wasn't able to control myself. One misplaced card topples the whole house, it would seem.

I don't understand really, this is a bit vague. It seems as if you want to keep it that way, and you can of course, but i'm not sure what to say without more information. Also, the way you said that first part makes it seem as if it was actually vital that you be dishonest toward your friend...which is not something i would expect anybody to ever be able to say. So...I want to help if possible but also i am very curious about this.

I can definitely say though that people deal with stress in different ways and it's important to find an outlet for that or you'll end up, probably inadvertently, taking it out on other people. Most people are quite sensitive though, even mentally fragile perhaps, and something like this could really topple the house, as you said.

[Arkhi]

I don't understand really, this is a bit vague. It seems as if you want to keep it that way, and you can of course, but i'm not sure what to say without more information. Also, the way you said that first part makes it seem as if it was actually vital that you be dishonest toward your friend...which is not something i would expect anybody to ever be able to say. So...I want to help if possible but also i am very curious about this.

I can definitely say though that people deal with stress in different ways and it's important to find an outlet for that or you'll end up, probably inadvertently, taking it out on other people. Most people are quite sensitive though, even mentally fragile perhaps, and something like this could really topple the house, as you said.

Put in short, the first issue is one where I think lying would be better than giving an honest answer. But typing it this bluntly makes it just feel foolish.

As for the second, it's an odd case for me. I very rarely lash out like I did. Fortunately, I've nearly always got music as an outlet, so I always turn to that when problems arise. And even if I don't, I can typically handle my frustration. The underlying problem was that I didn't have it at the time and I was quite set off, so I had nowhere to put my steam except on him. My reaction was all verbal, so I didn't physically strike out, just vented for a good five minutes. But that's no justification.

[Yash]

On the first issue.. I agree with you.. sometimes its better to lie... especially when the truth would unnecessarily create a rift between two people on a trivial issue.. though on more serious issues, its better to be honest..

On the second issue..sometimes you just need to vent on somebody.. While it may not be correct and may not be justifiable, there are cases when we cant manage to compose ourselves and control our frustration.. It has happened with me a few times and its always left me feeling miserable.. I always go back later and talk with whoever I had the confrontation with and apologize and explain my state of mind at that time.. It helps the other person understand that they were not at fault and it also uplifts my emotional state.. If you haven't done it already I would highly recommend it..

[Arkhi]

Yeah, I've talked with him. We're in the clear with each other.

[Aaron]

i have daily breakdowns hahahahah